Disclaimer: If I owned Buffy and Angel they would be where they deserve.... in each others arms. They’re Joss’s, Fury’s, etc. The lyrics are from the song Answer by Sarah McLachlan. Am I the only one obsessed with her work?
Rating: PG -13, I don’t really know. It’s pure fluff.
Spoilers: None.
Timeline: This takes place after "Not Fade Away" in AtS.
Couplings: B/A, always.
Summary: After his last battle Angel goes home.
Author’s note: I didn’t bother with the details: Spike, Wesley’s body, Gunn’s, etc. This was written while watching a soccer match so forgive me the weak plot, grammar mistakes, etc. Also, a couple of lines were inspired by Paulo Coelho and his book “Na Margem do Rio Piedra... “.
Feedback: Please send it to BAalways@msn.com

//I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can’t look down//

It wasn’t what I expected. In fact I didn’t expect it at all, not after signing it away. The moment the last demon fell dead to ground, it happened. No blinding light. No excruciating pain. Nothing like the first time. I just took a deep breath and felt every cell of my body aching. As the world around me suddenly seemed to fade into a mist of sounds and smells I realized...I was human.

//If it takes my whole life I won’t break I won’t bend
It’ll all be worth it worth it in the end//

I went to see Connor after that, it was a sunny afternoon, and I was pleasantly surprised when my son looked at me with a look of wonder and a huge grin before lunging himself at me. Even though things aren’t simple between us, probably never will be, I have come to accept the little gifts life provides. We’re both taking little steps, hopefully towards a true father and son relationship.

It took me a while longer to decide to see her. A news like a vampire turning human was the gossip of the underworld for the next century and I suspected she wouldn’t be very pleased if she heard it by Giles or, God forbid, Captain Peroxide. As painful as it is to admit it was a conversation with Spike that forced me to make up my mind.

//‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life//

“ -You were right.

-About?

-About why she could never love me. “

I didn’t need to ask who she was. It’s always her. I remember when I told him that.

//When the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright//

“That's why Buffy never really loved you: Because you weren't me.”

I never thought he would admit it but after he did it took me a few months to gather my courage.

I always kept the fantasy of replaying that Day. Finding her at the beach, watching as she felt my nearness, seeing that look of disbelief and barely contained hope. This time it wasn’t at the beach.

//Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind//

I went to her house not knowing what to find. For what I knew she was still dating the Immortal. I vaguely noticed the lack of screaming in my head, I so don’t miss Angelus. It’s still pretty unbelievable to have peace of mind. She wasn’t home. That annoying guy, Andrew, told me she had gone to the grocery store. My trembling hands and erratic breathing didn’t let me just sit there waiting for her. So it was while I was trying to remember the directions that I felt her.

She was so beautiful, with a white dress that moved with her gentle movements, bright sunshine hair... An ethereal vision. Time seemed to stop as she tensed, searching through the crowd until her eyes met mine and my heart skipped a beat.

I can’t remember who took the first step but I do remember the way her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

//Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight//

My moment of perfect happiness with Buffy happened when she gazed me with absolute trust, acceptance and love. So much love... It was like coming home after a long, hard journey. That moment was filled with all that and a million promises.

The people around us must have looked at us and seen an ordinary kiss. They didn’t realize it was a kiss I had longed for a thousand days. That kiss had been lost and suspend in mid air while we were apart, it had been lost so many times and was once again found. It was filled with years of unfulfilled longing, empty searches, heartbreaks and impossible dreams.

//If it takes my whole life I won’t break I won’t bend
It’ll all be worth it worth it in the end//

I felt her tears touching mine.

No one else, besides us, knew that that kiss was the essence of my life, of her life, of our hopes and crossed paths.

In those long minutes of kissing were every moments of joy I had lived.

//‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life//

That was the beginning of our new life together almost a year ago.

The Mohra’s words still replay in my head. “Together you are strong.”

Yes. We are.

//And when the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind.//

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