He spent the night tossing and turning about what to do, who to turn to, where to go, who would help. Willow and Tara still had their own problems, Giles was a continent away, Dawn was just a kid, and Anya, well as much as he loved her, she had no tact. That left only one option, so he picked up the phone the next morning and dialed the number he had never, ever intended to use.

"Angel Investigations, may I help you?" Cordelia's bored voice came over the line.

"I need to speak with Angel, now," came the quick, curt, reply.

"May I ask who's calling?" Cordelia recognized the voice deep in the recesses of her mind, but couldn't place the caller's name.

"It's Xander, Cordy, and I need to talk to Angel now!"

"Rude much? Not even a hello, or--"

"PUT ANGEL ON THE DAMN PHONE NOW. I don't have time to play around with you," Xander responded, exasperated. He had taken as much as he could. It was bad enough he had to talk to someone he truly hated and ask for his help. `It's for Buffy's sake', he chanted to himself as he waited for Angel.

Without another word to her rude, loser ex-boyfriend, Cordelia put Xander on hold. She got up and walked into Angel's office. He was sitting at his desk drinking his morning mug of blood and reading the paper.

"Angel, Xander's on the phone for you and he sounds really pissed," she said as she looked at the darkly handsome, brooding vampire who had become her lover a few months ago.

"Problems on the Hellmouth?" he asked while reaching for the phone.

"I don't know. He asked for you, and then yelled at me when I asked who he was. If it was a problem with the Hellmouth, don't you think it would have been Giles or Willow who would've called?

Silently agreeing with Cordelia, he answered the phone, he said, "Good morning, Xander. What can I do for you?"

"Save me the pleasantries, Deadboy. We've got a serious problem down here. I've managed to get the day off from work. Can you see me in two hours? This is something I'd really rather discuss with you face to face."

"Sure. You know how to get here?" Angel asked, and then gave Xander directions.

***

"Dawn!" Buffy yelled up the stairs to her sister. "If you don't hurry, you're going to be late again."

Getting no response other than a crash from upstairs, Buffy returned to the kitchen to finish fixing her little sister`s lunch, prepared a "to go" cup full of milk, and tossed the now-heated Pop Tarts onto a napkin for breakfast.

Dawn streaked down the stairs and was out the door and into the car before Buffy. She quickly followed her sister, and handed Dawn her lunch and breakfast as she began the short but necessary drive to Dawn's school. There was no conversation in the car at all between the two sisters. When they arrived at school, Buffy looked at her sister and began the daily ritual.

"Now Dawn, after school you go straight to the Magic Box. Do not loiter on school grounds, do not go to the mall. If you go to Spike's crypt, you're grounded for a month. I mean it, go straight to the Magic Box and I'll pick you up after work."

Dawn turned to face Buffy, and with anger in her eyes she retorted, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same story, different day. You don't need to remind me. Straight to the Magic Box. No life, no friends, and if I ever speak to that vampire again, I'm dead. What is it with you anyway? Didn't you tell him to take care of me before you died? He's not a bad person!! Mom liked him, I love him, he's sweet, and funny, and nice, and he would NEVER do anythi--"

"Dawn, how many times do we have to go through this? He is a soulless vampire. He is evil and I only asked him to look after you if I died. I did, but I'm back now, so you don't ever need to talk to him again. Now go to school, don't skip class, go straight to the Magic Box when you're done. And we are SO never having this conversation again."

Buffy then did something she had never done before. She threatened her sister for real, "If you don't want to leave with Social Services next time they come by, you will drop this…this thing you have for Spike and never bring him up to me again." Buffy breathed out in one long threat with pure venom on her tongue.

Dawn, hurt and confused by her sister's hatred for her friend, as well as stunned from Buffy's promise to send her away with Social Services, did what any 15 year-old girl would do. She stormed out of the car and planned to visit Spike that afternoon.

Buffy sighed as she watched her sister stalk off. `I'm really going to have to come up with better reasons for Dawn. There's nothing worse than having to follow orders that make no sense. I ought to know.' Well, maybe being 15, having a dead mother, an absent father, a Slayer for a sister, and being a mystical entity called a Key could be worse than having to follow inane orders, but Buffy doubted it; she just didn't want her sister to get hurt in the crossfire between her and Spike. `Hmm, there really isn't a crossfire between us...it's just me firing at him all the time. I wonder how much longer he'll take it', she wondered as she pulled into DoubleMeat Palace for another drudging eight hours of running the drive-through window.

***

Willow got up and carefully got ready for school without using magick. `Goddess, does it ever get easier?` The spell Amy had put on her made it harder than ever. It was like day one all over again, everyday.

She and Tara had scheduled free time to have lunch everyday, and Willow prayed to the Goddess and the Powers That Be, that she could find Tara today and talk to her. She needed to apologize for so many things, and she needed Tara's support to stay off of magick. Shakily, she walked to school and went to class, practicing what she would say to Tara in her head.

***

Anya let Xander drop her off at the Magic Box. She looked forward to counting out the cash register, since counting money was always a wonderful way to start every day. After a brief goodbye kiss, Xander headed for the interstate, and drove north to Los Angeles.

***

Spike got up from his favorite chair and heated a mug of blood. He always liked a warm cuppa before he went to sleep.

As he drank his blood and smoked a cigarette, he stripped. He ran his hand over the bite mark on his neck. `That bloody bitch. Who the hell does she think she is? She almost ripped my throat out last night.'

He quickly glanced over the other bruises littering his body. If he weren't a vampire, she would have killed him with her lovemaking already… lovemaking?

`Who the bloody hell am I trying to kid? There's no lovemaking there. It's…it's…it's, well it bloody hell wasn't lovemaking.'


`What am I going to do?' he thought. He couldn't keep letting her use him; it was killing him. Nor could he leave Sunnydale. He'd made a promise to look after the nibblet 'til the end of the world. `Bollocks. I can't refuse her anything.' Maybe, just maybe, if he could get control of the situation just one time, he could show Buffy how he felt, and then she'd have to believe him.

Spike knew she didn't love him, and probably never would, but maybe if she could see him, she would leave him in peace. "Peace?" he laughed ruefully. He only felt at peace when he was by her side. It was the only time he felt whole.

But the bloody bint was never going to leave him be. She's got a taste for vampires, after all. His bleedin' sire had seen to that.

He had tried to explain to Riley about Buffy needing `some monster in her man.' `The girl does need some monster in her man, and I have all the monster she needs, but I don't need a monster in my woman".

Spike went into the lower recesses of his crypt and crawled into his king sized, four-poster wrought iron bed. `If I could just get her down here to a bed and not an alley, or a crumbling building, or the cemetery, just one time I'd like to take her in love and not anger, fear, or whatever it is that keeps bringing her back to me. Just one time,' Spike thought as he drifted into sleep, imagining making love to Buffy the way it should be done.

***

Xanders's anger, shock, and disgust had not faded one bit. He hadn't slept the night before; he hadn't even taken Anya up on all the not-so-subtle hints. Nothing about Anya was subtle, as shown by her statement that she would enjoy "a night of copulating." Seeing Buffy and Spike in the alley had turned him off to sex. He hoped it wasn't a permanent situation.

Riding the elevator to Angel's office, he knew that when Buffy found out what he was doing, she would kill him. Okay, maybe not kill him. But she could hurt him a lot. Maybe he and Angel could work out a way for Buffy to never know.

As he walked into the office, Xander gave a curt good morning to Cordelia and told her to let Angel know he was there. Angel stepped out of his office at the first sound of Xander's voice.

"Xander," Angel nodded and offered his hand, "to what do we owe this pleasure?" Before Angel could continue, Xander interrupted.

"Angel." Xander acknowledged, returning the vampire's nod but ignoring his hand. "It's most definitely not a pleasure. And the circumstances couldn't be any worse, but I didn't know who else to turn to. It's bad, Angel, Big Bad, and no offense to you, Cordy, but I'd rather not have anyone else within earshot until I finish what I have to say."

Angel looked at Cordy and said, " Why don't you go to the salon, or better yet, get your nails done. You know you're happiest when you look your best, use the company credit card…and I saw a new Versace suit in your favorite store on Rodeo. Go ahead and pick it up. You'll need to wear it for our next meeting with Wolfram & Hart. Charge that too. I'll call you on your cell and let you know when it's safe to come back to the office."

Cordy gleefully took the credit card out of Angel's outstretched hand, reached up and placed a wet smacking kiss on his lips and rushed out the door without another word. If Angel could have blushed he would have when he noticed the look on Xander's face. He started to say something, he didn't know what but Xander interrupted him.

"Look, I don't want to know what's going on with the two of you, and you may be a blood sucking vampire but Cordelia's a blood sucker, so be careful. Let's go in your office and get this over with. You're not going to be happy." The two men stepped into the next room and shut the door behind them.

"Alright Xander, you've got me curious and concerned, spill."

"First off, let me extract a promise…don't shoot the messenger."

If his heart could beat, it would have stopped. "It's Buffy isn't it…what's wrong? " He demanded.

"I said, promise me you DO NOT shoot, maim, kill, torture, or bite themessenger."

Impatiently Angel growled as his eyes flickered yellow, "Agreed. Spill
your guts, and do it now."

Xander took a deep breath and began to tell Angel the events that had
happened since Buffy's resurrection…ever since she came back, well,
she's been different. I know you saw her. Did you notice?"

"Truthfully Xander, other than `hello,' `I'm alive and I'm fine',
`stay out of Sunnydale,' and `stay away from me,' we didn't really
talk much at all."

"Like I said, she's different. It's like she's mad at us for bringing
her back and she won't talk to anyone. She's mean to Dawn, she's mean
to everyone. We've all tried to help her with her money problems and
patrol with her, but she won't have it. Especially since Giles went
back to England. Willow's had a real big problem with her magick
lately -- she's addicted to it, Angel -- and she's trying to go cold
turkey, but that's a whole different story, I'm here for Buffy. As bad
off as Willow is right now, it's not as bad as Buffy...." Xander's
mind wandered off as his worries for his friends overwhelmed him.

"I said spit it out NOW!" Angel growled.

