DISCLAIMER: Don't own them. I've been asked if I'm Joss in disguise, but I'm really not. Sorry.
TIMELINE: Sometime in Buffy's junior year at college. Let's just imagine that Buffy didn't die, Riley didn't leave, because it's just easier that way.
SPOILERS: Nope, none
This story is based on the challenge below. It was sent by Sunnie to the BA_Fluff mailing list.
Concept: Basically I read this fic, I think it was by Jill. And anyway Buffy and everyone was at college and Giles was their teacher and the subject was mythology. So basically that except the teacher doesn't have to be Giles. Anyway the concept is, that they are studying European Vampires 1700-1900's. So, they get a project which assigns each group or pair to a vampire. And let's all guess who Buffy and her partner(s) get?? Gold star to the person who guessed Angelus. So they have to do a report. Could be oral doesn't really matter.
Requirements:
Buffy finding out things she didn't want to know
A portrait of Angel and his family
Riley (as partner or part of the group)
Angelus being more of an icon in the Vamp World
Whole books on Angelus
The line "He could suck my blood any day!"
B/A happy ending
Optional:
Buffy interviewing Spike on Angelus
One of the other groups getting William the Bloody
Jealous Buffy
Report Requirements:
Birth, Life, Death (report)
After life (Lack of better term)(report)
Why is this vampire famous?(report)
Where do you think this vampire is today? (essay)
Extra credit:
Portrait
Any visual aid
Finding the vampire's order (AN: Angelus is of the Order of Aurelius)
The vampire's relationship to other vampires

"I'm really not sure we should be taking this class." Buffy said. Willow looked at her with a smile.

"Buffy, I think this is the only class you won't have to worry about homework. You already do it every night." Willow told her. They were at that very moment in the lecture theatre, waiting for the first class of History 144- Myths and Legends to begin.

The class was already quite full, but at least one student had yet to arrive.

"This is the first class you're actually taking with Riley." Willow said with a bright smile. Buffy nodded, trying valiantly to get the enthusiasm she knew she should feel about it. And, at that very moment, Riley Finn mooched in, hair falling in his eyes. He stumbled over a couple of students, but finally, he was seated beside his beloved Buffy.

"Hi Buffy," He said, much in the style of a lovesick six year old girl. She mustered the best smile she could.

"Hey Riley,"

"I missed you lots," He started, but at that moment, the teacher came in and silence fell. The teacher couldn't have been more than thirty, and she had long flowing hair the colour of night. She was dressed in a style Willow wouldn't have said no to, a kind of cross between Earth Mother and Computer Girl. In fact, she reminded both Buffy and Willow of a long departed computer science teacher.

"Good afternoon class, I'm Professor Calendar." Buffy and Willow exchanged questioning glances.

"I'm going to be teaching the History 144 course Myths and Legends. If this isn't where you're meant to be, leave now." She smiled. Nobody moved. She then continued into the lecture.

"When I say myths and legends, I mean all kinds of things. There are many sorts of myth and legend, some of long ago, some not. Yet all myth tends to have at least a tenuous basis in reality. A large part of the course will deal with this relationship and where reality ends and becomes legend." She smiled. "This isn't an easy course, but I hope it will be fun."

She continued on for a short while about Arthur and Camelot, then started on an entirely different subject.

"How many of you think vampires are real?" She asked. Buffy and Willow's hands immediately shot up, while Riley pondered for a moment, before also raising his. Several other hands shot up. However, the great majority stayed down. Buffy wasn't surprised. Even in Sunnydale, denial still reigned supreme. Sometimes she wished she still had that luxury.

"Well, the first project you'll be embarking on will challenge your beliefs and make you perhaps even question the world you live in. Or, it might just be a lot of reading." She joked. She held up a piece of paper.

"I've assigned you groups randomly. If you have a burning desire to change groups, see me. The first group is Buffy Summers, Tamara Beckett, Riley Finn and Willow Rosenberg." Buffy grinned. She had her best friend in her group! Then the grin faded. She also had Riley. She switched off as Professor Calendar continued to read out the groups. Only when Willow nudged her did she realise that Tamara Beckett, a girl who reminded Buffy of Willow when they first met, had joined them and they were waiting for their assignment. Soon enough, Professor Calendar approached and handed Willow a piece of paper.

"What? What is it?" Buffy asked, seeing how Willow's mouth had dropped almost to the floor. Willow wordlessly handed Buffy the sheet of paper and waited for her friend to blanch. Which she did. Tamara, not picking up on the tension, took the paper and began to read.

