Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel and co. belong to Joss (the Genius) Whedon and so on. I own Maggie, but that's it.
Story notes: Buffy finds out some shocking news. (Couldn't tell by the title, could you? LOL)
Author's note: I was watching a tape (I don't remember the episode) the other day, and saw that Buffy had the ring on, that's when I got the idea for this story. I know some other fanfic authors have covered this topic, but this is my take on what would happen if Buffy found out the truth about her ring. Let me know what you thought. Send any and all comments to: cdblaw17@a.... Thank you and I hope you enjoy the story. :o)
Distribution: LOD, my site, and anyone else, just ask first. I'll more than likely say yes, I just want to know first. :O)
Buffy walked in to the class room and sat down. Sighing, she reach in to her bag and took out her pen and notebook to take notes. A young woman came up to her and said in a thick accent, "Is this anyone's seat?"
Buffy glanced up at her and smiled. "Nope, it's your if you want it." *I wonder where she's from, I've never seen her before.* "Hi, I'm Buffy." She extended her hand.
The young lady extended her hand too. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. My name's Margaret, but you can call me Maggie." While she was holding Buffy's hand, she noticed the little silver band on her finger. "That's a lovely ring. Are you Irish?"
Buffy glanced at the ring, feeling a sadness sweep over her. "No. A friend of mine gave it to me. He was from Ireland." Buffy summoned up a smile. "It was a birthday present, a couple of years ago."
"What part of Ireland? That's where I'm from." Maggie was excited that she had met someone with a tie to Ireland, even if it was a distant one.
Buffy thought for a moment. "I think he said.....Galway? Yeah, that's it. He moved from there a long time ago, when he was very young." Buffy smiled at the thought of just how long ago it had been, and just how young Angel had been at the time.
"Oh, I'm from Menlough, that's not far from Galway at all." Maggie was smiling, excited to think that this friend would probably know of her hometown. *Maybe I even know him, or saw him sometime. Wouldn't that be nice? To be able to chat with someone from home.*
"Small world, huh? So, what are you doing here in the States?" Buffy could tell she was going to like this girl. *Probably just because she'll remind me of Angel. Maybe she can tell me more of what it was like in Ireland, back when Angel was a boy.*
"Well, my father got transferred here by his company, so we had to move. I was dreading it, because it's not easy for me to make new friends, but I never thought that I'd meet someone with a tie to my home." She gave Buffy a smile. "It's already looking good though, as I've already met someone nice."
"Well, I'll help you out. Show you around, you know, anything you need, you just let me know. I know what it's like to have to start over. I moved to Sunnydale my sophomore year of high school. Talk about traumatic. I thought that my life was over." Buffy smiled again at the thought of the new friends that she'd made that first day of school. Willow and Xander meant the world to her, and she was so thankful to have found them that day. "Luckily I met two really great people, and we've been best friends ever since."
Looking at the ring again she asked, "So do you know the story of the Claddaugh? Did he tell you the legend?"
Buffy, too, glanced at the ring. "Yeah, he said that the hands represent friendship, the crown loyalty, and the heart.....love. He was a very good friend. I miss him, a lot." Buffy tried to offer a smile to her new friend, but it ended up a little wobbly, as she had to fight the tears trying to pop up in her eyes.
"He must have been. What happened to him?" Maggie gave her new friend a sympathetic smile, thinking that her friend had died.
"He moved away." Buffy couldn't stop the next words out of her mouth, or the pain that was in her voice as she did. "He left me, told me to start a new life, without him." When she looked back up at Maggie, the other girl had a look of mild shock on her face. "What's the matter Maggie? Are you OK?"
"Yeah, it's just that I can't believe that he'd leave you. He must have loved you a great deal. I know that I don't know him at all, but to give you that ring, and then leave.....well, it's just hard to believe."
"Why? We'll always have a special place in each others hearts, but it just wouldn't have worked out for us." As much as Buffy hated to admit it she said, "He had to leave. We could never get married, and he wanted me to find someone to love, marry, and have kids with."
At this Maggie raised her eyebrows. "He didn't tell you everything about that ring Buffy. To our people, that's a symbol that you belong to some one. Anyone who would see it on you, would know that you were taken."