"Right. We all went to the Bronze last night. When Buffy spotted three
vampires dragging a girl outside, she went after them and told the
rest of us to have a good time, and that she'd be back in a few
minutes. Well, a few minutes turned into fifteen, and I decided to
grab another stake and go out back and help her out.

"When I got outside Buffy staked the last vamp and then I noticed
Spike was there, leaning against the wall. He started clapping and
said some stuff I couldn't hear and the next thing I know Buffy's got
him back against the wall with a stake to his heart...and then this is
what I heard Buffy say to Spike, to SPIKE, "I said, you evil
bloodsucking fiend, that I want to fuck and I want to fuck right here,
right now. So unless you want this stake through some part of your
anatomy that will maim you, but not kill you, I suggest you make this
Slayer happy, and do what I say. Now." Sorry Angel, but well, that's
verbatim."

Angel sat back, stunned, in his chair and allowed the words Xander had
just said to wash over him. "Well, did my traitorous childe do what
she said?"

"Oh yeah, but she had to hit him a few more times. It was a really
ugly scene, Angel. Before they were finished, the things she said to
him, I don't see how he stood it. I was sure he wanted to kill her
when he put his game face on. And when they were finished, well before
they were finished uh, right before, she uh, well, uh…"

"Spit it out" Angel said, his rage threatening to overtake him completely

"She bit him on the neck, then it was over with, and she said, and I
quote, "You did better last time. Next time I tell you to fuck me and
you hesitate, I will kill you. Stay away from my sister, stay away
from my friends, and if I see you before I want to, you'll think you
got off easy with Glory."

"What does that mean 'got off easy with Glory'? Angel growled, trying
to fathom what he had just heard, Buffy was having sex with Spike.
Buffy was having sex with his Childe. Rage coursed through him. `How
dare he? He knows I have a claim on her. My scar is the one she wears
on her neck. I'm going to kill you my stupid, insolent childe. You
have just fucked your sire's claim and you will pay for it.'

"Wow, you really have been out of the loop haven't you? Let me
backtrack a minute and get you updated." Xander preceded to tell Angel
all about Spike's "crush" on Buffy, his chaining up of Buffy, the
Buffy Bot, how Glory had tortured him for hours, Buffy's rescue of
Spike, the fight with Glory, and Buffy's death. As he finished up the
story with Spike's caring for Dawn, and helping the Scoobies patrol,
he realized something he hadn't before. It sounded like Spike was the
good guy in this sex thing and Buffy was the monster.

Xander's words slowly swept through the fog of Angel's rage. Spike
loved Buffy! He thought back to the funeral and realized it was true.
He knew his childe better than anyone on the planet, and when Spike
loved, he loved with all his being. He couldn't believe Spike had
acted that much like a vampire and had actually chained up Buffy and
then threatened to kill Dru, but then again...when Spike loved... He
shivered as Xander graphically depicted Spike's injuries from Glory,
and the way every bone in his body had broken when he was thrown from
the tower. How he had begged Giles to just let him hold her until dawn
came because he had failed her and wanted to die, the way he had
helped everyone out while Buffy was gone and now.

Now his childe was having sex with Buffy. His Buffy, the Buffy he
could never have, the one he had sacrificed everything for so she
could have a normal life. His childe had taken his woman and Angel was
torn between his soul and his demon. The soul had heard the
undercurrent from Xander's story, that Buffy was the problem not
Spike, but his demon howled in outrage and demanded Spike's blood.
Blood that belonged to him, giving life that was his to extinguish. If
Buffy belonged to him then Spike did ten-fold.

Seconds, turned into minutes as Xander watched the conflicting
emotions pass over Angel's face. Ten minutes passed, and Angel had yet
to speak, so Xander swallowed the lump of fear in his throat and
hesitantly asked the enraged master vampire, "What do we do?"

As if he had been slapped, Angel regained his focus and very softly
growled at Xander, in full game face, "WE don't do anything. You go
back to Sunnydale and act as if this conversation never took place.
I'm going to take care of Spike once and for all," he swallowed, "I
should have done this years ago. I'm going to teach my errant childe a
lesson, Xander. He knows Buffy is mine. I marked her, and broke both
of our hearts so she could have a normal life. I will not allow this
to continue." Xander agreed to what Angel had said and wondered if he
had really done the right thing. It looked like Angelus had partially
returned and he was going to do some really, really, bad things to
Spike. `I wonder if he'll let me watch', Xander mused as he made his
way back to his car.


****

The school bell rang, and as Dawn gathered her stuff, she was still
wondering what to do about Spike. `I know he's not evil. Yes, he's a
vampire, but he's not evil.' If he had been, her mother would never
have liked him the way she did. `Buffy's wrong and I don't care what
she says. I'm going to visit my friend.' After all, he did take good
care of her. `And if she wants me gone so badly, maybe Dad will take
me.' Dawn nodded to herself in resolve and headed straight to Spike's
crypt after school.

****

Buffy didn't get to take a break until after two o'clock, but then she
was allowed to leave for the day. She gathered her belongings and
headed home. Once there, she parked the car and started into the house.

Halfway inside, she halted. `No, I'll just go to the Magic Box, get
Dawn and we'll spend some quality time together tonight. I didn't mean
it about Social Services!' Inwardly Buffy cringed at her harsh words
that morning. `I'll see Spike first and get him to patrol, and then
Dawn and I will make dinner together. I can help her with her
homework, and maybe we can watch a movie.' Buffy smiled to herself.
Surely, that would help the relationship between them. She knew her
words that morning had been harsh, but she didn't want Dawn hanging
out with vampires. Especially Spike. Buffy turned around and decided
to go to Spike's first.

****

Willow's classes were over with for the day, and once again, she
hadn't seen Tara. In fact, it had been weeks. `How has she completely
avoided me for so long? Doesn't she love me anymore?' Those thoughts
were breaking Willow's heart as she headed to Tara's dorm room.
Goddess, I love her so much. I know what I did was wrong, but please,
help Tara forgive me....

***

"Spike! " Dawn yelled as she walked into the dark, musty, crypt.

"Down here, Nibblet!" Spike's voice drifted up from below.

Dawn began the descent into the depths of Spike's crypt and didn't see
or hear Buffy come in behind her.

***

Buffy had been just a few steps behind her sister and was preparing to
throw a scene when she decided it might give her some ammunition to
see what they were up to. She really didn't expect Spike's next words.

"You know better than to come here after school. Buffy's going to
stake me and ground you if she finds you here. I don't want to be on
the receiving end of her stake. She's been in a bad enough mood as it
is for a while now pet, without you turning up here and making her any
angrier."

"I don't care. She's just a mean, old, nasty bully. You're my friend,
Spike. I don't care if she says you're nothing but an evil, soulless
demon. I know different, mom knew different, and Buffy used to know
different." Dawn said indignantly. Buffy flinched at Dawn's words, but
kept her concentration on Spike. It was never hard to read him when it
came to his feelings, but she couldn't see him from this angle. If
only there was a way to get closer without getting caught.

Spike called on every one of his 120-something years of experience to
keep his feelings on the matter hidden from Dawn. She didn't need to
know how much her casual repetition of Buffy's words hurt him. In fact
they hit Spike like an organ in the spine, and he should know; Buffy
had dropped an organ on him once. Regardless of what went on between
the two of them, he couldn't believe she had said that to Dawn. Buffy
knew he loved the Nibblet more than anything in his unlife, more than
anything in his unlife except for the Slayer herself, that was.

In a quieter tone she continued, "I miss you. You're the only person
who treats me like I have a brain. You actually listen to me. You're
my only friend, Spike." Changing the subject quickly so Spike wouldn't
realize how hurt she really was, Dawn rushed on, "My history grades
have dropped since you quit tutoring me and I was wondering if you
could proofread the paper I finished last night. And I haven't gotten
to see Passions lately because I have to stay after school at the
Magic Box. You'd think being 15 years old I could stay home alone
after school but noooo, Buffy thinks I'm too stupid and immature to be
alone. So please Spike, can I stay? You can read my paper, catch me up
on Timmy, and then I'll go to the Magic Box, please Spike, I really
have missed you."

Buffy had very carefully and quietly tried to stay out of the range of
Spike's senses, while still being in range of her own. Hearing her
sister repeat the awful things she had said about Spike made her
wince. She really didn't believe he was evil…but what other excuse
could she use to keep Dawn away from him? `How is Spike the Big Bad
going to handle her little sister`s puppy dog eyes?' She mused as she
observed the scene from a darkened corner. `Mmm…he looks so good
without his shirt on.'

Spike's nostrils flared. The Slayer was here; he could smell her.

Dawn caught the look on his face and got worried. "What is it, Spike?
What's wrong?"

"Well, Nibblet, it seems your sister`s here. He said as he got up and
headed towards the ladder to keep Buffy from finding Dawn.

Dawn grinned, "No she's not, you silly vampire. Quit trying to be a
bloodhound! I'm wearing one of her shirts and her perfume. That's me
you're trying to sniff out."

Spike came closer to Dawn and breathed in slowly. "You're right lil'
bit, you do smell like her. Come to think of it your mum smelled like
both of you too. I wonder if that's what it is after all."

"Huh, you wonder if what`s it?"

"Hmmm, oh just thinking. I've never met a human family that smelled so
much like one another before. Truthfully, your sis, your mum, and you
all smell exactly alike. Buffy comes through a little stronger though,
must be all that Slayer blood."

"Eww, gross much? I don't want to know what I smell like, Spike. I
want you to help with this paper. It's on the French Revolution, and I
don't think my transition sentences are going to be good enough to get
an A, unless you help me. And if I don't get an A on this paper I'm
going to get a D in history this semester, and Buffy will stake me
instead of you."

Spike's eyes were darting everywhere in the crypt. Something was off,
but he knew if Buffy were really there, she would have already barged
in fists first. So he sighed and relented just a little bit for his
Nibblet.

"Oi, lil' bit, I'll make you a deal."

Buffy's heart was pounding; she knew Spike was still searching for her
with his eyes, and eewww, his nose could he really smell her from all
the way down there?

