Summary: AI and The Scooby Gang go on Jerry Springer.
Rating: PG 15??? Language, sexual content, and violence
Relationships: Pretty much every Relationship on BtVs EVER and a couple on Angel. Not to sure since I quit watching Angel in season 3.
AN: I took the 'Invasion' part of the title from someone else's story, but the entire story is my own. Also, in this story, everyone knows vampires are real.
AN2: I will continue on with Midnight Guardian- it's almost done, as a matter of fact, but I needed some relief from my angsty MG world.
Distribution: Duh.
Feedback: C'mon, people. I've been posting for a while now. Feedback gives me drive. Like Angelus in leather pants or chocolate.
Dedication: To The King of Trash Tv- Jerry Springer
Disclaimer: Like I'd wanna own these character pods! Oh- Jerry Springer Show is not mine, neither is the Kevin Costner film Bull Durham.

Jerry Springer stood on his stage with a microphone in his hand.

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! WOO!" howled the live audience.

"Hello, everyone. I am Jerry Springer. The topic of today's show is 'Invasion of the Angry Exes!" said Jerry. "Let us bring out Buffy."

Buffy entered the studio. She wore a form-fitting black leather skirt and a white shirt that had the punk look going for it; it was slashed at the bottom. No way was she going to tell the audience that Spike had mutilated her shirt during one of their encounters.

Buffy's friends were in the audience- Giles, Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. Angel's friends Wesley, Gunn, and Fred were there, too.

"Hi, Buffy," said Jerry with a grin.

"Hi, Jerry."

"Now, why are you here today?" asked Jerry, looking up from his blue card.

"I brought my ex on the show so we could air out all of our emotions. Plus, I am PMS'ing and haven't beaten anything up lately. Demonic activity has been sort of slow."

Jerry looked up at Buffy and said, "How many friends did you bring along?"

"Several, most of them are in the audience. I do not know Groo, Kate, or Lorne but they were brought her by my dumbass ex boyfriend who I intend to beat into a bloody pulp."

"Oooh," sang the audience.

"Who is this boyfriend-"

"Ex!" corrected Buffy.

"Ex- boyfriend, Buffy?" asked Jerry. He looked up at Buffy again, who was sitting confidently in her chair. Many chairs were on the stage around her.

"His name is Angel. I hate him. He left me and then starts shacking up with these sluts!" shouted Buffy.

"Let's bring him out! Here's the one-the only- ANGELLLLL!" yelled Jerry.

Angel entered the stage and sat down in a chair far, far, FAR from his ex. He wore a white shirt with a leather jacket over it and leather pants. The women in the audience began to hoot and holler when he came out.

"Hello, lover," spat Buffy. "Like the ensemble?" Buffy stood up and twirled in front of her ex, which got the male counterpart of the audience hollering.

"The men in the audience seem to like it."

"That's because you're a worthless ho," spat Angel.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the audience.

Buffy had kicked the chair out from under him in a flash. She was on his chest with a stake in her hand, pointed directly over his heart.

"You like this?" Buffy asked, moving slightly against that spot on his inner thigh that made him crazy.

"N-no," stammered the vampire difficulty.

"Well, Spike does," snapped Buffy, rolling off of her ex.

"EXCUSE ME?" shouted Angel, finally standing up.

"That's right! Let's bring out Buffy's current boyfriend, SPIIIIIIKKKKKEEE!"

Spike came out, where his usual (and only?) ensemble. Buffy ran and jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. They stood there, kissing, while Angel fumed. Then he made his approach; he ripped Buffy away from Spike angrily and then punched Spike in the face. Buffy threw a chair at her ex but Angel managed to block it before it smashed into his skull.

"And I thought I had problems," commented Jerry.

The audience laughed.

"Everyone, sit down, sit down. We have a few more guests to come out and if you three are unconscious, I'm afraid we won't have much of a show," Jerry continued. Buffy sat in Spike's lap and Angel leaned up against the wall, never one for chairs.

"Let's bring out Angel's current girlfriend, Cordelia Chase!"

"Bitch! Worthless stupid ho!" screamed out Buffy. She writhed in Spike's lap as he attempted to hold her down.

