DISCLAIMER : Okay. It's gone far enough. I've kept up this petty charade for long enough. Hi, my name is really Joss Whedon and I'm the one who writes all of those heartbreaking Buffy and Angel scenes and those Buffy and Riley sex romps that make you want to lose the lunch you have eaten for most of your life. I'm the one who makes your life miserable. Dry, sarcastic humor or have you not noticed?
TIMELINE : Fourth Season. After "Sanctuary". Week to be exact.
SPOILERS : If you haven't seen "Sanctuary" and basically look up the scripts on the net ( like I have to do since I no longer have access to the WB ) then yep, there are some spoilers. But none that would ruin your appetite.
SUMMARY : Buffy gets to thinking about the argument she and Angel had. ( Yeah, you know the one. The whole I've got someone new that I love blady blady blah. )

"So, how did your date with Riley go?" Willow asked as Buffy walked into the dorm room.

Buffy took off her jacket and threw it across the room before laying on her bed and putting a pillow on her stomach. Willow rose an eyebrow and saw her friend staring off into space with a cold, hard look on her face.

"That good, huh?"

"I don't know what his damn problem is lately!" Buffy exclaimed. "I mean, we can be patrolling together and if some commando jerk comes on his walkie - talkie thingy, it's all 'Uh, baby, I'll see you tomorrow in class. Got to take care of this problem.' But all he ever does is go to a freaking party at his freaking frat house! What is his freaking problem?!"

Willow rose her eyebrow again, giving her friend a perplexed expression. The redhead had never seen Buffy like this before. For the past few nights, Buffy had been coming home after being with Riley and each time she was "mentally disturbed", at least, that's what Anya called it.

"Buffy, what has he done that's making you - "

"Bitchy?" the slayer finished. She sighed. "I dunno. Lately... I just feel... I don't know! He's just annoying me! This has never happened before! Why is it happening now?!"

"Well, let's examine," Willow said. "You've been having problems with him for - "

"A week."

"Precisely. And exactly one week ago you were coming home from - "

"Don't even go there," Buffy said sternly, shooting Willow a warning look.

"Well... ever since you saw Angel you've been... ya know... It just fits together," Willow said meekly, afraid that Buffy was going to unleash her wrath again.

Buffy looked away as she remembered the words she and Angel had exchanged before she left. Tears welled up in her eyes but she would not shed them. She didn't even know why she was letting it get to her. It was over between she and Angel. She had faced that. She was in a new relationship that she was supposed to love. But she felt terrible for having been so cruel to the one person she had ever loved with a burning passion.

' "... You know what makes it so new?... I trust him. I know him." '

Willow's confused and fearful look changed to a concerned one once she saw her friend staring off into space, yet avoiding turning back to Willow.

"Buffy? A - Are you okay?"

Buffy turned back to the redhead, unknowing that her eyes were glassy with hot tears. She nodded her head and answered softly, "Yeah. I'm fine." She sighed heavily and pulled the covers over her body. "I just - I just wanna get some sleep right now, okay?"

"Okay," Willow replied. She watched as Buffy turned onto her side, her back facing Willow. Buffy pulled the covers up to her neck, suddenly feeling the distinct desire to drown in her misery ; to let the cold waves of heartache crash upon her in a rough tide as if she were it's shore. That was all she wanted at that moment.

Willow turned the lamp off and walked over to Buffy's bed, wrapping the remainder of the white sheets around the slayer. Buffy did not move, already dozing off into a well - deserved sleep. Willow gave the small body a sad smile and kissed Buffy's forehead.

"Sleep," she whispered, "You'll feel better. Things will get better. I promise."

***

"You know what, Riley, this is getting very, very old," Buffy said, leaning against a masueleom.

"What's getting old?" her boyfriend replied as he stuffed his walkie - talkie back into his pocket.

"This!" she declared. "This whole thing! I try spending time with you because I love you and, yet, you are always running off to be with the damn Initiative! It's ridiculous! I want to be with you! I want to stay with you! But at the rate this is going, I will not be able to stand you by the end of the week!"

"You're not the only rose on the bush, Buffy! That's your problem! You want too much! You want me with you all the time! Well, guess what?! I have a life outside of you! Just because I love you more than anything does not mean that I will worship the ground you walk on twenty - four / seven! Get over it!"

