Feedback: It's essential *G*
Disclaimer: Not mine..never will be. But I'm willing to pay for them!
Notes: Final story in my "lost soul" series Preceeded by "A lost soul" and "Choices and Certainties" I admit it...I've been cruel. This story has been sitting here for a couple of days, while you've been agonizing over the way I ended the last one. I was going to wait an extra day to start posting this but figured I'd send it tonight after reading some fairly disturbing spoilers which have me reaching for my prozac.
Dedication: To all those lovely people who have been sending me feedback. You know who you are. :)

He still wasn't sure what he was doing here. All he knew was that Riley had phoned him, telling him that Buffy might need to see him. When he'd pressed for more details, Riley seemed to shut down, saying only that she didn't need him anymore. Then he hung up.

He hesitantly knocked on the door, pretty sure that visitors weren't always welcomed this time of night. The door opened and he found himself confronted by a frazzled looking brunette.

"Yes?"

"Is Buffy here?"

The girl snorted. "Unfortunately." She immediately looked ashamed. "I'm sorry, it's just that I haven't been able to do anything to help her. It's driving me crazy."

He had to fight the impulse to force his way into the room. "What happened?"

The girl was obviously hesitant to answer. "She broke up with her boyfriend." Riley's phone call suddenly made some sort of sense, though he was still surprised that he'd been the one called. "I'm assuming you're a friend of hers?"

"You could say that. I'm Angel." The words were barely out of his mouth when she dragged him into the dorm room, slamming the door behind him. "Shit, you have no idea how glad I am to meet you." At his confused look, she laughed. "We've talked on the phone a few times. I'm Carly, Buffy's roommate. Well, I guess that part is fairly obvious." She gave him a sheepish smile.

"Oh, right."

"Anyway, maybe you can do something for her." She gave him a weird look, and he raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Sorry, its just.the way she sometimes talks about you, I thought you'd be older or something."

"Disappointed?"

"Oh no, not at all." Realizing what she'd just said, Carly blushed and looked away. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she looked back up at him. "So, do you think you can talk to her?"

He looked around the room, frowning. "Where is she? You said she was here."

The girl groaned, obviously embarrassed at her mistake. "Well, she's not here-here. She's taking a shower. Did you want to wait?" Angel looked at the one bed, smiling when he saw the familiar pink pig sitting on the pillow. He reached over and picked it up, much to Carly's amusement. "I see you've met Mr. Gordo."

He shrugged, laughing lightly. "On a few occasions, yes." The door opened with a quiet click and both turned to look at Buffy.

The laughter stopped.

She looked terrible, that was Angel's first thought. She looked like she hadn't slept in days and there was a dimness in her eyes that frightened him.

"Angel?" She gave him a faint smile before nodding towards her roommate. "What are you doing here?"

"Riley called me." A look of pain flashed across her face and he reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "I heard."

Carly took one look at them and realized that both looked ready to fall apart any moment. Something she had no intention of sticking around to see. "Well, I have to go out now. Lots of studying to do." There was a forced cheerfulness to her voice, and Buffy gave her a grateful smile. "Be careful, okay?"

"I know, I know.you never know what's lurking out there, do you? Bye Angel, it was nice to meet you." Giving Buffy an encouraging smile, she grabbed her jacket and was out the door.

"For someone who is going to study, she didn't take any books."

Buffy smiled at Angel's wry tone. "Yeah, she's a real sweetie, I lucked out with her." She sat down on the bed and started to finger-comb her hair, the smile disappearing from her face. "So, Riley called you?" Angel just nodded, reaching over to grab her brush from her night table. She smiled when she felt him brush her hair, running his fingers through it after each stroke. "Why?"

He paused in his brushing. "He said you might want to see me."

"He was right."

Finished with her hair, he gently turned her around. "Why did you do it, Buffy? I thought he was making you happy."

"He was.but."

"But what?"

"It wasn't fair to him. Eventually, he would have wanted more then I was able to give."

"That's not true, Buffy. You have plenty to offer."

"Not anymore, Angel. Not anymore." He opened his mouth to disagree with her again, but she put her finger to his lips, stopping him before he could even speak. "He'll make some girl very happy someday, a girl who can love him. I couldn't hold him back from all that."

"He could have given you everything, Buffy. A home, kids."

"But not you. He couldn't give me you." Her eyes started to tear up and she looked at him pleadingly. "When will you be ready, Angel? How much longer do I have to wait?"

Angel sighed deeply, not wanting to hurt her. "I don't know, Buffy. I just don't know."

"Do you really want to know why I did it?" He just nodded, not wanting to interrupt her. "He told me that he loved me."

Seeing that she was about to collapse, he moved closer and lifted her to cradle her on his lap. "Oh, Buffy."

