PART FIVE

"Nice place." said Angel when Buffy came in. "Did Riley give you a hard time?"

"No" she replied quickly.

She'd never take advantage of someone who couldn't remember yesterday…yeah right. Standing in front of her was the man she'd first fallen in love with and whom, quoting a film she saw years back, made her insides go gooey.

The way Riley talked, it sounded like Buffy was going to run off with Angel first chance she got or kiss him or something. As if! Like *that* thought had entered her mind!!! OK, alright, she admitted the truth to herself. Her blood was shouting- screaming- for her to grab him and kiss him. This yearning wasn't made easier by the way he had admitted that he loved her, so what if it was three-years-ago love? It felt right.

Angel stared at her, as if he could read her mind. She shifted on her feet. Just because she felt this way, didn't mean he would want her once he regained his memories. Sure, right now he was not too subtly showing that he felt the same way, but did she really want to risk him rejecting her again after he remembered that he'd dumped her?

"A vampire's home, I can tell. It's dank."

Angels comment propelled her back from fantasy land.

He pointed to a few books which were scattered on a table.

"I lived here, didn't I?"

"After you, Angelus, killed Jenny, Giles attacked the factory and set fire to it, hence the change of evil scenery. You kind of held onto it."

Angel sat on one of the chairs.

"Buffy, can you do me a favour? Don't try and distinguish between me and Angelus, I am him."

"No you're not. And with the stuff I'm about to tell you, I'd prefer to distinguish"

"Humour me"

Buffy considered for a second, then gave in to his request. She motioned for him to follow her into the middle of the room.

"Angelus- sorry- 'you', took a leaf out of Dru's book and decided to destroy the world. You-"

Angel timidly turned around to face her. "Another favour. Sorry. Whatever happened here, you just talking about it isn't helping. Nothing makes sense"

"What do you want to do instead?"

"Re-enact the scene you're about to tell me- it might jog something in my mind."

"Don't ask me to do that."

"I won't remember anything if I get spoon-fed" Angel reasoned.

Buffy stared at him. She wished his logic was wrong, but it made sense.

"OK, but give me permission to say 'time-out' if it gets too hard for me. You haven't been here yet, I have."

"Sure, I really appreciate this."

She went to the wall and took the two swords which were hanging up from it, throwing one to him.

He looked at the sword, puzzled.

"More angst?" he asked

"Oh yeah, baby."

"It sounds like I gave you hell, did things really turn down-hill this much? Am I stuck back three years because that was the only time I was happy?"

"You're stuck in a time where neither of us were ready to face facts, especially me. Which is why you now live in LA and I'm still here in Sunnydale"

"With Riley."

"In a sense."

"Sorry, I was prying"

Buffy started swinging her sword around in light movements, and Angel joined in. They parried and thrusted and practised their techniques for a while, Buffy unwilling to tell him 'what happened next'.

"Angel, were you happy?" Buffy asked, keeping eyes on the swords.

"What, a few hours ago? When I thought we were together? Yes. I'd never felt so wanted or alive. I felt complete." Angel found it hard to verbalise what he felt when it came to her, but what he said seemed to have struck a chord with Buffy.

She agreed.

"I was so in love with you, when I first met you it was amazing, hit me like the force of a rock."

"Gee, thanks"

They shared a laugh. Buffy' s frown had turned upside down.

"Before I found out you were a vampire, I remember telling Willow that it was like the lights dimmed and all I could see was you."

"It wasn't just a crush, then? Sometimes, the way you kept worrying I didn't like you, I thought you might… change your feelings"

"Never, I fell in love with you and didn't, uh, fall out. Even when I discovered that you were a vampire, I didn't stop loving you. We both knew it wouldn't work, but when we were alone, it was like it didn't matter. We were in the now, and nothing could touch us. Best relationship ever."

"Alone like here" Angel said, indicating to the mansion and how no-one else was around.

Buffy thrust her sword, but was knocked back by Angels.

"I wish I could be that girl again" Buffy sighed. "But I guess I'd do all the same choices. You affect me, Angel. I told you, when I looked into the future-"

"All you could see was me" Angel finished, to him that conversation really was yesterday. "Guess I ruined that dream when I reverted to true vampire form."

"You tried to bring Acathla back to life" Buffy stuttered "You kidnapped and tortured Giles, then went in for the big ritual"

"Acathla? I remember reading about that once"

"Well, you had enough knowledge to pull it through."

Buffy stepped back and let Angel sail past her with his sword. It was barely even practising by now, just talking and sword swinging. Something to occupy them physically.

