Author's note: This is an *okay* piece of fanfic, very Angsty and fluffy. None of my stuff is ever beta'd... This is after Riley leaves in BTVS, and when all the Dru and Darla stuff is going on in Angel. Disclaimer: I don't own them, therefore you don't sue me.
Rating: If ya watch the show, you can read this
Distribution: You can have it, just tell me where you're putting it.
Summary: Buffy tells Angel her feelings through a video tape.

Buffy put the camera on top of her nightstand, pushed record, and then sat on the bed. She looked into it and opened her mouth as to say something, but closed it again. She stared at the lens and made a half smile. Then she spoke.

"I bet you're watching this wondering what I'm doing." She ran her hand through her hair and laughed, but not a full meaningful laugh. A small tired one.

"I. um... I have so many things to confess." She cleared her throat and began.

"I've lied to everyone. Especially to Riley; even more to myself." She folded her hands together in her lap and played with her fingers. She looked down at them, then at the camera.

"I uh, well, he left me, Riley I mean. He said it was cuz. cuz I didn't give him `my everything.'" Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall yet. She inhaled then exhaled, "I tried to tell him that I did. That I loved him." By now the tears were falling. She reached up and pushed away a stray strand of hair. "But I guess. I guess he knows me to well. He was right. I didn't give him my everything." She sniffled and pulled out a tissue from the box beside her on the bed.

"Do you want to know why I couldn't give him my everything?" she had grown to a whisper as she spoke to the camera. "It's because part of me. most of me, is still with you, Angel." Her voice rose, " I'm still back in the days where you would kiss me and tell me things like "always" and "forever"." She used the tissue to wipe her soaked eyes.

"I can't get away from that. I know that I need to, I know you left so I could. But, it's not gonna happen. I'm never gonna get over you. I can date five million guys, but I'll never fall in love with any of them. Cuz I'm still in love with you. I feel like, I'm so tired but I can't sleep." She sat quietly for a while. Tears and sad cries came from her.

She began to collect herself, "I don't even know why I'm sending this tape to you. You're probably gonna think that I went crazy or something. You don't.." she let out a sigh, "you don't need to call or anything, I just needed to get this off my chest and let you know what I'm feeling. I guess that's it." she stared into the lens and let the weight be lifted off her shoulders, not all of it, for only a fraction was lifted.

"That's all I have to say." She stood up and turned off the camera. She placed the tape in the yellow envelope and sealed it. She sent that tape to LA, to the hotel that Angel had taken over, hoping that he'd watch it.

~*~*~*~*

Angel popped in the tape sent to him from god knows where. He was busy with the Darla and Dru and had no time for Cordelia and Wesley. He just knew that it was from them, probably telling him what he should do and why they shouldn't have been fired. But, he didn't care about that; he pushed play any way.

He saw as the camera came into focus on Buffy; she sat quiet for awhile. "I bet you're watching this wondering what I'm doing..." She said. He watched that night, replaying the tape over and over. Watching tears fall from her eyes and sobs burst out of her. < Even when she cries she's prettier than ever > he thought as he watched the tape for the 50th time. He knew the moment that he saw her face covered with tears that he would be making a visit to little ol' Sunnydale. Even if he had to give up looking for Darla and Dru for a week, or a million weeks.

"Gunn," he yelled towards the other room. "Come here." He said unemotionally.

"Wow, is that your sweetie back in Sunnyhell?" he said as he saw the blond beauty on video.

"That's her." Angel said back. "Listen, I need you to hold down the fort, I'm going to her." He said as he gestured to the TV.

"You sure? What about Darla or Dru?" he asked Angel.

"If they come to you, kill them." Angel said with a determined expression, one of his few expressions.

With that Angel packed up some blood, put on his duster, and headed for his batmobile.

That night, he was on his way to La Boca Del Infierno. The hellmouth.