"Yeah, he told me that. He said that by wearing it with the point facing you, it meant that you belonged to someone. We said that we'd always belong to each other, even if only in our hearts." Buffy didn't understand why Maggie was so shocked by all of this. Just then the teacher walked in and started class.
After class was over Maggie asked Buffy if she had any free time later that day. They agreed to meet at the coffee shop at two o'clock, and Buffy would give her the `grand tour' of Sunnydale.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I know that it's not much, but we get by," Buffy said as they walked down the street.
"No, I like it. It's very different from my town though." As they continued to walk Maggie tried to think of a way to bring up the ring. *Might as well just get to the point.* "Buffy, about that ring. There really IS something that you don't know about it." Maggie took a breath and plunged in. "Our people exchange it to show their love and devotion to each other. When you wear it the way that you're wearing it-," Maggie gestured to the fact that the heart was pointed at her. "First of all, did this friend of yours put it on your finger, or did you?"
*That's a strange question to ask.* "He did. Why? Why are you having a hard time believing that he'd just leave me? What's the ring got to do with it?" Buffy was looking at Maggie, more than a little confused as to the girls insistence that there was something significant she didn't know about the ring.
"Well........that ring, if he did put it on you, it means that you're married to him."
Luckily they'd just walked past a bench because Buffy's legs just about gave out on her. Taking the two steps back, to sit on the bench, she did so. "WHAT?"
"By placing it on your finger, he took you as his wife. It's actually an old custom, dated back to the 17th century, around the Galway area. People still do it today, though." Maggie looked worried about Buffy's response to what she'd just told her.
*Angel...my husband...oh, my God....why didn't he tell me? * Buffy felt a thrill run up her at the thought of Angel truly being her husband. *Could Maggie be telling the truth? Did Angel take me as his wife that night? Oh, Angel, why didn't you tell me? How could you leave me? * Buffy just looked at Maggie with a dazed expression.
"Buffy? Are you OK? Do I need to call someone?" Maggie was a little panicked at the expression on Buffy's face.
"No, I'm fine, Sorry. It's just a shock, that's all. Maggie? Can you tell me everything you know about the legend of this ring? I REALLY need to know." Buffy looked at Maggie with a determined look in her eyes.
"Yeah, sure no problem." And with that she proceeded to tell Buffy everything she knew about the Claddaugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Two hours later.)
"What?!?! Oh, my gosh Buffy! You're kidding!" Willow sat on her bed in the dorm room and just looked at Buffy in amazement.
Buffy just sat there with her own dazed expression. "I'm totally serious Will." Buffy had come back and told Willow the whole story. "This new girl in my English class, told me that that's what the ring signifies in Ireland. I know that it doesn't mean that we're married here in the States, but that doesn't matter. In his culture we ARE. That's what he meant when he gave me the ring, I just know it. In every way that matters, I am Angels wife." Buffy began to cry, silent tears that just fell. "Will, why did he leave me? I'm his wife, how could he? And why didn't he tell me either? I think that that's something he should have mentioned." Buffy started to sob, her whole body shaking with the force of them.
Willow walked over to sit beside her, and wrapped her arms around her friend. "I don't know Buffy. I know that it hurt him a great deal to walk away from you, but he really thought that you'd be better off. Stupid, I know, but he really believed that it was the right thing to do." Willow continued to pat Buffy's back till she calmed a little, the sobs not so fierce. "As to the not telling you part...well, there really wasn't much of a chance afterwards right? I mean, first you were attacked by Spikes men, then you went to stop them from assembling the Judge. Then, after you two--you know--he turned into Angelus--and you know.....it's probably better that HE didn't tell you, cause that would have killed you to have known it then, and I know that I'm babbling, but it's the only explanation I can think of."
"But, after he came back from Hell, he could have told me then, and he didn't." Buffy looked at Willow, "What am I gonna do? I can't keep going out with Riley, knowing that I'm Angels wife. It was hard enough before, but now, there's no way I can. It'll feel like I'm cheating, which it already felt like, but now it'll be much worse."