"But you didn't know Spike had stuck a deal with me" Buffy continued, placing herself in the correct position for those last few moments "He took off with Dru, and me and you had a massive sword fight."

Angel looked at his sword. "Now I get the workout. It's not helping me remember though. And no offence, but if we're both still here, I'm assuming we both lost?"

"You'll never know what that felt like to realise you had to kill your lover to save the world. I thought only Clark Kent had issues like that. We fought, and after I while, I managed to knock your sword away. I raised mine to…to cut off your…your…but then your eyes did a weird sparkle thing, next thing I knew, you weren't Angelus anymore. You changed back."

She indicated to where he should stand and he obediently moved there. Her head hurt, she was trying hard not to cry, or to even attach herself to those feelings of that day.

"Willow had performed a spell to restore your soul. That's why you became Angel again. I grew up so much since you last were him, I had to. To survive. And seeing you back to normal, god it ripped my heart out."

She tried to focus instead of breaking up and crying. Angel didn't move to help her, learning from his previous amorous mistakes.

"You were like you are now, unaware. You didn't have a chance to remember. You started shaking, hugged me so hard…you said, you said that you felt like you hadn't seen me in months. I hugged you back, so happy. But over your shoulder, I saw Acathla waking up. So I had to…" Buffy's tone became one of someone who needed forgiveness "I had to seal the vortex, it was the only way. So I told you I loved you, and then I impaled you, sending you to hell. Closing Acathla."

Angel dropped his sword onto the floor. Her pain spoke magnitudes. He gripped his head, fell on the ground and screamed out to remember. Just one moment, one drop of memory. But nothing happened. No-one restored his mind.

"Why can't I remember?!"

Whatever Buffy had been holding back emotionally over the past day just exploded. Who cared about tomorrow, when he was in so much turmoil today? She raced over to him, tossing aside her sword, kneeling and holding him tightly.

"It'll come back, it will."

Angel moved his head so their foreheads touched.

"I miss you…" he croaked

"I miss you too. Every day, every minute, every time I see you. I think that's the worst part, about all this. After all we've been through we're still not together." She moved her head back so that they made eye contact. "When you came back, I thought our pain was finally over, but it wasn't. We broke up."

"You said earlier that it was my fault we finished. I left you?"

"For my own good, you said. So 'someone can take me into the light'"

"From that tone, I'm thinking you didn't like that plan."

"You're thinking right."

"Does Riley take you into the light?"

"Not the way you did."

"Do you love him?"

Buffy pulled him up and they walked to the sofa.

"No."

Angel never felt such relief.

"So why are you with him?"

"I don't like being alone."

Angel stared around the mansion. "Who does?"

"We've kind of skipped a year here, you know." Buffy said, refocusing on the current topic. "Wanna know what happens after you go to hell?"

"I'm still trying to absorb the 'sent there' part"

"Sorry, I just want you to get back to normal. The way you talk like we have a chance at a relationship, it's making me sad."

"You seem to be a very sad person now"

"That's nothing compared to how you feel sometimes." She whispered softly

They glanced at the window and noticed it was nearly dawn.

"I'll get the curtains" Buffy said, walking over and closing them.

"Is this the end of our session for the evening?"

"Yep, you're looking washed out, you need some sleep. Stay here for the night, you lived in the mansion for a year, so maybe something will come back to mind. There's lots of things to digest from what I've already said"

"Digest?"

"Buffy speak" she explained, laughing.

Angel stood up to see her out.

"You'll come back tomorrow, though, right? I'll be more together by then."

"Sure. I expect Cordy will be here soon as well, she might help you out where I can't"

"Cordy? Oh, Cordelia." A beat of silence. "Cordelia?! That girl who has a crush on me?"

"Whatever you say to her, don't mention that. It'll make for an interesting working atmosphere that you won't like"

She walked outside.

"Oh, Buffy?"

She spun around.

"Angel?"

"Uh, where's the bedroom?"

She smiled and walked back in to show him.

*

The sun outside couldn't penetrate the building. It was midday by now, and Angel hadn't woken up yet from the night of pain he'd just experienced.

He spread his arms out on his bed, and happily held onto the sleeping body next to him, inhaling her scent.

Buffy woke up in time to feel his hands caressing her and opened her eyes.

Oops.

She'd stayed the night.

PART SIX

That first moment of waking-confusion drifted away, and Buffy automatically relaxed when she remembered how she ended up staying. It was her fault, showing Angel where the bedroom was, he started shaking again and she didn't want to leave until she was sure he was alright. She offered to stay until he fell asleep, but it took him so long to fall unconscious and the bed looked so comfy, that she couldn't help herself climbing in and sleeping there too. They were both fully clothed, except that Angel typically had his shirt off. But then again, maybe he just didn't like to wear Riley's clothes.

