A Letter Instead of Goodbye

by Carrie

Feedback: Yes please!
Rating: If you can watch, you can read
Disclaimer: Song isn’t mine - it belongs to Collin Raye. Characters aren’t mine, though I really wish they were! You’ll see what I mean about the song, it’s at the end and I couldn’t resist. I promise I’ll take an anti-sappy pill now.
Summary: During the End of Days battle. The story is really short, sorry…but it wouldn’t leave me alone. Be gentle if it sucks. I was in a sappy mood.


It all began so suddenly. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been able to see it coming; the evil had been getting worse for some time. But I never really believed there would be a battle like this, or that I’d be around to witness it. Or maybe I just hoped I wouldn’t be.

There had been no answer when Giles had placed the call, so for a while they had feared they would be facing the battle alone. Only Buffy had been unsurprised by their arrival, as if she’d somehow known he wouldn’t leave her to face this one by herself.

How Buffy had known, I didn’t ask. As far as I was aware, there had been no communication with him for years. But in he walked, so focused on the slayer that he barely acknowledged that others were in the room. It was as if the years of estrangement between them hadn’t even occurred; their connection was that apparent. Riley flinched, but didn’t remark on it. He merely welcomed Angel into the fight.

Things happened so quickly after that, I’m not sure I could ever recall the details. But one thing will always be clear in my mind.

The way they gazed at each other occasionally from across the room, speaking only when necessary. Not once did they touch; Angel didn’t even blink when Riley put his arm around her in a show of possession.

It wasn’t that Angel didn’t care; the anguish in his eyes when Buffy wasn’t looking testified to the contrary. But petty emotions; especially one as powerful as jealousy, held no place in the coming hours. It would only get in the way.

No words of love passed between them in the last moments that the group was together, though desperate promises were exchanged. Promises that if one fell, the other would see to it that their loved ones made it out alive. Angel’s eyes flashed towards Riley when making his. And I knew that if there was ever any doubt of his love for Buffy, it would have been erased right then.

They were only alone together once, but in that one moment it was easy to see why they had kept apart for so long. It was too painful to be otherwise. The love that bound them was the same thing keeping them apart. But I was glad to see that they at least got their moment.

I got my own moment with Angel, one of quiet reflection. He thanked me for all I’d ever done for Buffy, and for him. Then he had one last favour to ask.

**

When I think back, I’m not sure who it was that came to get me. The sight that met my eyes when I got there wiped any such detail from my mind. Willow was frantically trying to staunch the bleeding from wounds that were too numerous to count, but she knew just as well as I that it was fruitless.

The slayer had fallen.

He was nowhere near, her ‘great protector’. I realized after I thought it that it was unfair of me to feel that way, but no one ever said that life was fair. Wasn’t this proof enough of that?

“Riley”

Her voice was weak, as was her smile, but it was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I wanted to tell her to hold on, that she would be all right. But I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her, not that she would have believed me.

She looked around, then. I didn’t have to ask myself who she was looking for. I knew I wasn’t the one she really wanted. Somehow, that didn’t matter anymore.

“He’s not here, Buffy.”

I felt Willow tug on my hand, and looked down to see a plain white envelope in her grasp. Buffy’s name was scrawled in neat writing on the outside. I took it from her, tearing it open. But I didn’t read it; it wasn’t my place to.

I handed it to Buffy, feeling her squeeze my hand as we touched for the last time. Ignoring the blood that coated her forehead, I kissed her gently and let her go.

**

He didn’t even stick around to say a proper goodbye to her. After all he put my baby girl through, he’s the last one that should be abandoning her now. I tried to yell at him; the grief in his eyes stopped me from doing it.

But I did ask him why he wouldn’t stay. Didn’t he want his chance to say goodbye?

He just shook his head sadly and walked off.

It wasn’t until Willow handed me the letter that I understood what they’d really meant to one another, why he hadn’t stayed. What I’d always thought of as a childish infatuation went deeper than I was ever able or willing to look.

I place the letter in my daughter’s hands, wondering if she had the chance to read it. The words contained within it are beautiful; enough to make anyone weep, even Spike, though I suspect he’d deny it.

I take one last look at my daughter’s face and I know.

She read it.

"If you get there before I do,
Don’t give up on me
I’ll meet you when my chores are through,
I don’t know how long I’ll be
But I’m not going to let you down
Darling, wait and see
And between now and then,
Till I see you again,
I’ll be loving you
Love, me”

The End

Well? A little too sappy?

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