Dedicated to Cass, cuz her email made me remember this one. It's only got 6 parts, but it's 6 really long parts. Enjoy!! But you know I started this policy where if I don't get feedback, I don't send more. So feedback please! *shrug* Of course, I might send it anyway, but nice feedback makes me feel like my stories are appreciated. But that's just me . . .
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will. They belong to the evil Joss man. I don't own Kid Rock's "Break Stuff" either.
Notes: Set during "The Prom" where Buffy's crying.
Feedback!
Dedication: To Cass!

Part 1

"Right now it's worse. Right now I'm just trying to keep from dying." Buffy let out a loud sob, and collapsed into my lap, moaning, "I can't breathe, Will! I feel like I can't breathe!" She lapsed into ragged crying.

I could only hold her, and come close to tears myself. Just for one day, Angel. I thought bitterly. I wish you could understand what you're doing to Buffy right now. Just for one day.

Buffy abruptly stopped sobbing and sat up, a dazed expression on her face.

She stared at me in horror. "Willow?" she asked. Her voice was somehow different than usual.

"What's wrong, Buffy?" I asked, perplexed.

"Buffy?" she echoed faintly. "You just called me-" she trailed off, looking around wildly. She saw herself in the mirror.

"Oh, my god." she whispered. "What's going on? Who am I? Am I really- no that's not possible." She walked to the mirror, and touched the area of the mirror where her face was. "She's been crying." She turned to me, confusion changing to concern in a millisecond. "Why was she crying, Willow?"

"W-who are you?" I demanded confusedly, although deep in the pit of my stomach I knew. I knew that voice filled with overflowing love and desire for the one person they loved most in the world. I knew who Buffy really was.

"I'm not Buffy," she said. "I'm Angel."

Part 2

One minute I was crying my heart out into Willow's lap, the next. . . The next minute I wasn't me anymore.

The first thing that gave me this brillant idea was that there was someone else in my mind. A taunting, evil presence gnawing at my soul, telling me to do evil things. I'd know that voice anywhere.

Angelus.

I stared at my hand in mounting horror. It wasn't my hand, but I'd seen it many times, kissed it many times. This hand that was not my own was at the same time very familiar to me. Somehow, some way I was stuck in Angel's body. And this demon, the horrible demon bastard who'd made my life Hell for months, was trapped inside me.

He was pleading with me, trying to take control.

*Buffy, Buffy, Buffy.* he said carelessly. *Haven't seen you in awhile. How are you? Let me out, please. I want some fun. Come on kiddo, I wanna play. . . *

It was too much! I screamed desperately, and kicked Angel's table over, breaking it in two.

"Get out of my head!" I yelled. "Stay out of my fucking head!"

I had to get help with this. And the only person who could help me was Angel. Assuming I was in Angel's body, then logically he must be in my own. But I was running out of time. I wasn't used to resisting the demon like he was, and Angelus was overpowering me.

"Have to hold on." I moaned, starting to cry. "I have to. . ." I trailed off, losing control.

My vamp face came out, and I growled loudly. But I didn't growl. Angelus did. He was back. He was once again the rider, and I was just the meek horse.

Part 3

"Angel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." she said sadly. "I didn't know that this was going to happen. I'm sorry." she sobbed loudly.

"Willow." I said urgently. "Calm down. Now tell me what you're talking about."

"I w-wished that you could understand what Buffy was going through because you broke up with her. I thought it was just a idle thought. I'm-"

"How long does it last?" I broke in.

"A day, I think. Where are you going?" she asked as she saw me heading for the door.

"The demon." I said quickly. "She won't be able to control it."

"How do you know?"

I called over my shoulder, "Because sometimes I can't. And I've had him in my head for over a century."

I ran downstairs, and was almost out the door when Mrs. Summers stopped me.

"Buffy?" she asked curiously. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Mrs.- uh Mom." I exclaimed. "I have to find Buff- I mean Angel. We need to talk."

"About what, Buffy? You've broken up with that freak. He's no good for you."

Her words chilled me to the bone. I know she didn't want me around but I never thought she was so bitter.

"Mom." I said carefully, not wanting to reveal my true identity just yet. "Do you know how much Angel really loves me? He loves me enough to give me up because he wanted what was best for me. But he was wrong. He put Buffy through alot of pain, and he knows that now. But he realizes that-" My voice faltered for a second, remembering her tears in the mirror. I continued anyway. "Buffy is caused more pain by the souled Angel, then by the demon. I have to talk to her- him- it." I finished.

She blinked. "Are you alright, Buffy? You just referred to yourself in the third person."

"Next time you want to talk to me, don't." I said icily. "As a result of our little chat, Buffy's life may be in danger."

"You're Angel?" she said. It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes."

Then I was out like a shot, leaving Joyce to gape at me in astonishment.