"No, you know what?! Screw it! Screw you! Screw me! Screw us! Screw this stupid - ass relationship!" Buffy began to walk off, feeling angrier than she had ever been before. She clenched her fists tightly, wanting to hit something so hard she could feel the need to pulsating through her veins. All she wanted was one vampire to standing front of her, to make her insane enough to beat him to a bloody pulp for half an hour before finally staking him. That would most likely be the one thing to calm her down.

Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks as she felt cool, strong hands grab her arm gently. She felt her breath catch in her throat. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up ; A chill ran up and down her spine. She felt like she was going to pass out from lack of air. Only one person could do that to her.

Slowly, Buffy allowed him to turn her around to where she could face him. To where those deep, brown eyes burned through her like a raging inferno. To where she could almost feel his hard, muscled body against her own. She stared up at him, feeling as if her whole world was about to be crossed over into a dimension of pain and passion that only she and he inhabited.

Angel reached down to her cheek, stroking the warm skin lovingly. Buffy shuddered beneath his touch, leaning her face into the palm of his hand. She cupped his hand with her own. Cold meeting hot. Smooth meeting rough. Just like they had done millions of times before.

The vampire brought his forehead to hers, the two of them closing their eyes as they savored the moment of holding each other once more. His soft, low voice echoed into the night even though he was speaking only in a whisper.

"I see you, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me..."

Buffy gasped softly, a single tear rolling down her face as she realized his words were the same from the day they had fought in L.A. She felt an ice cold tear fall from Angel's eyes onto her face and she tried her best not to break like glass into a world of sadness.

"Angel... I'm sor - "

"Shh..." he whispered. He brought his lips down to hers for one soft, loving kiss. Buffy's eyes opened when his lips pulled away and his gorgeous eyes gazed down at her.

"Go home," he whispered.

***

Buffy shot up in bed, feeling her heart ache at the rememberance of her dream. She looked over to the other side of the room, seeing that Willow was fast asleep in her bed. Quickly, Buffy pushed the covers away and ran out of the room into the bathroom. She ran into a stall, locking the door behind herself before sliding down the wall and crying out the pain in her heart.

She just wanted to die, to curl up into a little ball and let a storm of hurt rain down onto her until the hail from it caused bruises to form on all parts of her body so that they could match the appearance of her heart. She wanted to be punished for all of the things she had had done wrong in her life since she watched Angel walk away. Maybe then she would no peace, be happy again.

"Oh, God," Buffy whispered to herself. She did just what she wanted and curled into a ball on the floor. Her tears fell heavier and she wrapped her arms around herself, imagining it was Angel holding her.

"Oh, God, just let me die!" she said aloud. "Please, just let me die..."

***

Buffy groaned as the sound of the stall door opening filled her ears. She drowsily gazed up to see Willow standing in front of her with her hands on her hips.

"Needing the backstory on why you're in the bathroom," Willow said as she folded her arms.

Buffy sat up, wiping her face to make sure no tear - stains were visible. "Last night I, um, I came in here to - "

"Don't say to use the bathroom because you look like you've been crying."

'Damn, she's good,' Buffy thought.

Willow sighed heavily as she knelt beside the blonde and helped her up. She quickly pulled Buffy out of the bathroom and pratically threw the girl on her bed in the dorm room as she slammed the door.

"You will tell me what in hell is going on and you will tell me now."

Buffy sighed as she hung her head, remembering her dream. It had felt so real. She had felt Angel's cool hand pressed against her face. She had seen his loving eyes, making her heart skip a beat. And his words had echoed so clear in her mind as if she were in a deep cavern. Yet, she knew the dream meant something and not just one of her little fantasies. Someone or something was trying to tell her something that she desperately needed to know.

"Last night... I had a dream... It scared me so I went to wash my face and I was just so tired I fell asleep in the bathroom," she lied.

Willow looked at her disbelievingly. "Now why do I find that very hard to believe?"

"It's the truth, Will. I swear."

"Do you swear on Angel?"

Buffy stood and walked over to the closet, pulling out a black tube top and a long white skirt and taking off her night clothes and putting her outfit on. She made a shield over herself at the mention of Angel. She refused to cry in front of anyone. That would have made her weak again like the day she confessed that Angel was leaving Sunnydale forever and she did not want to be like that again.

"Don't even say his name around me," she said sternly as she turned her back to Willow to lift her tank top over her head and pull the tube top on.

