Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.
Synopsis: Buffy has a nightmare.
Distribution: Ask First.
Author's Note: This story is not fluffy, it's angsty. If all you want is Buffy and Angel happy and together, don't read this. Oh, and, it takes place some time after Angel comes back in Season 3.

"You know, I was kidding myself, thinking that I loved you."

Buffy turned to face the person who had spoken. It seemed like just moments ago she had been alone. And now, before her, stood Angel, wearing a good natured smile when the words that had just come from his mouth could never have been more hurtful, or cruel. And if he knew this, he didn't seem to care.

He just stood, smiling that same damn smile. It was almost as if he was making light of the situation. Had he not just said that he didn't love her? Yes, that's exactly what he had said, and yet he smiled?

This wasn't the Angel that Buffy knew. And still, it was. The same guilt as ever was present in his eyes; years of torment making them all the more worse for the wear. Yet, he seemed to speak these words to her as if they where the god's-honest truth.

And the only thing that she could think to ask was, "What?"

Angel, then, shook his head and walked a couple paces to his left. Around him spread pitch, black darkness. Like a cancer, it infected everything it touched, and turned it black as night. Buffy looked around at her surroundings. She couldn't see the ground, she couldn't see the sky. All she could see was Angel. It was as if there was a spotlight on him. Only him.

"Oh, Buffy." he said in a calm and even voice. There where no malice behind his words. He did not mean to hurt her, or at least, his voice indicated so. But, that is just what he had done. So simply, so quickly, he had taken the one things that she had thought she would always be able to count on. His unconditional love. "You've always been so naïve."

Buffy didn't understand this. Was not this the same man that had told her he loved her, and couldn't stop? Was this not the same man that she had given a moment of perfect happiness to? She could not understand why he was saying these things to her.

"Why are saying these things?"

Angel shrugged. He was no longer smiling and the look on his face had become serious. "You hide behind aggression. Something you don't like, and bam!" he slammed his hands together, startling Buffy. She jumped a little then regained composure; or at least, what little composure she had left. "It's gone. When you're hurt, you lash out. It's simple really."

"But you just said.." Buffy stammered, hurt spilled from her voice. A pain which she was now unable to hide. Angel didn't seem to notice. He cut her off.

"That I never loved you." he answered, nodding thoughtfully. "I know. It's true. I mean, it was like I was always the one on the receiving end of the insults. At least lately anyway. You don't want me around."

"That's not true. I-I love you."

Angel shook his head again, and got within a few inches of her. She looked up at him, almost ready to cry. "Buffy, you have to wake up. We can never be together. It'd never work. But that's not my fault."

"So, it's mine then? Is that it? Blame everything on Buffy."

"When it's your fault, yeah. If you keep pushing me away, one day, I won't come back."

Buffy jerked forward in her bed, suppressing the urge to scream. What the hell was that? She didn't even want to think about it. Angel had been do distant, and cold. Not much unlike what he had been the last few days, but there was something about her dream that really stuck with her.

"You know, I was kidding myself, thinking that I loved you."

Buffy shuddered. She knew the difference between Angel and Angelus. If Angelus had been talking to her, she would have known it. No, this was Angel. Her Angel. He had said what she hoped she would never hear him say; What she had always feared he would say.

And the fact that she had believed him, made it all the worse.

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