"A Report on European Vampires 1700-2001. Focus on Angelus, Scourge of Europe. Wonder who he is? Anyway, must include written report and oral presentation two weeks from today. Include information on the life, death and unlife of the vampire, including information on why this vampire has attained such iconic status and a piece hypothesising on where he may be today." Tamara shrugged. "Sounds like a lot of reading."

"Or not." Buffy murmured. Willow leaned over and squeezed her hand.

"I wonder who this Angelus is?" Tamara said. Riley looked over at Buffy's pale, shocked face.

"Are you all right Buffy?" He asked. He had yet to learn of Angelus or the relationship between slayer and vampire.

"I'm fine." She smiled weakly. Riley bought it, Tamara bought it. For Willow, she'd have to do better.

"How do we divide this up, do you think?" Tamara was all work and no play, so it seemed.

"Why don't we meet in our dorm later? Buffy and I know of a place to get some books." Willow said. Buffy and Riley nodded, neither wanting to let on to Tamara the full story. Not yet, at least. They continued to talk, until the class was over. While the class filed out, Buffy and Willow remained behind.

"I think we should talk to her. I want to know what she's playing at." Buffy said. Willow nodded. They went down to where Professor Calendar was sat at her desk. She looked up, unsurprised to see them there.

"I thought you'd want to talk to me. Sit down, please." She said, shocking the girls into silence.

"My name is Esther. My sister was Jenny Calendar. I believe you knew her." They nodded.

"I'm of the Kalderash just like she was. But I haven't spoken to them for some time."

"Why?" Willow asked.

"Since the Angelus incident, since my sister was killed. We could have prevented it. But... History is hard to forget. Even harder to forgive."

"Why are you making us research vampires?" Buffy asked suspiciously.

"There are no hidden agendas here Miss Summers. Merely a project. Most people here do not even believe such creatures exist, even though they come to Sunnydale in droves."

"Do you, uh... like computers?" Willow asked, unnerved by the woman who looked so like Jenny.

"My sister taught me everything I know."

"Oh."

"Please believe me, I have no ulterior motives, nothing to gain. This is merely a project for a class." The girls looked at her earnest face and realised she was telling the truth.

"Thanks," Willow said. They got up and left. As they walked along, Buffy turned to Willow.

"We have to tell Giles."

"Absolutely." Willow nodded. "If he sees her around, he might think she's a ghost."

"And this being Sunnydale..."

"Exactly." They changed directions, heading instead towards the Magic Box.

Giles was there, of course, when they arrived.

"Giles, we have something to tell you."

"Important?"

"Yes."

"Evil?"

"No."

"Fine, carry on." He smiled.

"We have a new teacher..." Buffy began, wondering how to tell him.

"Esther Calendar, I know."

"You know?"

"Of course. We kept in touch after Jenny died." He said.

"Oh. We just thought we should tell you..."

"In case I thought I was seeing an apparition? I agree, she does look remarkably like Jenny. They're very similar. But with Esther, there's no..."

"Spark?" Buffy asked. Giles blushed slightly, and nodded.

"Yes. Now, what is it you want today ladies?"

"Books." Willow said, handing Giles their assignment. His eyebrows raised, he looked towards Buffy.

"Are you OK with this?" He asked, concerned for his slayer.

"Sure. It's easy."

"I'm not sure that it will be as easy as you think, Buffy. This requires you to study Angel in the kind of depth you've not done before."

"Study Angel in depth? Please." Buffy scoffed.

"Let me rephrase. You haven't studied Angelus in this kind of depth." He said gently. She looked at him. He was right. She had purposely avoided learning too much about Angelus' past exploits, even when he was back and more evil than ever.

"It's OK Giles. I should probably know this stuff anyway." She smiled sweetly. "I don't suppose..."

"The Watcher Diaries are confidential. You aren't allowed them for a school project." Giles said firmly. She pouted, giving him the full hurt Buffy works.

"Please?" She asked. He wasn't buying it.

"No. I'm sorry Buffy. But there are many other sources... Who else is in the group with you?" He asked.

"Only me, Willow and Riley. And a girl called Tamara."

"You must be careful, Buffy..."

"Secret identity, all that?"

"Yes. It could be dangerous for her to learn too much. Treat it all as if it's not entirely true." He advised.

"Sure. That's why we're meeting in our dorm later, with the books. We didn't really want to bring her here, or explain where we got the books. Speaking of..." She prompted. Giles nodded, and went up into the dangerous books section. He pulled out quite a few books, certainly more than Buffy expected.

"This is a lot." She said. He nodded.

"There's more than you might expect written about him." He told her. "Wesley, I'm told, has quite a collection now, since he's working for Angel."

"That's Wesley for you." Buffy smiled, remembering the new, improved Wesley she'd met in LA last time she was there.

