Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BtVS characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. If I did own them, I'd treat them much better than Joss Whedon But, oh well. I'm just having fun. So don't sue me.
Feedback: Oh forget it. This is my third and hopefully only ditzy blonde moment I've had today. is my email addy. I'll send out another poem in a minute.

I lay in the dark, trying to sleep. It's been a year since he's left me, and I can't stop thinking of him. When I'm not thinking of him, I'm crying my heart out.

What ravages of spirit conjured this temptous rage
Created you a monster broken by the rules of love?
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go

This emptiness inside me hasn't gone away, even after a year. I still haven't got over him. And, at this rate, I never will.

Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do

I thought the pain would go away soon. But it hasn't. And it didn't help that I'd gone to see him in LA. That I'd stayed for only five minutes. But, you see I didn't stay for only five minutes.

Yeah, he didn't know, but I remembered.

And now he never would.

See, I'd done the ultimate betrayal to my dear Angel.

I'd lied to him.

I knew that day in his office. I'd recognized the demon. Somehow I'd managed to keep the memories.

But I didn't tell him that. To this day I don't know why.

Maybe I was afraid. Afraid to tell him that I'd never forgotten.

Or maybe I wanted to try to move on with my life. I wanted to abide by his wishes, and meet someone normal.

That's got to be the single dumbest thing I've ever done.

But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
A glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you

But I can never tell him that. I can't keep wallowing in my self-pity forever. I have to move on, meet someone new. It's what he wants for me.

Why don't I believe that?

The doorbell rings.

I stagger to my feet, and open the door.

He stands in front of me.

I blink, starting to hyperventilate. "Angel." I gasp, sobbing. "Angel, Angel, Angel." I hug him tightly, sobbing into his shirt.

"Buffy." he whispers. "Buffy."

"I love you." I mutter into his shirt. "I love you, and I remember. I never forgot."

He pulls away and looks at me sharply. "You what?"

"I remember. I've never forgotten. I knew that day in the office."

He, amazingly, started to cry. "I thought I was the only one. I thought I'd have to live forever without you ever remembering."

I smiled at him, beckoning him inside. "Come in." I whispered. "You have to get to know me all over again."

He grinned, that halfsmile that made me melt. "I'll do it forever." he murmured, making my whole body tingle.

We kissed, and for the first time in a year, I saw light. I wasn't, and never would be, lost in the dark as long as my guardian Angel was by my side.

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

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