"Let me at her! I'll rip her hair out for touching my Angel!"

Spike stopped holding her down and the audience fell silent. Even Cordelia stopped in mid-entry.

"What was that?" asked Angel quietly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" asked Buffy innocently.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to answer a question with a question?" snapped Cordelia angrily.

"Shut up!" shouted Buffy. "My mother is dead!"

"I'm sor-" started Cordelia.

"SO don't want to have your pity right now, C. Just let me punch it out with my scumbag of an ex!" shouted Buffy, reaching up to pummel her vampiric ex.

"You still love him, don't you, Buffy!" shouted Spike.

"What the hell gave you that idea?" shouted Buffy as she dodged a wicked accurate punch by Angel.

"Oh, I don't know, it could be the fact that you screamed out, 'I'll rip her hair out for touching my Angel'," said Spike stoically.

"You're wrong, Spike," said Buffy, still punching and ducking. Angel caught her fist and whipped her around so with one upward pull, he would break her arm.

"Buffy," he whispered, "what the hell is going on?"

Buffy managed to writhe out of his grasp, kick his legs out from underneath him, and settle herself on top of him.

"I came here to kick your ass," said Buffy, panting from her fight.

"It looks like you're about to screw his ass!" shouted an audience member.

"Yeah!" echoed another member.

"Screw him! Screw him!" was the chant that echoed throughout the studio.

"I can't!" yelled Buffy.

"He's a eunuch!" announced Cordelia.

"No I'm not!" shouted Angel.

Buffy turned to the audience with a wicked grin and said, "Believe me, he's not."

"Buffy, if he's not a eunuch, why can't you * clears throat * you know?" asked Jerry.

"Because I have curse on my soul that says if I have sex with the woman I love more than anyone else that I will turn into sadomasochistic psychopath," said Angel, who was struggling to speak.

"Angelus was sexy," mumbled Buffy with a roll of her eyes.

The audience gasped in shock. Whispers of the name 'Angelus' spread throughout the studio.

Buffy rolled her eyes and looked at the audience in disbelief. "Oh, come on, people. The leather pants? The duster!? The *eyeliner*? God, it took all of my self control not to jump his bones!"

Angel looked at his ex in shock. "Are you serious?"

"Uh-huh," replied Buffy.

"But he's a vampire!" shouted Riley.

"No duh, Captain Cardboard," noted Cordelia with a sigh.

"And one hellova vampire. He's so freaking sexy!" yelled out Anya.

Angel, who was still underneath his ex, Cordelia, and Spike (not to mention Jerry) turned to look at Anya. Xander was glaring. Anya noticed Xander fuming.

"What? You dumped me at the altar. So what if I think Angel is worthy of intercourse? It's not like I'm going to try anything. He looks WAY too happy pinned underneath Buffy the vampire Slayer," noted Anya with a 'duh' look on her face.

Jerry looked shocked. "Buffy's the Slayer!"

"Yeah," said Cordelia, "that's the main problem with their whole demented relationship. That and he's practically a eunuch."

"He's not a eunuch!" shouted Buffy and a second voice. Everyone turned to see Darla standing in the aisle.

"Holy shit!" shouted Buffy.

"I thought you were dead, Darla!" yelled Angel from underneath the Slayer.

"Well, things change. How's our son, Angelus?" asked Darla innocently.

Buffy's eyes widened. "Your what?"

"YOUR WHAT?" screamed Spike. "Bloody hell!"

Wesley stood up. "Yes, well, Angel and Darla had...sex...and Darla had Angel's baby."

"Angel's getting a helluva lot of nookie for somebody who supposedly can't have sex!" shouted Xander from his seat in the audience.

"You lying little piece of perverted ass shit!" shouted Buffy, punching Angel in the face.

Jerry shook his head and moved to face Darla. "You are?"

"Darla. Angel's sire. His mother," said Darla with a slow smile.

"You're not my mother," growled Angel. Now he was pissed. He took the opportunity to flip Buffy onto her back on the floor of the stage. She looked genuinely helpless.

"And the sexual positions keep on coming!" announced Gunn.

