DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, evil Joss does, but if I were in control. hmm.Angel would have to be banned from wearing any clothes *grin*
RATING: PG_13 I guess
IMPORTANT NOTES!!!!!: Okay, someone posted this spoiler thingie on one of the groups I belong to about Buffy and Spike getting together, so I wondered what would happen if Spike told her he loved her, and then Angel showed up. Who would Buffy choose if she had a confrontation with Angel about it? Angsty to start with, but it doesn't stay that way.
FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you thought of this fic. It's quite short, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head.
DEDICATION: Okay, I'm gonna dedicate this to Ryan. This fic was my feeble attempt to cheer her up, though I doubt it worked.

Buffy Summers froze but she didn't turn around. She didn't need to. She knew without looking that Angel was stood behind her, just like she had known he had been here earlier when Spike had told her he loved her. She didn't know which had surprised her most; Angel's appearance in Sunnydale or Spike's confession. And why did everything have to happen at once? She hadn't had chance to let everything sink in and she hadn't had a chance to think. She had never felt so frustrated in her life.

'Buffy.'

She held her breath and waited as he spoke her name. Waited for the big warning that some evil was arriving in town. Waited for him to tell her she needed to be on her guard. But the warning didn't come. Instead he was silent, and, although it surprised her, it didn't much matter. She had nothing to say to him either. She hadn't seen him for a year, a whole year, and now that he was stood so close to her. all the things she'd planned to say to him so long ago. suddenly she didn't care. Why should she? He'd left her without so much as a goodbye and now he had returned out of the blue for some daemon-related reason and she was all too well aware that after he'd delivered his message he would be gone as suddenly as he'd arrived. A bitter realisation struck her at that moment. He wasn't *her* Angel anymore. He never really had been. And that made everything different.

'Why are you here Angel?' Her voice was emotionless and it cut through Angel like a saw cuts though wood. Anything would have been better then that flat, uncaring tone.

'So. you and Spike.' It was neither a statement nor a question.

'Look, if there's some evil guy I should be watching out for then just tell me and leave.' Buffy sighed. 'I don't have time for this, I have to patrol and then I want to get back to my life.' *A life you're not part of* she added silently.

But Angel seemed to understand her unspoken message, because he was silent for a few moments, unsure of what to say. And then he was covering the distance between himself and her in three easy strides and moving to sit down next to her on the mausoleum. 'How are you?'

She turned to face him for the first time and Angel realised that if she felt anything at all at seeing him, she hid it well. Instead she looked at him in disbelief. 'You're asking me how I am? What does it matter?'

'Of course it matters.' Angel replied softly. 'You matter.'

'Right. Of course.' She laughed bitterly and stood up, turning away from him once again. 'Just tell me what you want. Why are you here?'

'I need to know something first.' Angel said carefully. 'Do you love him?'

'Who?'

'Spike.'

'I'm not going to answer that because it's none of your business.'

Angel sighed again and shook his head wearily. 'Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't, but-'

'No!' she spun around to look at him and allowed him to see the fury written across her face. 'There's no 'maybe' about it! You left me and you never even let me know where you were. You could have been dead for all I knew. You walked out of my life and I have worked so hard to rebuild it and you are not, absolutely *not*, going to walk back in here, ruin it all, and then leave again. You mean *nothing* to me any more, you understand?'

'You don't mean that.' Angel said firmly.

'Here's a news flash for you. Yes. I. Do.'

'Okay, so you're angry with me. Fine. That doesn't mean you just jump when the first new guy comes along and-'

She silenced him with a wild and somewhat off-target slap across his face. She had tear in her eyes and Angel could have blocked her easily, but a part of him understood he had gone too far.

'I'm sorry.' He said quietly.

'Well I'm not, coz now I can see you're just as much of a jerk as every other fucking guy. So I made some mistakes Angel, I'm not perfect! And don't you dare even try to condemn me for that. I don't owe you anything and you have no right to judge me, especially-'

'I'm not judging you Buffy. That's not what I meant. I-'

'Stop. Just go. I can't do this Angel. I was doing so well, collage was going great, and I might even pass all my classes! You are not going to ruin that for me. I won't let you. Not again. Just get out of my life and if I mean anything to you at all, you won't come back.'

'I'm not going.' He spoke simply and the calmness in his voice only infuriated her even more. She spun around to face him once again to find his eyes' filled with tears and his lips narrowed with that look of determination she had once known so well. 'I want to know if you love him.'

'And I told you it's none your business, god dammit!' Her tears were flowing freely by now but she didn't care.

'I need to know.' His eyes' were pleading with her and she had to look away again, determined not to break down there and then.

'I don't know.' She answered honestly, and Angel felt a sharp stabbing pain flow through his heart and body. That had been the worst possible answer she could have given. He wanted her to laugh and tell him not to be ridiculous, that she could never love Spike. He could just barely live with her hating him if he knew he still held a small part of her heart. But the knowledge that she loved another. he couldn't handle that. And the fact that she was seriously thinking about it.