Willow hated seeing Buffy so miserable. "I honestly don't know, Buffy. What do you want to do? Don't think too hard, but what's the first thing that pops into your head?"
"I want to go see Angel." Buffy perked up a little bit. "That's it Will, I have to go see Angel. To find out if all this is true, and to find out why he wouldn't tell me." Buffy jumped up off of her bed, and ran to the closet.
"Are you sure Buffy? What about Riley? And patrol tonight?"
Buffy paused what she was doing. "Oh, right, Riley. Well, I have to tell him that it's over. How do I do that? I really don't want to hurt him, but there's no way that I can be with him." Buffy thought about it for a minute. "I'll go see him before I leave. It's not gonna be easy, but I have to. As for the patrol thing, I'll see if Giles can handle it tonight. I'll tell him I have to go to LA, to see my Dad. It won't be a total lie, right? I mean I am going to LA, and he doesn't have to know the real reason." Buffy looked at Willow to see if the other girl would agree with her. When Willow finally nodded her head, Buffy let out the breath that she'd been holding. "I don't know how long I'll be gone Will, can you cover for me tomorrow, if I'm not back? I'll call you, and let you know what's going on, I promise." Buffy finished grabbing clothes from the closet, and stuffed them into her overnight bag.
"Sure, no problem. Keep me posted, though, and if you need anything just let me know." Willow really hoped that everything would work out for her friend. She had been so miserable after Angel left, that it had broken Willow's heart. She had felt so guilty being happy with Oz, while Buffy's heart was breaking. And then of course she'd experienced the same thing when Oz had left her, but that had ended up OK, as he had returned a few months later. Things weren't the same, as before he left, but they were getting better. "Buffy, I really hope that things work out. Good luck talking to him."
Buffy finished packing all the stuff she would need and zipped the bag up. She walked over to Willow and gave her a hug. "Thanks Will. You've been so supportive through everything that I've been through. I couldn't have done any of it without you. You're my best friend. I love you."
"I love you too Buffy, and I'll ALWAYS be here for you. Don't forget that, OK?"
Stepping back from Willow, Buffy smiled and said, "Well, here I go. Keep those fingers crossed." And with that she walked out the door.
Buffy's first stop was Riley's. She wasn't looking forward to this, but knew that she had to do it. She couldn't lie to Riley, but she wasn't sure just how much she should tell him. Buffy walked in and waved to some of the guys who said `hi' to her. Knocking on Riley's door she took a deep breath. *OK Buffy you can do this. Just breath. He deserves the truth.* She heard Riley tell whoever was at the door to come in, so she turned the handle and slowly opened the door. Peeking her head in first she said, "Hi, it's just me."
Riley's face lit up as he saw who his visitor was. "Buffy! Hey, what's up?" Riley walked up and gave her a hug. "This is a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you until later tonight."
Buffy felt a wave of uncertainty, and wasn't sure how to proceed. "Riley, I think we need to talk." Buffy eased out of his embrace and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Why do I get the feeling, that I'm not gonna like this talk?" Riley sat down next to her. "OK, what is it?"
"Well.....I don't know how to say this. Do you remember me telling you that my last boyfriend had left me right after graduation last year?" When Riley nodded she continued, "Well, I just found out something today, about him, that has me confused, and hopeful at the same time. Riley, I still love him." Buffy winced at the pain she saw in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, but it's true. All this time, I've been hoping that he'd come back to me-- for me. We had something very special, and I'm going to try to get him back. I know that you probably don't understand, and I'm sorry for leading you on, but it could never really work out for us. He has my heart, and always will." Buffy chanced another look at Riley, and hated herself for hurting him this way. "I can only hope that some day you'll forgive me, and not hate me. You can, and will, find someone better. Someone who will love you with her whole heart. You're a great guy, and I wish that things could have been different. Maybe if I'd met you first, they would have been."
Riley was shocked. *She'd dumping me, for some jerk who left her.* It didn't make any sense to him. "OK, let me get this straight. You're dumping me, and going to go try to get this guy back. Why?" Riley stood up, walked to the other side of the room, and turned to face her. "Buffy, this guy LEFT you! Why would you want him back?"
