DISCLAIMER: I own nothing
RATING: PG ish
SUMMARY: Angel returns to sunnydale to prevent an evil, and ends up getting traped in his old mansion with the Scooby Gang, who just happen to be plotting to reunite the star crossed lovers.
NOTES: Don't all faint, lol. i know i haven't posted anything for AGES, and this fic is really terrible, i'm sorry, it;s just that i really wanna write, but lately season 4 and 5 have been soo depressing that nothing inspires me and i'm begginning to doubt tha whole BA thing. don't get me wrong, they're enternal! but...

Angel sighed and glanced around warily. When he had agreed to return to Sunnydale to help prevent an apocalypse, he had not bargained on being trapped in his old mansion with Buffy and her friends. And Riley. They weren't exactly trapped, just surrounded, and as much as he wished he could be anywhere else but here, he didn't really have a death wish either. Twice was enough for anyone to die, human or otherwise.

'So,' Willow broke the silence nervously, 'Angel, it's. good to see you. You too Cordy.'

'Man, are you all tense.' Doyle commented in amusement. 'You must be Buffy.' He added upon noticing the odd look he was receiving from the blonde stood in front of him.

'And you are?' Buffy asked coldly.

'Doyle,' Angel spoke up, quickly intervening.

The Irish half-demon and the Slayer continued to stare at each other warily for a few minutes until Riley was breaking the silence. 'I don't suppose anyone has anything for me to change into?' During their attempts to escape the mob of vampires, Riley's shirt had got somewhat destroyed. Angel hadn't gotten off any lighter either, but everyone else seemed to be fine.

Angel disappeared and returned a few minutes later with a shirt and trousers. Buffy felt a stab of pain as she watched Angel hand them to Riley. The memories of that night so long ago when he'd given her his clothes after they'd escaped from the Judge came flooding back to her; unwanted, unbidden and unyielding. Angel pealed off his own shirt and returned moments later with one of this trademark black silk shirts. The site of him shirtless was the cruellest torture imaginable, like salt to a raw wound.

Angel slipped the new shirt on in one graceful motion and said calmly, 'I hope no one's hurt, because unless you're planning on doing a suicide number, no one's going anywhere anytime soon.' No one could think of anything to reply to that.

It was Xander who broke the silence. 'So, Dead Boy, killed anyone recently?'

Angel turned and shot the boy a look. 'No, I was actually saving my energy just for you.'

'Thanks, I'm touched, but you shouldn't have. Really.' Xander replied sweetly.

'Trust me, killing you would be no trouble at all. In fact, it'd be my pleasure.'

'Okay, I'm bored.' Anya announced.

'Yea, well, we're trapped in here and there's really not much we can do about that.' Cordy muttered.

'Come one, be honest. Not even one human?' Xander continued to tease.

'Xander, what on earth are you going on about?' Anya rolled her eyes.

'I'm interrogating Dead Boy.'

'You seem to be developing an unhealthy obsession with Angel. At first I thought it was just my imagination.but.' Cordy spoke up casually. Xander shut up after that.

'So, Angel, how's LA?' Giles interrupted, determined to keep everything as civilised as possible.

Angel glanced at Buffy through the corner on his eye to find her staring intently at her nails. 'It's good thanks.'

'I'm bored.' Anya repeated.

'We heard you the first time.' Cordy snapped.

'I have to go to the bathroom.' Buffy announced quietly.

'Are you okay?' Riley asked immediately.

'I'm fine.' She lied before giving him a quick kiss and heading down the too-familiar-for-comfort corridor.

'I have an idea.' Xander spoke up.

'An idea?' Willow echoed warily. 'This isn't like the time you wanted to try and jump off the roof of your car, but ended up-'

'Will!' Xander cut off quickly.

'Oh, sorry.' Willow said meekly.

'What?' Anya asked with interest. 'What did he try to do?'

'Well, it's a long story, and I really shouldn't say.'

'I'll tell you.' Cordy offered, grinning wickedly at Xander.

Giles coughed slightly and shook her head. 'Erm. Riley? Angel? I was wondering if you could give me a hand in the kitchen?'

The two men shot each other a wary glance before turning back to Giles and nodding reluctantly. Once they were gone, Willow turned to the gang and grinned.

'Are you ready?'

'Yea.' Anya rolled her yes.

'Has everyone remembered everything?'

'Hey! Can people not look at me when Willow asks that?' Xander protested. 'Did I ever let you down when I fetched donuts for you?' he demanded.

