Rating: PG-13 (just to be safe. nothing bad.)
I will remember you I look up from the wreckage of downtown Sunnydale, eyes traveling, surveying
the damage. Things will never be the same again. My eyes catch his. I never expected this, never thought he'd come back.
I haven't seen him since November. I've cheapened our relationship through
my actions time and time again, but he's still here. Risking his life for me. He's crazy. I love him for it.
It's seemed like forever, but I've never forgotten him. I've never really
tried...if I wanted to, really hated all the memories we share, I suppose I
could. But even now that I have Riley, that I finally have the life he never
could...the life he always wanted me to have...I still can't give him up. I
don't hold on to false hopes like I used to. I know I'll never have him, but
he's still a part of me, one I can't - won't - deny. And now we've come full circle, and we're back where we started. It will always end this way.
Just standing here, staring at each other. Never knowing what to do. Never knowing how to say goodbye.
Remember the good times He's angry at me, I can tell, and I hate it. I hate the things that I said
to him when Riley got hurt, even though it was my fault. When we fought, and
I made a split-second decision. Ran to help Angel. Habit's hard to break, I
guess. And now Riley's in the hospital and I don't know if he'll ever be
okay again... I muster up all the courage I have and walk up to him. "Angel."
Hurt and bitterness flashes in his eyes and he replies, "What do you want,
Buffy? Why would you want to talk to me?" He pauses and continues, throwing
back at me the words I spoke angrily only hours ago. "To the man who ruined
your life?" I bite my lip to keep from crying. "Angel, please...please don't do this." How clearly I first saw you
Angel softens visibly. "I'm sorry...I just..." I look down. "It's my fault. I just...I wanted to tell you something."
He swallows and looks around, the protective deep blue covering of dusk
setting over the town. "What's left to say?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "Too much," I say. Our eyes lock and the sensation that runs through my
veins like electricity makes me shiver. In his deep brown eyes I can see
everything I've ever wanted, ever dreamed of...everything I can never have. I will remember you I'm a step closer to him, now, physically and to his heart. So close that if
I just reached out my hand it would brush his, but I can't. The touch of his
hand will end it for me, I know...and I have to find a way to say goodbye.
"I just want you to know...I love you," I tell him, and his face looks
pained, filled with sorrow and grief. "No matter what happens from here...no
matter what I say," I continue, remembering all of the times we've burned
each other with our words. <*"I want my life to be with you."
<*"I know, world in peril and we have to work together. This is my last office
romance, I'll tell you that." I'm so tired "Buffy-" he starts, but I shake my head. "Please...let me finish...this once." He nods silently and I go on. "I...this is the end. And I didn't want it to end with me telling you I don't want you in my life because that's a lie. I
*need* you in my life but that can never happen. And I'm starting to accept
that." He sighs and looks up at me again, his eyes burning with longing and sorrow.
"You don't need me, Buffy. You...you could have anyone you want. You
*do*...Riley, remember? He can be there for you, and he will be. He's a
good guy, Buffy. He won't hurt you..." he pauses. "Like I did." I shake my head forcefully, blonde strands flying around my head in the
slight wind that's built up. "Don't ever think you've hurt me more than
you've given me joy, Angel, because you'd be wrong. You showed me what
happiness is, what perfection is...and I'm not strong enough to live without
it for the rest of my life." I don't understand him...he acts like he means
nothing to me. Like he's not good enough for my love...but I think it's the
other way around. It's funny how we feel so much "That's all Riley is," I continue, looking him in the eye. "I'm trying to
find happiness...and I'll take what I can get." I laugh bitterly.
"Pathetic, isn't it." "It's not pathetic at all," he says softly. "It's human." He looks down at
the pavement, shifting his feet on the rocky ground. "It's everything I can
never be." "You *are* human, though," I contradict. I cup the side of his face gently
and he moves his head, seeking out more of my hand. "In every way that
counts, Angel, you're human. You love. You cry, you ache. You laugh. You
feel remorse for the evil the demon inside you committed. And those are the
things that make you human, love. It's not about whether your heart beats.
About whether you breathe." My eyes well and I continue. "Because my heart
beats for you, Angel," I choke out, tears streaming down my face. "Only for
you." And I will remember you He wraps his arms around me, murmuring in my ear. "Shh...please don't cry,
Buffy, you've cried too much because of me...please..." "I don't want to stop," I say between my sobs. "I don't ever want to stop
crying over you, I don't ever want to forget..." I pull him as close to me
as I can, burying my face in his chest. "I love you," I whisper. "Forever.