"We should go. Tamara and Riley will be expecting us." Willow said. Buffy followed behind, carrying effortlessly the large pile of books.

"See you later Giles!" They both called to him. He stared after them with a mixture of humour, affection and genuine worry. He knew what those books contained. He just worried what would happen when Buffy found out.

Part Two

"This is all about Angel!" Buffy said incredulously, flicking through the book. Riley glanced over at her. The four were sitting in Willow and Buffy's room. Why did Buffy insist on calling this vampire Angel? It was as if she knew him or something.

"Well, he's famous, Buffy. That's why we're doing a project on him." Riley said.

"True."

"Are there any pictures of him?" Tamara asked. They had discovered that Tamara had been one of the few to put her hand up. She knew of vampires. In fact, her brother had been one, until Buffy came along one night. She'd known Buffy was the slayer all along. However, she was unaware of Buffy and Angel's history, just as Riley was. The question was loaded. In a box under her bed, Buffy had many pictures of Angel. Angel and Buffy, Angel and Buffy and the gang. Not to mention the framed picture of Angel currently nestling under Buffy's pillow.

"There are some, I believe. The thing about vampires not showing up in photographs isn't true." She said.

"How do you know?" Riley asked. She fixed him with a withering look.

"I'm the slayer Riley, it's my job to know." She picked up another book and flicked through it, looking for a picture. Her heart almost stopped. It was a very early photograph of Angel in the late 1800s. He had long dark hair and the smirk that typified Angelus. She stared at it, entranced, until Tamara cleared her throat and asked to see it.

"Sure." Buffy reluctantly handed the book over to her. Tamara's eyes went wide like saucers.

"Wow! He could suck my blood any day!" She said, meaning it as a joke, and certainly not expecting to get such a glare from Buffy. However, she thought it was just Buffy taking her job too seriously.

"Sorry, I mean, blood sucking isn't good, but, well, look at him!" Buffy had been. Sometimes, it was all Buffy wanted to do.

"I know what you mean." Buffy smiled tightly.

"Has he ever been to Sunnydale?" Riley asked suddenly.

"What do you mean, Riley?" Willow asked.

"Well, this is the centre of all things mystical and evil. Has he ever paid our fair town a visit?"

"Well..." Buffy began. Willow shook her head.

"He did. A couple of years ago...." Willow began concocting a tale. Buffy stood up.

"No!" She cried at Willow, before storming out. Willow followed quickly. Riley and Tamara sat, wondering what was going on.

"Well, we might as well carry on reading." Tamara said, picking up a book which was almost brand new. Unlike the other books, which were about vampires, this was about vampire slayers and had been written by a Q Travers in the last year. Tamara flicked through, until she found sudden mention of Angel towards the back. Without thinking, she read aloud.

"The myth of the vampire slayer has always been closely linked with the myth of the vampire and there are several reports of slayers and vampires developing close relationships beyond that of simple enemies. However, the most notable of these must be the recent case of the slayer Buffy Summers and the vampire Angelus." She stopped suddenly.

"What?" Riley asked. "What was that about?" Tamara continued to read.

"Summers is unusual in having died once already before being revived, bringing about the Second Slayer phenomenon already discussed earlier in Chapter Two. However, she also developed a close personal relationship with the vampire Angelus. This is a clear example of the love/hate complex that haunts slayers...." Tamara trailed off as Travers went on to describe something else entirely.

"Buffy and Angelus? That explains her weird behaviour." Tamara pointed out. Riley was red with rage. At that slightly inopportune moment, Buffy and Willow returned.

"I have to tell you..."

"You and Angelus?" Riley shouted. Buffy went pale.

"What?"

"It's in a book for all to see! You and a vampire!" He raged.

"Sit down." She commanded. He did so, even at his angriest, he wouldn't dare fight Buffy.

"You don't know the whole story." She said. "Where did you find out?"

Tamara handed her the book. Buffy took one look at the authors name and tossed it across the room.

"That man wouldn't know how to organise a drinking contest in a brewery." She scoffed.

"Angel... It's a long story, even we don't know all of it." Willow said.

"Angel has a soul now. He's good."

"He's a vampire." Riley said, before being silenced by Buffy's white hot glare.

"A long time ago, he was cursed by gypsies. He was given back his soul, which includes his conscience. He doesn't kill anymore. In fact, he helps people."

"You know where he is?" Riley asked.

"Sure I do."

"Where?" Riley demanded.

"It doesn't matter. The point is, Angel and Angelus... They're different people. One is a man and one is a demon." Buffy said. "We're here to find out about the demon. Leave Angel out of it."

"You and he were... involved?" Tamara asked, very aware that Buffy's boyfriend was only metres away.