She reached up to grip his shirt, searching for something solid to cling to. "He just wanted to hear me say it once, just once, but I couldn't. I couldn't love him and now he's gone." She broke down completely, her tears soaking his shirt. He just rocked her as she cried.

The tears eventually subsided, and he looked down to see that she had finally succumbed to her exhaustion. He gently lifted her from his lap, settling her comfortably on the bed. She felt around for him, whimpering pitifully when she didn't find him. Unable to fight it any longer, he took off his shoes and lay down, gathering her into a tight embrace.

***

Carly quietly snuck into the room, not wanting to wake Buffy. She'd been getting so little sleep lately, the last thing she needed was to be disturbed by a loud roommate. Hopefully Angel had at least been able to smooth things over a bit. Hopefully he'd have to stop by again, just to check on her. And if she was lucky, maybe she could grab some more alone time with him while he was there.

She stopped short at the sight that greeted her. They were lying together so closely that it was hard to tell where one stopped and the other began, Angel's arm curled around her waist protectively. She gave a resigned sigh and smiled; all the good ones fell for Buffy. She grabbed the blanket from the end of her bed and carefully draped it over the two of them as they slept.

***

He was dreaming. If the sunlight didn't tell him that, than the young girl standing in front of him would have.

"Hi Angel." Her greeting was as enthusiastic as it had always been.

"Willow." He swallowed hard, grief threatening to overwhelm him.

She just waved it away happily. "Don't worry about it, I'm happy here. A bit lonely, but the kind of company I want won't be around for a long time, or at least, I hope he isn't." She settled herself on a nearby rock. "But I don't have much time, so listen up, okay?" He nodded his assent, and she smiled. "About time, you're always so busy telling yourself what you shouldn't have that you won't let yourself hear what you deserve. Probably the most annoying thing about you."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Now you sound like Buffy."

"Do I? Too much time spent around her, I guess. By the way, I've been wanting to thank you for what you did for her. Now, onto business." She clapped her hands together and stood up again. "I'm supposed to tell you that I screwed up, I made a mistake."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Not dying, silly. That was just my bad luck. I meant the curse."

"What are you talking about?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "See, the Powers That Be wanted me to be all mysterious, let you figure it out for yourself." She shrugged and shook her head. "But being cryptic is your specialty. Plus, I didn't want you to take even longer to realize what always was."

"I thought you said you were going to avoid being cryptic."

"I can't make it too easy for you." She swatted him lightly on the arm. "Damn, I'm running out of time. Okay, looks like I just gotta come out and say it. I screwed up on the curse. Your soul is yours, it always was."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" All that time wasted, time he could have been with Buffy.

She shook her head, giving him a dour look. "I didn't know until it was too late, if you know what I mean."

"Than why didn't the Powers pass that little message through Doyle? They certainly don't mind sending him mind cracking visions on a daily basis."

Willow smiled sadly, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "Because they know you Angel. What would you have done, had you known? You probably would have carried on as you were, without even talking to Buffy, without bothering to find out what it was she really wanted." She gave him a hard look, and he was unable to deny the truth of what she had said. "You don't like doing things the easy way." Releasing his hand, she stepped back, shaking her head. "Forgiveness was always there for you, Angel. You've had your redemption all along. The only thing stopping you is you." He wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but she just shook her head. "I'm out of time. But I'll see you again, I promise. Give Buffy my love, will you?"

"What about Oz?"

She smiled mysteriously. "Oh, I worked that into the deal when I agreed to come and talk to you. Now get up and close the curtains, will you? I don't want my best friend waking up next to a pile of ashes."

Angel sat up suddenly, jarring Buffy from a comfortable sleep. She blinked rapidly to clear her eyes, which widened when she realized what time it was. "Shit. Angel, close the curtains." He did as she said, still numb from the vision he'd just had. Seeing the look on his face, she gently squeezed his arm. "What is it?"

He didn't answer, just stared off into space. "Um, okay. Look, Angel. I'm going to go freshen up, you just wait here, okay?" He still offered no response, and she left the room, shaking her head.

When she returned a few minutes later, he was back in the bed, settled comfortably under the covers. Really worried now, she sat down behind him, stroking his arm gently. "Angel? What's wrong?" He turned over to face her, a strange smile on his face.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong." She frowned, not understanding what he meant. A second later she found herself thrown under the covers with him, his hand working frantically at the belt of her robe, his lips kissing every inch of flesh that was exposed. "Um, Angel? Not that I'm not enjoying this. But aren't you forgetting something?"

He paused in his caresses, gazing intently at her. "Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"Then shut up and let me enjoy myself. I've waited too damn long for this."

***

It wasn't until much later that she had the chance to speak. "Angel?"

"Hmm?" He was half-asleep, his arm wrapped securely around her waist.

"That was worth the wait."

Send feedback to Carrie

Back to the Fanfiction Archive