Rating: you can watch, you can read

Spoilers: Um.Buffy vs. Dracula, Real me, Shanshu

Disclaimer: Song belongs to Travis Tritt, characters to Joss and co.

Distribution: If you want it just ask - chances are good I'll say yes.

Summary: Angel returns to Sunnydale for a night - sometime during season five BTVS - to get closure and hope. From various POVs

Author's notes: I heard this song and couldn't resist. Sorry guys. And Michelle, I TRIED, I really tried to write some fluff. It's like I have something that impedes any and all fluffy material from being created by me. And I just borrowed the song title, because, well..I suck at them.

The Bronze is really slow tonight. Willow and Tara are talking intently about something, most likely spells. Though I prefer to believe that it involves something a little more risqué; it makes things seem more exciting than they are right now.

Buffy's tapping her fingers to the beat of the music, but her mind is clearly elsewhere. Riley has yet to show, so it could be him she's thinking about. Or maybe one of Dawn's latest attempts to get her into trouble.

The music changes mid-tune, jarring me out of my thoughts. I frown towards the D-jay, hoping that my disapproval will somehow make it across the room. Annoyance changes to confusion when I see who was just at the booth. It deepens into concern when I hear the lyrics to the song.

I had big plans for our future
Said I'd give you the whole world somehow
I tried making good on that promise
Thought I'd be so much further by now

I turn towards Xander, ready to hit him back. Until I see what he's staring at.

Angel.

I wonder what he's doing here. Some new catastrophe for Buffy to help him with? To create some new catastrophe for her? No, that's unfair of me to think. Still, all he seems to leave in his wake is her pain, whether he means to or not. I hope it'll be different this time.

His stride gets even more determined as he gets closer, and he quickly makes it to Buffy's side, drawing her out of her thoughts.

A thousand emotions seem to flit across her face all at once. Anger, fear, love.she opens her mouth to speak, but he gestures for her to be quiet and smiles. Though she still seems confused, she smiles back knowingly. I can't explain it; it's like some sort of message just passed between them.

But then, we've never really understood just what it is that's between them, have we?

He reaches for her hand and gestures towards the empty dance floor. I'm never seen him this self-assured before. From the look on Buffy's face, either has she. She seems to like it.

I want to remind her that Riley is due any minute, that he won't be thrilled to see Angel here, let alone dancing with her. But one look at her expression won't let me do it.

Never could build you a castle
Even though you're the queen of my heart
But I've had the best of intentions
From the start

Now that wasn't something I expected to see when I walked in here. Before I can go and tear her away from him, I feel Willow grab my arm. I glare down at her, half tempted to shove her off. The pleading look in her eyes stops me and I settle for glaring at them. I have to wonder what's so great about that vampire that he's inspired such loyalty.

I don't know who I'm angrier at. Him for daring to come back to this town and touch my girl, or Buffy for letting him do it.

I can't begin to guess where her affection for him comes from; I certainly haven't seen anything to indicate that he deserves it. All he's ever done for her is make her cry.

I wince as I watch them drift closer together, until she's resting her head on his chest. I don't think she even realizes she's doing it. I feel my hands clench in their need to hit something, preferably him. But I've been down that road once before. The bruises took too long to go away.

Her eyes are closed now, but she's smiling. Not the broad, happy smile she usually gives me. But one that seems all the more beautiful for it's serenity.

Maybe they did have a few good times together, in-between the angst and the pain. But they couldn't have been better than what I've shared with her. We've probably laughed more than they ever did, probably had a lot less problems between us.

I don't know what I'm worried about; our relationship definitely seems like the better of the two when I think of it that way. This is just something he has to do, than he's gone for good, right?

Maybe if I tell myself that a few times, I'll start to believe it.

Now some people think I'm a loser
Cause I seldom get things right
But you make me feel like a winner
When you wrap me in your arms so tight

I would ask him what he's doing here, but I don't want to stop this; it feels too nice to let go of.

It's strange how easily I was able to take his hand when he offered it. Suddenly the conflicts of the past year don't seem to matter so much, though I know they are far from being resolved.

I open my eyes only to meet the angry stare of my boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do here. Either way someone I care about gets hurt. And hurting Riley was never my intention here, despite how I know it must look to him. I start to move away from Angel, but he stops me with one word.

"Please."

Though he says no more than that, I can tell how much he needs this, and I know how long I've needed this.

So I stay.

Please tell me you will remember
No matter how much I do wrong
That I had the best of intentions
All along

Now I know why he picked this song.