They did it countless times when they were together, sleep that is. But to Angel the amnesiac, she guessed this would be a first. She couldn't count that one time he slept in her room, as Xander forced her to point out- that was 'by her bed', not in it.

She envied Angel that day. Stuck in a better age, when everything was new and things hadn't gone wrong. Apart from her major worrying that he didn't like her, pre-Angelus was the easiest part of their relationship.

She turned over and stroked his hair tenderly. It wasn't a question anymore of not loving him, like she had told him the day before, she never stopped. Why did he have to leave her? He didn't give them a chance. After everything they'd been through, he just walked away. Buffy wondered why she was doing such a favour for him, it wasn't like when he remembered he'd turn around and say 'You showing me memory lane has made me realise that we should get back together' was it? If only she could convince him…

At that moment, Buffy made a vow. When Angel was restored to normalcy, she'd attempt to ask him out again. At this point of time she was in so much pain that a knock-back wouldn't exactly make much difference. She couldn't proposition him now, that'd be sick- using him when he didn't even know what had happened over the past three years? That issue didn't even come into it. He was almost certainly going to say no when he was better, anyway, but if she could somehow convince him that they'd been through too much to give up, maybe he'd stay. And Riley? Ooh, she didn't want to think about that- breaking up with someone was always difficult.

It was worth a try, wasn't it? Problem was, that'd mean more angst, pain and confusion. And it could still backfire on her- Angel might say that they'd been through so much pain that it made *sense* to stay away from each other.

Buffy stared at Angel's lips, summoning courage not to lean over and kiss him.

Angel woke up, opened his eyes and looked at her.

"You're thinking of kissing me, aren't you?" he asked, grinning.

"How did you-" Buffy tried to catch herself, but it was too late, he'd heard her.

Goodbye plan, welcome devastation.

"I'm going to go home and get changed." She said, getting out of the bed.

Angel grabbed her hand and lightly pulled her back in.

"So why won't you kiss me?"

"Because I don't want to take advantage. You're not yourself at the moment, I'd be out of order to confuse you like that"

"But you want to?"

"I'm that transparent, huh?"

Angel leaned in closer.

"I wish you would." He said quietly.

"Then what? You get your memory back and remember you don't want me and never talk to me again? I'm not going to use you" Buffy decided. Suddenly, her plan was getting scratched to bits- of course he wouldn't want to be with her again, how could she think that he would?

"I'd also remember that I wanted to" Angel added.

"I don't…"

It was hard, looking at the man she loved but knowing that he was stuck in the past. Feeling his arms surround her body and knowing that he'd hate himself for doing this a few days later. Surrendering to his lips caressing her neck when he didn't even know how he got out of hell. His presence, it seduced her. She tried to tell him to stop, but his lips made his way to hers and she lost herself in him. They kissed, burning passion- purest love. Angel's hand went under her shirt and crept up her back, clinging on to his soul mate as hard as he could. His other hand stroking her hair, he leaned her onto the bed and pressed against her, never leaving her lips. Buffy's tears trickled down her cheeks and wet the pillow as she kissed him hungrily, needing this like she needed oxygen.

Somehow, she managed to have enough sense to remind him of the curse. He alleviated her worries by saying that he only wanted to kiss her.

Suddenly, they both heard a loud clapping, destroying the silence that they'd created. Angel rolled off of Buffy and they both turned warily to the creator of the noise.

"God Buffy, where did your sanity go shopping while you were here screwing Angel?" Cordelia said, shocked.

She stood in the doorway, arms now crossed, positively fuming.

"Cordelia." Buffy confirmed, putting her hands to her head and sighing.

"So have you turned him evil again?" Cordy bluntly asked.

"No, we only just-"

"And you do know he has amnesia, right? Or did that fly out of your selfish vision?"

Angel sat up and caught Cordelia's attention.

"Hey, that's unfair. I was the one that made the first move"

"Well what do you know, your memory's gone" Cordelia snapped. "You don't remember her coming to LA and totally bulling into you, do you? About her and her precious Riley? Well I remember you telling Wesley some abridged version, and even then it sounded like she was a total bitch to you"

No, he didn't remember.

Buffy got out of the bed and faced her direct.