"No." Buffy skipped that part. She and Willow had agreed to leave it out. "Quentin Travers doesn't know what he's talking about." She felt bad about lying about Angel. But it was for his own good, she told herself. Willow nodded. Riley calmed down slightly.

"So, do you already know all of this?" Tamara asked. Buffy shook her head.

"No. Why don't we get to work?" She said, hoping to change the subject away from herself.

"Angelus...." Tamara read out. Buffy sighed. Tamara had a knack of finding the worst things to read out. "Born 1725 in Galway, Ireland as Liam Coghlan." Buffy looked up. This was new. Didn't that make him so much older than she thought?

"Vampires give their age from when they were made." Willow said, perhaps knowing what Buffy was thinking.

"That's here too..." Tamara said. "Sired in Galway, 1753. What does sired mean?"

"Made into a vampire." Buffy said, thinking bitterly of Darla. She'd called Cordelia just a short time ago, and the brunette had filled her in on everything she knew. Darla had come back and made Angel's life Hell on Earth.

"Does it say by who?" Riley asked.

"No..."

"Darla." Buffy said, without thinking. "Darla's a vampire, over 400 years old. She was staked a few years ago. She came here with the Master."

"Master?" Riley asked.

"Another vampire. Don't worry."

"I know! Why don't Buffy and I look into Angel and his past, while you two look into the Order of Aurelius." Willow suggested. Off their confused looks, she continued. "The Master was the head of the Order of Aurelius, and Darla was his favourite. That means Angelus must have had something to do with it. Why don't you look it up?" She asked, hoping that it would allow Buffy and herself to work on Angel without the interruptions of Tamara and Riley, and come up with answers they already had, without explaining how they had them.

Buffy's head was aching. She and Willow were still surrounded by books. So far, they hadn't found out much they didn't already know.

"Here's something. A diary entry of a Countess in 1876." Willow said.

"What does it say?" Buffy asked. Willow skimmed through it.

"You don't want to know." She said. Buffy fixed her with a stern look.

"Yes I do. Tell me."

"Well... She writes of how the handsome Irishman by the name of Angelus was trying to seduce her." Willow stopped.

"And?"

"And... The diary itself stops there. The book says that her body was found the next evening."

"Drained?"

"And violated." Willow said. Buffy shut her eyes tight to stop any stray tears. She knew Angelus was a killer, a monster, she'd seen it herself. But for the rest of the world to know as well...

"What else does it say?"

"It mentions Spike and Drusilla briefly. There's no mention of Darla."

"Spike! We've got our very own eyewitness to talk to." Buffy said. Something inside of her wanted to know every little piece of the past. A masochistic part of her, clearly.

She supposed it was the insecure feeling that she had that she didn't know Angel at all. He kept so much of himself closed away. Oh, Buffy knew that he had let her see much, much more than he revealed to anyone else. But sometimes she felt that she didn't know him at all. Then, a feeling of dishonesty settled over her. She was investigating her own boyfriend. Ex, she reminded herself. But that didn't make it seem any less... Devious.

"I'm going to call Angel." She told Willow. Willow's head snapped up.

"What? Are you crazy?"

"I just want to tell him... It feels dishonest. I feel like I'm prying." Buffy told her friend. Willow understood, as Buffy knew she would.

"You have his number?"

"Yeah." Buffy went to the phone and dialled. The day was still sunny, so she knew he'd be in. After several rings, someone picked up.

"Hello?" It wasn't Angel.

"Cordelia? It's Buffy."

"Buffy! What? Is everything OK?" The girl in LA sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yes. I just need to speak to Angel." Buffy smiled. Cordelia was getting soft in her old age.

"Angel? Why?" Cordelia now sounded suspicious.

"It's nothing really important. Please." Buffy said, not wanting to plead with Cordelia.

"Sure. ANGEL!" Cordelia shrieked. The quiet sound of Angel's voice could be heard, then he took the phone.

"Hello?" Buffy's heart began skipping beats at the sound of his voice.

"Hi. It's Buffy."

"Buffy? Is everything OK?"

"Sure," She hurried to assure him. "It's just... At school..."

"What's up Buffy?" Angel asked gently.

"In my myths and legends class, my project is you."

"What?"

"Or rather, Angelus. We have to write a report about Angelus. And when I was reading, I felt..."

"Sickened? I don't blame you." Angel sounded guilty.

"Well, yeah, but no. I felt like I was going behind your back or something. I just wanted you to know."

"It's OK Buffy. Really." He paused. "Why me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because you're the world famous Scourge of Europe." She said, almost affectionately.

"Well, there is that." Angel's voice was serious, but she could practically hear the smile.