"Riley you don't understand, there were circumstances involved, that even if I could tell you, you just couldn't understand." Buffy looked at Riley and begged him to understand. "Please, this is so hard for me. You've been SO good to me, and I hate to do this, but you deserve better than someone who can never give you her whole heart."
"Buffy, don't expect me to understand. You're dumping me for some jerk who up and left you! I love you, and you're basically telling me that you don't love me, have never really loved me, that you've loved this other guy the whole time we've been together." Riley's voice was rising as he was talking, and he knew that he needed to calm down, but he couldn't. "WHY should I understand? HOW can I understand that? It doesn't make any sense!"
"I know that it doesn't, to you. Riley, you'll never know how sorry I am." Buffy felt tears, that she didn't even know were there, falling down her cheeks. "I NEVER meant to hurt you. You have to know that. I'm so sorry Riley!" And with that, Buffy ran out the door, tears falling down her face.
Buffy walked to Giles's house and tried to get the tears to stop. *I'm so sorry Riley. I hope that someday you can forgive me. I know that you'll find someone, someday, to love, who will love you just as much.* Buffy knocked on the door and waited for Giles to answer.
Giles opened the door and was surprised to see Buffy, red faced, standing there. Concerned he said, "Buffy? Is everything OK?" He motioned for her to come in and closed the door behind her.
Buffy walked over and sat on the sofa. "Yeah, sorta. Giles can you cover patrol tonight? I have to go to LA."
Stunned, Giles nodded. "Yes, I think I can manage tonight. Are you sure everything's all right? Is it your father? Is he hurt or sick?" Giles was concerned for Buffy, she was, after all, the closest thing to a daughter he had, and he felt very protective of her.
"There's just something I need to take care of." Buffy made herself smile to reassure him that things were fine. "Dad's not hurt or sick, this is personal business that needs to be solved."
Giles got the feeling that he knew who it involved too, but he wasn't going to pry. Buffy would tell him when she was ready. "OK. You go take care of it, and we'll talk when you get back."
Buffy gave him a smile of gratitude. "Thanks Giles. What would I do without you? I'll fill you in on everything when I get back, but I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'll try to get back as soon as possible."
"That's fine. I'll see you when you do get back then." Buffy stood and walked to the door. "And Buffy?" When she turned back to look at him he said, "Be careful. And good luck."
Buffy knew that he knew what she was going to do, but was grateful that he didn't try to talk her out of it. "I will. Thank you." Buffy walked out the door, and smiled. *OK, Angel, here I come, and you're not going to get rid of me this time.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy's mom was out of town on business, and she'd left the car in the driveway in case Buffy needed it. She walked to the house, and got the keys from the kitchen drawer her mother always left them in. Climbing into the drivers seat, she sat her bag in the passengers seat, and looked at her reflection in the rearview mirror. *Here you go Buffy. You're going to go there, and talk some sense into him. You're not going to take `no' for an answer either. Angel's your husband, and you're going to make him see that you need him, and want him back. Then you're going to make him marry you all over again, legally.* Buffy couldn't help the smile that came to her face.
Marrying Angel was the one thing that Buffy had always wanted, always dreamed of. Now it was a reality, she was married to him, and she would make sure that she always would be. Buffy started the car and backed out of the driveway. "Ready or not...." Buffy started on her three hour trip to see her love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Three hours later.)
Angel walked out of the elevator, and into the office. "Cordelia, we don't have any other cases right now, do we?"
"Not right at this minute. What's up?" Cordelia glanced up from her paperwork as Angel stopped in front of her desk.
"I don't know, I just get the feeling that something big is about to happen."
"Well, no vision, yet." Cordelia sat her pen down and followed Angel with her eyes as he started pacing the room. `What kind of something? Are you getting a MAJOR wiggins, or just a MINOR wiggins?"
Angel just stared at her, she had changed so much in her time here in LA that, sometimes he forgot that she was part of the old gang back in Sunnydale, but then she would say something that sounded so like Xander and Buffy. Angel gave her a wry smile and said, "Definitely a MINOR wiggins. It's not a feeling of something bad's about to happen, just something ... important." Angel shrugged because he didn't know what the feeling meant. "It's probably nothing."
