Spoilers: uh..everything up to the most recent I guess..in a vague kinda way. After Carpe Nocturn/Flooded.
Summary: My take on the Buffy/Angel meeting..
Authors note 1: I apologise for the lameness, but it wouldn't leave me alone so had to be written. Also, I know the endings a bit naff but its all I could come up with. Oh and I haven't actually seen the most recent eps, just going on what I've heard. So, if anything seems a bit off? That's why.
Author's note 2: Un-beta'd. Blame all mistakes on me.
Feedback: Will be very much appreciated..:)
Distribution: Just send an address.

He was waiting for her when she pulled into the clearing. Leaning against the side of his car with his hands deep in his pockets, staring at the moon. He was just as beautiful as she remembered. Pulling the car to a slow stop Buffy turned off the engine and sat for a moment, watching him, waiting for him to make the first move, or at least acknowledge her. After a minute that seemed like eternity she gave up and opened her car door to stand on suddenly shaking legs.

"Hey" she called softly, as she slowly made her way towards him, not wanting to break the quite that surrounded them. Slowly, as if in a trance, Angel lowered his head and turned to face her, pushing away from his car as he did so.

Without words he hesitantly made his way towards her, stopping when they were mere inches apart. His eyes searched her face for a moment and then she was in his arms; caught up in the familiar embrace she had longed for, for longer than she cared to remember.

"Oh god Buffy." His voice muffled by her hair, he lifted her further into his embrace, burying his face in her neck and holding her even tighter as a shudder went through him.

Buffy clung to him in turn, one hand running through his hair, the other rubbing soothing circles on his back as she squeezed her eyes shut and desperately tried to will away the tears that were threatening to overflow just at the feel of being in his arms again.

They stayed like that for long minutes until Angel finally set her down and wordlessly held out his hand to lead her to their usual place on the small outcrop of rock overlooking the ocean. They sat listening to the soothing sounds of the waves crashing on the beach below before Angel finally spoke.

"Willow said.they brought you back." It was a statement, not a question but Buffy answered it anyway.

"Yeah."

"They shouldn't have." Startled Buffy turned to face him and found him studying her intently. She couldn't miss the sorrow in his eyes.

"What.why?"

"Buffy.." He stopped, sighed and reached out to take her hands, rubbing gently. Whether to give him warmth or her, she didn't know. Taking a deep, uneeded breath he started again.

"When Willow told me you'd died, I..well.I've never felt pain like that. You were my World, my reason for living...and the thought that I would never see you again, much less touch you or hold you.I.." His voice broke and he took another shaky breath. Unconsciously, Buffy squeezed his hands gently, forgetting her own pain for a moment in the light of his.

"For weeks I thought I wouldn't be able to go on, I just existed, hoping maybe that some demon would take me out, put me out of my misery." He laughed a dry bitter sound. "Then I was so angry. I left you so you could be happy, not so that you could die young, and..." He paused again and looked at her desperately, reaching out to brush away the tears she hadn't even realized were falling down her cheeks. " I only ever wanted you to be happy."

"Oh Angel." She moved to comfort him, but instead he dropped his hand and turned to face the ocean once more.

"Finally, the anger gave way to logic and I realized that, maybe it was your time. God knows you've experienced more pain and anguish than anyone should face in ten lifetimes. So; I took comfort in the fact that wherever you were, you finally had the peace and happiness I always wanted for you; and that I could best honor you by carrying on the fight for as long as I could and then; maybe.one day, we could be together again."

He stopped to look at her, the sorrow back in his eyes. " And then they brought you back." He stated flatly. " And it's pain and suffering and danger and darkness all over again, and its not fair. Whatever the rest of us feel you deserve your peace Buffy."

Buffy sighed and reached out to caress his face, trying to thing of something to say as he leaned into her palm. " Didn't Willow tell you? I was."

He snorted, cutting her off "In Hell? Yeah she mentioned that. Don't take me for a fool Buffy. You were no more in hell than I was on the beach getting a tan all summer."

"I'm sorry. You were right." She said, almost inaudibly. " I was happy. I don't remember much about where I was, except that it was peaceful and I want to go back there. I don't want to be here." This time it was her eyes that desperately searched his. "I don't want to hate them for bringing me back." She let out a harsh sob before she continued. " I can't sleep you know. I keep remembering how it felt to claw my way out of my own coffin."

She looked down at her hands. "It took days for the cuts to heal. And everyone is so happy to have me back, Willow is acting like she won the lottery..and, how can I tell them I don't want to be here? I'm just...I'm so tired of fighting and never winning. Never being allowed that one moment of perfect happiness."

She lifted her eyes to meet his and saw the sheen of tears at her words. As they both thought of things they could never have.

"You're right." She finished quietly, her voice laced with despair. " I wasn't in hell. Hell is what they brought me back to."

Not knowing what to say, or how to help her, Angel merely drew her into his arms and held her, trying to offer what little comfort he could.

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours until Buffy pulled away from him, wiping her eyes and running a slightly shaky hand through her hair.

"I should go."

Nodding Angel stood and helped her to her feet, not releasing her hand until they were stood next to her car.

"This has to be the last time. You know that right?" For a second Angel was so startled by the change in her he could only stare uncomprehendingly. Gone was the fragile girl he had held in his arms only moments before, to be replaced by...he didn't know what.. Buffy was still sullen, but now she seemed..closed off. Unreachable. She sighed.

" I just..I can't keep doing this Angel. Every time I see you, I'm just reminded of what I want more than anything but can never have. And every time I walk away from you, or watch you walk away, you take a piece of me with you. " She sighed again and this time when she looked at him Angel was sure he saw a glimmer of the old Buffy in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

"I don't have enough pieces left to give you anymore. This has to be the last time."

Understanding but not agreeing Angel simply took her in his arms again, memorizing the feel of her, the smell of her hair.

" I love you Buffy. Always. Nothing can change that.."

".Not even death." She finished for him, repeating words uttered years before. She held the embrace for a second longer before releasing him and stepping back to open her car door.

" I love you too. Always." Echoing his words from moments earlier she caught his gaze before standing on tiptoe to give him a small chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for listening. Goodbye Angel." With that she climbed into the safety of her car, quickly starting the engine and driving away, without looking back.

Angel remained where he was, his hand pressed to his cheek where the shadow of her kiss remained, for long moments after her tail lights had disappeared into the blackness of the night.

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