Disclaimer: You know what, if I owned them…no. Let's not go down that road. I don't own the characters. Without Joss, they don't exist.
Synopsis: Sequel to Mirror Image, and Is it Me; Buffy's POV after Angel answers her question.
Distribution: Ask First.
Author's Note: This story is not fluffy, it's angsty. It would help if you read my other story, "Is it Me?" first, otherwise, you probably won't understand this story.

I don't exactly know why, but I have come to expect my Christmases to be terrible. It must be a curse, or something. It has been months since I have talked to, or even seen Angel. And, for some reason, I can't help but think that he prefers it that way.

As I sit on my couch now, and stare up at the top of the Christmas tree I recall the last time I had seen him; a memory which still haunts me.

I had gone to him after a horrible dream I had, hoping to find solace. What I found instead was more confusion and heartache. I had sat and told him my deepest fear, and he could not reply. And I knew.

I knew that it was me. I knew that I had pushed him away one time too many. This was my fault. All Angel had ever done was love me, and I repaid that love by killing him, sending him to hell, making him loose his soul, and pushing him away time after time, expecting him to come back to me.

He stared back at me, with a sad look in his eyes for the longest time. Angel didn't like lying to me, and he was never very good at it. I knew him too well. Or maybe, I don't know him as well as I thought I did.

"Buffy, it's not as simple as all that." he had replied. My heart broke inside my chest. To me, his answer was a way of hiding from the truth. I couldn't take that. I needed the truth. I needed to know if he still wanted me.

"Then make it simple." I told him.

He sighed and sat down by the fireplace. "I don't know what you want me to say." he replied. "I don't know if you can take what I have to say to you."

"I can take it." I assured him. That was a lie. I knew that I wasn't emotionally capable of processing anything, let alone something that might destroy me. Nevertheless, I needed Angel to talk to me. He had always talked to me. Why was this any different?

"Are you sure?" I could tell from his face that he didn't want to hurt me, but despite my pain, I was starting to get angry.

"Just tell me damn it!"

He sighed again and shook his head. "Buffy, us together is complicated. You think that we can take anything that life throws at us, and we can't. The truth is, that there are some things in this world stronger than us."

"I don't believe that. I can't believe that."

"Well, believe it. Because it's true. Buffy, you know as well as I do that if we're around each other, there's still so much…Forget it. We can't. No matter how much I want it, and no matter how much you want it, you and I can't have a future together."

"I can't believe you're saying this." I shook my head. I couldn't look at him anymore. I didn't think it was possible for someone to hurt me so much, but I know knew it was. "You don't love me?"

"Buffy, don't be stupid. Of course I love you. And that's the point. I love you so much that it hurts me to be around you because it's a constant reminder of what I can't have."

"You think it's easy for me?!" I yelled back at him. I hated him for how he was hurting me. "Every day I see you, and I know that I can't have you. Every day, I hurt because I can't have you. Every day! But I still want to be with you! I still want to try to make us work!"

He closed his eyes, then looked straight at me. His eyes looked right through my skin. I prepared myself for the worst. "I don't." And it came.

And, so, here I sit. I stare with empty eyes into the Christmas tree. At the moment I am unable to appreciate it's beauty. All I can feel is the gaping hole in my chest, pulsing as if it where my heart. Pain overtakes my body, and once again, I cry.

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