"Leave the paper with me now. I'll read and drop it into your mail box
by 8:00." Spike glanced up in time to see Dawn's biggest puppy-dog
eyes. "Don't give me that look. I've been told to stay away from you,
and you've been told to stay away from me. Gather your stuff up, I'll
walk you to the Magic Box and fill you in on Passions on the way."
Dawn started to protest but he cut her off, "Nibblet, it`s for the
best, you don't want her mad at both us now do you?"

She simply sighed, gathered her belongings, and put her hand in his.
"Alright Big Bad, walk me to my babysitters." Buffy tried to scurry
away, and then realized they weren't coming back up to the crypt. She
looked around the corner and was surprised to see Spike pull back a
tapestry. Behind the tapestry was access to the sewer lines, and she
realized he really was going to walk Dawn to the Magic Box, and
probably watch from the sewer hatch until she was safely inside and
into Anya's and Willow's care.

She was exasperated with the vampire for showing so much concern for
her sister, for her, and exasperated with him showing feelings in
general. Something she didn't have anymore. She quickly left the crypt
and went home to shower. She'd give Dawn enough time to get to the
Magic Box, and pretend she didn't know about the little visit to
Spike`s. They would have family night tonight, and she'd stop back by
the crypt after her shower to see if he'd take first patrol.

***

On the way back to Sunnydale, Xander kept replaying his conversation
with Angel. He was terrified of the look Angel had had ever since he
heard the words `Spike', `Buffy', and `sex' in the same sentence.
Xander worried anxiously if he had indeed done the right thing by
telling Angel instead of Willow or Giles or Tara or Anya or hell,
anybody. Why hadn't he kept his big mouth shut? But at the thought of
Angel beating Spike senseless, he decided that it wasn't such a bad
idea at all.

He'd do it himself but no matter how big he was, Spike was still a
vampire. It took another vampire, demon or a Slayer to teach a vampire
a lesson. Staking the bleached menace would be much simpler in the
long run, but Spike had proved to be useful in fights, babysitting,
and demon identifying. It had to be Spike that was making Buffy
different. It was his evil influence that made her unhappy and more
violent than usual. It really didn't have anything to do with them
pulling her out of heaven. Nothing at all. Really.

******

Angel picked up the phone and called Cordy. He quickly told her he had
to go to Sunnydale for at least a day or two. It wasn't the Hellmouth,
he told her. It was Buffy. No, he didn't need help, and please don't
tell anyone where he's going. Or why. After the call to Cordy, Angel
settled into his favorite chair in the office. Pondering what he
should do.

He knew he had no rights to Buffy as a man. He also knew that if it
were pushed, he had no claim to Buffy as a vampire. After all, Dracula
had bitten her since he had, and he didn't go all half-cocked and try
to kill Dracula like he was contemplating doing to Spike. A deep sigh
escaped from the, silent, tortured man.

If he had known what the Scoobies were planning when they resurrected
Buffy, he would have stopped them at any cost. Just like Spike, Giles,
and Wesley would have done. He also knew that if he were in Spike's
position, madly in love with her--hell, I am in Spike's position--he
would be able to refuse her desperate desire for sex. But then again,
Spike didn't have a soul to lose. Angel did.

He sat in the darkness of his office and wondered what must be going
through his childe's mind whenever Buffy beat him into having sex with
her. It was obvious from what Xander had said that it wasn't the first
time. It was also obvious from his conversation with Xander, that only
after repeating the story out loud did Xander realize that Spike
wasn't the problem, Buffy was.

He knew his childe. Although Spike had willingly played the torture
games all vampires loved with their sex, Spike didn't crave it the way
other vampires did. As Angelus again, and even after Angel regained
his soul and came back from hell, Spike and Angel had been lovers. As
Angelus the matings between the two vampires were wild, frenzied, and
incorporated an intense amount of pain and serious blood play.
Whenever the "games" between them got beyond the place of pain for
Spike, Angelus had always backed down, until he regained his soul,
that is.

Angel grimaced at the memories that came flooding back to him
unbidden. When he had walked into the factory, before Dru and Spike
knew he had lost his soul, he could see hope flit across Spike's face.
Hope that he had come to offer Spike the magickal "cure" of the blood
of his sire. He watched the wheels turn in his childe's head, and knew
immediately that, if he had offered his blood and healed his childe,
Spike would have taken Dru and left, most likely to never return to
Sunnydale again. `If I hadn't lost my soul, I probably would have done
just that,' Angel mused. But none of that was to be.

It wasn't Angel who walked in that factory; it was Angelus. An Angelus
totally enraged, out of control, and as crazy as Dru because the demon
had been caged for too long. Instead of helping his childe, or having
a big family reunion, Angelus promptly sodomized his defenseless,
paralyzed childe, and beat him brutally in the process. When he
finished raping the helpless vampire, Angelus had used a cat of nine
tails to lash Spike into complete submission. He had actually
encouraged the minions to fuck his childe, a master vampire in his own
right.

He had watched the pain and humiliation break Spike into a million
pieces, and then he had taken Spike's lover of over one hundred years
and claimed her as his own. An act that could have destroyed their
relationship forever, or what was left of it.

Sighing again as he wondered what he was going to do about his errant
childe and the love of his life, his thoughts flashed to the last time
Spike had come to him for help. It was after he'd set Drusilla and
Darla on fire. He had begged Angel for help in removing the chip, but
Angel had gleefully refused. He cited Spike's recent torture of him as
a reason, but the truth was he saw not a soul in Spike, but the
similarities in positions. Angel had offered Spike all the best advice
he had in where to buy good blood, and some human sources who were
always willing to let a vampire feed.

Spike had lost his temper when Angel suggested finding humans willing
to let vampires feed from them, spilling out the story to Angel about
Riley and vampire whores, and finally admitting he couldn't bite a
live human anyway as it activated his chip. Feeding from dead humans
was worse than bagging it according to Spike; he'd tried it.

The vampires had spent two days together in bed, enjoying a closeness
that they hadn't shared since Angel had gotten soulfull, before Spike
reluctantly returned to Sunnydale, promising to look after his sire's
claim on Buffy. The purpose of the claim was to forbid other vampires
from turning her, feeding from her, or fucking her. They could try to
kill her if they dared. Angel was scared that after Dracula had fed
from Buffy that other vampires would try to feed, or perhaps turn her
thinking a Slayer would become the perfect vampire, and he needed his
favorite childe to protect his love.

Thinking back on that day, he realized that even then he'd known Spike
was in love with her, hell Drusilla knew it before either of the men
had, and Drusilla was the real reason he had worried about Buffy. She
hated the Nasty Slayer more than anything else in the world and
turning Buffy into a vampire would be the perfect torture for both her
sire and her former lover/childe. Drusilla had helped in creating
Spike, she had drained the poor boy William, but before she could give
her blood to him, Angelus had interrupted. He'd taken one look at the
deep blue, innocent eyes and the sculpted cheekbones on the face of
the man in front of him, and known he had to have him as own childe.

Angel noticed it was past sunset and prepared himself for the two-hour
drive to Sunnydale, still unsure what do about the situation Xander
had brought to his attention.

***

Buffy quickly showered, put on make-up, fixed her hair, and got
dressed. She was amused with herself for trying to look more like a
normal woman than the Slayer for her trip to see Spike.

When she arrived at his crypt, she slammed in like always, stormed
right up to Spike and said, "I need you to do first patrol tonight,
I'm going to try to have a family night with Dawn."

She absently noticed he was correcting Dawn's paper and quickly glanced away so he wouldn't know she'd noticed.

Spike looked surprised at her entrance and quickly shuffled the papers around so Buffy couldn't see Dawn's handwriting. Knowing what he was doing, she smiled wickedly and said, "Well?"

"Alright Slayer, I'll take your first patrol so you can have a night with the Nibblet. If you want, I'll do all the patrols tonight so you can have some rest too. I'll report to you at the Magic Box tomorrow. Now, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy here..."

Suddenly Buffy lunged at him. She grabbed him by the back of the head and drew him into a violent kiss. She urged him downstairs and together they stumbled onto the bed. Buffy gently pushed Spike away and carefully took off her clothes murmuring softly, "Why don't you
undress, Spike?"

At the sight of her golden skin covered only with a couple of bruises from the night before, Spike complied and was soon standing naked right in front of her. `Bloody hell, she might actually let me make  love to her,' but as the thought entered his head, Buffy tackled him and he knew he wouldn't get what he wanted today. `At least we landed on the bed and she hasn't hit me yet....'

Her hands were everywhere at once running over his chest, his abs, stroking his cock as he drew a sharp unneeded breath. As she pumped his cock with her hand, she reached between her legs and fingered  herself for just a moment. Withdrawing her fingers from herself and smearing the juices onto Spike's cock, she quickly impaled herself on him.

`Oh god, he's so cold and feels so good,' was the only thought in her brain as she rode him like he was a bull, coming almost immediately.

While she began to flutter around him, Spike was searing from her heat. `Bloody hell, she's got to be the hottest human on the planet!' The heat was torturing him. He flipped her over, trying desperately to slow the pace and have her the only way he wanted her.

She felt him change the rhythm, slowing down, drawing each stroke out into infinity and looked into his eyes. Love. `Oh God, he loves me so much I can't take it.' Buffy immediately switched their positions and rode him hard until they both came together in one blinding flash of pleasure.

She lay on top of him, trying to catch her breath. She felt his arms sneaking their way around her shoulders. She immediately sat up and got off the bed, refusing to allow herself the luxury of snuggling. She quickly dressed and looked over at Spike, still naked on the bed, and taking deep drags off of a cigarette.

She glanced at his beautiful body and desperately wanted to lay down with him and forget who and what she was, and for just a minute, allow herself to forget that he was nothing but a soulless demon. She wanted to take comfort in his love, but instead she smirked at him and said, "Thanks, I needed that. I'll drop by late tonight for the report on your patrol." She gave him a look over her shoulder as she was leaving, "I told you to stay away from my friends, and I mean it."

Spike simply closed his eyes at her cruel, callous words and nodded. "You know where to find me," he shrugged as he felt his heart breaking just a little more from her cruelty.

And then she was gone. Spike finished his cigarette, refusing to let the tears fall. When he had himself under control again, he went back to looking over Nibblet's paper. It wasn't a bad paper at all, but like she said, her transitions needed work. After his proofreading and suggestions were finished, he went to his CDs and found something that expressed his emotions. He quickly put in the CD, punched it to the appropriate number pressed repeat and listened to Nine Inch Nails.