~*~*~*~*

"So, how have you been?" Xander asked Buffy caring- like. The gang all settled at the table in the magic shop at nine PM. They were helping Giles fix up the place due to the undead raiding it the night before. Buffy seemed to be the only one who hadn't said a word the entire time.

"Hmm.. Yeah, fine." She lied. She was feeling bad about everything in her life. It had been a week since Riley left. But it wasn't just Riley, it was more. c

Angel watched from the shadows wondering if he should approach her in front of her friends. He stood there outside the magic shop window for a while.

"The bloody poof out for a walk, eh?" he heard the too familiar British from behind. He let out a sigh.

"Spike." He said dully. Knowing it was the vampire that lost his bite.

"Poof." Spike said back. He looked at what Angel was looking at, Buffy. Then back at Angel, "She's hurt you know. I can't for the unlife of me figure out why. So, Riley's gone, he was more of a poof than you, and a farm boy at that." Spike made wild gesture with his hands and could have gone on but Angel's stare shushed him.

"I'm glad you don't like him either, but I don't want to listen to your banter." Angel retorted.

"Alright, alright. Eh, she's been havin' it rough lately, the last thing she'd want is for you to come and make her cry." Spike said sympathetically. Angel stared at him oddly.

"What do you care?" Angel asked with an inquiring mind.

"I don't." Spike tried to lie.

"I've known you for a century, I think I know when you're lying." Angel told him, keeping his voice low so no one would hear him.

"I. I have to go, got me some business to take care of." Spike lied again.

"Right." Angel said as Spike walked away. "Me too." He whispered in the dark to no one.

He walked into the magic shop hiding the handpicked vanilla flowers behind him. They all looked up.

"I'm guessin' this is our cue to go?" Willow asked as she looked up at Buffy.

"It be nice." She replied in a small voice.

They gathered their things and left. Buffy and Angel stood still staring into each other's eyes. He pulled the flowers out from behind him.

"Had a bad week, huh?" he asked as she came over and took the flowers. Her hand brushed his as she took them and her heart soared and his would have skipped a beat if it beated at all.

"Yeah." She grinned.

"Me too." He gave back a grin.

They looked at each other in admiration, not ready to give up the silence between them.

"Um... I guess you got the video?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I did. I know what you mean, about missing the days where we'd be forever and always. I know what I came here to do." he began.

"Don't. don't tell that you came here to stop me from loving you, I can't hear that from you, I can't let those words come out of your mouth." She interrupted.

His eyes widened as he watched her, "I wasn't going to. I came here to do the stupidest thing that I could ever do. I came here." he began a silent cry. She walked over and hugged him still holding the vanilla flowers.

"Tell me." She whispered in his ear.

"I came here to tell you that I feel the exact same way you do. I miss you so much, and I can't believe that I've lived for so long with out you. I want to make this work." He pulled his head off her shoulder and composed himself as he looked into her eyes. "I want to be with you again. I don't want to be sad any more, I just want to be near you. I don't know if that means that we could have a relationship and I don't know if we should, but I'd give up everything just to be able to kiss you again."

With that she kissed him on the lips. It wasn't a passion filled kiss, she couldn't rush things, but it was friendly kiss. Which is the one thing she was allowed to give him in that moment.

"We'll work on it, ok?" she told him.

"OK." he gave back.

That night they made a trip to LA and brought back Angel's things. He moved into Buffy's house, not permanently. He promised to get an apartment. He was going to stay in Sunnydale and fight the evil forces there. Angel let Gunn, Cordy, and Wesley take over the business. Angel knew that he couldn't kill off Darla again, so he let his friends do it.

He and Buffy started their new relationship that night, knowing that they could never make love, but not caring. They made love in their own way, with their smiles, their conversations, and mostly their kisses. It doesn't take sex to make love; they understood that. Other people would disagree with their decision, most people would; people would say that they were selfish, that they let their emotions take over them. But what was wrong with that? They saved the world on many occasions, so what if people didn't approve. As long as they were happy; as long as they had each other everything would work out fine.

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