Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the thoughts protrayed in this fic.
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Oh, it's a must. If I don't get it, I stop writing. We wouldn't want that, would we?
Note: This is the sequel to Losing Control. It will make a lot more sense if you read that first. It can be found at my page:
thanks: Thank you Samantha and amber who read over this as I wrote it!
Distribution: If you have the other one, go for it. Otherwise, ask first!

Part One

Buffy was walking through the cemetery. Stalking the undead, just as it was stalking her. She felt an odd but familiar feeling shoot through her. It felt like a cold breeze on a summer day. "What are you doing here?" She asked the dark.

"I came to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"What you already know. It's been five years, you know you have to go back."

"Why?"

"Because they need you. I need you. You don't know it, but something huge is happening in Sunnydale."

"But I'm scared. What if they forgot?"

"You know they didn't. You have to go. Go home, Buffy."

And there was a flash of light, and Buffy awoke. She was greeted with the smell of cooking in the kitchen and the sound of clattering pans. "Lisa!" she heard someone call. Five years ago, Buffy had left Sunnydale, and had headed out to New York in hopes to sort out her life. Little did she know that she would meet Jen and that she would become one of the best known martial art teachers in the tri-county area, Everyone knew her as Lisa Gallen, not Buffy Summers. Not only had her named changed, but also once she arrived in New York, she had cut her hair into layers around her face, and had dyed it brown. To everyone that met her, she was a kind and gentle person. To everyone that knew her, she was a good friend, gentle and kind, but with something more. There were two people who knew who she was and about her past. She had saved them one night from a vampire attack, and ever since then, they had stayed together. The other girl was Lauren. Jen, Lauren, and her had moved into a two-bedroom apartment. Jen and Lauren sharing a room, and Buffy getting a room to herself.

"Hey Jen. Where's Lauren?" Buffy yawned as she trudged into the kitchen.

"She had to get down to the studio to meet Anthony about selling the bakery, so she could concentrate on helping you with the Martial Arts place." Jen set a plate of eggs and bacon down on the table in front of Buffy, and she slowly ate them. "I had a dream," she quietly told Jen.

"What happened? Was it prophetic?"

"I don't think so. I have to go back."

"To Sunnydale? Why?"

"I don't know. He told me that they all needed me there." Jen and Lauren had also known about Angel. They knew that he came to Buffy during her dreams and told her about forth coming evils and things like that.

"Did he say anything else?" Jen inquired.

"No, just that they all miss me and that he does too. Do you think I should go back?"

"I don't know. I mean, we all love you here, and it would be hard for you to leave, but if it's what's best, then I say go."

"I'll have to think about it later. Right now I have to get dressed. I have to be down at the studio in a half-hour. You gonna be there?"

"Yeah, I'll see you around noon for lunch, okay?"

"See you then." Buffy dropped her dishes into the sink and got dressed for another day teaching kids how to defend themselves from all of the potential danger in the world.

Part Two

Angel~

It's been five years since she left. Only two since I found out. Giles showed me the letter she had left. Apparently, she left because she felt that she wasn't in control of herself anymore.

I remember when she ran away the last time. It was because of me. It's always because of me. I gave up on the guilt thing a long time ago. But even now, I can't help but feel that if it weren't for me, she would be living happy like she should be.

We got a letter from her a few years ago telling us that everything was fine and that she had opened her own martial arts studio. Of course she would do something that would agree with her slaying. I hope she's happy in her new life. She asked us not to contact her, and we've all kept that promise. We know where she is, thanks to Willow's extensive computer knowledge, but we haven't bothered her. We just wanted to know that she was alive and safe and she is.

I still love her. I keep hoping one day that she'll return and I can take her into my arms, and hold her forever. I know this isn't possible because I don't expect her to take me back. I may not have as much guilt as I used to have, but I still know that when you hurt someone, you don't expect them to welcome you with open arms.

I know she's coming back, I've been speaking to her through her dreams. She doesn't know that I'm back in Sunnydale and that I'm half-human. She's going to be mad for me not telling her, but she didn't want any of us to contact her, so I've been waiting four years to tell her.

Four years ago, I was fighting in LA, trying to save my soul. The Oracles appeared before me, and told me that I had found my redemption, and that I should no longer suffer. They told me Buffy was my redemption and that I should go find her. So I went to Sunnydale. Giles told me that she had left, and that they didn't know where she was. When a person doesn't want to be found, you cannot find them. That's the way she wanted it to be.

For four years, I've been talking to her through her dreams. She knows that I'm in Sunnydale and that I'm half-human, but she doesn't trust her mind. She thinks it's just part of her dream. She'll find out when she returns. She knows know that she has to return. She knows that if she doesn't, then everything she ever stood for is lost.

Part Three

"Hey Lisa!" Jessi called from the back room of the studio.

"Yeah?" Buffy called back.

"There's something on the TV that you might want to see!"

Buffy walked into the back room, thinking that Jessi was just trying to show her something on one of her TV shows. She dropped the sword she had been shining when the reporter said, "Sunnydale." Buffy listened attentively as the reporter spoke.

"There have been rash murders and more gang attacks that this town has seen in more that five years. Just yesterday, a young man was found stuffed into a trash can, and he looked to be stabbed in the neck with a barbeque fork. The authorities have told us they are doing everything they can to control this. This is Mary Spinster reporting from Sunnydale, California." Buffy turned off the television.

"Lisa? What's wrong? What's going on in Sunnydale?"

"I don't know."

Jessi also knew about Buffy's situation. Though neither Jen, Jessi, or Lauren knew her real name, they all knew who she was and how important she was to the world.

"You need to go home, Lisa."

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to. They all need you there."

"But what if they don't? I'm sure they are doing just fine without me. They have to have been if they have lasted this long."