"I'd better go... I just wanted to tell you."

"Thank you Buffy. Are you OK?"

"Sure."

"Bye Buffy." He told her gently.

"Bye Angel." She said softly, before hanging up the phone.

"How's Angel?" Willow asked.

"He sounds good, actually."

"Good."

"He seemed surprised that anyone would want to research him." Buffy said, a smile spreading across her face. It was the same smile she always got after talking to Angel. Willow didn't miss it.

"Maybe you should interview the subject." She said, her eyes shining. Buffy's face fell.

"No... Seeing Angel... Only badness comes out of it." She said. Willow nodded.

"You're probably right. Besides, how would you explain it away?"

"I don't know. It's weird that Tamara knows all about this, and me being the Slayer."

"You really did flunk the secret identity part of the Slayer code." Willow agreed.

"Yeah. I remember her now. Her brother was turned a couple of years ago. He was going to change her but then I came along and staked him. She screamed at me about it too. How dare I kill her brother. It took me an hour to calm her down and explain the whole thing." Buffy made a face.

"At least we don't have to pretend we don't believe in vampires." Willow said.

"True. But I do have to pretend I barely know Angel. I do have to pretend that he wasn't the love of my life and I do have to pretend that I don't still love him." Buffy said, her face becoming infinitely sad.

Riley was in a state of confusion. In all their time together, Buffy had never mentioned anyone called Angel or Angelus. Yet now he was finding out all kinds of things. Clearly there was history there, and probably not a good one. Now he was stuck with Tamara Beckett looking up the Order of Aurelius, while Buffy was elsewhere.

"I think we've found all we can. Why don't we go back now?" He suggested. Tamara looked up from her book. He wanted to get back to Buffy as soon as possible.

"Sure." And then, they went back to Buffy's room.

"Hello!" Tamara said breezily as she and Riley came back in. "We just saw Luke and Marie, from the class. They have to write about some vampire called William The Bloody. Sounds awful."

"William the Bloody? Awful? Yeah right." Buffy scoffed. Yes, she'd given too much away again.

"You know him?"

"Spike? He lives in Sunnydale. He's harmless."

"Harmless? He's a vampire, Buffy." Tamara said.

"Yes, I know that. But he also has a chip in his brain that doesn't let him hurt people. He helps us sometimes when we need extra muscle." Buffy told her. Then a thought occurred to her.

"Spike!" She jumped up.

"Yeah, Spike. What about him?" Riley asked.

"I can talk to Spike!" Seeing three uncomprehending faces, she continued. "About Angelus. Angelus is Spike's grandsire."

"That's true. You should do that. We'll stay and read some more." Willow said, aware of her friend's need to get out of the room, and away from Riley and Tamara.

"I should. Do you have any money?"

"Why do you need money?"

"Spike may be harmless now, but he's not stupid."

"You're going to pay him for information?" Riley scoffed.

"No. I'm going to make him think I will." Buffy smiled brightly as Willow handed her several bills, and then she was out of there.

"SPIKE!" She shouted loudly. He appeared from the underground part of his crypt home.

"What the bloody hell do you want?" He asked.

"You're grouchy in the morning." She said. He looked at her strangely.

"What do you want?" He asked, more gentle this time.

"I need to talk to you Spike. About Angel." She said. Spike rolled his eyes.

"What's the great poof done this time?"

"Nothing. But for a class... I have to do a project about Angelus the vampire."

"What, instead of Angelus the fluffy bunny?"

"Don't be smart Spike. I'll pay you." His interest was piqued.

"Really?"

"Sure. Just tell me about you and Angelus in the old days. Before he got his soul back."

"You sure you want to know?" He seemed genuinely concerned for her. She nodded.

"I'm sure."

"Well, he was my sire. I mean, Dru made me, but Angelus taught me everything I know about being evil. Well, I've picked up a few things myself since, but you know. Anyway, we rampaged through Europe. He didn't like me much, it has to be said. I wanted a good fight, he wanted to be all artistic with a kill. Made me want to heave."

"Give me specifics." She said. "I need examples."

"This is one sick report you're making. Can I read it when you're done?" He grinned.

"Just tell me."

"All right. I remember... Once in London. Drusilla threw a party for Angel."

"A party?"

"Yeah. She invited a bunch of humans and a few vampires. You can guess the rest."

"I think so." She smiled weakly.

"Those parties were always a big hit. We must have eaten twenty people that night." Spike said, almost wistfully. "Lots to eat, good company." Off Buffy's look, he stopped.

"You really don't want to know this stuff." He told her. "You'd be better off in the dark. Just think of him as your dark avenging hero." He told her.

"Spike, I was on the front lines last time he went evil. It's hardly a surprise."

