DISCLAIMER: Not mine, thought I am planning an armed raid to kidnap Angel.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall recieve.
RATING: If you watch it, you can read it.
FEEDBACK: I crave it. It's like cigarettes, you know...just when I think I've quit
SPOILERS: The Prom, Angel
NOTES: Just fixing Joss's mistakes.
SUMMERY: Buffy convinces Angel to stay after he breaks up with her in 'The Prom'
DEDICATION: To Kerrie, thank you for saying you'll send me Angel.

Buffy lay on her bed in tears. She had been crying for hours but there was no sign that she would stop any time soon. Angel sat in the tree outside her window, his dead heart aching at the sight of her pain but he made no move to go to her. He had known from the start that what he intended would hurt her - hurt them both - but he truly believed that he was doing the right thing. What kind of a life could he give her? For a while he had dreamed that it might be possible, that they might make it work but it had been nothing more than a fantasy. He didn't deserve her, she was sunlight and hope and laughter and he was darkness, death and despair. If he stayed, he would only hurt her, it seemed that all he ever did was hurt her and all he wanted was to cherish her…protect her from the world that she had to fight.

He couldn't shield her from much but he could and would protect her from himself. He told himself that she would get over him and find someone else - someone who could give her all the things that he could not. When that happened, he would be happy for her but he already hated the nameless man who would take his place.

He himself would never recover, he knew that, she was all that gave his life meaning and he had to leave her. For the rest of his existence, he would be alone. That was nothing new, he had been alone for 100 years before he met her but this time it would be different - he would know exactly what he was missing. It would have been easier if he had never met her but he couldn't wish for that. No matter the pain that was to come, he would never regret having known her, having loved her.

His soul cried out in pain at the thought of never seeing her again, reaching out to her and she responded. He hadn't made a sound but she shot upright on the bed and moved to the window. It happened so quickly that he had no time to move away and their eyes met in the darkness.

Her face was red and blotchy with tears but to him she had never looked more beautiful as she opened the window wider and said; "Come in." He hesitated, thinking it might be better if he just left but then she gazed at him imploringly and said urgently, "Please, I need to talk to you." As usual he couldn't deny her and without a word, did as she asked.

They stood facing each other in front of the window and Angel's mind darted back to the first time they had stood like this. They had shared their first kiss and he, unable to control it, had vamped out. That should have been the end of them but somehow, it hadn't mattered. Oh, they had tried to stay apart, listed all the reasons why it was a bad idea but for some reason, their love had been inevitable from the moment they had met. It was meant to be but, he knew now, it wasn't meant to last.

"You're wrong, you know?" Buffy's voice startled him and for a moment he thought she had read his mind.

"What?"

"You're wrong, about what I need I mean."

"Buffy…"

"No!" she interrupted sharply. "You've had your say, now it's my turn. If you're going to decide what's 'best' for me you should at least know how I feel."

He nodded slowly and gestured for her to continue. She was right she deserved this.

Buffy was silent as she ordered her thoughts, knowing that this was her only chance to convince Angel to stay. When she finally spoke, it was to ask him a question.

"So you want me to be with someone 'outside demons and darkness'…someone 'normal', right?"

He nodded hesitantly, unsure where this was going.

"Someone who can never understand my life, my destiny. Someone who can never know what it's like to be a slave to a fate that you didn't choose?"

Angel's eyes widened as she went on,

"Someone who can't protect me, fight with me, watch my back? Someone who will always be my weak link - the one that all the demons will try to exploit? Someone who'll either die because of who - of what I am, or have to mourn when I die before I reach 25?"

Anger and pain flashed across his face and he snapped hoarsely, "Don't ever say that!"

"Why not, it's true. I checked the records when Giles wasn't looking; no slayer has ever lived more than five years after being called. I've been going four already so twenty-five is a really generous number - I probably won't make it to twenty-one. Hell, I'd be dead already if it weren't for you so it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I won't be around much longer. Lets face it, I was sentenced to death the moment I was called, its not if I'm killed, just when.

Nobody ever talks about that part of Slaying, even Giles pretends that I have a future when I can see in his eyes that he knows I don't, he just won't accept it." Buffy's voice was calm, at some point since her 'death' at the Master's hands; she had accepted her own mortality and the inevitability of her own murder. Angel closed his eyes and fought to keep from pulling her into his arms as a long shudder wracked his large frame. The idea of her death hurt more than anything he had ever experienced in hell. He opened his mouth to speak but Buffy beat him to it.

"Lets see, what else did you say I should have?" she asked rhetorically. "Oh yes, Children: who are you kidding - I can't have children. I'd be killed in pregnancy and in the unlikely event I survived that, the best that could happen is that I leave them motherless. The worst is that they are taken and used to keep me in line - it would be just like what happened with Acathla. I'd have to sacrifice them for the sake of the world and I couldn't survive that again.

Sex and sunlight are highly overrated. You give me love, understanding, companionship, backup and a thousand other things that I've never found with anyone else. The only time I'm completely alive is when I'm with you.

Which brings me to the most important point: you want me to love someone else. That is never going to happen. I love you. Nothing can change that. Even if I never see you again, I'll always belong to you. Lets face it, if Angelus couldn't change how I feel, do you really think that distance will do it? Could you love someone else?"

The answer was clear on his face even before he shook his head.

"Then why do you think that I can?" she asked simply.

Angel stared at her, joy dawning in his heart as he realized that she was right, everything she said was true. The Slayer couldn't live a normal life, no human would be able to give her what she needed or have the strength to support her in what she had to do.

She was still sunlight and he was still darkness but she needed him. The realization stunned him, he had always known that she loved him but he had believed that if he were to leave it wouldn't make much difference. He had been wrong, if they were apart neither one of them would recover from the pain of loss. They couldn't be together, not really, but for the first time he realized that what they could have might be enough - for both of them.

Buffy watched the changing expressions on Angel's face and saw the hope emerge over doubt and confusion. "So you'll stay?" she asked hopefully.

"I'll stay."

She let out a squeal of joy and threw herself into his arms, pressing kisses all over his face. Angel laughed and held her tightly. Buffy's kisses finally reached his mouth and their lips met in a long sweet kiss, full of love and hope and passion. As the kiss ended, Angel rested his forehead against Buffy's and promised quietly, "I'll never leave you, I swear."

"I know." She responded just as quietly and they smiled at each other, content just to be together.

As they sat on the side of Buffy's bed, Angel remembered what he had been thinking earlier. He had been wrong, what they had might not be perfect but it was meant to last.

(before anyone asks, the joy he felt was tempered by the painful knowledge that Buffy would die young which is why he didn't lose his soul.)

Send feedback to Angelic Vampyre

Back to the Fanfiction Archive