'Yea, you got the wrong kind.' Cordy laughed.

'Guys, we don't have much time.' Willow reminded them nervously. 'Buffy will be back soon. Did you manage to get hold of something of Angel's?'

Doyle held up a black toothbrush as an answer.

'Ewwww.' Anya laughed. 'A tooth bush.'

'He brushes his teeth?!' Xander asked incredulously. 'And did it have to be Black?! Wouldn't red be better?'

His comment received only glares.

'Okay, I managed to get hold of Buffy's ring, so we're all ready. Now we just have to find an empty room.' Willow said excitedly. 'I just hope Giles is able to get Riley out of the kitchen but manage to keep Angel in there.'

******

Buffy came out of the bathroom to find the living room empty with the exception of Cordy. 'Where did everyone go?! I was only gone a minute!' She asked in bewilderment.

'They're around.' She replied casually.

'Where's Riley?'

'Kitchen.'

'Where's Angel?'

'Kitchen.'

'What?! Together? They're alone together?' Buffy stood up in alarm. Before she could move, Cordy was darting towards her with a speed that surprised them both and grabbing hold of her arm.

'What are you doing?!' Buffy asked startled.

'Where are you going?' Cordy demanded.

Buffy looked at her as if it was obvious. 'To stop anyone getting hurt.' Cordy stared at the Slayer but refused to let go of her grip on her arm.

'Get your hands off me.' Buffy ordered coldly.

'You don't need to go in there.'

'Don't tell me what I need to do.' Buffy snapped angrily. 'Of course I do, or Angel will.'

'Angel will what?' Cordy challenged. 'Attack Riley?'

Buffy glanced over towards the kitchen door before returning her stare to match the piercing glare of the other women. 'Maybe.'

'Then I don't know who you are, but you're not Buffy anymore.'

'Excuse me?' Buffy shot back.

'The Buffy I knew trusted Angel with her life. She defended him against anyone and everyone, even after everything that had happened. I respected that Buffy. But you.' Cordy shot her a disgusted look.

'Yea, well, he's done it before.' Buffy said defensively, angry with herself for allowing herself to get in a position that needed defending.

'Done what?' Cordy asked, confused.

'Attacked Riley.'

'Attacked? It takes two to fight Buffy. And Riley did fight as well, I know that much. It's just unfortunate for him that Angel's stronger.'

'Angel's a vampire.' Buffy said coldly, immediately feeling guilty for saying it, but standing firm.

'That was low.'

'What have I done to you?' Buffy demanded. 'Come on, I must have done something. Is this you're way of trying to get revenge? 'Bitch makes a come back?''

Cordy was silent for a moment, before replying with 'No, this isn't about me. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for Angel.'

'How heart warming, but I'm sure Angel can take care of himself.'

'Better then you know.' Cordy muttered. 'You go in there to prevent trouble, you'll only cause more.'

Buffy rolled her eyes. 'Quit with the melodrama.'

'Quit with the self-centred bitch act.'

Buffy gave her arm a jerk, freed it from Cordy's grasp, and marched towards the door.

'Go ahead Buffy. Open the door.' Cordy challenged coldly.

Buffy reached for the handle and paused. *'.The Buffy I knew trusted Angel with her life.'* She stepped back, unable to bring herself to open it, but also unable to turn around and face Cordy's triumphant face. When she finally swallowed her pride, she turned and found Cordy looking at her sadly. 'You're killing him.'

'Yea? Well how do you think I feel?' She had intended to sound angry, but her eyes betrayed her. 'Cordy. I feel like. like I'm dying with out him.'

********

Angel sank down onto the closest chair and sighed heavily, his expression one of edginess and anxiety. How he'd ended up in this situation was a mystery that he was still trying to figure out. One minute Giles was asking for his help, and the next he was disappearing with Riley, claiming to have forgotten something and would be 'right back.' Giles had definitely been acting oddly, but judging from Riley's reaction earlier, he didn't seem to know anymore more about it then Angel did. Which wasn't really much of a comfort.

When Buffy entered the kitchen, he began to have a pretty good idea about what was going on. The sight of her took his breath away, and something clutched at his heart painfully at the same time. How could both feelings belong to the same emotion?

'So. how are you?' Buffy asked stiffly.

Angel hated the carefulness and guardedness in her voice. The way she thought over every word before she spoke it. It created an invisible wall between them, cutting him off from the one thing that kept him going. 'I'm. fine.' He lied. If she was making an effort, then so would he.