"WOO!" shouted the audience again. "Sex! Sex! Sex!" they chanted.

"Excuse me, have you two forgotten your significant others?" asked Cordelia huffily.

"Oh, please," said Buffy. "I was only using Spike for the sex."

"OOOH!" shouted the audience.

"But Buffy, I love you," said Spike brokenheartedly.

"You love her?" asked Angel, still not getting off of Buffy.

"Yes! Where the hell have you been, Buster?" shouted Xander. "Insensitive prick."

"I hate you!" shouted Xander. "You ruined Buffy's life and even after you've left her, she still can't get over you!"

"Good lord, Xander! That's why you are here?" asked Giles.

"Well, that and I wanted to see Dead Boy get beat up!"

"Buffy, I'm going to stand up. I want to show Spike something," said Angel. He got off of his ex and helped her up.

"William," said Angel, pushing Buffy's hair aside. "See this?" He pointed to the fading bite mark on her neck.

"Yeah, Drac gave it to her when he strolled through Sunnyhell," noted Spike.

"That's not important. There's another mark underneath it. It's mine!" announced Angel proudly.

"You never bit me!" sobbed Cordelia.

"I wonder why not?" snapped Buffy.

"What does that mean, man?" asked Gunn from the audience.

"I claimed her. She's mine."

"No! Angel, you cannot do this to me. I thought we loved each other," said Cordelia sadly, tears running down her face.

"You love yourself. You don't love me, Cordelia, and you know it," said Angel, finally tearing his eyes away from the scar on the Slayer's neck.

Riley stood up. "You people are sick. Buffy and Cordelia are fighting over Angel, Anya wouldn't mind having sex with him, and Spike just groped my ex girlfriend on the stage."

"Aren't you married? And you left Buffy, too!" asked Willow.

"So?"

"So you're not a member of the Gang anymore!" announced Tara meekly.

"And Angel is? Right," said Riley.

"Let me at him!" shouted Gunn. "Corn Boy is going down!"

"NO!" shouted Dawn, who raced into the studio. She ripped the hoe (the garden tool, people) from Gunn's hands and began hacking at Riley's body. "Let me do it."

Jerry watched as the teenaged girl massacred the Iowan idiot on the floor. Dawn raised the bloody garden implement in pride. Everyone, including Buffy clapped.

"Everyone, please, sit down. We need to deal with our problems before we end the show," said Jerry.

Angel tossed Buffy into a chair next to him and pushed Cordelia's chair closer to Spike, who was sobbing and wiping his nose on his leather duster.

"Now, Buffy, Angel. What are you going to do? You can't have sex. You can't be together because you're on two different networks where executive producers are forcing new romances on you, not to mention the fact that you supposedly don't love each other anymore and can't say the other's name on your show."

Everyone was silent. Buffy burst into tears.

"I hate it! I hate the fact that we're on UPN and he's on the WB! If we were on the same network, he never would have slept with that ho Darla!"

"Buffy, I did that while we were on the same network," said Angel softly.

The whole audience turned to see her reaction.

"I can't believe you, you jerk! You omitted that little fact when we made out at Mom's funeral!" shouted Buffy, dragging her chair away from him.

"You made out with him at Mommy's funeral?" roared Dawn.

"Oops."

"I'm sorry about the whole thing with Darla, baby, but I had to. I needed an epiphany."

"Oh, okay, whatever. Forgive me for having sex with Spike and Riley?"

"As long as it wasn't at the same time," insisted Angel.

"It wasn't."

"We still can't be together."

"I know," said Buffy with a frown. "So, we'll make a deal. Have a relationship with another person, okay. Sex and all! If you become Angelus, come back to me. I'd love to have that bad boy in my bed..( she moans for a moment or twelve) sorry, got a little off track. When my show ends and we're still not together, stick it out on yours and then we'll run off together. Deal?"

"Deal."

Jerry turned to face the camera.

"Sometimes, love hurts. Sometimes, you're love's bitch. And sometimes it rains. But sometimes you can end up making a deal with your one true love and may end up with his bad ass alter ego. Take care of yourself, and each other."

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