Rating: If you watch Buffy, you can read this
1. Blow him up with his own ray gun
2. Sic Spike (or Angelus) on him.
3. Beat him to death with a shovel
4. Send the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz on him. (Fly my pretties, fly!)
5. Kill him with the spork of death
6. have Angel beat him up and then kill him painfully while Buffy watches
7. Force him to look at himself
8. Shove hot pokers into him while his torturer (Buffy) listens to classical
music
9. Go get Acathla and send him to Hell (with Angelus...he he he)
10. Shove a giant block of cheese down his throat
11. A cow from Iowa can come and smother him
12. His pitchfork will be his downfall
13. Make him drink unpasturized cow milk and die from it
14. Get him on the wrong end of Mr. Pointy
15. slap him mildly hard. The *unbearable* pain will kill him
16. Force him to listen to the "song that never ends" for a week straight.
If he doesn't kill himself from the insanity, let Xander kill him, he's needs
to look good.
17. Shove cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream down his throat until he
chokes
18. Let Angel snap his neck
19. Let Buffy show him why she's the slayer
20. His corn demon (I don't own that. Someone on this list came up with the
idea that Riley was a corn demon and I thought it was hilarious. I forgot the
owner, so if they read this, claim credit for the good idea, it's not mine)
will show and it will hatch little cornlings and Buffy and Angel will have to
kill all the cornlings and then when they do Riley will cry like a baby and
Angel and Buffy with turn him into popcorn and eat him. (don't ask me where
that just came from)
21. Tie Riley to a stake (not Buffy's kind) and burn him alive
22. Hang him with one of those old fashioned hanging platform thingys
23. Go back in time and get a Guillotine and behead him
24. Get Buffy to drink beer again and have "Cavewoman" Buffy beat him to
death with a stick
25. Drop him from an airplane
26. Shoot him with a gun
27. Turn him into a vampire and then turn him in to the Initiative where they
can experiment on him
28. Squash him with a pillar (I hope that really happens!)
29. Shoot him with Faith's poison arrows
30. Let Drusilla play with him
31. Chain him to a wall and hit him with those big black balls with spikes
sticking out of them
32. Drown him
33. Lock him in a room with Kate. They may not kill each other, but the outcome might be interesting.
34. Beat him with bed springs and shove them down his throat
35. Shove him in the path of an oncoming car
36. Have Willow turn him into a mouse and Angel into a cat
37. Leave him defenseless for five minutes. Won't even take that long for a
vamp or something to finish him off
38. Make him be with Mrs. Stewart (one of my teachers) for about 2 seconds. That oughta do it.
39. Let Buffy drive him around for a while, but not get herself hurt.
40. Send a chicken after him while Angel hides from it 41. Rip out his eyes and tear out his guts
42. Let him live with the knowledge that he is a looser. He'll kill himself
43. Push him off the Empire State Building
44. Let him die of a cold or something
45. Bring the Indian Demon back to life and make sure it infects Riley with all kinds of things...
46. Shove his rehearsed and cheesy lines down his throat
47. Stab him with a piece of Iowa Hay
48. Cross his heart and hope he dies and stick a needle through his eye (is
that how that goes)
49. Make him drink Lemon Juice and Tobaco Sauce mixed together
50. Tie him to a pole and sink it slowly into the water, filled with sharks
and jellyfish (I am now halfway done!!!)
51. Chop him up with little scissors
52. Have Buffy and Angel cement him into a wall
53. Make him suffer from the "Angel Curse": If anyone touches Angel's Buffy,
he will meet an untimely and VERY painful death! Bye Riley!
54. First let his insides boil, then make his hair fall out, then shrivel up
his eyes and then let him explode.
55. Let the Light from Heroes shine it's heavenly glow on Riley
56. Riley is all alone in a Hotel in Colorado while Angel's crazy and is
attacking him with an Ax, and Buffy is crazy too because she's urging Angel
on. Will Riley make it out alive? See number 83 for the rest!