'Good. I'm good too. Fine, I mean. Coz, you know, good doesn't really make sense.' Buffy stammered. She glanced at him and for a split second she thought she saw a flicker of a smile playing on his lips, but it was gone a second later.

'Good.' Angel replied lamely, not sure what to say. Not sure what he was 'allowed' to say. Playing this game was so hard. Being with Buffy and not being able to talk freely and honestly felt so wrong. So unnatural. Every conversation he'd had with other people through the course of the night, with the exception of Cordy and Doyle, had consisted of nothing but false words, spoken simply out of boredom and a need to fill the silence. But that type of talk with Buffy. it was unbearable. So he took a deep breath and began to speak, not knowing what exactly to say, but knowing that it had to be the truth.

'I. used to think that it wasn't worth it. But if I wont allow myself to believe in you and what we had. then there's nothing else I could ever believe in. And everyone needs to believe in something; or else we'd all go mad with despair. So hate me for being here, hate me for walking into your life and hate me for walking out of it, but don't hate me for loving you. I'm just trying to survive, and this is the only way I know how.'

Buffy was a little taken back by his rushed speech, but she understood that he had needed to say it; to get it all out in the open. 'You seem to be surviving a whole lot better then I am. Why are we even here Angel? Why are we bothering to have this talk all over again? It's always the same, so what's the point?'

'I don't know.' He said honestly. It was too late for false words of 'it'll be okay. Things will work out.' Reality existed.

'It's like.. The one thing I always thought I could believe in. even as a little girl. I used to dream about falling in love, and living happily ever after. And you know what? I did meet my love, and look what happened. If love can't survive, what can? It's like looking at a world full of colour for a little while, only to discover that what you're really seeing are black and white objects that have been painted over, just to fool you for a while and give you false hope. Well, here's a news flash, I don't need love anymore.'

'Then you're stronger then I am.' Angel said abruptly, before moving towards the door and opening it.

'What's that supposed to mean? Hey! Would you stop doing the disappearing act Angel? Angel?! Right, of course, run away.' She whispered softly. She hadn't meant to lie. She hadn't meant to tell him she didn't need love, but anger had flared up, and she hadn't been able to stop herself. And now Angel was gone. Now he thought she didn't need him. That she didn't love him.

She sank to the floor as the full hopelessness of the situation hit her full force, tears running down her cheeks. She's blown her last chance.

******

Cordy was surprised, but not unprepared, to find Angel rushing out if the kitchen alone. He looked suspiciously as if he was about to break down, although she doubted if he would. He would hold everything in and let it destroy him.

'Where do you think you're going?' Cordy demanded, standing in front of him to block him.

'Away.' Angel said flatly.

'No, you're going back in there.' Cordy said firmly, motioning towards the kitchen.

'No I'm not.' Angel insisted tightly.

'Yes, you are. You're going to go in there, talk things through, punch each other if it helps, and then kiss and make up.' She folded her arms and smiled, as if it was all that simple.

'It's not that simple.' Angel snapped angrily.

'It's as simple as you want it to be. You two just seem to have a habit of making it very difficult.' Cordy laughed. 'Fine, you want me to make it simpler? Okay, here it is: you either go in there, make up and do whatever it is you two do, or else you walk away, spend the rest of your life regretting it and become even more withdrawn from society until you're no longer a person, you're just a detached corpse-'

Angel stared at his ranting friend for a minute, speechless of her outburst, before placing a finger across her lips. 'You're a good friend Cordy.' He smiled sadly at her.

'Go march you're really cute butt back in there and sort things out.' Cordy ordered.

Angel raised an eyebrow and grinned. 'Cute butt?'

'Don't go getting a big head.' Cordy warned, rolling her eyes.

Angel turned towards the kitchen, paused, turned back to Cordy and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before whispering, 'Thank you.'

'Go!'

******

When Angel re-entered the kitchen he had not expected to find Buffy curled in a ball on the floor, her knees tucked under her chin protectively. When she raised her head he was even more surprised to see that she had been crying. He wanted to sweep her up into his arms and make it all go away, but touching her would only make things more confusing.

'Angel.'

'I didn't mean to walk away. I'm sorry.' He said quietly, not daring to look at her again. The sight of her so upset had already broken his heart once.

'It's okay.' she assured him.

'No, it's not. I keep hurting you. I keep hurting us both.' Angel sighed in frustration.

Buffy shrugged slightly. 'It's okay.'

