Rating: PG 14, I guess????
Disclaimer: I own the words in the fic. The song, The Dance belongs to Garth Brooks. Joss and Co own the Scoobies.
Note: Fluff next, I promise, as long as I get feedback!
Dedication: For my Tony. You wanted a fic with the song? Here it is. Enjoy babe.

It wasn't supposed to go down like this. It was supposed to be different. I hate Fate. It's a cruel thing. For years, Fate has done nothing but fuck up my life. But I expected it. What I never expected was for her to start fucking with the lives of my friends. It all went wrong. She was wrong, and I wish I could get revenge on her, but you can't revenge a mystical figure. I never thought Fate would decide that I should be here when they aren't. I never knew she'd let them die before me, and have me out live them. Why you ask? Let me tell you a little story.

It was five years ago when it all happened. Willow was researching a new demon that was supposed to bring doom to the Slayer. Me. I didn't take it seriously. How many prophecies have I defeated before? I lost count a long time ago.

This demon or whatever you call it came to town the night of the year anniversary of out Senior Prom. Why is the date so important you ask? Cause it had been a year since Angel said goodbye to me forever. It was the day that Angel took my heart and left me in the cold. He never made it to fight in the fight at Graduation. I don't know what happened, but I knew they moment he was dead.

He had come to my Prom to dance one last dance with me. He told me he wanted me to have one happy high school moment. He never knew that every time I saw him I was happy. I never got the chance to tell him. He died that night. Dusted the night by my sister Slayer. I don't know what happened to her, and I don't really care. All I knew was that Angel was gone. That's when everything started go down.

~Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye~

The next to go was Giles. God Giles. He was a father to me. He helped me through everything and I never found the time to tell him. I guess I was too busy wallowing in my pain to tell him. I wish I had. It's like the old saying goes. You never know what you have until you lose it. Giles was no exception. I went and saw him in his grave. They didn't have any way special to kill him. They just shot him in the heart with a gun. We put him beside Miss Calendar. I hope he's happy with her. Wherever that is. I've given up on the childhood hopes to go to heaven a long time ago. It doesn't exist, at least, not in my reality.

I'll never forget how Willow was left. It was the most horrible sight I had ever seen. They gutted her and left her in pieces on my doorstep. It was ghastly. Everyday for a week they delivered her parts to me. Each with a little note. I knew what was there each day, but for some reason, I kept looking. I can see it now. Like I just got the packages today. I wept so hard everyday. I could feel my life slowly start to slip from me. I begged for the pain to go away. But it never did. It's always going to be with me. I'll never find peace. I've never had it. I always hated being a slayer, but I never was afraid of my destiny until the day that parts of my friends started showing up on my doorstep.

~And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance~

They killed Cordy and Xander together. Why, I don't know. They were the luckiest of the group. Their necks were snapped, so they never had to feel a minute of pain. But I know they had years of fear. I brought them that. Everyday with me was like living your own god damned horror movie. A note was left with them too. They were killed just because they knew it would kill me. It did, but for some reason, I kept on fighting. For some reason, I kept living. I lived. I lived to see my mother die in front of me.

Cancer killed her. She had a tumor in her brain that they never noticed. She died the most normal way, but to me, it was strange. I always thought my mom would die old and gray. Another childhood fantasy, I guess. She never did anything wrong. She was only trying to protect me. All those years, she was trying to do what she thought was right for her little girl. I wanted to be mad when I found out that she pushed Angel away. But I couldn't because the moment she told me that, she was dead. I know that she wanted to get it of her conscious before she left me. I kissed her hair and drew the blanket over her head. I walked slowly out of the hospital, not paying attention to the nurses as they tried to comfort me.

~Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all~

So now here I am. Five years later. I want to end my life. I really do. What else do I have to life for? I have no reason to fight. Not reason to go on. I want to die. I look down at the water in the ocean. I watch as the waves crash against the rocks. I wanted to be crashing against those rocks. I wanted to throw my body off the cliff and die in the water. I wanted it to end. I wanted the pain to be gone.

But I couldn't. Why not, you ask? Because it wasn't destined to be. She told me that I was destined all along to out live them all. I figured it out. It wasn't a demon we were trying to stop. It was Fate. She's a cruel monster. I hate her with all of my being. Fuck her, I say time and time again. But she has already chosen what my life will be. So I'm left. All alone. In this dance of mine. At least I got one last dance.

~And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance~

Send feedback to Cass

Back to the Fanfiction Archive