DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't sue.
RATING: You watch it? You can read it.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall receive.
FEEDBACK: I crave it! It's like cigarettes, ya know? Just when I think I've quit…
SPOILERS: 'Angel', 'Lie to Me', 'The Dark Age', 'What's My Line Pt.1'
NOTES: This story is what happens when you watch Buffy all night instead of sleeping. I apologize for any errors but I'm too tired to edit this. There seem to be a lot of bad metaphors & similies in this, which is a depressing reflection of the way my mind works when I'm tired. Angel's POV.

"What did you think? Did you think she would understand? That she would look at your face... your true face... and give you a kiss?"

Ever since she spoke them I have been haunted by Darla's words. Though I was well aware of the spite and self-interest that motivated them I never once doubted, even as Buffy and I grew closer to one another, that they were the truth. I've always been so ashamed of what I am; I couldn't imagine that she would be any less repelled by my true nature than I was. My soul yearned to be close to her but I didn't really believe it when she showed the same desire to be close to me. I convinced myself that she was living in a fantasy, deliberately ignoring the truth of what I was, what I had done, and that the face of my demon was something that she could never, truly accept.

The first hairline crack in the wall of my certainty came when I told her about Drucilla. I had expected her to turn away from me then but, though shaken by what I had said – what I had done, she remained with me and paid heed to the warning that I had brought her and even, when the first shock had passed, tried to comfort me. Unable to accept her absolution for the sins of my past, I had fled into the night but I could not forget the love and understanding in her soft hazel eyes as she looked at me. For the first time I began to wonder if I had, perhaps, been too quick to judge her.

Afraid, knowing that disillusionment could destroy me if I were to let myself believe in the miracle, I pushed the tiny seed of hope so deep within me that I was hardly aware of its presence but despite falling on the barren ground of my soul, it refused to die.

Indeed, it had sprouted. Tender shoots, fragile and easily damaged, grew in response to Buffy's loving reaction to my demon's battle with Eygon. Admittedly, the battle had saved Ms. Calendar but it must still have been and alarming reminder of precisely what it is that I am and I wouldn't have been surprised if she had pulled away rather than drawing closer as she had done.

Significant though they were, these events were still small, like candles flickering feebly within a vast sea of darkness but tonight the miracle happened – tonight the dawn broke within my soul!

~~~

As I rose to my feet I struggled to regain control but it was impossible. Alarmed by the magnitude of the danger that she faced, my senses still heightened by battle, I was unable to summon the discipline needed to hide my true nature.

As she reached to examine my cut, I tried futilely to turn my face away, to shield myself from her gaze, only to be scolded teasingly for what seemed to her to be a childish fear of pain. Unable to meet her gaze I explained my reservations, sure that at any moment she would turn away from me.

Her silence lasted only a few seconds but it seemed like an eternity and when she looked down I thought for an instant that my heart would shatter within me. It was at that moment, when hope threatened to die, that I realized just how much I had begun to hope that the two of us might somehow have a future together.

And then, instead of pulling back, instead of showing any sign of disgust, she slowly removed one of her gloves, exposing the naked skin beneath. Then, in a gesture that I found more erotic than the most blatant come-on that I have ever known; she reached out to gently run her fingers over the ridges on my brow and smooth her hand down my face to cup my cheek in one tiny palm. In a voice as gently as the softest summer breeze, she spoke the words that lit my dark world from within and, if it was not already, bound my soul to hers for eternity, "I didn't even notice."

She meant it; I could see it in her eyes. This wasn't some kind of gesture, a test of herself or a kindness to me, it was nothing at all except the truth and, because of that, it was the greatest gift that I have ever received – the gift of humanity.

When she looks at me, regardless of the face I wear, Buffy sees not man and monster, but a single being. She sees a man called Angel and, though she knows both my nature and my past, she loves me.

After giving me this great gift, she immediately gave me another of equal value, totally unaware of what it was she had done for me. Her gaze drifted down to my lips and when her eyes momentarily lifted back to mine, the longing that she felt was clear in her expression. As I bent my head to hers I thought fleetingly of Darla's words and felt a joy that I had never known in all the long years that I have lived. Here was the ultimate proof that my nature was no barrier between us, as she looked at my face…my true face…and gave me a kiss.

For the first time in almost a hundred years I had hope for my own future because if a soul as bright and true as Buffy's can see something within me that is worthy of her love, then maybe I'm not beyond redemption after all. She is my purpose now, her health and happiness my ultimate goal in life, her death the catalyst for my own.

For a hundred years of despair I survived, waiting, though I did not know it, for her to bring me back to life. Now that she has done so I know that I could no longer exist in a world without her, to attempt to do so would be the worst kind of torture. So, instead, on the day that Buffy's life ends, if I am not killed at her side, I shall greet the sun for the first time since that long ago day when I was turned.

For a moment fear clawed savagely at my heart and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her against me as though I could shield her from the assassins that hunted her. I tried not to think of the fact that they could manoeuvre during the daylight hours while I was confined to the night or the shadows, unable to watch over and protect her.

I know that she's the Slayer, stronger and faster than I will ever be, but that made no difference to my instincts. She was my mate and she was in danger, the urge to protect was strong and my arms tightened as I unconsciously tried to absorb her into my skin so that I could always know that she was with me and safe.

My grip would have caused a normal human to cry out in pain but she simply pressed closer to me, rising up on her toes so that she could deepen the kiss.

All thoughts of past and future spun away as another ancient instinct took control and I knew nothing except the warm and passion of the girl that I held in my arms.

Buffy: My mate. My redemption. My love.

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