Her attitude alarmed him. 'Buffy?' he called out nervously.

'It always turns out the same Angel. But I'm not going to let it beat me this time. If I don't fight it, it can't win.' She smiled sadly up at him.

'What, so we should just give up?' Angel asked in disbelief.

'Uh huh. Isn't that what you did when you walked away from me after graduation? Isn't that what you almost did just now?'

Her comment hit him hard and he didn't know how to reply to that. 'I'm sorry.'

'I know. You said that already, and I already said it was okay.'

'But I was wrong. I don't want to give up on us.' Angel said firmly.

'Good for you, but it's too late. I already have. Love doesn't last.'

'So you're telling me you don't love me anymore?' Angel challenged.

She didn't answer directly. 'Love doesn't last.'

'You didn't answer my question.'

'I'm not going to going to fight anymore Angel. I can't.'

'If we don't fight, we can't win.'

'You're right, we can't win.' She laughed slightly, bitterly, and a stray tear ran down her cheek.

Stricken with panic, Angel did the only thing he could. He sank down onto the floor next to her, crushed her against him and kissed her as passionately as he could. She sobbed against him and surrendered to the kiss, his arms supporting her from collapsing.

When he finally let her go she was shaking uncontrollably.

'Why'd you have to go do that?' She didn't have to energy to try to sound angry.

'You're willing to lose all that?' Angel challenged. 'I. Love. You.'

'You should never have said that. You should never have even come back.' She said quietly. 'And after you leave again-'

'Leave?' Angel interrupted. 'I'm not leaving.'

'I know you too well Angel. You'll stay for a while. You love me too much; you need to be with me. It kills you to be separated. I know, because I feel exactly the same. But then you'll start thinking you don't deserve me, and you'll have forgotten how much it hurts when we're apart. You'll forget the continuous pain and emptiness, and you'll leave all over again. You'll stay for a while be you love me so much, and then you'll leave. Because you love me so much.'

'I'll never forget how much it hurts to be without you.' Angel insisted. 'You think I haven't thought about this? Every night I've thought about it. Dreamt about it. Leaving you again. it wouldn't just break my heart, it'd kill me.'

'I'm no good for you Angel. I'll hurt you. We'll hurt each other. Please, just walk away. You're stronger then I am. You can walk away. I can't. Please, if you love me, you'll walk away.'

Angel sat stunned for a moment, numb and hurt. 'Buffy, please, if. if this is your way of trying to punish me. it's Riley, isn't it?' The pain on his face almost matched the pain she was feeling inside. 'You love him, don't you?'

Buffy's head shot up and she looked at him in horror and disbelief. 'NO!' she said, a little too loudly. 'How could I love him when I love. when I love you?' she shut her eyes and turned away. 'There, you've made me say it. You've made me say the very thing I was trying to pretend was a lie. I love you. Happy now?'

Angel stood, not sure what to do next, and reached out for the table as the room suddenly began to shift and pitch. 'Buffy.' he called out unsteadily.

Buffy stared at Angel in alarm for a moment before leaping up and grabbing hold of him as he started to fall. She helped him over to a chair and sat him down. 'Angel? Are you okay? Can you hear me? What's wrong?'

'I. I feel dizzy.' He said finally.

'Let me go get Giles.'

Angel reached out a hand to stop her. 'Don't. I'm feeling better already.'

'No, Angel, there's something wrong, I-' Her sentence was cut off by the sound of heavy footsteps and the door was swinging open, with Willow dashing in, closely followed by the others. 'Will, there's something wrong with Angel, he went all faint and-'

Willow grinned at the sight of her friend panicking of the man she 'no longer cared about'.

'Buffy, erm. we kinda performed a small spell.' Willow confessed nervously.

'Spell?' Buffy echoed. She watched as Angel sat up and glanced at Willow sharply.

'Is it the spell I think it is?' he asked quietly.

Willow nodded and blushed slightly at the look of admiration on Angel's face.

'Hello? Guys? What's going on here?' Buffy demanded.

'We should be going.' Willow said quickly. 'I'm sure Angel can explain.' And with that she was ushering everyone out of the door.

Angel turned his attention to an alarmed Slayer.

'Angel, what's wrong? What's happening?'

Unable to help himself, he pulled her flush against his and kissed her softly, tenderly before whispering into her ear, 'My soul. is secure. Permanent.'

'Oh my God. I. I can't believe it. I. I.'

'I'm in love.' Angel grinned. 'And I'm not leaving.'

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