Willow turned Buffy back around once the slayer was finished dressing. She looked deep into Buffy's eyes, trying her best to see what was going on inside of her. Buffy was worrying her more than anything. She had never been like this.

"Buffy, please, tell me the truth. C'mon, you're scaring me! Things were going so great between you and Riley! You were happy! But one visit to Los Angeles and you're melancholy again! It's been so long since I've seen you like this that... that I don't know what to think of it anymore."

"It's the truth, Will. I promise," Buffy lied again. "Thanks for being concerned, but... you shouldn't be. Riley and I... we're gonna be fine. Promise."

***

"Explain to me again how this concerns me!"

Riley sighed heavily as he watched his girlfriend pacing back and forth across his bedroom floor. He did not know what her problem had been lately. He just could not seem to please her. If the Iniative needed him, she'd go beserk - yelling and screaming about how it was so unfair that he wanted to be with the Initiative rather than her. And the reasons she gave him were stupid. She actually thought that he was going to frat parties instead of staying with her.

"Buffy, we need help. You know that. With Maggie gone and Adam running around, the Initiative is growing helpless. We need you - the slayer - to help us. Now, I don't know where you get the idea that all we do is party now, but it's not true. We're trying to find a way to control Adam and maybe you could help us do so."

"Don't talk to me like you are superior over me!" Buffy screeched. "Yeah, okay, you need my help, but my God, Riley! I want to be spend time with you! I want to be with you and this whole Initiative shit it getting in our way!"

Riley felt himself grow angry at her words. How dare she call the Initiative "shit"?! It was something he was a part of! He didn't call her friends "shit"! Why should she call his that?!

Riley stood, pointing a finger in Buffy's face. "The Initiative is not 'shit'! We have stopped a lot of vampires from being able to feed! You may have averted the apocalypse a million times over, but you need to be thanking us for actually making your life a little easier!"

Buffy's jaw dropped. "A little easier?" she asked softly. Suddenly, she shoved Riley onto the bed and pointed her finger at him. "Ever since I found out that you even worked for them, my life has been a indefinite number of questions! I trust you! But I don't trust them! And - And those drugs they were giving you - who's to say they won't do it again only this time the drugs will make you kill?! I don't trust them, Riley! I will never trust them!"

Rriley stood, clenching his fists and jaw. He and Buffy stared into each other's eyes menacingly, the room filled with the tension between them. Riley wanted to calm down, to think things rationally. However, Buffy was getting angrier with him just as he was with her and there was no way to get calm.

"If you can't trust them, then there's no way you can trust me," he hissed.

Buffy felt tears spring up into her eyes but she kept them to herself. She scoffed, rolled her eyes, and grabbed her leather jacket to leave.

"Oh, and by the way, Riley," she began as she opened the door to leave, "the whole definition of psychology is this : Sex in a relationship either makes you go crazy... or it doesn't." She glared at him one more time before slamming the door and walking down the stairs of the frat house.

Forrest saw Buffy walking rather stealthily down the stairs, a hateful look in her eye.

"Hey, Buffy," he greeted.

"Bite me," she mumbled as she slammed the entrance of the house behind her.

Forrest just blinked a few times before shaking his head and continuing his walk to his room. "I knew I never liked that girl."

***

Willow turned the page of a new spell book she had recieved from Tara. It was pretty interesting. It gave new incantations to curses and spells that Willow had never heard of. Hell, she was pretty sure Giles had never even heard of them! Some were even in a different language. Willow knew nothing in any language except maybe "hola" and "bonjour" and they meant basically the same thing. But still... there was a spell in the book that sounded so familiar, yet she could not put her finger on where she had heard it before.

'Most definately will have to show Giles this one. Oh, boy, will that make him happy. A new book. As if he doesn't have enough already.'

She flipped another page as Buffy walked in, slammed the door, and flounced onto her bed like she had done the night before. Without even so much as a glance she said, "So, how's Riley?"

"Hopefully he will drop dead of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds, but, of course, that's just wishful thinking," Buffy replied as she stared at the wall, imagining it was Riley and feeling the need to punch it.

Willow rolled her eyes and shut her book. She sat up on the bed, turning to face where Buffy lay. "So, it's over between you two?"

"I'll say." Buffy sighed, her anger beginning to fade. "I dunno. I feel kind of bad for yelling at him like I did, but he yelled at me, too, and - "

"Well, what was said?" Willow interrupted curiously.