As he listened to the lyrics and the pounding beat of the song, he lay back down on his bed and took a nap before he went out to kill his own kind. For the woman he loved. Who hated him. The song played over and in over is his crypt.

i'm drunk . and right now i'm so in love with you . and i don't want
to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do . lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars . while the devil
wants to fuck me in the back of his car . nothing quite like the feel
of something new maybe i'm all messed up . maybe i'm all messed up in
you but this is the only time i really feel alive . this is the only
time i really feel alive i swear . i just found everything i need .
the sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me .
well i want to drink it up and swim in it until i drown . my moral
standing is lying down . nothing quite like the feel of something new
maybe i'm all messed up . maybe i'm all messed up in you but this is
the only time i really feel alive . this is the only time i really
feel alive i can't help thinking Christ never had it like this

*****

Buffy was almost in a good mood when she picked up her sister. Dawn had finished her homework and Buffy quickly apologized for that morning and suggested a sister night. Dawn hesitantly agreed and the two girls decided on delivery instead of cooking and went straight to the video store.

Willow heard them talking and knew she wouldn't be welcome to share the evening with her best friend and surrogate little sister. She tentatively picked up the phone and called Tara, silently willing her
to answer.

"Hello" she heard Tara's voice and relief immediately flooded through her, until the fear started creeping its way in. "Tara, it`s Willow."

"W-W-Willow, h-hello."

"Tara, please, I… I haven't used magick in weeks and I need to apologize to you for the awful things I've done. C-can I come over?"

The desperation was clear in Willow's voice and Tara knew she'd never be able to refuse her former lover anything. "Sure, I'm free for the rest of the evening. I'd l-like to see you, too." Tara shyly replied.

"As soon as we get the store closed, I'll come straight over. Tara, you don't know how much good you just did for me. I need to get some things out. I'll see you soon."

Willow's heart was lighter than it had been for weeks, lighter than it had been since before Buffy died for that matter, but she knew she still had a long road to go before Tara would ever be able to trust her again. With an iron resolve Willow vowed to the Goddess that she would earn that trust.

*****

The two sisters ate take-out Chinese, and watched a couple of movies. Dawn snuck out while Buffy was in the bathroom and retrieved her paper from the mailbox. Spike had looked over it like he said he would, and
his suggestions, if correctly used, would definitely get her an A on the paper. She quickly snuck the paper in her book bag and returned to the couch before Buffy got back from the bathroom. The two girls had a final cup of hot chocolate before Buffy sent Dawn to bed.

As Buffy was starting to go out to patrol, Willow came in. She looked better than Buffy had seen her look in weeks. She quickly went to Willow, gave her a hug and said, "You look like you've had a good night."

Willow smiled her old, sweet smile and replied, "I did. I've been with Tara tonight. We had a long talk about the things I've done, and what I can do to get better. She forgave me, Buffy. Things still aren't the way they were, but at least I know there's a chance now. Tara's been doing research on my…my addiction, and together we're going to find a way. With everyone's help and support, of course." Willow broke down into the tears she'd been afraid of spilling for so long. "I'm so sorry Buffy, for everything I've done. I can't fix it, but I can keep it from happening again."

"Willow, we all love you and we're all going to help. I'm glad you worked things out with Tara. I don't mean to be cold, but I've got to go patrol now, slayer duty calls, you know?"

"I know Buffy, thank you for everything, I'm going to sleep now, I think I might actually make it through a whole night." The two girls hugged once more. Willow went to bed, and Buffy went to Spike's.

From the shadows at the edge of the cemetery, Angel watched Buffy. He saw her face turn from happy, to sad, to angry, to complete devastation. He knew she was headed to Spike's crypt. He also knew the vampire wasn't there. He'd just come back from the crypt, he had a lesson to teach his wayward childe.

As Buffy made her way through the graveyard, she had a wistful smile on her face. Replaying the night's events with Dawn, she resolved that the two sisters would have one night every week to themselves. Buffy knew she was being unreasonable in many of her demands with Dawn, but she didn't know how to back down. Since becoming the Slayer, Buffy hadn't been able to back down from anything, and she certainly couldn't start now. She'd had to face the Master, Angelus, Faith and the Mayor, Adam, Glory, and, well, the list felt endless: her enemies, the ones she had destroyed, the ones she had stopped, the ones who had gotten away.

Buffy's thoughts seemed to follow their own path. There was one part of her life that kept coming back to haunt her lately. Her sister. Her sister in slaying, that is. Faith. Before Faith had lost control and turned to the Dark Side (Buffy smiled as the images of Darth Vader trying to lure Luke Skywalker briefly flashed through her mind), Faith had been something Buffy had never had before: a partner.

Oh, sure, Angel trained with her and fought with her, but when it came right down to it, staking vampires was not high on Angel's list. He didn't mind subduing however many of them for Buffy to stake, but he rarely staked on his own. Her friends patrolled with her frequently, as did her Watcher, but before Faith, she had never truly had an equal in this lonely battle of good versus evil. That's why she had been so gung ho to join the Initiative. There she had been part of team, each of whom could hold their own. She had never had to worry that they would get killed because of her; they would have been out there with or without her.

Faith. Just the name brought tears to her eyes. She'd had faith in Faith. She knew her sister wouldn't turn against her. How could she? They were the Chosen Two. God, she'd loved patrolling with Faith. They'd get into more than they should, barely escape with their lives, go out dancing wildly at the Bronze, and then raid her mother's kitchen on their return. The dark haired, dark-eyed Slayer had an edge that Buffy had always admired. And lately she'd been living by one of Faith's mottos. "I'm a Slayer.,. I Want. Take. Have."

`No wonder I've been so screwed up.' Faith was crazy and want-take-have was just one of the many ways her insanity showed itself. `But I don't act that way about everything,' Buffy reassured herself. `I just act that way with Spike.'

Maybe having a partner again in Spike had brought this out. Spike was the only other Slaying partner she'd ever had. `If anything, Spike is better at it than me. He truly enjoys the fight and the kill, just like Faith.' Maybe her dark side was starting to come out like Faith's had. God knows, Spike has a lot more lightness around him than she'd had lately.

Her stomach rolled and heaved as she realized she was turning into Faith. Not in a weird Hellmouthy I- stole –your- body kind of way, but a I've- turned- into- my- own- worst- nightmare way. Her beating of Spike in the alley was exactly what Faith had done to Buffy. The words she had yelled at Spike echoed Faith's to her.

Spike. Spike was just one more thing she really hated herself for these days, and yet here she was at his crypt, again. Slamming the door open Buffy yelled inside "Idiot vampire, are you back from my patrol yet?" Receiving no answer, she settled down on her favorite tombstone outside to wait for his return.

Angel had continued following her through the cemetery. He realized Buffy had sent Spike out for patrol, the idea shocked him. Patrol meant staking every vampire you came across. Angel had rarely done that for Buffy, even when she was by his side begging for assistance. Had Spike really changed so much? Was he truly practicing genocide on his own race? Angel's mind wheeled at the implications. Spike, his favorite childe, took the Vampire Slayer's Patrols, regularly it would seem. He found a dark corner to watch from, far enough away to keep from being detected and he settled in to watch Buffy wait for Spike. Where was he? `I hope he didn't get hurt tonight. He should be back by now.' Damn it. What if he was hurt, or killed? The cold fingers of fear curled around the edges of her stomach. Spike can't be dead, she told herself. `I would know it. I would have felt it the second he was staked.'

The more she thought about him and wondered where he was, the worse she felt. She'd been so cruel to him since coming back. She'd been cruel to everyone really, even Angel. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to see him or hear his voice ever again.

Spike and the way she'd been using him were was cruel and she knew it. At first, when they'd torn down the building, Buffy hadn't realized the implications of what they'd done. The next time she saw Spike, she realized exactly how big of a mistake she'd made. His eyes, one look into his eyes and what she'd seen had devastated her: desire, longing, love, hope, fear, love, pain, love. She knew then that she owned him. She didn't particularly care for that feeling, but when she thought about how she felt when they were screwing, she didn't care.

She would do anything to feel again and again and again. Anything had turned into raping Spike two or three times a week. Well, maybe rape wasn't the right word. Molestation? Was that any better? Spike never tried to touch her first, he never reached for her, he never initiated anything but conversation, and conversation was the last thing she wanted from anyone. Assault? That was the word assault. She assaulted him two or three times a week until he was forced to defend himself by giving her what she wanted.

Every time he tried to manipulate the situation to show her his feelings, she stopped him. Every time he tried to tell her how bad what she was doing made him feel, she stopped him. Every time she lost all control and needed help with anything in her life she went straight to him. When did she start to trust Spike? It was a long time ago, she realized. It started when she'd taken her Mom and Dawn to his crypt for protection. I've leaned on him more and more everyday since then. The realization frightened her. Depending on a vampire went against everything she had ever been taught. Angel didn't count. He had a soul.

Buffy sighed. She didn't want to think about the vampire; she wanted to hear about patrol and fuck him stupid. Again.

Spike smelled her before he saw her. His Slayer. `His, bollocks! That chit wouldn't be mine if I were the last male on the planet.' There she was, resting that tight little bum on her favorite headstone. The moon came out from behind the clouds and shone down on her. She took his breath away. Her golden hair and skin positively glowed in the moonlight. Pain lanced through his heart while he was looking at her; she looked so bloody sad. `I wish she would let me help her, instead of fucking me to death.'

****

Angel sensed Spike's presence before he saw him. Looking around, he saw the vampire approach the Slayer. He watched as expressions flitted across Spike's face until he finally settled on indifferent. His childe's step took on a swagger, his chin tilted up, his shoulders squared, as if preparing for battle.

He was preparing for battle.

*****

"Slayer."

"Spike."

"I got ten vamps tonight Slayer, six newly risen, one at the Bronze, and three on the way home."

"Any other nasties out tonight, other than yourself, Spike?" Buffy inquired while she thoughtlessly twirled her stake.