'There's just something about him.' She continued loudly. Angel wanted to shut her voice off, he wanted to stop the words that were slowly tearing him apart strip by strip but he couldn't. As always, she was seeping into his soul, wrapping herself around him and he had no defence to stop her. How could he have any defence? He loved her. And that made him extremely venerable.

'I can't place my finger on it.Let's see.He's fun, he knows about me being the Slayer, he's definitely handsome and sometimes I have to stop myself from-'

'Please Buffy, don't do this.'

'Tears you apart doesn't it? To hear me list all the great qualities of the guy that loves me. A guy that I actually feel for. Rips you up inside doesn't it? Well now you know how it felt when you were listing all those stupid reasons why you had to leave me in the first place. I'm hurting you like you hurt me Angel. And it hurts like hell, doesn't it?'

'Yes. It hurts so bad Buffy, and I-' He stop, but this time it was not because of lack of words but instead the choke that was rising up his throat. 'I'll go.'

'Oh, of course! You have to go and be Mr Noble again. That's right, walk away coz you'll be doing what's *right* for me.' Her voice held a harsh sarcasm that Angel had never heard before.

'I'm not doing this for you.' He replied quietly. 'I'm doing this for me.'

She turned to look at him and couldn't help the surprise that flashed across her features.

'I can't take this anymore Buffy. I'm not as strong as you think I am. You wanted to hurt me and you have succeeded, so congratulations. I know you're hurting too, and I'm sorry for that, I really am, but any hurt I caused you was never once intentional. I made decisions that I thought were best, and maybe I made mistakes along the way, but I was as lost as you were Buffy. I never loved anyone until I met you, and it was all new for me too. I was scared. But any hurt I caused you hurt me as well, didn't you realise that? I guess the same can't be said for you.' And with that he turned away and began to walk.

'Oh, that's great! So this was all my fault!' She was almost hysterical now can Angel wanted desperately to sweep her into his arms and tell her he still loved her and make the hurt all go away, but he couldn't. She'd made it perfectly clear she no longer loved him.

'You can't walk away from me like this and blame it all on me! You can't just show up after a whole bloody year and expect me to just jump back into your arms like nothing happened. And if you just walk away then you haven't tried one bit to save 'us'. Are you just doing this for a piece of mind Angel? Just so you can say you 'tried'? Then fine, walk away.'

'You think I'm doing this just so that I can say I *tried*?! I'm not the one who's in love with someone else! I'm not the one who told me to get out of their life.'

'No.' she replied coldly. 'And I'm not the one who walked away without even saying goodbye. And just for your information, I never said I loved Spike.'

He stilled at her words and she watched as his shoulders' slumped and he lowered his head slightly. He sank down onto the ground but didn't turn around to face her. 'What happened to us Buffy?' His voice was barely a whisper but she heard it clearly. She would hear him anywhere.

'I don't know.' She replied softly, feeling much calmer now. 'I don't know Angel.'

Slowly, almost tentatively, she moved to sit down next to him and relaxed slightly when he reached for her hand.

'When I first discovered you had been called as the next Slayer,' he began, 'I made a vow to myself that I would protect you. I would exist solely to protect you and fight evil. I guess I ended up doing more harm then good, huh?' he offered her a lopsided smile and continued before she could say anything. 'I never bargained on love interfering with my plans, but I'm glad it did. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that. This past year... I thought I hated love, but it gave me you, even if it was just for a little while, so I could never hate it. Love can capture you within a spilt second, but it takes a lifetime to get over. Maybe longer. Like I said, I've never loved anyone before you, but.'

'Do. do you still love me?' She asked in a small voice.

'That's why I came here tonight.' Angel said softly. 'I came to tell you that. that my soul was secure.that I've almost made my amends and in a few years I'll. I'll be human. I came to find out if we had a future, if we could make it work. If you still loved me or not.'

She stared at him in utter surprise for so long that Angel was starting to get worried. 'Buffy?'

'Human?' she echoed. 'Why didn't you say something?'

'I was going to, and then I saw you with Spike and.'

'I thought you'd just come here to give me a warning about some creature. I thought.'

'I guess we both assumed a lot.' Angel commented.

'Uh huh.'

'Is there a chance for us Buffy? My love for you is just as strong as it was when I first met you, if not stronger, but that-'

'I love you too.' She blurted out suddenly. The minute she'd said it she felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders. She'd spent the last year trying to believe in a lie, trying to believe she no longer loved him, an now that she could be truthful. it was such a relief. But there was still one thing she needed to know. 'I'm still your girl, but are you mine?'

'Well,' Angel chuckled, 'I'm not your *girl*, but I'm definitely yours.'

She punched him playfully on the arm before being swept up in a tight embrace. 'We're gonna make it.' She announced softly. 'Just promise me you'll try to improve your jokes?'

'I'll see what I can do.' He replied as seriously as he could before grinning. 'I might need your help though.'

The slayer didn't reply. She had fallen fast asleep, her head resting against his chest.

His last words before he picked the sleeping slayer up were; 'We'll be just fine, I promise.'

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