"We got into the discussion of the Initiative needing my help and somehow the discussion jumped to how the Initiative was destroying our relationship. I said I couldn't trust them and he got all mad and said that if I couldn't trust the Initiative, then I couldn't trust him. So, I left, but not without one of my well thought out puns about my opinion on psychology."

Willow followed Buffy's action and sigh. "You don't think there's any way you two can patch things up?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Yeah, I'm sure we could. But I don't want to, Will. As bad as that sounds, it's the truth. I love Riley. He's a great guy and he's there for me - most of the time anyway. The problem with our relationship is that we're so alike, that... there's no room for anything changing."

"And your whole view on the Initiative changes things?"

"Yeah," Buffy said softly. "It does."

Willow stood and sat beside Buffy on the bed. "Well, I guess it's just proof that relationships on the Hellmouth never work out."

Buffy chuckled slightly. "You think I should go somewhere else to find love?"

Willow shrugged. "Maybe." Silence filled the room as the two just sat there, thinking about all that had been said. Buffy's thoughts were focused on Willow's comment. She did have a point. A very good point.

"Oh, well. We better get some sleep if we want to actually be ready for that exam tomorrow," Willow said as she crossed back over to her own bed and crawled under the covers. She set the book down on the floor and switched her lamp off.

"Night, Buffy."

Buffy jumped out of her thoughts at the sound of her name being said. "Huh?" she asked, feeling rather clueless for a few seconds. Finally, what Willow had said registered and she switched off her lamp, crawling under the covers of her bed as well. "Goodnight, Will," she replied, turning her back to the redhead.

' "You think I should go somewhere else to find love?" '

' "... Maybe." '

***

Buffy walked slowly through the graveyard, gazing up at the moon for a moment. Her heart was aching. Not just for the fight she had had with Riley, but for the hurtful words she had said to Angel.

Okay, yeah, she should have been over it by now. But she wasn't. She hated herself for it.

The fact that she couldn't even feel justified about what she had said to Angel just made her feel even worse. He had hurt her, broken her heart, and, yet, despite it all... she just didn't care.

Buffy loved Riley. He was everything a girl could want. He was normal, decent... normal... but she just still didn't feel that thing she felt for him like she felt when she was with Angel. She didn't want another bad boy because that's what Angel was. A bad boy. A tall, dark, handsome, vampiric bad boy. But when she was with Angel, she got this tingling feeling that coursed all through her body... and it just wasn't there with Riley. She kind of thought that it never would be there.

"Hey," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist. Buffy let her arms trail down to his, holding him closer. She arched her head into his neck as he kissed the scar on her body, the scar that proved she was his forever and a day.

"Are you always gonna sneak up on me like this?" she quipped softly, emitting a small chuckle from Angel.

"Only if you like it," he replied. He kissed her neck again, tightening his hold on her body. Buffy moaned softly as his kisses moved upwards to the side of her face, leaving his cold lips pressed against the warmth of her skin.

"Go home," he whispered in her ear.

Buffy jerked and turned to face him. "What?" she asked in bewilderment.

Angel walked backwards, moving away from her. She moved closer and tried to take his hand in hers, but she couldn't reach and it broke her heart that she was watching him walk away from her again, the same sad look on his face from the day of the Ascension.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "You said that last night, please, Angel, tell me what you mean!" she pleaded.

"Go home," he repeated, getting farther.

"I'm in Sunnydale! I am home!"

The vampire shook his head, a single tear falling from one eye. "No... Go home."

***

Buffy's eyes shot open, but she did not move like she had the previous night. She lay in bed, sorting through all her dream had said. The words from it, the words she had and Willow had exchanged, they all came tumbling in her head at once, making her even more confused than ever.

' "...the problem with our relationship is that we're so alike, that... there's no room for anything changing." '

' "Go home..." '

' "... just proof that relationships on the Hellmouth never work out." '

' "Go home..." '

' "You think I need to go somewhere else to find love?" '

' "Go home..." '

' "... Maybe..." '

' "Go home!" '

Buffy gasped and finally sat up in bed as it all became clear. She shook her head. 'No, that would be wrong! I - I can't!'

'Yes, you can,' her heart whispered. 'When was the last time Buffy did something for Buffy?'

'No! I can't! I would be ruining everything I have ever wanted if I did!'