*****

I finally found her huddled under a tree. She was moaning and crying, rocking back and forth. She didn't even look up when I approached. I knew that force was the only thing that was going to get through to her.

I steeled myself, and jerked her to her feet roughly, wincing inwardly at her cry of pain. She kept crying, and avoiding my gaze.

"Buffy!" I barked over her sobs. "Listen to me! Do you remember what you told me about being strong?"

She ignored me.

I released her, and slugged her viciously. She recoiled against the tree in terror, but she finally met my eyes.

Without meaning to, water leaked from my eyes. They were sympathy tears with her own; I wasn't actually crying. That's what I kept telling myself.

"Do you remember?!" I shouted harshly.

She nodded slowly.

"You told me it was hard, and it was painful, and it was everyday. But it's-" I raised my voice as she seemed to be slipping away from me. "You told me it was what we have to do! We have to be strong! And you said that we could do it together." I grabbed her hands, and pulled her to me, looking into her eyes, into her wonderful soul. "It's what we have to do." I repeated softly. "And we can do it together. Let me help you, darling. Please."

She blinked under my stare, and her eyes lost their crazy look. "A-angel?" she whispered forlornly. Even though her voice was now my own, she dripped of being Buffy.

"Yes, Buffy. It's me. It's okay. It's going to be okay." I reassured her.

"Angel!" she said again, collapsing into my open arms.

I hugged her tightly, finding it very odd to be hugging myself.

"It's okay, honey." I repeated softly. "Everything will be fine."

"He was inside me, Angel!" she moaned hysterically. "He still is! Every second of every hour, he never stops talking. H-he taunts me, and makes me remember everything! Everything that happened when he was in control! How he killed Ms. Calender, how he mocked our l-love, everything! It's so horrible! Make it stop! Please make it stop!" she begged mournfully.

"It never stops." I answered. "For me, at least it never stops. He's inside me all the time. He's always talking to you, telling you things. It never ends. But he can be quieted."

She sobbed, "How?"

I lifted my head up to kiss her cheek tenderly.

"By being strong, Buffy." I murmured into her hair. "Just be strong, and he won't be so loud."

She pulled out of my embrace and looked at me. "How do you deal with it, Angel? How can you handle the whispers every minute of every day, never ending, not even for an instant?"

I smiled grimly, shrugging. "Practice. Long, ardous hours of practice ignoring that voice."

She chuckled softly, somehow finding humour in the situation. "Well, now I know why you brood all the time." she said.

I laughed with her, saying, "Yeah, now you do." I sobered, remembering how I'd yelled so cruelly at her just moments before. I turned away, muttering, "But some things never change."

"What are you talking about, Angel? What you said to me earlier wasn't-" she began.

"It was!" I cut in. "It was all me, Buffy. The demon's inside you now, not me. Everything I said to you, the punch I threw; that was me. Not the demon. I'm just like him. We're the same."

"You're not! You know you're not!" she protested, grabbing my shoulder, trying to get me to look at her.

"Yes I am!" I roared, whirling around to face her. I kissed her savagely, forgetting for the moment that I was in her body. "Is that the touch of a man with a free conscience?!" I yelled. "I'm a monster."

"Would you listen to yourself?" she shot back, shoving me away. "You're talking like you still have Angelus inside you. But you don't! For however long this thing lasts-"

"24 hours." I supplied.

"One day! For a day, you're free! For 24 hours, you're free of this!" She let her vamp face come out for an instant. With a growl, just as suddenly as it came; it went away. "Just live, Angel. For one day, let go of the guilt." she finished softly. "Wait a second. How do you know it's only for a day?"

"Willow wished for me to know what you're going through because of our breakup."

"So you saw me. . ."

"I did. I saw your tears. And I felt your sadness. And, right before the switch, I heard you moan that you were trying to keep from dying, and you felt like you couldn't breathe. The thing I don't understand is why?"

"Why what? Why do I love you so much that I'll cry over you? Why do I let you hurt me so much? Why did I keep loving you even after Angelus popped out to say hello?"

"Yes."

"Because I love you too much." she admitted quietly.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, almost shouting at her.

"I thought you already knew."

"But I didn't." I said helplessly. "And because I didn't, you suffered for my stupidity. I'm sorry, Buffy."

"It's fine, Angel. It doesn't matter now." she murmured carelessly, but I knew that it did.

"It does. And I don't know what I could ever do to make it up to you."

"You could start by getting back together with me. Then-" she grinned quickly, an expression that looked out of place on my normally somber face. "Then you could make me forget you ever broke up with me at all."

"It's a deal." I replied. "Buffy, I love you. I've always loved you. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused you. I want you to be my girlfriend again. Would you?"

"Always." she answered.

I kissed her for a long time.

Go to Part 4