Disclaimer: I don't own them. They belong to Joss.
Summary: Short vignette set after Becoming.
Feedback: Please? Constructive criticism's fine, praise is wonderful, but whatever it is I want to hear it! !

Child walks down to the river's edge
And looks out as far as she can see
And draws each breath as if it were the last
And wipes away the tears across her sleeve
She can see where the river crawls to the sea
Like a baby into mother's care
Somehow the longing is so far away
The innocence so wasted and aware

Sometimes I feel like that day was all a nightmare, a horrible figment of my imagination. Then I look down at my body, at my bloodshot eyes, my scarecrow figure, and the infinite sadness that is part of my very soul, and I remember all too well.

I killed him.

I sent him to Hell, and he never knew why.

And you wanna know the ironic part? You wanna know what keeps me awake at night, every night?

He loved me. He loved me wholeheartedly, and I took that love and shoved it into a dimension of eternal pain and suffering.

That's irony, Alanis.

And look at the child with the dream in her eyes
Holding it deep inside her

I think of them every day, every minute that I'm not thinking of him. I want to go somewhere, a place where I will be safe, but I know the truth deep inside me.

There's no such place.

I bring death and terror, hate and fear, to everything and everyone I touch. The ones that I hate, the ones I love . . . there's no difference. They all suffer.

Because of me.

So now do you see?

Do you see why I can never go back there?

Thinking about Home . . . Home . . .
So much anger so deeply engrained
Seemed a burden that was hers alone
She didn't think that there was anything wrong
With wanting a life that she could call her own
How could I explain? You would not want to hear
You wouldn't listen if I talked anyway
For you were too weighed down by your own fears

Good, I'm glad you see it. Because I don't.

And I don't think I ever will.

Look at the child with the dream in her eyes
Holding it deep inside her....

I love you, Angel. And I know that eventually I will have to go back. Face my demons, face killing you, but right now I can't. But I wanna go . . .

Home....home....home....home....

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