'Oh, so, what you want is a lifetime of different guys to jump in bed with because just one will never seem to satisfy you? Uh - huh. Yeah. Sure. Really believing it. Do it already! Go with it!'

And as Buffy quietly got out of her bed, only one thought was crossing her mind.

'Holy shit what am I doing?'

***

Wesley walked into the office, eyeing the vampire who was brooding in the next room with a book in his hand. Wesley and Cordelia exchanged questioning glances as he sat beside her.

"How is he today?" he whispered.

"How do you think?!" Cordelia hissed. "Same as always!"

"Is it - "

"Buffy related?" She scoffed. "She is the main reason he sulks his ass off all day and night long. And ever since last week, he has been a pain in my royal -"

"Yes, Cordelia, I get your point," Wesley interrupted.

"All I'm saying is - "

"You guys wanna talk a little lower? You're screwing up my train of thought."

The two nearly dropped out of their skin at the sound of Angel's voice. Angel walked out of his part of the office and over to the coffee pot. He pointed at it before turning to Cordelia.

She rolled her eyes, understanding what he was silently asking. "I made it last week."

Angel lowered his finger as the thought of what had all occured the week before. The whole thing with Faith, the way he had yelled at Buffy, the way he would not run after her when he wanted to... And especially the harsh words she had shot at him.

' "I have someone... That I love... It's not like what you and I had... It's new..." '

' "You know what makes it so new?" '

' "I trust him. I know him." '

' "That's great. It's nice. You've moved on. I can't. I'm not allowed to that, remember? I see you, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come here with your great new life and expect things to be done your way!" '

' "Go home!" '

"Oh, God, he's depressing me!" Cordelia exclaimed, causing Angel to jump out of his thoughts.

Angel was about to turn on her, to get angry and defensive when the telephone rang.

Cordelia picked it up and smirked, as if to say "ha - ha, you can't yell at me".

"Angel Investigations : We help the hopeless," she said cheerily. Wesley and Angel watched as her smile suddenly faded and turned to confusion.

"No... I haven't seen her. I don't think anyone else has. Wesley just got here and Angel woke up about fifteen minutes ago... Not like that, Rosenberg!"

"Willow?" Angel asked aloud as he walked over to where Cordelia sat.

Cordelia put a hand in his face to silence him. "Was there a note?... And it said she was coming to L.A.?... We'll watch for her, but why would she come here?... Oh... Well, that makes perfect sense. Of course, she'd come here and ruin the little business, thereby causing me to not get paid. I'll call you back if we see her... Bye." She sighed and hung up the phone, giving Angel a piercing stare.

"Guess who that was."

"Willow?" Angel asked again.

"And guess who's on their way over here right now because they just broke up with their boyfriend?"

"Buffy," another voice answered.

Angel jerked his head up from Cordelia's gaze - and there she was. Her blonde hair spilling around her shoulders and pink tube top. She wore a white skirt and some pink sandals. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face slightly stained from tears.

Yet, Angel had never seen her look so beautiful.

Buffy took in a deep breath and laugh slightly. "I, um, I don't even really know... I'm sorry to barge in like this - "

"No, no. It - It's okay," Angel said. Their eyes met, but Buffy turned away quickly, trying to make herself believe everything at that moment was a dream and that she would soon wake up if someone pinched her or something.

"Angel, I... C - Can I talk to you? I - In private?"

"Yeah, sure," the vampire replied softly. He looked at Cordelia and Wesley for a few seconds until Cordelia finally rolled her eyes and grabbed Wesley by the arm.

"C'mon, Prince Charles, I know this little cafe that's open twenty - four hours a day. Maybe they'll let us stay the night," she muttered as she pulled him out of the building with her.

Buffy smiled shortly at the brunette's mumbles. She and Angel stared at each other in a tension - filled silence.

"So..." she finally began.

"Yeah..." Angel said.

"You, um... you look good. I mean, you've gotten... um... taller. Yeah, you look taller than you did last... week... Or - Or - Or maybe you're wearing a different color..."

Angel rose an eyebrow and quickly looked from his black ensemble back to her.

"Okay. Guess not," Buffy said, her face becoming rather red. "I... M - Maybe you've gotten a tan - "

"Just stop," Angel said. "Before you say anything that will embarrass you further, stop." He sighed heavily. "What is it, Buffy?"

Buffy took in another deep breath, although this time she wasn't sure if she was breathing in deeply from being nervous or to keep from crying.