I don't know what happened to us this past year. If I had been told me two years ago how badly I would treat him, how stilted our conversations would become, I wouldn't have believed it. I know there is a lot about him that I don't know, a lot that I may never know. But we were always able to at least talk about what was between us, what we felt for one another. And for me, that was enough. Because it was all he was able to give.

It hurts to know that he probably tells Cordelia a lot more about his past than he ever told me. But if he is to come to terms with who he is, he has to face that past somehow. At least I know he'll be well looked after while he's doing it. And someday.maybe he'll tell me too.

I look into his eyes, expecting to see some guilt there. But there isn't any, he isn't here to apologize for anything. That's good; he has nothing to apologize for. The Faith mess wasn't his fault. Fate and circumstance placed him in a spot that I know he wouldn't have picked if he could have avoided it. Besides, he was right about her. Even with all she did, I can admit that now.

I wonder if I did him more damage than good by keeping him for so long? He's grown so much this past year; I can't help but think that. I hope he doesn't hate me for being so selfish, for loving him too much to let him go when I should have.

But when I look up, there is no condemnation in his eyes, only love.

I gave you a ring
And I promised you things
I always thought we'd do
But my best laid plans
Slipped right through my hands
To show my love for you
And if you could read my heart

Then you'd know without exception
It was all with the best of intentions

Finally something worked out how I wanted it to, with the exception of Riley's death glare. A glare I would gladly return if I weren't so content. Not happy, content.happiness with Buffy isn't good for me right now. It isn't good for anybody.

I wonder what she would think if she knew I still had the ring I gave her? I don't wear mine anymore either, but the meaning behind it hasn't changed. I'm still hers, and somehow I know she's still mine, even if we are never together again.

I promised her I'd never leave, I remember that day as clearly as if it was yesterday. I told her I'd love her even if she was covered in slime. Thankfully that never came to pass, even if something far more difficult did.

I can't say that I liked who she was last year. I never stopped loving her, but I didn't like what I was seeing. That was the hardest thing. After seeing how she reacted to Faith, I had trouble recalling the forgiving person who took me back when she had no logical reason to.

It wasn't because she was with Riley, though I won't lie and say it didn't hurt. But because she'd become so hard, so buried behind her wall of defenses that she wouldn't let herself see things any other way. I was angry with her for rejecting who she was, for not being the Buffy I'd known before. I suppose I deserve my share of the blame for that happening, I didn't exactly make things any easier for her.

I'm not going to apologize for leaving her. I did it with only her in mind. And we were both bound to change with all this. I should have understood that more, we both should have.

We aren't the people we used to be. I don't know why I expected us to be able to go back to the easy communication we once shared. Right now my reasons don't matter as much as they should. Because a trust was broken.

Still, when I see how she's looking at me right now, I know we're not beyond repair, not beyond hope..

So here I am asking forgiveness
And praying that you'll understand
Don't think I take you for granted
Girl I know just how lucky I am

He's smiling at me now. That mysterious half-smile that used to make my knees weak, and still does if I'm honest with myself. It's nice to see, he was beginning to brood again, I could tell.

It's strange, but this dance is telling me more than any of our conversations this past year could ever have done. Sad to think we've been reduced to depending on someone else's words to get the message across to one another. But just the fact that he came to do this tells me that there is still a chance for us.

There's something he isn't telling me, I can see it in his eyes, a hesitant sense of hope. But I'm not going to force the issue tonight; we can only build one bridge at a time. It'll be up to the both of us to keep it standing.

He's moving away now, but instead of resisting it as I might have done a year ago, I let him go.

Tears flood my eyes, and I can see them mirrored in his. That's how I know it'll be a long time before I'll see him again, if either of us has a choice. We're not ready for each other, not yet.

Though it kills me to think of it, I know he'll find someone to ease his loneliness. At least I hope that he does. He deserves that, at least.

Now I know why he came here tonight. He needed closure. I guess I did too.

He isn't going away from me forever, but I know that if he is to survive, he has to leave for at least a little while.

I smile sadly, but I say the words I know he's needed to hear for a long time now.

"I trust you."

He nods gratefully, but says nothing at first. When he does speak, his words end the moment that is between us.

"Riley's waiting."

And I know he is.the question is, what is he waiting for?

I think I know the answer to that, but I'd prefer not to think about it. Thinking about it means that I'll have to let him go, because I can't give him what it is he wants.

I'm not ready to be alone yet, so I'll hang on a bit longer. But if I'm to be fair to either of us, I know the time is coming.

I look away from Riley. Angel's smile is gone. I just want to see it one last time. So for the first time in a long time, I tell Angel what I need for him to know.

"So am I."

Though you deserve so much better
You won't find devotion more true
Cause I had the best of intentions
Loving you

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