"You want to know something? Angelus the second time was different. Sure, he was evil, depraved and all the rest, but he wasn't the same. Something changed him. You changed him, you know. He spent so much time thinking about you that he didn't kill as much as he used to."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"But he was only thinking of ways to kill me, right?"

"Most of the time."

"Only most of the time?"

"Yeah. Sometimes, he'd go real quiet. I think he missed you. Then he'd get a good arse-kicking from you and cheer right up. Know what that's like." Spike smirked at her. In spite of herself, Buffy smiled slightly.

"Thanks Spike. You know, another group's project is all about you." She told him. He perked up at this.

"Really? I told you, I'm bad, baby."

"Yeah. Right. See you later, Spike?"

"Later?"

"Yeah. Come on patrol with me. I'll pay you then."

"All right. I feel like kicking some demon arse anyway." Spike said, trying to play it cool.

Patrol was mostly uneventful, and Buffy and Spike found themselves in awkward silence.

"Did..." Buffy was working up to a question, Spike knew it. But he was going to make her spit it out.

"Did Angel.... I mean...." Now it was getting annoying.

"Just ask, Buffy." He said, surprisingly gentle. This new tone reassured her.

"Did Angel fall in love when he was a vampire? I mean, I know about Darla. But was there anyone he really... I don't know."

"Well, there was Dru." Spike said. "And..." He paused. Buffy really didn't want to know this story.

"Tell me." She said firmly. He led her through the cemetery to his crypt.

"You really don't want to know." He advised her.

"Yes I do." She said. He looked at her resolved expression. Yes, she really did.

"In about 1894, we were in Italy, in Florence." He told her. "We were staying at the best hotel in the city and trying to keep a low profile so we could stay awhile without having a raging mob come after us. Anyway, we were there long enough to infiltrate high society, countesses and stuff." Buffy shuddered at the thought of the Countess in the diary.

"Well, there was one girl, not more than nineteen. She was... She was absolutely beautiful. She was one of those Mediterranean types, long black hair and olive skin. She was called Maria Assumpta and she was a Duchess from the South. She was engaged to be married to this old guy, must've been twice her age. Anyway, we saw her at a couple of parties, and both Angel and I fell in love with her. This didn't go down well with Dru or Darla."

"I can imagine."

"Yeah, anyway, we both tried courting her a bit, without arousing the suspicions of her fiance. She of course, fell for Angel's dark and handsome thing instead of my lovable charms." Spike winked at Buffy. "And we expected him to change her. But he kept putting it off over and over again. We just thought he was waiting for some really sick moment, the way he did. But then, we walked in on him and Maria... They were sitting in the drawing room of her home, and he was telling her how much he loved her, and how much he wanted to take her away from Florence."

"He loved her." Buffy said hollowly.

"Perhaps." Spike said cagily. "But he'd done this seduction scene a thousand times before. What was different... He sat her down and admitted what he was to her. He said he wanted her to come with him, but he didn't want to kill her."

"I don't understand." Buffy said.

"Neither did I. Not at the time. But he realised that she was beautiful because she was alive and had a soul. She was a kind, sweet girl and I think he didn't want to destroy that."

"He did love her." Buffy said.

"Maybe. But anyway, Darla burst in, all jealous, and demanded to know what was going on. She grabbed Maria, but Angel grabbed her back and snapped her neck, quick as a flash. I think he realised he'd have to kill her, and wanted to make it quick." Spike smiled gently at Buffy.

"You didn't want to know this, did you?"

"No, I did. Lots of... Research for the project."

"Sod the project, Buffy. Look, he wasn't in love with her, at least not even to the degree he loves you." Buffy looked up at Spike's use of the word 'loves' instead of the past tense.

"Yeah? So tell me Spike, why is he in LA?" Buffy's voice wavered a little. She could feel the floodgates begin to weaken.

"Because he's stupid." Spike offered. The floodgates strained, then finally, burst. Tears streamed down Buffy's face, but she made no sound for a moment. Then, an almost primal, excruciating cry escaped from her lips, genuinely scaring Spike. He shot over to her side and put his arms around her.

"Buffy... Buffy please don't cry."

"He left me Spike!" She sobbed. "He left me!" Spike rocked her gently.

"I know. He's always been stupid."

"But why? He left me! Didn't he love me anymore?" Spike pulled away to look directly into her eyes.

"Of course he does! Bloody Hell, Buffy, Antony & Cleopatra had a brief fling compared to you two. Romeo & Juliet was just a teenage crush when put up against Buffy and Angel. You two... I guess I'd better tell you another story." Spike sat beside her, his arm still protectively, comfortingly around her shoulders.