"Lisa, listen to me. If you don't go back, they could all die. I know you don't want that. Go home, go back to Sunnydale."

"But what about you guys? How am I supposed to leave you?"

"Easy, pick up your stuff and go. We all knew this day was going to happen, and we know you have to go. We'll miss you, but we know it's what's best."

*~*

Buffy~

I'm going home. After five years, I'm going home. I wonder what they'll say. Will they accept my decisions that I had to make or will they hate me? Of course, if they hate me, they have every right. But I had to do it. I had to know who I was. What I wanted to do with my life.

I know what I want. I've always know, but does he want me? My Angel comes and speaks to me every night, but is it true? Maybe the Powers That Be are using his form so that I'll listen.

I want to be with him so bad it hurts. My heart and soul calls out for him every second, every minute, every hour of every day. Not knowing how he's been doing these past five years has been torture. Every night I pray that he comes to me in my dreams. It makes me mad. It makes me so mad that he thought that he was doing what he thought was best for me by leaving. Who the hell is he to know how I should live my life? Ever since I became the Slayer, everyone had a view on how I should act, what I should say, and what I should do with my calling. Everyone except me. Everyone makes my fucking decisions for me. Not anymore. I'm me, and no one owns me but me.

I know when I get back, they are going to tell me that what I did was irrational and immature. Who cares? I was eighteen. They think that just because I'm the Slayer, I should act with a purpose all the time. What ever happened to growing up? Whatever happened to exploring your youth. Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm the Slayer, everyone else can tell me what to do. Dammit! I'm the god damned Slayer! I don't care! They can tell me that I was wrong, that I was being a child, but dammit! I'm my own person, and they can accept what I've done or get out of my life!

Part Four

"I'm gonna miss you," Jen said as she pulled Buffy into a fierce hug. They were standing in the airport right outside the terminal for Buffy's place to LA. "I'll miss you too," Buffy hugged back.

"Don't be a stranger, understand? I want you to come see us whenever you can." Lauren hugged Buffy.

"Last call for flight 407 straight to Los Angeles, California," the anouncer called over the loud speaker.

"Bye, guys. I promise to write." Buffy called as she walked into the corridor leading to her plane.

"Hey Lisa!" Jen called. Buffy turned around. "Let him in, don't give up. He needs you." With a quick nod and a small smile, Buffy disappeared into her plane.

Buffy~

Jen's words keep echoing in my head. Let him in, don't give up. He needs you. But does he really? I can't help but think he moved on. In the bottom of my heart, I know that he hasn't, but the doubt is still there. He told me to move on, that I deserved a better life. But was it really me that he wanted to move on? What if he doesn't love me? What if he lost interest?

I have to stop thinking about this! I really don't feel like crying in front of a plane filled with strangers. This flight is slow. I have to be here for 12 hours. God, I'm bored already and I've only been up in the air for thirty minutes. I would try to sleep, but I know that I would dream. I'll dream, and he'll be there. He'll hold me, and kiss me and tell me that he loves me. If he loves me, why did he leave me? Ah! I've got to stop! Eleven hours, just eleven hours.

Part Five

Angel~

Oh god, what am I going to do? There she is. God, she's even more beautiful than the last time I saw here. She's different now. She's got brown hair, layered around her face. She's older, and it shows more, but there's something about her eyes. They've changed. There's more wisdom, more sadness. They're puffy, too, like she's been crying. I want to run up to her and wrap my arms around her, but I stay still. I don't know how she'll react to seeing me, especially in the sunlight.

Yeah, sunlight. That was one thing about my redemption. The Oracles told me that every time I did something to help Buffy, I would get some sort of my humanity back. I got her to come back, so I got sunlight. I didn't even really need the ability to go out in the sunlight because just having Buffy home brought light. But I got it. One thing that scares me is that my reasons for her not having to be with me are dwindling. Even if I regain total humanity, she really shouldn't be with me. I've done s many bad things, I don't deserve all that love and forgiveness that she gives me. So what reasons do I have? I love her, I want to be with her, she wants to be with me, right? So be it. I'll do anything to make her happy.

OK, what's the expression? Baby steps? I'm going to get her back, I have to. If she doesn't take me back, I'll die. She's just finished her hellos to the gang. I start walking over there. "Buffy?" I ask unsure, trying not to scare her. She turned around, almost in slow motion. "Angel?" she asked with a tear in her voice, and she fainted.

Buffy~

I woke up to someone calling my name. Giles, I recognized. I sat up, and saw that I was laying on the chairs in the airport. I looked around me and was glad that the only people that surrounded me were my friends, Giles, my mom, and oh god. Angel. I felt myself start to drift off into blackness again, but my guardian was there, pulling me back out.

Angel~

"Angel?" She asked so unsure. It was like she thought I'd disappear, like it was a dream. Hell, it felt like a dream to me. I wasn't sure if that any minute I would wake up in my own bed, clutching a pillow and pretending she was beside me. "It's all right, baby, I'm here."

"Is this a dream?" she was so scared. I guess the shock of seeing me in the sunlight really did a one over on her.

"I'm not sure." I tried to helped her up, but the next thing I knew what that I was on my ass on the hard floor in the middle of the airport. Buffy stared at me with wild eyes.

"You fucking bastard! Who the Hell do you think you are?!"

"Buffy let me explain," I tried to get up, but she pushed me back down.

"Shut up! You've already done your talking! It's my turn! You think you can just leave me and expect me to run into your arms when I see you again, like nothing happened? Well, I hate to hit you with a hammer, Angel, that's not how it works." Hot tears started to roll down her face, and more than ever I wanted to embrace her in my arms and end the pain. But I stayed where I was, and did the only think I knew. I turned around and left.

Go to Part Two