Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue. All you'd get is vet bills
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive
Feedback: I crave it. It's like cigarettes you know...just when I think I've quit.
Spoilers: Revelations, Becoming2
Notes: This is kinda depressing but it has happyish ending
Notes2: I really, really hate Xander.
Warning: Features main character deaths
Rating: Uh...not sure, say 15 (I think thats R in the US but I'm not sure.)
Summary: I was rewatching "Revelations" and started thinking about what might have happened if Buffy arrived too late to save Angel.

Lying sprawled over the coffee table, Angel knew that he was going to die. He had yet to regain his full strength and this girl whom he should have taken with ease was going to ensure that he never would. Death held little fear for him now and he let his mind fill with images of Buffy, no longer trying to defend himself. As if his thoughts had conjured her up, even as the girl raised the stake above her head for the killing blow, he heard her scream his name. Turning his head slightly he saw her racing towards them - trying to save him. He knew that she wouldn't make it and as the stake embedded itself in his heart he told her he loved her. Though his body was crumbling he still heard and understood when she cried out in return, "I love you too, always!"

He was gone. Nothing remained but a pile of ash, Buffy screamed with anguished rage and struck out at Faith with such force that she flew across the room and crumpled unconscious to the floor when she struck the wall. The light that had always shone in Buffy dimmed and went out and she looked around with dead eyes.

Xander and Willow dashed into the room just as Gwendolyn Post retrieved the Glove. She put it on and raised her arm, calling out in some strange language to activate it. Lightning flashed around her and she laughed triumphantly but before she could lower her arm, Buffy grabbed an axe from the wall and threw it at her, severing it. Her triumphant laughter changed to agonized screams as she was consumed by the lightning and vanished.

Seeing the strangely colored flame that was still burning, Buffy guessed what Angel had been trying to do and picked up the Glove and, after removing Mrs. Post's arm, dropped it into the flame. She didn't stay to watch it burn, instead she returned to where Angel's ashes lay and looked down at all that remained of her love. She felt, rather than saw, Willow and Xander approach. They stood behind her, fidgeting nervously, unsure what to say. She didn't look at them and for a long time they were silent. Eventually Xander cleared his throat nervously. As if the sound had been a signal, Buffy began to speak:

"He was trying to destroy the glove. He was trying to help us - that's really the action of a monster, isn't it Xander?" She turned to face them and Willow and Xander cringed at the empty look in her eyes. "If you had just kept your mouth shut then the glove would be gone and all this could have been avoided." Xander opened his mouth to defend himself but before he could make a sound Buffy said fiercely, "Shut up! I'm not through yet! You couldn't control your hate, your jealousy, could you? So you told Faith half the story and made her into your own personal hit squad." Her eyes met Faith's, who, unnoticed by the other two, had woken up and come to stand behind them. "You will never be half the man that Angel was Xander. You have a cruel, spiteful streak that makes you much more like Angelus." "Is that true, Xander?" demanded Faith angrily; "Did you use me to get even with Angel?" Xander jumped and whirled round to face her. He didn't speak but the look in his eyes answered her question. "You did. My God you disgust me!" Her eyes filled with pain and she looked at Buffy, "What have I done?" she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Buffy, I… I don't have the words… I know that there's nothing I can ever do to make it up to you!"

"Buffy…" Xander spoke for the first time but when she turned her empty eyes to his the words froze in his throat.

"Get out, Xander." She said quietly. "If I never see you again it will be much too soon."

Xander went pale and he realized that what he had feared all along had come to pass - he had lost Buffy because of Angel. He looked at her, hoping to see some sign that he would, in time, be forgiven but there was nothing there. Hanging his head in despair he walked slowly out of the mansion. Willow watched him go, torn between going after him and staying with Buffy.

Seeing her dilemma Buffy said quietly, "It's Ok. Willow, you go after Xander. I have to talk to Faith anyway." Willow looked at her anxiously and then nodded. She gave Buffy a quick hug and trotted away. Just before she reached the door, Buffy called out, "Willow?"

"Yes?"

"I have to know, did you really tell Xander to tell me to kick Angel's ass when I went to face him over Acathla?"

"What?"

"Did you? I never questioned it before because I believed I could trust him but now I'm not so sure. It seems strange that you would say that and then retry the curse."

Willow looked sick and she was so pale that for a moment Buffy and Faith thought she would pass out. "I never said that." She whispered, "I told him to tell you I was going to try again. He betrayed me - you - us. I never thought he could do a thing like that. I - I have to think… I need to talk to Oz. I'll…see you later." She almost ran from the room, leaving Faith and Buffy alone. Silence descended on the room.

Buffy was the first to speak, "It wasn't your fault, Faith, you had no way of knowing. You did what you thought was right based on information you believed you could trust and I can't blame you for that."

"I should have talked to you about it! I know that you're a good person I should have realized that you wouldn't shelter a monster." Faith's eyes filled with tears as she spoke, "I just killed the man - vampire - that you love, how can you bear to look at me."

"Did you? I think it was Xander who did that and if he had stayed I would probably have killed him. What he did can never be forgiven but you? You should have asked me about Angel before coming here that's true. On the other hand, I should have told you about him long before now. I knew that the others would freak when they found out that he was back and I knew that sooner or later they would find out. You deserved to know the truth before everything hit the fan but because I was afraid I let you walk into this blind." She paused and then added quietly, "I'm sorry."

Faith couldn't speak, her voice choked with tears, so instead she swept Buffy into a hug, holding her tight and being held in return. They stayed like that for a long time, neither wanting to be the first to let go. Eventually they separated and Buffy said softly, "I-I need you to do some things for me."

"Sure, name them."

"Tell Giles everything that's happened and take care of him for me, he's so alone - tell him that I couldn't have loved him more if he had been my father. Keep an eye out for my mother, tell her that I love her and try to keep her safe. Tell Willow that she's the best friend I've ever had. Please be kind to her - if you give her a chance you'll find that she is the most loyal person in the world, tell Oz that I said to look after her - he will anyway but…tell him. Let Cordelia know that I have valued her friendship and that she is a good person inside where it counts… and tell Xander that I hope he burns in Hell for what he did."

"I'll tell them, I swear, but Buffy, what are you going to do? Why can't you tell them yourself?"

"I can't stay here, Faith, everything reminds me of him. I've lost him twice before and I can't do it again. I'm sorry I have to leave you… I've never had a sister before but that's what you've been to me. Be happy, live life to the full and don't regret what can't be changed. Don't shut the others out, please give them a chance. I know it's hard to trust and being the Slayer will always be rough but you don't have to be completely alone. You should go now, Faith, don't forget to tell the other what I said. Remember me and I'll always be with you if you need me."

Faith nodded and left with tears still streaming down her face. Buffy watched her go, dry-eyed and then turned back to the ashes that had been Angel just an hour before. A single tear ran down her face and splashed onto the table, mingling with the ashes. For a moment she just stared at it, then she took a knife from her backpack and held it in both hands with the blade pointing towards her. Closing her eyes, Buffy pictured Angel's face in her mind and thrust the dagger deep into her own heart. As death took her she opened her eyes and smiled - standing before her, surrounded by light, was her Angel. Leaving her earthly body, she reached out to him and their two souls entwined. United at last for all eternity.

Go to the sequel, Actions Have Consequences

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