"I'm in the bad group, I know, but we were only kissing, we weren't going further"

"Yeah well you can explain it Riley when I see him"

Cordelia had been mortified to find Buffy screwing with Angel's head again, and the fact they were so into it actually scared her in case they went to the next level. What was Buffy on? By referring to Riley, she expected Buffy to repent what she did and beg her not to say anything, proving that Buffy was just using Angel while he was… incapacitated.

She didn't expect Buffy to agree with her.

"I will be, Cordy. I'll deal with that, you don't need to get involved."

"But what were you thinking?!"

Buffy walked over to her.

"I love him" she confided "But I won't do that again, I promise. Seeing as you're here, can you do me a favour and take him to Giles?"

"Of course." Cordelia said, still a bit shocked.

"Thanks, I've got a few things I need to do before I take Angel on the merry-go-round of the last two years, like break up with my boyfriend. Try and get the gang together, see if they can help him remember."

"Uh, sure"

"And Cordy, can you give us a minute? We'll follow you out"

Cordelia's shrugged, her icy demeanour melting – slightly- by Buffy's sincerity. She walked outside.

Angel put Riley's shirt back on.

"We're not going to kiss again, are we?" he asked, using the word 'kiss' to describe their entire relationship.

"You're good at the mind-reading today" Buffy joked, then turned serious. "No, I'm not. But Angel?"

"Yes?"

"When you get your memory back, I'm going to try."

"I hope you do."

Buffy grabbed the blanket from the bed and they walked into the hall.

"I don't regret it" Angel confided. "I…"

Buffy nodded her head, there was little left to say for now.

"But I don't understand why Cordelia was concerned." Angel added. Then a thought occurred to him. "We didn't go out, did we?" he said aghast.

Buffy shook her head laughing.

"No, you work together"

She gave the blanket to him and Angel put it over his head, covering himself from head to toe.

"Ok, we make a dash for it to your car, and stay covered until we get you into Giles' house." Buffy instructed "I'll meet you all later."

"You know" Angel's muffled voice came from under the blankets "This is a lot like my memory at the moment. I know stuff is there, but I can't see anything."

"Stop being philosophical!"

"You sure I can risk this?" Angel asked nervously.

"Uh-huh. This was Giles' idea and he wouldn't risk you if it was dangerous. Besides, you ran to my house once like that when you had a cure to my being able to read minds"

"Read minds? Cool."

Buffy laughed, the blanket rippled too, indicating that Angel was also laughing.

"OK, three, two, one-"

She opened the door and she quickly guided him to his car, Cordelia in the driving seat. Buffy helped him into the back seats lying him down and putting another blanket over the other one to be sure.

"Hi Cordelia" Angel muffled

Cordelia turned to Buffy.

"Hyper Delia? What does that mean?"

Buffy grinned and watched her drive off. She turned around and walked towards Riley's apartment, feeling complete again for the first time in a year.

*

The sun hadn't set yet by the time she reached Giles house, but that was fine with Buffy. She wanted some quality time with her friends and some consumption of ice-cream after breaking up with Riley. He hadn't taken it well, asking endless questions about Angel and whether it was to do with him or not. Buffy thought that if she admitted that her and Angel might not even get back together it would soften the blow, but that seemed to make Riley worse. So she let him rant, then walked away. Not like she didn't deserve it, but still…

Giles answered the door looking slightly drunk. He smiled warmly, stood back to let her in and almost fell over. Merry laughter came from the living room, and Buffy incredulously walked in to see the entire Scooby gang and Angel sitting together having a blast.

They were around Gile's large table, beer bottles, water, fizzy drinks everywhere. Xander had a party hat on, chocolate and crisp wrappers were all over the floor, and someone had sprayed silly string on the wall.

"Uh, hey guys" she said a bit unsure and confused. She sat on the arm of the sofa, next to Willow. She looked around and caught eyes with Angel, who, sober but relaxed, raised his glass to welcome her.

"What's been happening?" she asked

"We've been playing a fabulous game which I invented," Xander slurred, "called guess the memory. We tell Angel something, and he has to guess if it's true or not."

"And is he winning?" Buffy asked, accepting a glass from Giles.

"Well he's married me and Willow off, it was beautiful ceremony-"

Willow shook her head at the memory of how she used to like Xander, and leant back on the sofa, stroking Tara's hair.

"-Giles has started a demon support group for people that have dabbled with the black arts-"

Giles just grinned and undid his shirt so he could pull up the sleeve to show his tattoo. His shirt showed his bare chest, getting some of the girls hooting and the boys groaning.

"-Spike left Drusilla when he discovered she was making out with a chaos demon-"

Spike shook his head, muttering about how damn spot on that guess was.

