Disclaimer: I don't own them, and I never will. They belong to evil Joss.
Summary: A short angsty vignette type thingie from Angel's POV. I was sick, so I wrote.
Feedback: I crave it. It's better than chocolate!

Ah, the simplicity of a simple daydream, the peace . . .

Then it all falls crashing down on you, and you awaken to realize that it was nothing more than a nightmare, a torturous dangling in your face of what you can never truly have.

I can never have her.

So my daylight hours are plagued with images of her, hurt, dying, all alone.

It's all my fault. I know that now.

Everything's always been my fault.

Yeah, you can say I have a low self-esteem; maybe I do, but you can't deny the cold, hard truth.

I am a murderer.

Don't give me that "It's Angelus, not you." bullshit; that's all lies. I've had him inside me for 245 years; you can no longer give me that excuse that we're two seperate beings. We're the same. Perhaps we've always been the same.

So I struggle.

I struggle with the memories, the happiness I had once, and am now denied forever.

I struggle with a psychotic demon. Yes, though we're the same, it's easier for me to refer to him as the demon.

More forgiving.

Atoning for my sins, what a joke.

I can never atone. Not completely.

The sweetness of a paradise, to die old and gray with my true love . . .

I will never know these things.

Sweet dreams . . .

Send feedback to Amber

Back to the Fanfiction Archive