Angel walked into his private office and sat down in his chair. He vaguely remembered hearing the outer office door open, but didn't pay much attention, thinking that it was either Wesley coming in or a client. Sitting there, he was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling.... a presence, that he knew couldn't be there. *Buffy's back at school, it's just my wishful thinking. Besides, she's with commando boy now.* Angel heard the sounds of talking out in the office, but was too lost in thought to recognize the voices.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy opened the door and walked in. She had been here once before, a few months earlier, but had been on a different mission then. She had foolishly come to tell Angel that she didn't need him coming back into her life, that they should keep their distance "until a lot of time has passed" and they could forget. Buffy had changed her mind, she didn't want to forget, ever.
Cordelia looked up to see who had come into the office, hoping that it would be a new client. They needed the constant barrage of clients they had to keep Angels mind off of Buffy.... *Buffy! * She was standing right there in the doorway, looking at Cordelia and making a `shh' gesture. "Buffy, what are you doing here?" Cordelia kept her voice down so that Angel wouldn't hear her.
"I've come to see Angel. Is he here? I really need to speak with him."
"Yeah, he's in his office, doing the brooding thing again." Cordelia said this with a smile, as she was growing quite fond of him, and didn't mind his little brooding spells. They were becoming less frequent now. "Do you want me to tell him that you're here, or do you want to do it yourself?"
"No, I'll tell him. Can I just go in?" When Cordy nodded she went to the door and paused. *Come on Buffy, you can do it. You're a big girl.* Taking a breath she put her hand on the knob and slowly twisted it. Pushing it open she quietly walked into the office, and just stood there for a minute looking at her love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angel heard the door to his office open and turned expecting to see Cordelia standing there with a new case to tell him about, but was shocked by the sight that met his eyes. Jumping up out of his chair, "Buffy!" Angel couldn't believe that she was standing there. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" Angel was afraid that something was terribly wrong, for her to be here. Because of the way she had left last time, he figured he'd never see her again.
Buffy gave him a wry look, and nodded her head saying, "Yeah, something's wrong." Buffy didn't want to have this conversation here where anyone could hear them, she wanted to do it in private. "Angel, can we go somewhere private and talk? There's something very serious I want to discuss with you."
Angel felt terror grab at him. He was terrified of what Buffy wanted to talk to him about. *Oh, god, she's either here to tell me that she's getting married, dying, or that one of the Scooby Gang had been killed.* Angel didn't particularly want to hear any of the above, but he nodded to her. "We can go downstairs to my apartment. No one will bother us." Angel led the way to the elevator, pausing to tell Cordelia where they were going, and that they didn't want to be disturbed.
Cordelia nodded her understanding and gave them a smile, silently wishing them luck with whatever it was they were going to talk out. *I'd say that that's pretty big alright.*
Angel opened the door of the elevator and stepped out. He didn't know what to think of Buffy showing up here in LA. On one hand he was so happy to just see her again, but on the other, he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what she had to say. Buffy followed him as he led her over to the couch. He motioned for her to have a seat. "Do you need anything? A drink, something to eat maybe?"
Buffy shook her head and looked around the apartment. She remembered some of the art in the room from the mansion and his first apartment. *I wonder when he came back and got his stuff? It's a nice apartment, it has him written all over it,* she mused. "I'm fine, thanks. So... how have you been? Business good? You look like you're doing OK."
Angel sat down in the chair across from her. "Yeah, there's always plenty of business, you know how that goes." He offered her a small smile. He was getting more and more nervous, wishing that Buffy would get to the point. "You?"
Buffy looked back at him with a sad smile. "I've been worse, but I've been better too." Buffy decided to go ahead and get to the point, sort of. "I made a new friend this morning. She's really nice." Buffy looked at Angel with a funny smile now.