"Angel... I think... Well, I think we need to talk. Actually I need to talk and you just need to listen."

'Oh, boy,' Angel thought as he sat down in a chair behind Cordelia's desk, bracing himself for the words to come.

"Okay," Buffy began, clearing her throat, "Willow just called from what I heard, so you probably know some of it. L - Last night, I, um, I broke up with that guy I was with."

"I'm sorry," Angel lied.

"No. It's not... I felt bad for a little while because I said some things and he said some things, but... I'm okay now. Anyways, remember last week?"

"Vaguely."

Buffy smiled at his failed attempt to crack a joke. "Let me refresh your memory : We had a fight before I left. And it was about Faith. Then somehow or another, I felt the desire to hurt you."

Angel's face turned dead serious as the pain from the memories of the week before returned.

Buffy caught the sadness in his eyes and her smile faded. "Obviously it worked. I was... a bitch. And I'm sorry, Angel. I had no right to be like that, despite all the justifications I had. I came here today because I just wanted you to know that... I didn't mean to hurt you like that, I swear. The last thing I would really and truly want to do is hurt you because you don't deserve it. And neither do I."

Silence.

"You're forgiven," the vampire said, hanging his head. He could not look her in the eye. He was too afraid to. To afraid of what he would see. He wasn't sure if he would see a sparkle from that other guy she was in love with ( of whom she was no longer with ) or if he would see that same look of pain she always held when they were in the same breathing space. If he saw the first look, he would fall apart whereas if he saw the second one... he would fall apart. It was no win situation, so he just wanted to avoid it as much as possible.

"Is that... all?" he asked.

Buffy swallowed down a cry. "Yeah," she breathed out. "That's, um, that's it. Good - bye, Angel." She turned around, starting her way out, but turned swiftly around.

"No, that's not it! Th - That's not all I came here for!" she exclaimed.

Angel's head shot up once he heard her yells - and the look of pain was visible in her eyes.

"I came by here to apologize, but also to... to beg you back," she confessed.

Angel's expression was pure shock. "What?"

Buffy felt the hot tears forming over her eyes and she tried desperately to keep them down. "I - I want so much to... Oh, God, Angel... Were you ever so in love with me that you felt you wanted to spend forever with me?"

"Buffy, you know that - "

"No!" she stopped him. "Please, don't go there! Do not make my heart break again because I don't think I will be able to breathe if it's scarred once more! I have been having these dreams and you're in them... and you're saying the same things you said that day... You start telling me that when you see me it cuts you up inside and at that point in the dream I just start crying and then you tell me to go home... But in the dreams I am home! I am in Sunnydale! And at first I never really got it! Not until last night when I broke up with Riley!

"I went to Willow and she said to me that my relationship with Riley was just another piece of proof that relationships on that Hellmouth never were happily ever after... And she was right. I even asked her if I needed to go somewhere else to fall in love and she said maybe. And then I dreamt of you again, only when you told me to go home, you were walking away from me like you did the day of the Ascension."

Angel swallowed hard as the woman before him poured out her heart and soul to him. He was tempted to walk over to her and hold her, whisper that he loved her and that everything was going to be alright. But he wouldn't. He wanted to hear what she had to say, every single bit of it.

"And I finally got it," she continued with a small chuckle. "I can do what you ask : I can move on, try to have a normal life. But they key word is 'try'. I can try with all I have to forget you, to forget what you and I had, but I can't." Her tears began to fall heavy, yet she kept on. "You don't... forget something that good or that special. There's no way. You can fight the feelings so hard until you are bruised all over, but they won't go away.

"In my dream, you told me to go home. And on that day, you told me to go home. But, Angel, what you don't see, what I didn't see at first is that... when I'm with you... That's where I want to stay. You are my home. When I'm with you, I feel happiness and pain and it hurts, but that's what makes it feel so right. Love is not simple. It's not easy and what we have proves that.

"You said that I didn't know you anymore, and, Angel, you're wrong." Buffy smiled through her tears, but the smile faded as she had to bring her hand to her mouth to muffle her cries. Angel could hardly hear her whispers of apology and protests of her love for him.

"I know you better than anyone ever could... I love you, Angel," she managed to gasp out.