"-Principle Snyder, our former high school teacher, is dead-"

Everyone respectfully became silent for a few seconds before Xander continued

"-And you've taken to charging people you've saved from certain death as a new venture to make a few bob, leaving me and Willow bankrupt as we're your best customers-"

"I tried to explain that's his job to charge people now, but he won't believe me" Cordelia added

"-Oh yes!" Xander finished off "And Cordelia is awaiting her trial for murder as people seemed to have noticed that all her dates end up dead…hmm very suspicious"

"Well you didn't, just my rotten luck" Cordelia threw back at him

"Wait a minute, you two went out?" Angel asked, pointing at them both

"Yes, Ms. Chase has been to the love shack with the Xanderater" he preened, obviously drunk too.

"Eww, you're so gross"

"What, you're saying you didn't enjoy the love shack?" Anya said, bristling at the thought of someone not liking her boyfriend.

"So you and Willow didn't go out?" Angel felt even more confused

Buffy poured herself another drink. "They did, briefly, behind their better halves backs."

Cordelia put her glass down so Buffy could fill hers too.

"Yeah well, that's a distant memory. I'd rather not feel sick"

"OK, back to the game." Spike said, surprising everyone as he'd stayed silent for the most of the day. "Angel- try and pick out which of the people here are completely human, with no personal attachment to anything mystical at all"

The noise lessened as everybody waited to see how well he'd do.

Angel adjusted on his chair, taking up the challenge.

"Well, Buffy's a slayer, you and I are vampires, Giles is a watcher. So we're not. Then it's easy, the rest of you are pure human" he finished, certain of himself

"Wrong!" Spike shouted. Everybody else shouted various quips about *how* wrong he was, confusing Angel further.

He took a sip of his drink.

"Wrong? But Willow, you are human"

"True," she replied "But I'm also a witch so that's my mystical link"

"Tara?" Angel asked although he didn't know her anyway so didn't really have enough info to guess

"Witch too."

"And I take it you're a witch as well?" he asked Anya

"Hell no, god! No, I was a demon, pretty much full time. Till Giles lost me my powers. I guess I'm human now, but I prefer to see it as a vacation from the job rather than a permanent position"

"She's expecting to get her powers back some time soon" Xander said, worried.

"Not really" Anya whispered in his ear, then kissing him.

"Sorry" Angel said. There wasn't much else to say about that. "Cordelia? You're pretty much human, aren't you?"

"I have visions" she sighed, thinking of Doyle and wishing Angel could remember so they could go home. She appreciated having someone to share her grief with.

"I guess that leaves…Xander?"

Xander shrugged and then backed up on the floor where he was sitting with realisation.

"Oh god, I'm surrounded by non-humans" he exclaimed

"Well we won't hurt you" Willow giggled "Unless you do something we don't like"

The gang laughed and continued talking, while Buffy walked into the kitchen to steal some food, something more fiilling than icecream. Angel followed her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I broke up with Riley and it wasn't that happy an occasion. I feel icky, it'll go"

"I heard you say something to Cordelia, but I didn't think you'd really do it. He's your normal guy"

"Maybe it's time I risked being alone." She replied, deciding to change the subject. "Did they tell you anything else about what you've missed?"

"Smaller stuff than what you've told me, but they've helped fill me in on the bits that occurred up to when I was sent to hell, like Spike in a wheelchair, things like that."

"There's not much more to come"

"I'm relieved to hear that. When do we leave to go back down memory lane?"

"When the sun sets, in maybe an hour?"

"I'm looking forward to it." Angel said slowly, holding her gaze for a second, then walking back to his chair in the living room.

Buffy leant on the counter and watched everyone talking for a while. Giles had obviously sweetened Spike and Xander's moods with some money or emotional blackmail to get them here, unless they really were enjoying Angels' company. This was something she hadn't seen for a long while, the entire gang getting along- they were all helping regress over the past year for Angel's sake. She liked it, she felt secure.

She did notice that they only talked about the 'happier' stuff, leaving her to the heart-rending topics, but she didn't mind as much as she did yesterday because she'd grown accustomed to regressing now. Buffy couldn't wait for Angel to remember everything, she was scared he would be disadvantaged in combat without knowing his history. She also wanted to know whether he'd reconsider leaving her again.

She grabbed her bag of crisps and joined them, sitting next to Angel as that was the only space left. Only one hour before they had to get going.

Buffy was fully conscious of Angel's thigh touching hers from how they were sitting so closely together.

She wondered if he was conscious of it too.

Go to Part 7