"If there were, I didn't see 'em, smell 'em, or hear 'em, and they weren't making any mischief on the Slayer's night out with her sis. Have a good time with the lil' bit, did you?" He moved closer to stand within arm's reach of her.

"Wonderful. We didn't fight all night. I was wondering, do you think you could do this for me every Monday?"

"What, the Slayer's going to depend on an evil, soulless demon to protect her town, her family and her friends?" came Spike's snide reply.

"Yep. One night a week, or is that too much for you?"

"Slayer, you know damn good and well I patrol every bloody night. It's the only fun I have left. I can't bloody well feed from, torture, or maim humans, can I? The least you can do is let me do what I do best." Spike began pacing preparing himself for a good rant.

"And what's that Spike? Uncontrollably run that arrogant, pompous mouth of yours?"

Her nastiness stopped him in his tracks. "No, you bloody bitch. Fight. Fighting is the only thing that's kept me going since I got neutered and you know it."

"Really Fang Face? And here I was thinking it was your undying love for me," and then she knew she'd gone too far.

Without another look in her direction, Spike walked inside his crypt. He needed a moment to get himself under control. His eyes scanned the upper level of his crypt. `Ahh, that's a good enough reason to walk off I guess,' he immediately went to his weapons stash and retrieved a bag full of weapons and went back to Buffy. Tossing the bag at her feet and, sucking up the small amount of pride he had left, he turned to leave again.

Fear lanced through Buffy, `where did he go, what is he doing?' Relief coursed through her when he returned, but it was short-lived as he stalked off again. She did the only thing she knew to do, she provoked him again.

"What? Ooohhh, let me guess, another one of the men who loves me is going to leave?" Spike stopped in his tracks at her words. "Here's a bag of tricks, I'm leaving town. Try something new, Spike. I thought what with your being a poet and all, you could at least come up with something original. Wait, stop, I know, why don't you kill me? Bag your third Slayer, go ahead make my day. I mean come on, you can hit me now, why don't you do both of us a favor and suck me dry. I know you want to, why else do you think I bare my throat at you every chance I get?"

Buffy jumped off the tombstone and stomped towards Spike. She grabbed him by the arm and roughly turned him around. "Why else do you think I've been fucking you? Are you blind as well as dumb? Every time we fuck I pray this is it, this is the time the demon will win, and while I'm coming he'll sink his fangs into my neck and let me die in peace."

Spike stared at her as the truth in her words and the challenge in her eyes sank into his heart.

From the shadows, Angel audibly gasped. He couldn't believe what Buffy had said. She was fucking his childe and hoping to die in the process? What was wrong with her?

"Why would I do that, Slayer? If I drained you dry, I'd never get to feel your hot quim again, and besides your damn Scooby Gang would just find another way to bring you back and keep you in hell. At least while you're alive I can fuck you until you can't keep the thought of me from your brain. I know you think about me Slayer, I know you lay in your little bed at night and think about how I make you feel. You ever wonder why it's me, Slayer? It's because you're in love with what you slay."

At Buffy's look of indignation, Spike snorted. "Now, now, pet, I didn't say you were in love with me, I said you were in love with what you slay. That's one hell of a dark side you've got going, little girl. I can feel it tugging at my edges whenever you're within fifty feet of me. I can feel the darkness in you before I can smell you these days. I don't care what you say, there's something wrong with you. But then again, I guess being ripped out of heaven could take away one's humanity. And no, I'm not leaving, I can't. I'm just giving you your little bag of tricks, as you called it, back. I sharpened your stakes, replaced the missing ones and restocked your holy water."

"Oh"

"And as for why I don't bite you when you bare your throat at me all the time? There's only three reasons to bite a human, Slayer. To kill them, turn them, or claim them. If I killed you, between the witches, Ripper, and my sire, I wouldn't make it one day. As pitiful as my existence is now, I still love my unlife." Spike invaded her personal space. "And turning you? Some of the things I love best about you are your heat and your fire and your spark. Turning you would only destroy that, and in turn hurt me. And once, again your friends would kill me. And as for claiming you? Why would I EVER claim a cold, selfish, unfeeling cunt who relishes torturing me on a daily basis? If I ever claim you, you bloody bitch, I'd have to kill the love of your life, your precious Angel. Because he will fight me for his claim on you to the death, and I couldn't live with myself for the pain that killing my bleedin' poofter of a sire would do to you."

Before his final words left his mouth Buffy launched herself at him. `He called me a cold, selfish, unfeeling cunt. I'm going to kill that bastard.'

She landed a punch to his stomach, only to be blocked as she went for his face. Spike blocked everything she threw at him, but didn't try to fight back. When she was finally tiring from her exertions, he caught both her hands, spun her around and held her in the vampire's embrace. The front of his body was sealed to her back, he had her arms crossed around her chest holding her by her wrists, with one leg wrapped around one of hers.

"Is this really what you want Buffy? This is how I killed my first Slayer." Spike bent his head to nuzzle her neck, his face sliding into its demon visage. He gently nicked her throat and tongued away the blood that slowly seeped out. Slayer blood, so pure, so perfect, the power from her blood would increase his strength ten fold.

Buffy was quivering, not from fear or anger, but from lust. The brief second his fang had grazed her skin, her arousal had grown to unbearable proportions. Her panties were soaking, her breath was coming out in short uneven pants, and her legs were going weak. Her own arousal sickened her. And little did she know, both the vampires could smell it. How could she feel like this for a demon? How was it possible for him to turn her on so much? She turned her head to the side completely exposing her jugular to the vampire and she begged.

"Please, Spike, please. I need it. Please, just drink me," the plea in her voice was real.

The demon inside of Spike was jumping for joy. The Slayer wanted him! He bent his head towards her neck, opened his mouth, but when his fangs reached her skin, he couldn't do it.

"Fuck you, Slayer. Fuck you for torturing me. Fuck you for hurting me. Fuck you for using me. Fuck you for fucking me. Fuck you for not loving me. But most of all fuck you for what you've become. Don't ever come to me for sex again. I love you, and all you're doing is killing me slowly. If you truly want me dead, take out one of your newly sharpened stakes and get it over with. You know I won't fight back. I can't."

With that, Spike threw the Slayer to the ground and walked into his crypt, slamming the door.

Buffy lay there on the ground as she quietly began to sob. Her whole body was shaking from her tears, her breath was coming in ragged gulps, and finally she let it all out and began to wail in agony. "It's too much. I didn't ask to come back. I didn't ask Spike to love me. I didn't ask to lose my ability to feel. I just want to die."

Angel, still concealed by the shadows and a cloaking spell Wesley had found for him several months prior, felt his heart break. He couldn't believe any of what he'd seen. Spike hadn't killed her when she'd begged for death. Spike's chip didn't work on Buffy. Spike hadn't hit her once while she had attacked him. Spike refused to claim her, because killing him would hurt Buffy. He couldn't believe anything he had seen or heard since talking to Xander. Had he stumbled into an alternate universe?

Whatever kind of resurrection spell Willow had done to bring back Buffy, had gone horribly, horribly wrong. That woman lying on the ground in the cemetery, screaming in the agony of being alive was not the Buffy Anne Summers he knew and loved.

Spike heard her sobbing. He opened the door to his crypt and watched her lying on the ground, begging for death to take her. He couldn't stand it. He walked to Buffy, picked her up and walked to her tombstone and settled down with her in his lap. He held her, rocked her, brushed her hair away from her face, wiped the tears from her face, all the while, making soothing noises to comfort her, murmuring it would be alright. His heart was breaking from her pain.

As her wracking sobs finally started to subside, Spike's quiet murmuring's penetrated Buffy's sobs. "There, there, luv. That wasn't too hard, now was it? You're feeling. Right now, Buffy. I know that's why you do what you do to me. You had a good night with your sis, I walked by a few times and actually heard you laughing. You're getting better. If I could have stopped the bloody wankers from doing this to you, I would have. The problem isn't that you can't feel, the problem is the only emotions you do feel are anger, resentment, and pain. Physically, you feel everything, but all your mind will accept right now are pain, anger, and resentment."

Buffy hiccoughed quietly and snuggled into Spike's arms, like she had wanted to do that afternoon.

"It's going to take time, luv," Spike gently said, as he continued, slowly rubbing circles on her back with his fingertips. To comfort this small, beautiful woman snuggled into his arms.

"Every day you get a little better. I know; I can see and feel it. You've got to realize you were dead for three months. Things have changed around here, your friends, 'specially Red, your sister-- you lost three months of her life too. Your three months were spent in heaven, ours weren't. They were spent in misery, missing you. Buffy, look at me," she slowly raised her head from the comfort of his chest and looked into his eyes; they seared her from within with the love that shined from them, "calm down, be patient, take your time. Just because you think you should feel something, doesn't mean you have to feel it. Your soul is just trying to relearn how it fits in your body, that's all."

Spike looked into her eyes, he gently smiled at her, continuing to rub her back, then he took a deep unneeded breath and decided it was confession time.

"I was lying before. There's nothing wrong with you. I had a long visit with Glinda the other day. No, not Red. The other one, her girlfriend, Tara. I told her what's been going on with you. No, don't look at me like that. I didn't tell her about us. I told her about me being able to hurt you, and all about this lack of feeling you've got. So the witch did some research, turns out you're really you. You didn't come back wrong. You've got your real soul and everything. You're fine. Really. I can hit you, because you've got some kind of a molecular sunburn. That's all. I'm sorry, luv. I've just been trying to hurt you as bad as you've hurt me by telling you something was wrong with you."

Shakily Buffy let out a breath and said, "I know, Spike, I talked to Tara too, but I told her about us. You're right, everyday I feel something I didn't feel the day before. I want to be like I was. I want to love my friends, be able to laugh and smile and talk and dance and have fun, but somehow I can't. It all hurts too much. When I was in heaven, I was completely happy for the first time in, like, ever. And then I was back. I lost that feeling and I know I'll never feel it again until I'm dead. So I want to die again. This world is too hard, too cruel, too cold, too violent. And I'm mad at them. Couldn't they have at least checked around to see if I was hell? I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to forgive them, and if I can't forgive them, I'll never be right again."