"That's good. You can never have too many friends." Angel smiled right back at her, more confused than ever. *What does a new friend have to do with anything?*
"She's in my English class, today was her first day. She just moved here from," Buffy watched his expression carefully to see if it changed at all, "Ireland." She didn't get much of a reaction, not one she wanted anyway, but he did seem to perk up a little bit. *Probably just the mention of his homeland.* "Yeah, she's from a little town called Menlough. Ever hear of it?" She knew perfectly well that he had, but she wanted to test him.
"Menlough? Yeah, it's not far from Galway. I've been there a couple of times. Nice town.... well, at least it was when I was there, but that HAS been a few years now." Angel gave a little chuckle as he thought of just how long ago that had been. Sometimes he missed Ireland, it was such a beautiful place, even though he hadn't appreciated it when he was living there.
"Well, according to her it still is, she described it to me. I'd like to go there sometime to see for myself, it sounded lovely. Anyway, this new friend of mine, her name's Maggie, she saw my ring," Buffy held out her left hand so Angel could see that it was still there, where he had placed it so long ago, "and asked me if I was Irish. I told her that I wasn't, that it had been a present from a friend, who was." Buffy never took her eyes off of him, she wanted to see it, the minute that recognition came into them. "I told her that he was a very dear friend, and that I missed him terribly." Buffy paused to take a breath.
Angel had been shocked to see that she was wearing the ring. He had assumed that she would have taken it off when she started dating Riley. He was inexplicably pleased that she hadn't. When he heard her say that she missed him, his heart soared. *Does she still love me? I thought that after her last visit that surely she hated me. Oh, Buffy, my love.* Angel tried to not let his emotions show on his face, just in case he was wrong, he didn't want her to know how much her words meant to him. "Buffy--"
Buffy cut him off, "Angel, will you just listen to what I have to say first, please? I really need to say this, and if you stop me I might not be able to." When he nodded for her to go on, she did. "Anyway, when I told her that I missed him, she asked me what had happened to him. She thought that maybe he had died, or been killed, so when I told her that he left me she was shocked." Buffy took a breath. "She couldn't believe that the person who gave me this ring would walk out on me. It confused me that she felt that way, and I asked her why it was such a big deal." Buffy saw fear start to enter his eyes, and thought, *Good, he's starting to get where I'm going with this.* "You want to know what she said?" She waited for him to reply, but he just sat there looking at her.
Angel was starting to realize what this friend of Buffy's might have told her. *Please, don't let it be that.* When she asked him if he wanted to know what her friend had said, he couldn't move. He could only sit there and stare at her, completely afraid of the answer.
"Well, I'll tell you. It didn't make sense to her, that someone who loved me enough to give me this ring, would leave me, to start over without him. Tell me, to get on with my life." Buffy felt the tears fighting to the surface and tried to force them back down. "Angel... she asked me if my friend had told me the story of the Claddaugh ring, and I told her that he had, and I told her what I knew." She couldn't look at him anymore, as the tears welled up, despite her attempts to keep them at bay. Lowering her head she continued, "She told me the REAL story, Angel. She told me what the ring really meant."
Angels heart broke as he heard her whisper, "Why didn't you tell me? Why, Angel?" He felt the tears come to his eyes as he realized that she truly knew what the ring had symbolized that night. He didn't know what to say, he was stunned. Angel stood up and crossed the distance between them and sat on the couch beside her. He touched her head gently, afraid that she'd pull away from him. When she didn't, he pulled her into his arms.
Buffy reveled in the feel of Angels arms around her. *Angel, it feels so good to be back in your arms.* "Angel, how could you not tell me that I'm your wife?"
Angel hated the pain he heard in her voice, and hated himself for being the one to cause it. He kissed the top of her head. "Oh, Buffy.... I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you though, not after what happened. I wanted to, so much, but I knew that I couldn't." *Please understand Buffy. I couldn't break your heart that way, it would have killed me to.*
Buffy pulled back a little to look at him. "Why? I don't understand. I deserved to know that we were married the night that you put this ring on my finger." Buffy was getting angry. "Didn't you think I had a right to know? And how could you leave me? How?" Buffy was yelling as she finished, and then the tears started to flow, and sobs racked her body.
