Rating : Uh... well... I guess PG would work well.
Disclaimer : *growls* I hate this thing. I am not Joss. And if I was I would get off of my crack addiction and put Buffy and Angel back together.
Distribution : You want it on your site, put it on your site. Just send me the url of your site.

Buffy set her bag of weapons down on the floor of her dorm room before practically letting her body fall on her bed. She was tired and just wanted to sleep for awhile. Just a couple of years maybe. Perhaps even a whole damn lifetime. But instead she kept finding herself awake and deep in thought instead of asleep and dreaming of the childhood shit she had once believed was real, such as ice skating and other hobbies she had once adored.

' "You don't know me anymore..." '

The slayer sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling. Had Angel meant those words? Was he right? Did she not know him anymore? Was he once the one person she could always understand and vice - versa, yet now a total stranger? It just didn't make any sense.

Maybe she was just being paranoid. God knows, anyone living in within a five mile radius of Sunnydale kind of went off the deep end every now and then. But there was more to it than that.

Her heart was breaking, and she found herself not even bothering to pick up the pieces.

Buffy hated this. She was sure she was in love with Riley, yet she still loved Angel, and it frightened her. She had tried long and hard to deny it, but every single time she thought of Riley, a little voice in the back of her head told her she was cheating on Angel. But, of course, every single time she thought of Angel, that same little voice perked up again and convinced her she was deceiving Riley. Her heart and mind were confusing her and were fighting their desires and beliefs.

'So what do I do?' Buffy asked herself silently, rolling onto her side with Mr. Gordo tucked under her arm. 'I love Angel, I love Riley. I might as well have "stupid" written across my forehead.'

Okay, so, what did she do? It wasn't every day she found her love to belong to two completely different, opposite men.

Then she remembered what Willow had always told her. Make a list of pros and cons, and choose which is better. And that's exactly what she allowed her mind to do.

Alright, so the list wasn't much help. Buffy was still at square one. She loved Riley and could be with him, but she loved Angel more and could not be with him. Part of her said listen to your head while the other said listen to your heart. She wasn't sure what to do. She just wished she could start all over again.

'That's it,' she thought, sitting up straight in her bed with realization. 'Start over. Make a new life.' She could never forget Angel, and because of it, she would always try to make Riley or anyone else for that matter live up to what he was, and they would never fulfill it. It might not have been the best choice, but she was determined to make it true. Starting right then.

With shaky hands, Buffy grabbed the telephone and dialed the number she had memorized.

"Hello?" a drowsy voice answered.

"Hello, Riley," the slayer greeted, trying to make her voice as cold and hard as possible.

"Buffy?" A pause. "It's three o' clock in the morning."

"I know."

"What is it? I something wrong?"

"No, not really. I just have something to tell you."

"Couldn't this possibly wait until morning?"

"No," Buffy replied defiantly. "It can't wait. "Riley, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"What?!" Riley asked in shock, telling Buffy silently that the man was fully awake now.

"You heard me," Buffy said in a heartless manner. "I don't want to be with you anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but it's over. And do not try begging me back because it won't work."

"Can't we talk about this, don't I get a say?!"

Buffy felt a chill run up and down her spine as she remembered saying those same words to Angel. But she forced the pain and memories away. 'No more pain,' her head told her.

"No, you can't. This is my choice. Goodbye, Riley." Before he could even say a word, Buffy hung up the phone. She felt tears, but swallowed hard, choking them back down. She refused to cry anymore. She was alone now. She was shutting her heart off. If she couldn't feel anything for anyone, she wouldn't hurt. And that was the whole point. No more pain.

*Look in these eyes you'll see the dark
That little space inside my heart
The darkest side withholds the light
The light that brightens me inside

You don't know

Angels don't fly, they have no wings
It is another of those things
That we make up
That we believe
The real thing is not what we concieve

You don't know
I won't let you see me
I will hide, I will lie
As true as can be
You just don't have
What it would take
To be a part of me

The darkest side withholds the light
The light that shines
You can't deny

( You don't know )
You don't know
I won't let you see me
I will hide, I will lie
As true as can be
You just don't have
What it would take
To be a part of me

( You don't know )
You don't know
I won't let you see me
I will hide, and I will lie
As true as can be
You just don't have
What it would take
To be a part of me

These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart

These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart
These arms are my heart...*

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