DISCLAIMER: It’s all Joss
DISTRIBUTION: My site WTSS http://www.geocities.com/akays_fics/ anyone who has my fics, if not please ask first.
SPOILERS: IWRY
SUMMARY: After the powers turn back the day, Buffy and Angel find themselves thinking of what would they wouldn’t give for just one more night together.
TIMELINE: S1 Angel, S4 Buffy
PAIRINGS: B/A
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: I would love some, akay_81@msn.com
AN: The song used in this fic is My All by Mariah Carey.
AN 2: Warning - Angsty

As she stepped out, closing the door, the sun beating down upon her golden mane, Buffy winced looking up at the sky. Still holding the doors handle in her small hand she fought the oncoming tears, as she struggled to breathe.

Shaking her head she tried to dispel the memory of yesterday, or today, whatever the hell it was. She wasn't meant to remember, but she swore she would never forget. Buffy played the part though, and did it well, acting as though the memories weren't tearing through her as she made small talk and watched him kill the Morah demon, the same one she had killed earlier this morning, the same morning the powers had tried to wipe away.

Every part of her small body begged her to go back to tell him that she knew, but what would it accomplish? They'd said their goodbyes as he held and kissed her while she cried. Cried for a future he had to give up only to in turn save her.

If only he had of spent just one more night in her arms, if only he had of woken up next to her one more morning, than he wouldn't have been able to find the strength within himself to ask for the oracles to restore him, and make him a cursed vampire once more. If only she could have stopped him from leaving that morning without her. Just one more night was what she wanted, she would have been able to show him, show him that what they had was so much more important that what a demon said. There would always be someone or something trying to destroy them, why had he let one demons words affect him?

**********

Resting his hands on the desk, he continued to breathe, in and out, even though it wasn't necessary. It hurt more than he thought it would, she was there but a minute ago, in his arms. He had her, a whole day with her there by his side, in his bed, holding her, swearing he would never let go, and now, he had nothing.

His life reverted back to what it was a day ago, but now the only difference was that he had just given up so much more than the last time he’d walked away. How could he? Angel just made a life changing decision without Buffy’s input, she would be so mad; maybe there was a plus side to the other part of the bargain, maybe in the end it was best that she wouldn't recall the best day of his life.

Without warning his legs gave way, and the warrior fell crashing to the floor, nothing but broken glass from the broken window in which the green demon had used to make his entrance, surrounded his trembling form. All he could think was that this was it, things between him and Buffy were really over, and he had just given up his dream for her life. The sad thing was he knew that if tested again he'd do the same thing in a heartbeat; there was no way that he would ever let her die.

**********

When the slayer made it back to her dorm room that afternoon, she climbed into her bed and cried herself to sleep; her dreams were filled of him. When darkness crept over and the sky was blanketed with stars, she woke startled not to find him there, she should have realized that that's the way it always was, Buffy never even got the chance to wake up next to him, and now she never would.

What the blonde wouldn't give for just one more night, one more day to tell him everything her heart screamed that she do, but she couldn't, there would never be a way, and that was something she couldn't accept.

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I'm drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

But really what was there left for the slayer to do? Without telling the vampire, there was nothing, and if she were to tell him, it wouldn't really fix things; in fact it wouldn't change a thing. So in the end all she could do was lay there, in her small cold, and empty bed, pulling her covers up and around her neck hoping to find the same comfort within them that she did in his arms. But it didn't work, nothing would, there was no way she would ever feel whole again. Angel had a piece of her, a piece that left her numb, and alone without it, yet still she didn't want it back, it could never belong to another, so there was no point in taking it away from the one person that needed it.

Her thoughts remained on Angel, as she turned, lying flat on her stomach to gaze out the window, the stars never shinning so brightly, but tonight they did, tonight it seemed they were rejoicing. In what she wasn't sure, maybe the fact that once again they had done what they seemed to be good at, and pulled the lovers apart.

“I hate you.” She cursed at the shimmering diamonds in the sky, screaming it over and over until her head met her pillow and the uncontrollable sobs took control, and she trembled in pain, a pain that no words could describe.