Sunnydale, March 1998.

"Angelus!" Spike called roughly. "Angel!" He sighed. He was stuck in a wheelchair while Angelus pranced around with Drusilla. Angelus himself sauntered in, looking cool and hot at the same time in his leather trousers and velvet shirt. The sun would be up soon, and Angel had just returned from a night's hunt.

"What do you want, Rollerboy?" Angel asked nastily.

"Where's Dru?" Spike demanded. Angel looked genuinely surprised.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Come on, Angel, I know what you two get up to when you think I won't notice."

"I don't know, Spike." Angel snarled.

"What's the matter with you?" Spike asked. "If you weren't with Dru, where were you?"

"I was... Out." Angel finished lamely.

"Where? Don't you normally go out with Dru?"

"It's nothing to do with you where I was!" Angel said angrily, pushing Spike. The chair rolled back a couple of feet before Spike stopped it.

"I know!" Spike realised. "You were watching the Slayer again!" The enraged look on Angel's face was proof enough.

"What is it about that girl?" Spike asked, expecting a glib answer, or a violent one.

"She's beautiful." Spike stopped. Had he imagined it?

"Beautiful? I wouldn't go that far."

"I would. I remember what it was like to kiss her."

"Well, it was only a couple of months ago." Spike said. Angel glared. Spike shut up. Something told him that this was Angelus in a rare mode of sharing. It could be useful blackmail material another time.

"She was so sweet. Now she's a wreck." Angelus almost sounded guilty. "Because of me." He said softly, sadly.

"Are you in love with her?" Spike ventured.

"Yeah." Angelus sounded resigned. It was then that Spike realised that even without a soul, Angelus would always be, as he liked to call it, Buffy-whipped.

"I felt sorry for him." Spike told a calmer Buffy. "He seemed so... lost. It wasn't a surprise that you won the fight in the mansion. Even at his most evil, he didn't really like hurting you. I think he did it because he thought he had to." Spike told her.

"It's great to know that even the most vicious vampire known to man was in love with me. Tell me, do I send out vibes to you guys?" She said.

"Well... I don't know. You hit us a lot. Some vampires like that." Spike said.

"Like you?" Buffy cracked a little smile. He smirked, and she hit him gently on the arm.

"Thank you, Spike." She said gently, before going out. Spike waited a couple of minutes, before following her out of the cemetery. He stopped at the first public phone he found and made the call.

"Buffy! I was worried! You've been gone ages. I tried calling from Tara's earlier but you still weren't here." Willow exclaimed from her bed as Buffy walked into their room. Buffy hung up her coat in her closet before turning to her friend.

"I was patrolling with Spike. He gave me some... stuff for our project." She mustered a smile to try and reassure the redhead but Willow wasn't convinced.

"I'm worried about you Buffy. Maybe you shouldn't get too involved in this whole thing."

"It's OK, Will, really. Truth be told, I'm quite liking learning about Angel. It's.... Horrible too, but I don't mind so much." Willow scrutinised Buffy closely.

"Buffy..."

"Really, Willow. I really..." Buffy sat down on her bed and looked Willow directly in the eye.

"I never knew much about Angel's past and I didn't mind until now. But there's so much I don't know. He never wanted to talk about his past and I don't blame him. It isn't exactly Listen With Mother material, but at least..."

"You feel closer to him." Willow finished. Buffy nodded.

"Especially when he's not even here." She added sadly. Willow went over to her friend and put her arm around her.

"I think you should lay off it for a little while. I'll tell Riley and Tamara that you're not feeling great when we next meet."

"When's that?"

"Tomorrow morning in the library. Apparently when they were looking through the books, the librarian told them that there's an occult history room."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We have permission to go in tomorrow morning. It's quite restricted apparently."

"Which is good."

"Yeah. We don't want every UC Sunnydale student being able to get spells and stuff. We'd never get a day off." Willow joked.

"That's true. Perhaps we should make a note of the titles of some of them. Giles might be interested."

"Already on it. He called earlier. He wanted to make sure you were OK."

"I'm OK, really. Just tired."

"Well, go to sleep then."

"I will." Buffy readied herself for bed, and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was asleep.

"Good morning." Tamara called brightly. She was already waiting outside the reading room when Willow and Buffy arrived.

"Is Riley here yet?" Willow asked. As soon as the words left her mouth, he came ambling round the corner, a goofy smile on his face.

"Hi there! Everyone raring to go for a day's hard work?" He said, much too perky for the time of day or the purpose of their meeting.

"Oh, absolutely." Buffy said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. Riley didn't pick up on it.