"Well then, luv. You and I are going to practice forgiveness. I don't really know how to do it, but we'll find a way. When we're finished, you'll be able to forgive your friends. They'll have their Buffy back, and I'll have my Slayer back. I can't stand to see you hurting luv. I'd give my unlife to make it better for you, you know."

"I know, Spike. I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately."

"Ssshhhh, pet. Don't say something you don't mean. You've been having a bloody good time beating me senseless and fucking me raw. Don't lie. I wish that once, just one bloody time, you'd let me love you."

"I can't. You're a vampire and I'm a Slayer. I can't love you. No matter how much you love me. If, if I let myself love you, or even give you that crumb you begged me for, I'd betray everything there is to being a Slayer. You don't have a soul and it's wrong. You know it's wrong. Hell, you told me it was wrong."

"I did and it is. Buffy, don't you see? I've fought the good fight. I can't ever go back to what I was before, even if I got the chip out. Don't you understand? Humans are not happy meals with legs to me anymore, haven't been for a long time, not really. Not since I kidnapped Red to make that love spell for me. Me, the Big Bad Master Vampire, spared the lives of a witch and a whelp and cried on your mum's shoulder. Right then and there my whole perception changed. The chip merely helped me change faster then I already was is all. And you can blather on and on about how I'm an evil soulless demon, luv, it hurts… but it's not true."

"WHAT?? Y- y-you've got a soul?" Eyes wide with disbelief, Buffy twisted in Spike's arms until she could see him.

"Slayer, don't believe everything those idiots in tweed tell you. I never lost my soul; my demon overpowered it. William is inside of me and always has been. He cowered away from the demon. This bloody chip weakened my demon and William's not been cowering as much as he used to. And even if all that weren't true, I'd have a soul anyway, Buffy, you are my love, my heart, my sunlight, and my soul. I know you don't want to be, and truthfully, I wish you weren't. But you are. That's how you can know I will never, ever leave you. I can't survive without you. You're everything to me."

"I can't handle that responsibility, Spike."

"You don't have to. It's not a responsibility, it's just the way things are. But I bloody well meant what I said earlier. I'm not going to shag you again, unless you can come to me in love. I don't take kindly to being used for sex by the only person I've ever loved. It's destroying me bit by bit."

Buffy sighed and struggled out of his embrace. "Spike, I can't, it can never-"

"Never's a long time luv. Don't say something you don't mean."

"But I-"

Spike pressed one finger to her lips. "Slayer, not now. Not tonight. Just promise me this: no more using me for sex, I can't take it anymore."

"I promise."

"Thank you. Umm, I didn't want you to know this, but Rupert called the other day. Apparently the council found a lost prophecy."

Standing, Buffy began to pace. "Why would Giles call you?"

"Because it mentions me."

"Do you have any idea how much I hate prophecies?"

"Yeah, got an idea about that. You're going to hate this one even more than all the other ones, though. It basically tells the story of your life, and then goes into the future. Our future."

"Oh god, are you trying to tell me that we're destined to be together?" She asked incredulously

"I don't know about the being together luv, but we're destined to fight at each others side for eternity. Somehow you and the witch are going to become immortal just like me, luv. It's only fitting you know, sometime in eternity, surely you'll come to love me like I love you."

"When was Giles going to tell me all this?" Buffy wondered out loud.

"He wasn't, not until the Council could determine the hows, wheres, whens, and all that about my soul. I explained to Rupert I'd never lost it, and the whole damn Council has been researching that little bit night and day, trying to prove me wrong it seems. You're tired Buffy, let me take you home."

"Why you? Why is it always you, Spike?" She started to trail off but her thoughts were running rampant. `Why are you the only person who can see me, the real me, flaws and all? It's always been you. You were the one who made me understand Angel and I would never be friends. You taught me what love was, long before you ever loved me. You've always looked straight into my soul and said out loud the things that everyone else, except my mom, was too afraid of me to say.' Shaking her head to clear her mind she turned back to Spike. "Why do we have this connection? Do you think it has to do with this prophecy?"

"I don't know luv, I really don't. Just pleased to hear you admit we have a connection. Will you let me walk you home? Or I can drive you if you prefer."

"Let's walk. Maybe we'll get some good slayage in along the way." Buffy giggled.

Angel stood still as night in the shadows, grateful for the cloaking spell, and surprised it had worked on Buffy and Spike. He wished he had a copy of that prophecy. He couldn't grasp the concept of Buffy and Spike being meant for each. Although, Spike had absorbed her abuse, her beatings, withstood her begging for death.

`If she had begged me like that to kill her, I probably would have. How could a vampire refuse the death wish of a Slayer? I almost walked over there and took her myself and I have a soul.' And in the end Buffy had giggled like she was sixteen again. How did Spike do that?

With a thousand thoughts spinning in his head, Angel returned to his mansion to wait for the day and to brood over the events of the night. When he reached the mansion, he called Cordy and left her a message to come to Sunnydale with enough clothes for the two of them to last a week. He told her that they would be staying at the mansion and to get whatever food she required, using the company credit card, of course.

****

Willow managed to get Dawn and herself to school on time without the use of magick. She'd looked in on Buffy, but the slayer'd been sleeping so soundly Willow didn't have the heart to wake her up on her day off

Anya gleefully went to work, she was expecting a new shipment today.

Tara looked forward to having lunch with Willow.

Cordy grumpily packed for herself and Angel and headed towards Sunnydale.

Giles boarded a plane for the United States. He'd had enough of the Council and wanted to be with Buffy. It'd been weeks since he'd seen her.

Xander headed to the mansion to see Deadboy and find out what was wrong with Buffy.

*****

He didn't knock; he never had at the mansion. He went in and yelled for Angel.

He didn't hear an answer so he went looking for the hated vampire. Xander found Angel sitting against the wall the vampire had once chained Faith, to lost in his thoughts. Xander carelessly threw a package of blood at Angel and said, "Spill your guts, Deadboy, I want to hear it all."

"I've nothing to tell you, Xander."

"Surely you've got something to show for all the lurking you did last night?"

" If you must know, I discovered you people tortured Buffy when you brought her back. I discovered my favorite childe kills as many, if not more vampires than the Slayer herself. I discovered my favorite childe truly and completely loves the love of my life. I found out Buffy wants to die. She begged Spike to kill her last night, and he didn't."

Shaking his head in denial at Buffy's suicidal actions, Xander retorted. "Of course he didn't, he's chipped. He can't hurt any living thing."

"That's not true, he can hurt Buffy. He can drain her dry if he wants, yet he doesn't. But he can't harm anyone else. Something happened when you brought Buffy back. His chip doesn't recognize her as human."

"Then why hasn't he killed her if she begged him to?"

"He loves her."

"Bullshit! Demons can't love, he doesn't have a soul. It's impossible, he can't love her!" raged Xander.

"Boy, shut your mouth, before I shut it for you. You don't have any idea what you're talking about, and he does love her. I saw it for myself."

"If you're talking about seeing them screw, I don't want to hear it, that's not love, tha-"

"That's not what I'm talking about, and it's none of your business." Angel paused. "I didn't talk to either of them last night. I watched them. It's really simple, Xander. Spike loves Buffy. Buffy is hurting from being ripped out of heaven and is taking it out on Spike instead of you guys. That's all there is, really."

"But-"

"That's it, she's hurting. Last night I saw her take her first step towards healing. She did it in Spike's arms. She cried and screamed and begged him for death, and he held her, soothed her, talked to her rationally, made her giggle, and took her home."

"But-"

"But nothing, that's it. That's what you summoned me here for. I've still got some unfinished business with Spike, but really that's it. I had a hard night, Xander. Thanks for the blood, I'm sure I'll see you later on this week if not today. Cordy's coming down as we speak. I think we're going to need her."

"Are you su-"

"Yes, I'm sure, now, goodbye." With that Angel drained the blood bag and went upstairs to sleep. He hoped it would soothe some of the ache in his heart.

****

Giles had a layover in New York and one in Dallas. He slept through both of the flights to build up the energy reserve he knew he would need when he went to confront Buffy and Spike. He called L.A. and left a message for Angel and Cordelia to meet him in Sunnydale. He called and left messages for Buffy, Xander, Anya, Tara, Willow, and Spike to meet him at the Magic Box at 5:00. He hoped he would be prepared for the emotional onslaught of seeing his slayer/daughter again, and for the turmoil the prophecy clutched in the briefcase on his lap was going to create for all the people he cared about.

****

At 4:30, each member of the Scooby Gang began making their way to the Magic Box.

Dawn, who was already there with Anya, helped her straighten the store before Giles got there. They had just finished when Giles walked in. Both girls ran to him and smothered him with hugs and kisses.

Willow and Tara were holding hands and quietly walked in to the store. Neither sensed the dread coming off of Giles in waves as he hugged them both and told them how much he'd missed them.

Stewing in his anger, Xander had gone home and showered after a long day at work. He'd had to push it to make up for his absence the day before. Going to Angel for help hadn't solved anything. In fact, Xander decided with his usual prejudiced attitude, the bloodsucker had made it worse. He was the next to arrive. "G-man long time no seeth," was the greeting, and in return he got slapped hard on the shoulder by the man who had become a surrogate father to them all.

Cordelia and Angel showered, changed and drove Angel's car to the Magic Box. Wrapped in a blanket, he ran inside before he started to combust. At the raised eyebrows of the Scooby Gang, Cordelia stared back and lied smoothly. "What? I had a vision. It said to come here. Deal." After the shock had worn off, they were warmly greeted. Angel waited in fear for the arrival of his childe and his childe's love

* * * *

After a good night's sleep, Buffy awoke feeling completely rested for the first time in as long as she could remember. Looking at the clock, she realized it was 3:00. She'd slept the day away. She went downstairs, noticed the answering machine was blinking. As she made coffee, she listened to Giles tell her to be at the Magic Box by 5:00, and to be sure to bring Spike.

Buffy went to Spike's crypt to tell him about the meeting. Spike finally showed Buffy why he lived in his particular crypt. From the lower recesses of the chamber, he had access to every sewer and engineering tunnel in Sunnydale. They walked shoulder to shoulder in a comfortable silence through the sewer. When they came to the proper exit, Spike wrapped the blanket around himself and climbed up, moved the manhole cover aside and dashed for the interior of the store before he combusted. Buffy giggled as she followed him, slowing only long enough to replace the manhole cover.