I promise." "I love you, Buffy," he says, and I feel his face scrunch up against my hair,
and the top of my head feels damp...his tears. I'm so afraid to love you He lifts my chin up and brushes his lips gently against mine. I close my
eyes, silently asking for more. I reach my arms up around his neck, my mouth
against his. The kiss grows deeper, but it's not like the way we used to
kiss, before...I try to focus on the sweet taste of his kiss but I
can't...our tears blend and it's that bittersweet salt that I taste.
We break apart only a few centimeters and he looks at me, tears in both our
eyes. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and strokes my face gently.
"Don't cry, love," he says. He kisses my earlobe and whispers, "Just close
your eyes." I do as he says, words from years before echoing back painfully. <*"Close
your eyes..."> and a sword... But he did then...two years ago he had faith in me and he closed his eyes
when I told him to...and even though I know the danger behind those words I
do the same now. Once there was a darkness Angel's lips trace my face, memorizing every inch of it. His touch makes me
shiver and I tilt my face up, allowing him access to my neck. He kisses the
vein down the side of my neck and his lips find my scar...the scar he gave me
unwillingly a year ago today. He leans back a little and traces the mark
gently with his finger. He looks up at me sadly. "I didn't know there was a
scar..." I open my eyes slowly, and they meld with his. "It's okay," I reassure him.
"I like it." I look away and swallow, my eyes threatening to spill over
again. "It reminds me who I belong to." And I will remember you "Do you think that? Do you belong to me?" he asks. As though there were
ever a question. I nod. "Yes," I whisper tearfully. "Remember? Wear the heart facing in.
It means you belong to someone." I look meaningfully down at his left hand
that still bears the ring...the ring that matched the one I had lost.
"You'll always hold sway over me, Angel. You own my heart...my soul." Angel digs through the pocket of his trench coat for a moment. "That reminds me," he says. He looks at the object in his hand for a moment, then down at
me. "I found this the day before I left, while I was packing up my things."
He opens his hand, my Claddagh ring sitting on his palm. "I wasn't sure
you'd want it back...memories, you know. You can have it if you want." I can't believe he thinks I wouldn't want it. I look at him and say softly,
"Put it on?" He nods and gently slides the ring on my finger with the heart
facing me, his gaze never leaving my eyes. He lifts my hand up to his face
and kisses the ring gently, mimicking my action from all those years ago. I will remember you And that's it. I kiss him softly, one last time, and he starts to turn away.
"You still my girl?" he asks, trying to sound lighthearted though his voice
is choked with unshed tears. I'm surprised by his words...surprised that he remembered the phrase that
echoes through my mind whenever I'm with someone else, some other guy. I
lock eyes with him. "Always." Weep not for the memories...\\
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Spoilers: General and vague SPECULATION for the 20th and 21st episodes (this
season) of "Buffy" and "Angel". Takes place at the end of "Angel", 1x21.
Distribution: Just ask.
Disclaimers: "Buffy" belongs to Joss. "I Will Remember You" belongs to Sarah
McLachlan, which is how you spell it. Not McLaughlin, or McLaklan, or - ?? -
McDonald. Believe me...I own every CD...
Notes: Yes, I know this is the most overdone song in Buffy fanfic history.
Hey, I wouldn't want to be left out...
FEEDBACK: ::cough:: Another one... "I will remember you / Will you remember
me?? / If you send me some good feedback / You'll go down in my history..."
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories\\
That we had
I let them slip away from us
When things got bad\\
Smiling in the sun
Want to feel your warmth upon me
I want to be the one\\
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you
Weep not for the memories\\
"I don't." >
"I'll get out of your face."
"Isn't it even a little hard for you?"
"How can you ask me that? Just because I'm not acting like a brat doesn't
mean I don't feel..."
"It's nice to know what you thing of me!"
"What do you expect me to say when you just attack?"
"I just can't do this anymore. I can't have you in my life when I'm trying to
move on..." >
But I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something
Much too deep\
But we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside but we
Can't be heard\\
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories\\
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't
Let me choose\\
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had
Oh you gave me light\\
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories\\
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories\\