**********

How was it that they could take back a whole day, and yet her scent, it still lingered, dancing over his sheets, the ones he'd torn from his bed, trying to forget, forget that for one perfect day he had everything he knew he didn't deserve. His mind seemed to be playing tricks on him, there was no way, how could it be that everything that surrounded him screamed Buffy, everything that she had touched, or used in the day that wasn't, it carried her, leaving a trace, in almost every inch of the vampires apartment.

One minute he wanted to hold on, not wanting to change a thing, not wanting to ever touch his bed again, or eat at his kitchen table, because this was the way she had left things. But then in the next, Angel wanted to tear everything to shreds, to burn it all until it was no more, so the stake that had lodged itself in his chest, would either kill him, or dislodge itself, taking with it her memory.

No, he couldn't, because to not know that for one day he got the chance to worship her, every part of her like the goddess she was... it would destroy him, and yet that was the kind of punishment he had bestowed upon her.

He slumped down on the bed, slowly leaning down and picking up the sheets he had so hastily stripped away before, holding them close to his heart, he inhaled the scent once more, and there it was again, that sweet vanilla, that would forever haunt his dreams. It didn't make sense, was Buffy's presence so strong that the powers couldn't wipe it away? Or was he reading so much more into it. What if they had wiped the day, but everything had still happened, and all that Buffy had to do was hold true to her promise, the one where she told Angel she would never forget, what if she just had to remember? Now he knew that all this was, was his heart, grasping at straws, doing anything to get her back.

Leaving the apartment, he decided that some fresh air would be a good thing; he needed to escape for a moment, he needed to think. All Angel wanted in that moment was a way to get her back, just one more night with her, one she wouldn't be forced to forget.

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Looking down, into the streaming lanes of bright lights that was L.A.'s traffic, he wondered what could have been, and then quickly pushed the thoughts away. His eyes slowly wondered up above, and although he made his deal, trading his life for Buffy's, he couldn't handle that they hadn't made it easier, that they hadn't taken everything, most importantly, the pain.

“I hate you.” The vampire howled, a single tear tacking down his check as he slumped down to his knees, unable to fight the tears anymore.

**********

Was there nothing left? Was this the way she would have to live the rest of her life? Alone, grieving for what she had lost. Buffy knew that if Willow was there holding her, she'd tell her that's not how things went, but the red head wasn't, and most likely she would be in Oz's old dorm room morning his sudden departure.

But Buffy didn't know that, all that she did know was that right then, as she lay there, staring at the dark ceiling, all was lost. There was nothing left, nothing for her to hold onto, nothing for her to live for.

Angel made a stupid mistake, giving up his humanity for her, because by morning, there would be nothing left, nothing but a broken girl without a heartbeat.

Once the thought crossed her mind Buffy lurched forward, sitting up on the bed, grabbing her mid section, not so much in pain, it was something else, a feeling she'd never felt before. Something that although it gave her no explanation, somehow told her that there was so much to live for. In all honesty Buffy didn't believe it, but that feeling was too pure to deny.

So the blonde fell back down, onto her soft awaiting pillow, and all she thought of was what she wouldn't do, what she wouldn't give just to see Angel again, something she knew she was denied.

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

Within a few minutes, she had drifted off, her hand gently placed on her belly, as though protecting herself, not realizing that it was what was inside, she was shielding from the rest of the world.

**********

His bare mattress held his what seemed lifeless form, as Angel stared up at the ceiling, a blank expression on his face, somewhat of an explanation to his tear stained cheeks.

The thought of moving wasn't even registering in his mind, all that was, was “Buffy.” He whispered, his face contorting in pain as he gripped the screwed up bed sheet in his hands. The thought of letting her go still so hard.

When would it get easier, when would he be able to look back on the day that wasn't and truly feel like he wasn't being stabbed with a stake drenched in holy water in every part of his body?

Never.

This pain would be his punishment, he deserved it true, for all the things he had done, but still, why did it have to involve the one thing in his life that was pure, that represented love? Why did the powers have to make the thought of Buffy represent mind numbing pain to the vampire?

When would everything be okay with the world again?

When would he be able to think of anything other than the love of his eternal life?

Why couldn't he have been given more than a day?

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Closing his eyes, Angel gave in to what he knew would be a restless sleep, nothing but his slayer, trapped in his dreams, wishing for the same thing, just one more night in love’s warm embrace.

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