Angel couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and walked over to her, taking her shaking body into his arms. She laid her head on his chest, clinging to him and sobbing out every single tear she had held back since the day after her seventeenth birthday. Being in his arms again brought back painful memories, but aside from it all, she felt at peace with herself. No demons ran across the world, no exams in college ran through her mind, no evil prophecies existed at that moment. The only thing that seemed real was Angel. And he was real. The most real person she could ever know.

"Shh..." Angel said as he felt her body shake uncontrollably as her tears fell heavier. A single tear fell from his eyes and he fought to keep a river of them down.

"Shh... C'mon, Buffy, calm down," he whispered in a pleading voice. "It's okay. Everything's okay."

Finally, Angel couldn't take seeing her like she was anymore and he picked her up, carrying her down the stairs to his apartment. Buffy clung to him as if he were the only object keeping her alive and connected with the Earth. She tried to suck back the tears, but could not. They just kept on coming until she could hardly breathe and felt sick to her stomach.

Angel laid her down on the bed, laying beside her. Buffy wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in the crook of his neck. Angel just held her tightly against him, relishing in the fact that he was as close to her as he was all over again. He just wanted to hold her for forever and listen to the sound of her gasping to catch her breath from her ceasing cries.

"Angel... please... don't push me away," she pleaded in a quiet voice as she looked into his eyes, her own glazed with tears.

Angel shook his head. "Just sleep, Buffy. You need to rest before you make yourself sick."

"No! Please, Angel! Please give us another chance! Please! Whatever I did wrong to make you not want to be with me - "

"You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. I just want you to have a normal life. I want you to fall in love with someone who can give you what you deserve."

"And what is it I deserve?"

Angel sighed, stroking her face with the back of his hand. "You deserve... I want you to be able to make love with someone without any costs or curses. I want you to get married, have children because you would be the most beautiful bride and you would have the most beautiful children anyone has ever laid eyes on. Despite all you ever say, I want you to have a normal life."

"What about what I want?" Buffy whispered.

Angel fought back his tears again. "Buffy - "

"No... You are my life. You were the reason I got up every day and ever since you left, I haven't been the same. You can't make me leave. I want my life to be with you. The only place I belong is with you. Please. Don't throw us away again. We'll find a way through anything and you know we can do it. Don't you wanna be with me?"

Angel hesitated. He wanted to be with Buffy more than anything. But how was he going to tell her that? If he did, he would no longer be able to resist her pleas. He would take her in his arms for eternity and never let go of her. Never.

"I do," he answered.

"Then please... can we give it another try?"

Angel didn't answer. He simply pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss. But the passion they felt for one another consumed them and the kiss turned wild within a matter of seconds. Buffy moaned loudly in his mouth, placing her hands on his face and bringing his lips as close to hers as possible.

Angel felt his heart begin to soar, being in her arms again, their lips melted together. He could not even count the many nights and days he had dreamt of being with her again ; There were just too many. But here they both were, holding each other and expressing their love in a passionate kiss while the silent tears fell from their eyes. They were going to make it work this time. They had to. Their sanity depended on it. Angel swore to himself that he was going to go crazy if he spent one more day without her.

And Buffy felt the exact same way.

She pulled away from his lips to stare into those chocolate brown eyes she fell in love with the night she first saw them. Lovingly, she caressed his angelic face with the back of his hand, planting a small kiss on his lips once more. "I love you," she whispered.

Angel pulled her closer. "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy breathed in deeply his scent, remembering times of happiness they had once shared. Even with a curse standing in their way, the moment was filled with joy.

"We can make this time work," the slayer said. "We'll get through it."

"We can try. But the curse - "

"I don't care about that. Besides... we can do other things... I mean... there's nothing wrong with kissing..."

Angel shook his head and laughed softly. "No, there isn't."

"And there's nothing wrong with holding each other... or sleeping in the same bed... or saying that we love each other..."

Angel brought his lover's small, soft hands to his lips and kissed them softly. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment to stop the tears from falling once more. The moment was perfect and if things went the way she wanted them to, they would only get better.

"I love you," Angel said again.

Buffy kissed him again and laid her head against his chest. Angel just held her as tight as he could without crushing her bones or relieving her of breathing. "Nothing and no one can make me leave you again," he confessed softly.

Buffy chuckled softly. "That makes two of us."

*Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feel like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long, dark street
And a siren wails
In the night
But I'm alright cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see
Through the dark there is light

And if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feel like I'm all the way back where I belong

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong*

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