Spike burst through the door, followed by Buffy, who flung herself into Giles' outstretched arms. Angel started growling softly at Spike.

"Giles, I've missed you so much. When did you get back, why didn't you ask us to meet you at the airport? Did the Council figure out that damned prophecy? Did you miss me?"

"One thing at a time Buffy, let go of me, before you break your Watcher."

"Sorry, Giles," Buffy sheepishly replied.

"I just got back, it was simpler to take a cab, they've figured out part of the "damned prophecy", Spike, I wish you hadn't said anything, and of course I missed you, and I've got gifts for all of you to prove that I did."

"PRESENTS!!" the girls exclaimed in unison.

The men laughed, and Buffy and Spike noticed Angel and Cordelia for the first time.

"Cordelia, good to see you. Angel, I thought I told you to stay away from me, and why are you growling?"

"Cordelia had a vision, I'll try to stay out of your way while I'm here, and I'd rather not explain in front of a room full of people why I'm growling."

"Get over yourself Angel, we're family here, spill."

"If you insist. You stink of Spike. Spike stinks of you. He has no right to be with you, and before this is all over with, I'm going to teach him a lesson. Appears as though your lover has forgotten vampire law. You do not steal from your sire."

At the word lover, a hush filled the room. Willow looked confused, then pleased. Dawn audibly gasped and kept looking back and forth between her sister and Spike. Xander swallowed hard. Anya looked pointedly at each person in the room and said "Told ya so," Tara shyly smiled at the Slayer and her Vampire. Cordelia fell back into her chair, and Giles removed his glasses and began cleaning them on his shirttail.

Buffy, initially caught offguard by Angel's tirade, snapped. "Glad to see your nose still works, what do you mean forgotten vampire law? What, are you going to do send him to vampire prison? And by the way I don't belong to you, and Spike and I aren't lovers."

"Go ahead and tell yourself that Buffy, but you can't wash the smell away from me. I know your scent as intimately as I know his and you're lovers, have been active lovers sometime in the past 24 hours." Angel was a bit taken aback by the fact that Buffy seemed more angry than guilty or ashamed

Buffy looked quizzically at Spike, and shrugged her shoulders, "If you say so Angel, although I've had two showers since the last time we had sex. You're wrong anyway. Spike and I are not lovers. Not anymore. We had been after I came back, but he sat me down last night and read me the riot act. No more shagging until I love him. I think he's really trying to torture me or make me beg." Buffy said flippantly. Inwardly she cringed. How dare he show up and tell her shameful secret to the world. Who did he think he was?

"Now Slayer, you're going to make me sound like a poofter in front of all of your friends. I thought we decided not to kiss and tell." His voice was warm and joking, but he had his sire pinned down with eyes that flashed continually between gold and blue.

Speaking directly to his sire, he continued, "You're all soul-having at the moment, aren't you, peaches? Thought so, care to explain why a soul-having vampire, who happens to be a vampire hunter, expects anyone to obey vampire law? She is not yours Angel, not anymore. You may have claimed her, but it's been broken in more ways than one. Time has broken it, you broke it, Dracula broke it, Riley broke it, Parker broke it. I may have hedged in on your claim, but I wasn't the first. Since I haven't exactly tried to claim her for myself, I'd like to know why you expect me to fight to the death over a woman you threw away all on your own. Especially when you stink like Cordelia and Cordelia stinks like you. Care to explain the bite marks I can smell on her breasts?"

"WHAT? " Came the chorused reply as Cordelia blushed for one of the few times in her life and Angel slid into game face.

"That's enough!" Giles interrupted "I have been traveling all day to get here. I'm tired. I'm jet-lagged. I'm hungry. I've worked non-stop since I left this place on a prophecy that involves everyone in this room, as well as additional research for Spike, and I will not stand here and listen to all your petty squabbling.

"Spike, thank you for making Buffy see reason about your relationship. It appears that research I've been doing for you may turn out to your advantage after all. Angel, we don't really have to have you here, even though this does involve you. May I recommend you keep your ramblings to yourself? If you do not, I will ask you to leave. Cordelia, you are a grown woman and you well remember what happened the last time Angel lost his soul. With that said, I wish for all of you to pretend to get along, at least for tonight, or leave and don't come back, ever. This is a serious matter we have at hand." Ripper stated. Seeing the chastised looks on some of the faces around him, he continued more gently.

"Now, I have presents for everyone, then we're going to eat, and then we're all going to read this prophecy and try to understand it as best we can. Any problems between you two vampires are not welcome in this store or with these people.

"Tara order up the usual research feast, make allowances for the extra mouths, and order up three days supply from Willie's as well. Make sure the pizza boy picks up the blood. Everyone, gather up your gifts, they each have individual meaning"

Looking contrite but pleased, everyone greedily grabbed their presents and ripped into them, not noticing that Buffy's and Spike's weren't wrapped. Spike was the first to get his open and sat in stunned silence as he stared at what was in the box in front of him.. It took all of his control to keep his emotions from showing.

Dawn was next to open hers; her box revealed a silver bracelet with a silver charm in the shape of a key dangling from it.

Anya's gift was her necklace. THE necklace, the one that carried her powers. No one knew the significance of the gift but her, and she quietly swallowed and hesitantly murmured a thank you, sliding the necklace into her purse, not yet willing to think about the ramifications.

Xander commented on other men buying his fiancée jewelry, and was immediately shamed bythe presents his package. Tools. Really, really, high quality tools. Not just any kind of tools either, they were woodworking tools, and the handle of each tool was carved with many strange markings that reminded him of magick.

Cordelia's gift was a crystal ball. She laughed at the irony of the gesture, then she noticed a prescription with her name on it. She picked up the bottle and gasped. It was the migraine medicine that hadn't yet been approved for sale in the US. She leapt to her feet and grabbed Giles in a bone-crushing hug. "That's the best gift I've ever gotten, Giles. I don't know how you knew about the pain, thank you."

Tara received spellbooks. She smiled as she quickly read the titles and discerned that the books were about healing. Healing vampires, healing humans, healing demons, and healing witches suffering from magickal addiction.

Willow received several volumes on magickal addiction and the ways recover and still practice magick. She started sobbing as soon as she realized the implications. She grabbed for Tara and hung on for dear life.

Buffy still hadn't examined her package, she was trying to see what Spike's gift had been. Surprised by his lack of reaction, she decided he wasn't ready to share so she tore into her own gift. She too gasped at what was inside.

Angel was truly surprised at the turn of events in his conversation with Buffy, and was even more surprised at what Giles had given him, a spell to recover his soul permanently without the fear of ever losing it again. He stared at Buffy while the implications flew through his mind.

Buffy was shaking as she withdrew the contents from their box. Inside were all the worldly possessions of her sister. Her sister in slaying. Faith. The tank top that said "chosen," the dagger she prized so much that had been a gift from the mayor (the one Buffy had stabbed her with), some photographs of the two of them, a sealed envelope with her name on it, and finally a diary. Faith's diary from prison. Buffy slowly looked at Giles, "she's dead isn't she?"

"I'm sorry Buffy, it was suicide. Her last wishes were for her belongings to be given to you. I believe there's a letter for you as well as her diary. Spike, you've not said anything yet. The contents of your box are directly related to the contents in Buffy's. I believe the two of you should sequester yourselves for a bit and work through this."

The whole group was getting anxious watching the two blondes. Buffy quietly asked, "What'd you get?"

Spike closed his eyes slowly pulling Miss Edith out of the box, followed with an urn, which was sealed, and an engraved stake.

Spike could hear the gasps from the people around the room, he heard the beginnings of the vampire's death wail, but didn't recognize his own voice joining with Angel's.

No one in the room had ever heard the vampire death wail and it sent shivers down the backs of everyone present and they cowered away from the two vampires, not knowing what to do. Except Buffy, she immediately pulled Spike into her arms and cried for him, for Angel, for Drusilla, for herself, but she mostly cried for Faith.

Angel tried to approach Spike to offer what comfort and solace he could, but Buffy sensed him nearing her vampire and, as soon as he was within reach, flung Angel against the wall.

"Come on, Spike, get Dru and her belongings, we're going to the training room." Spike did exactly as Buffy said, tears streaming down his face and an anguished howl emanating from his throat as he followed his love, and carried the woman he had spent over a hundred years loving in an urn in his hand.

"Well G-man, I'd say you still haven't lost your touch. That was a hell of a bombshell to drop on everyone. Faith and Dru both dead, what happened?"

The pizza/blood boy arrived at that moment. Giles handed over the money and told everyone to help themselves, and he would explain as best he could while they ate.

"Mind you, until just this moment I had not seen the contents of either of those boxes. Faith sent the package with Drusilla in it exactly 10 days ago to the Watcher's Council, with implicit instructions for it to be forwarded to me and then to be forwarded to Spike. Within those instructions she said that she had done this in prison and that if her dreams had truly been Slayer dreams, Spike deserved the contents of the box. She went on to say she'd met Spike once while she was in Buffy's body, that she knew he loved her and that she also knew that he knew that she wasn't Buffy. She also wanted me to tell both of them she was sorry and she hoped and prayed that this time it would work out. She killed herself in prison exactly one hour after shipping the contents of the first box to me. She left a note for the Warden that all of her worldly possessions needed to go to Buffy through me. The Warden sent the boxes to the Sunnydale police department to my attention and I received a message from them to pick it up at the station. While there the police said she had killed herself and that all her worldly possessions were within the box."

Angel was the first to speak. "Basically, what you're saying Giles, is that Faith came into contact with Dru in prison, dreamed about Buffy, Spike and Dru, staked Dru, sent her to Spike, and then killed herself, and essentially sent herself to Buffy?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying, but as I have not seen or read the contents of the letters or diary, it's basically just an assumption."

The sounds of fighting from the training room broke through to the group. Angel, fearful for Buffy's life, headed towards the room, but Willow stopped him.

"They train together everyday, Angel. Don't worry. He loves her, he won't hurt her. They're both naturally physically aggressive beings, it's probably best that they're working out their feelings now, instead of letting them fester. Festering is bad for Buffy, she can't control herself when she lets things bottle up, and neither can Spike."