57. Kill him with a broom
58. Hit him over the head a few times with a head bust
59. Make him stand in a public bathroom for five minutes (the smell!!)
60. Dare him to hold his breath for 20 minutes. He's just dumb enough to do it
61. Riley moved in to smash the purple jar. He grinned at Buffy, knowing he'd
succeeded. But she was motioning to something else. Then one of the gentlemen
came over and took Riley's heart. Buffy sighed and kicked her leg out, smashing the box. Then she called out "ANGEL!!!!"
62. Pelt him with rotten vegetables
63. Let someone sit on his head (it's empty, so it would flaten in a second)
64. Lock him in a dungeon and let the rats eat him
65. Have him join the "Witness UNprotection Program
66. Let him dance in public. The people will kill him as a favor to the world.
67. Let Buffy beat him up and then snap his neck
68. Make him eat cafeteria food
69. Tie him to a tree and blow up the tree
70. Stab him with a butter knife
71. Shove him off a cliff
72. Lock him in a trunk and let him suffocate
73. Let his own tractor run him over
74. Force him to watch Barney over and over again.
75. Let my teacher Mr. Moreno sit on him. (That man is SOO large, it would
kill Riley on impact)
76. Take Joss off the acid (then Riley wouldn't have even been created)
77. Take Riley off his rumored steriods. See how tough he is then!
78. Professor Walsh is actually a cow demon, and she kills Riley with her
udder of doom.
79. Pour hot wax all over his body.
80. Cement him into the ground and then write: FISHBOY LIES UNDER THIS STONE.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TRASH THE PLACE
81. Slice and dice him
82. Give him a swirlie or two then drown him in the toilet afterwards.
83. No way! Buffy and Angel hacked him up and ate him for dinner. Kidding, they just killed him and did it on the various tables in the hotel.
84. Lock him in a dungeon and leave him there to rot.
85. Put him in your oven and cook him, then feed him to your dog.
86. Drop a tree on him
87. Put him on "Magic's Greatest Secrets Revealed" and see if he can get out
of the box in water.
88. Turn him into a cow and use him for hamburger meat.
89. Send him to his home planet "Teletubbie Land".
90. Take him to shoot arrows with you. "Oh Riley, sorry, I thought I was
aiming at the target"
91. Take him to the zoo and throw him in the tiger cage
92. Let him run into a parked car really hard.
93. Turn him into a video game and make him the enemy
94. Send the Order of Takara after him
95. Force him to see Buffy and Angel happy for five minutes. He'll feel so
upset that he's a nobody and Buffy doesn't love him that he'll kill himself
96. He's actually a fish swimmer guy (from Go Fish) and so without water
he'll dry up. So Buffy sends him to the desert where he shrivels up and dies
97. Buffy wakes up from her "insanity" phase and Joss is so stressed about
losing his acid that he doesn't know and Buffy has time to brutally kill
Riley with various torture weapons.
98. Willow casts another wrong spell and accidentally turns him into a fly, and when Xander walks in he kills him.
99. Turn him into a statue and break him
100. Curse him into a "#1 Farm Boy" trophy
101. Send him over to the people at the BA_Fluff list, we'll have our fun
with him!
So, was it funny?? Feedback is what I live (or write) for. Please send me
some!
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Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or it's characters. I do however own this
story. But the BA_Fluff site can have it if they want.
Summary: I've come up with 101 different ways to kill Riley. I'm not kidding!
This just shows that I have no life...
Notes: This was done for two reasons. 1) I hate Riley so much it makes me
want to scream and kill something and 2) because the idea seemed fun and I
needed to do some Riley Bashing fic. For all those who hate Riley, I hope you
enjoy. For all those who don't (are you crazy!!
Spoilers: All Riley history (and some assumptions (like ::cough:: cow
obsessions ::cough::) And some B/A history