The Occult Reading Room was beautiful, done out in matured oak much older than the library itself. Beautiful leather chairs were scattered around the table, while all four walls were lined with shelves and shelves of books. It was dark, but the Tiffany lamps cast a pretty glow over the room as soon as Buffy located the switch.

"How did we not know about this?" She breathed to Willow.

"We did. Or rather, Giles did. Apparently it was donated a couple of years ago by some mystery benefactor." Willow told her. They stood for a moment, stunned by the dark beauty of the room.

"Hey, guys?" Tamara said. She pointed to a small plaque on the wall.

"Donated to The University of California, Sunnydale in September 1999 by Mr. L. Coghlan." Tamara read aloud. Buffy looked at Willow. The name was familiar. Then, the pieces fell into place in her mind.

"Angel?" She whispered. "Willow, can I speak to you a second outside?" She asked. Riley glared slightly, but said nothing as the two girls went outside.

"What is he playing at? Are these all Angel's old books?"

"Probably."

"He left them here when he went to LA. He probably took the important ones with him." Buffy guessed. "Why would he do this?"

"I really don't know Buffy. Maybe he figured that you were coming here..."

"Why didn't he just give them to Giles? Why did he do this? I don't..." Buffy began to hyperventilate slightly.

"I don't know Buffy. Maybe he thought you'd come in here eventually. Or maybe he wanted to leave something for generations to come."

"Generations to come? He's a vampire, he can leave himself for generations to come!" Buffy said, slightly too loudly.

"Calm down, Buffy," Willow told her gently. "It's just a reading room."

"No, it's not just a reading room. It's proof that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, Angel is haunting me! It's like the world is telling me that I can't actually have Angel, but I'm not allowed to forget him either!"

"Would you want to?" Willow asked.

"No." Buffy said, resigned. "Never." She smiled sadly, and followed Willow back inside.

Although they spent hours in there, (breaking only for lunch) surrounded by books, very few of them had Angelic content. A few made brief mention of the Scourge of Europe, Buffy noted, but none so far had mentioned him by name or in detail.

"This is useless! Angelus killed anybody that came up against him, so how can news reach anybody else?" Buffy sighed.

"Oh Buffy, we'll find something," Riley said with a cheerfulness entirely inappropriate to what they were reading.

"Buffy..." Willow said very slowly, with a warning tone in her voice.

"What?" Buffy asked. Willow silently handed her a book.

"What is this?" Buffy asked, not really seeing the words on the page.

"Read it. Read it very carefully."

"OK." Buffy skimmed the page, but noticed the word 'curse' caught up in the passage and so went back and read more carefully.

"It's all about the curse." She said, breathlessly. "He had this all the time?" She asked her friend.

"Maybe not. The university gets new books all the time." Willow groped for an answer. Then Buffy dropped the book. She reached down under the desk to pick it up, and noticed that a small piece of paper had fallen out. She opened it out. It was one of Angel's pictures. Of her. She felt her face redden and her heart quicken. He'd drawn it when he was good, she could tell by the gentleness of the lines, the love it was drawn in. The pictures Angelus had left for her to find had always been menacing, but this was not.

"Buffy?" Riley's voice called from above the table. She quickly folded the sheet up and slid it up her sleeve, knowing she could never explain this to Riley. She then sat up and placed the book up on the table.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Back in a minute." She told them in a breezy voice, before running out.

It was already dark out, as she knew it would be in the early evening. She ran outside, needing air. She wondered where Angel was right now, if he was thinking about her, if he thought about her at all. She pulled the drawing from its hiding place and looked at it closer. She didn't know much about art except that which Angel had taught her, but she didn't need an Art degree to realise that the picture said more about Angel than it did about her. It spoke of his adoration for his subject, his respect for her, his love for her. In the picture, Buffy was sitting alone on a bench in a park. She looked at once vulnerable and strong. She noted that she was sitting not in the sun, but in the moonlight, and held a stake in her hand. She looked so tiny, so delicate and fragile, yet her grip on the stake was powerful, assured, as was the expression on her face. Buffy choked back a sob. Angel really did love her, she knew that. She searched for a date on the picture. She found it- May 11th 1999. He had drawn it the day of her Senior Prom. She remembered it well. Perhaps too well. She realised that as long as she remembered her time with Angel so vividly, she would never be able to love Riley. As long as she could remember so exactly how she felt with Angel, she would never be able to stop comparing it to how she didn't feel with Riley. She sighed, folded the drawing carefully and put it into her pocket. Sighing again, she turned and went back into the library.

"She looks..." Angel said sadly from his position in the trees.

"Confused? Sad? Depressed?" Spike chimed in.

"Yeah." Angel's shoulders fell.

"Come on." Spike pulled Angel's arm, leading him away.

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