Angel looked Willow in the eyes and knew she was right. "It sounds a little rough is all, and truthfully, I'm more worried about Buffy hurting Spike."

"Don't be. If it bothers you so much, there's a window in the office, you can watch them if you like."

"If they're not out in a little while believe me, I will."

In the training room, Buffy and Spike had both changed clothes, removed their shoes, held on to each other for a moment and then proceeded to try to kill one another. Buffy looked at Spike square in the eyes and saw all the pain, grief, torment, and anger she knew were reflected in her own.

"Full out?" she quietly asked.

"You sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Safety word?"

Remembering Faith's words from so long ago Buffy whispered, "Safety words are for wimps."

"Right then."

As if a bell had been rung to start a boxing match, they flew at each other. Kicking, punching, throwing, rolling, dodging, blocking, they moved so fast if anyone had been watching, they couldn't have seen the blows. About fifteen minutes into the fight the others had gone into the office to watch, but the sparring pair was oblivious. Neither could get an advantage over the other, they both blocked more than they landed, but the intensity didn't lessen. There was no finesse, it was an all-out battle. Master Vampire versus the Best Slayer ever. Neither had ever been more evenly matched, and once again, as if a bell had been rung, they both dropped out of stance. It had been exactly one hour since the fight began. Buffy walked to the wall. "Weapons training," she told him. "Pick your poison."

Spike didn't reply as he picked a sword. Buffy did the same. They both walked to the refrigerator. Buffy pulled out water, Spike pulled out blood, drank three swallows each, returned to the ring.

Once again, Buffy quietly asked "Full out?"

"You sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Safety word?"

Still focusing on Faith's words from so long ago, Buffy whispered, "Safety words are for wimps."

"Right then."

The sounds of the swords hitting each other reverberated through the training room and out into the Magic Box itself. The speed was blinding, the sounds were deafening, their lack of shields was terrifying to all the people in the office watching, except one. Dawn. She knew that both Buffy and Spike were in complete control. She could tell from the looks on their faces, but no one else seemed to believe her reassuring murmurings.

"I'm putting a stop to this right now," said Angel.

"Angel, if you walk in there right now, they'd both kill you. Stop being stupid" was Cordelia's reply.

The sword fight lasted 20 minutes. They stopped in sync, walked to the wall and each picked up a rapier to add to their arsenal, they again drank water and blood, and repeated the only words spoken between them since they had walked into the training room.

"Ooh, they're serious now, the swords have dulled edges, but Buffy and Spike sharpened those rapiers yesterday." Anya stated to no one in particular.

Fear snaked down Angel's back. They both drew blood at the same time. Buffy noticed she cut Spike, Spike noticed he cut Buffy, neither noticed their own cuts. Down came the weapons they reached for each other's injured parts, noted the damage was merely superficial and moved on to staffs.

"See?" came Dawn's snide remark. "Told you they wouldn't hurt one another."

"Um, Dawnie, they both just drew blood," Xander replied.

"Yep, that always happens, but this time they actually stopped fighting. Usually they ignore their injuries," she shrugged.

Willow, Tara, Dawn, Anya, and Cordelia were bored watching the fighting and retreated into the other room to catch up. Xander mumbled about still being hungry. Giles felt he had to watch the fighting, after all he was Buffy's Watcher.

Angel stood there amazed. He hadn't seen Buffy or Spike fight in years. He had no doubt he'd never watched two more skilled or evenly matched fighters. He also had no doubt that if Spike challenged him for his claim, he'd lose, or he'd die. No wonder they'd been able to defeat a God.

Buffy and Spike were oblivious to their remaining audience, oblivious to the time they spent fighting to purge their grief and pain, oblivious to their screaming muscles. They worked their way through every weapon in the training room, spending twenty minutes on each weapon without benefit of a timer. When they finished, they collapsed onto a bench, and quickly drank the rest of their liquid nourishment.

As their breathing slowed, Spike noticed the ache in his muscles and knew Buffy had to be hurting as well. He crossed the room and went into the bathroom, returning with a bottle of liquid heat and a small basin of baby oil, motioned for Buffy to strip and lie down on the bench. As she did, he mixed the liquid heat and baby oil and began to work the soothing oil into her tired muscles. He quickly but thoroughly massaged each muscle group on her body. When he finished, Buffy returned the favor for him.

When Giles and Angel realized they were going to rub each other down, Giles excused himself from the room and went to join the others. Angel stayed to watch, his morbid curiosity getting the better of him. When he realized Buffy was going to rub down Spike, he left the room; he couldn't watch. He wistfully remembered the days when they had trained together, and rubbed the ache from the other's muscles. He returned to the other room, and sat brooding in the shadows, ignoring the conversations around him.

Cordelia and Anya were talking about the latest fashions. Xander and Dawn were shoveling down the remains of the pizza, and Giles, Willow, and Tara were discussing the steps to Willow's recovery.

"Willow, you can overcome this addiction you have. It's going to be a long painful process, and there are going to be many things you will object to, but I know you can do this. You're going to have an official "Watcher" of your own. The Council has asked one of our Adepts to assist and train you. Her name is Morgaine and she has been the Council's head-Adept for the past 10 years. She will be moving to Sunnydale later this week. The training you will be receiving is much like that I wished you to pursue in high school, when you started practicing. Tara, the Council would like for you to train with Willow, if that is acceptable to you."

Willow flung herself at Giles and hugged him as hard as she could. "Oh Giles, thank you. Thank you." She managed to whisper between sobs.

"Of course it is Giles, but is everyone sure this is safe?" Tara asked. "Willow's done amazingly well, these past few weeks, and I don't want anything to happen that will hurt her."

Giles uncomfortably patted Willow on the back and dislodged himself from her grasp. "It will be most difficult Tara, but if we all follow Morgaine's instructions, it will be safe. We will also need to find one more person, hopefully from within the Scooby Gang. Willow, you can never practice alone again. The only way to keep you and the others around you safe is for you to practice with a full circle, until you have recovered and learned enough to protect yourself and the others around you. Morgaine's power is centered in "air" and she will represent that aspect in your circle. Tara, I believe you're centered in "earth," I seem to recall you telling me that once. Willow, you and Morgaine will have to divine your element, something that should have been done before you cast your first spell, and perform a calling spell to discover the person who will complete your circle with the fourth element. Then you will begin from the beginning. You will learn to control your power, and study the ethics of magick before any serious training takes place. I'm sure the magick you will be practicing will seem quite elementary to you for a long time. I know it will frustrate you, but it is the only way."

"Giles," Willow said, through her tears, "I can't help but think that if I had listened to you years ago, this never would have happened. My practice of the craft has always been…wrong. I got in over my head with the first spell I ever performed, and never went back and learned the basics. If this Morgaine is everything you say she is, and with Tara and everyone else's help… I'll do it. If Buffy can live through training with a Watcher, then so can I… But Giles, before Morgaine gets here, can you double check and make sure she's not evil? I mean it wouldn't be the first time that…"

"Yes, Willow. Actually I already did that before I left England. Morgaine was there and we spent many hours going through the evolution of your powers, your relationships with everyone here, and I am quite sure she's not evil. She is however rather cryptic, I have a hard time following her sometimes."

"Giles! More cryptic than you? Is there a dictionary of watcher-ese she can bring over with her?" Willow joked while wiping her eyes, just as Spike and Buffy, dressed in their street clothes, returned to the main room walking hand in hand.

They looked around the room but before anyone could ask anything, Buffy held up her free hand. "We haven't read or discussed anything, just got out some of the bad feelings. So don't ask any questions, we don't know. We'll deal with it later, when it's not so fresh in our minds. Giles, I have to know, is another Slayer going to be called?"

"She already has been, Buffy, her name is Margaret, er uh, Maggie. Since the fiasco with Faith, the Council started searching for the next Slayer. When she was found, an orphan I might add, the Council officially adopted her, her Watcher is her legal guardian and she's been training for the past couple of years. She has not officially been placed on active duty as the Council is still deciding where she will be needed most. She will not be here on the Hellmouth, Buffy, this is your official post, and I am your official Watcher, again. I have been given instructions to train you as I deem best regardless of Council directive, as long as they're informed of any and all progress and events at the Hellmouth.

"They're still trying to make the new Slayer abide by the old rules, but her Watcher is a good man. We spent a lot of time together and he is molding her training to fit her, as I did with you, but not enough to upset the Council, yet. Receiving training before going on active duty is much better for the Slayer as well as her Watcher. Casualty rates aren't nearly as high, and the girl is somewhat prepared. She's staked 50 vampires in controlled situations, 14 in non-controlled situations, and has faced three demons the Council held in captivity.

"She fights well, but doesn't improvise as well as you. She was thirteen when she was found and had recently been taken in as a ward of the state. Her parents had died, and she had no living relatives. She was frightened as you can well remember, but happy to have a place to call home.

"Her Watcher, James Lawe, and his wife Bridget are old friends of mine from Eton. Bridget is also a member of the Council and has taken a motherly like attitude towards the child, she's residing with them at their private residence. I have been informed that there will be times she will be at your disposal for situations like Glory last year, and the Council is hoping that you will be able to aid her as well when she is in situations more difficult than she can handle. When she is placed on active duty, they will find the next to be called and begin her training immediately. James and I believe it would be advantageous for you and Maggie to spend time together before she is placed on active duty. Unless you wish otherwise, they will be joining Morgaine on her trip to Sunnydale."

"No, that's fine Giles, I want to meet the new Slayer and her Watcher. But I don't have room to put them up."

"I realize that Buffy, and will make arrangements for them as well as Morgaine. Angel, I was rather hoping we could put everyone up in the mansion? There's more than enough room and space for training as well, the garden would be a wonderful spot for our witches and…"

"No problem, Giles, we'll be back to L.A. before they arrive, and they're welcome to stay as long as they like. I'd be pleased for the mansion to be used again."

"Well, that's settled then. Thank you Angel, for being so considerate, now I believe we've covered everything, so it's time to go over the prophecy."

The group groaned in unison and gathered at the table for their next challenge.



Continued...