"Oh, God, Buffy. I'm so sorry for this." Angel held her as she cried. When she quieted a little, he pulled back to look at her face, while he tried to explain. "Buffy, I was going to tell you that night. I had planned on giving you the ring, as a present, at your party, I was going to put it on your finger and tell you what it meant. But then when I ended up having to give it to you on the docks that night, and the time just didn't feel right, I wanted it to be perfect." Angel gently brushed her hair out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear. "I thought I'd tell you when I got back from hiding the Judge's arm, but then as you know, that trip didn't happen. I wanted to tell you when we got back to my apartment, right before we ended up making love. I knew that I'd have to tell you when you woke up. I was holding you in my arms afterward, working out in my mind how I'd do it, when I fell asleep myself." Angel paused, not sure he should tell her this next part, but decided that she deserved to know the whole truth.
"Buffy, the whole time that Angelus was loose....I was there, too. I couldn't do anything, as he had control, but I saw everything that he was doing. I fought so hard to gain control again, but he was too strong." Angel paused, this was going to be difficult to tell her. "He had all of my memories, so he knew about me giving you the ring. He wanted to torture you by telling you that you were my wife, therefore you were HIS wife. God, he wanted to tell you so badly, but I knew that it would kill you, so I didn't let him. It was the only thing I had enough strength to fight against. I knew I had to prevent him from breaking your heart that way, so I fought him, and won, and he hated it."
Buffy was shocked. She knew that Angel had gotten all of Angelus's memories when he came back, but she had no idea that he'd been there witnessing it as it happened. "Oh, Angel, that must have been so hard for you. Thank you for stopping him, it WOULD have killed me to find out like that, from him, especially when I thought I'd lost you forever." Buffy caressed his cheek.
Angel continued to stroke her hair as he thought back to that time. She'd never know how much it had hurt him. To know that it was essentially him causing her such pain, it was unbearable. He had been so proud of her, when she had stood her ground against him, though. "Yeah, but I kept trying the whole time to stop him from doing everything else he did, but couldn't."
Buffy heard the self loathing in his voice when he said that. She tried to reassure him with a touch. "I know you would have stopped it if you could, Angel. I NEVER blamed you, for what he did. I know it wasn't you, and that you loved me too much to ever do those things." Buffy laid her head on his shoulder as she waited for him to explain why he hadn't told her, after he returned from Hell.
As if he were reading her mind he went on. "When I came back from Hell, I couldn't bring myself to tell you, because of all the pain that Angelus had caused you. I was afraid that you would hate me, for what he did, and I couldn't bear that. I just figured that you were better off not knowing that you were married to......a monster. Then, when I decided to leave, I knew that it was the right choice, as you never would have let me go knowing that, and I wouldn't have been able to leave you." Angel knew that there were tears falling down his cheeks, but he didn't care. "It's not really legal, anyway Buffy, so you don't have to worry about going on with your life." It hurt Angel to say that, but he had to let her know that it was OK that she'd moved on.
"Angel, I know that it's not legal here in the States, but answer me this. If we were in Ireland, right now, would we be married?" Buffy silently hoped that his answer would be yes. That was all she'd need, to go on.
Angel didn't want to tell her, was afraid of what she'd say. He paused for so long that she was beginning to think he wasn't going to answer her when she heard him, very quietly, say, "Yes." He was looking at her with anguish in his eyes. "If we were in Ireland, you would be my wife, Buffy." He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from her, but the huge smile on her face was not it.
Buffy was so happy, she and Angel were husband and wife! *Oh, my gosh. It's what I always dreamed. My sweet Angel.* Buffy lifted her hands to cup his face, and gently brought his lips down to meet hers. She tasted the salt from the tears she knew they both were crying. "I love you Angel. I always have, and always will."
"Buffy, nothing's changed. I still can't offer you anything. You deserve to be happy with someone who can."
Buffy silenced him with her hand. "Angel, do you honestly think that I can go on with my life, be happy with someone else, when I know that I'm married to you, the man I love with all my heart? I can't, and you can't ask me to." Buffy took her hand away from his mouth, and just looked at him, expecting him to argue with her. When he didn't she said, "Angel, I still want my life to be with you. I know that you don't think it will work, but I do. I can't be happy without you."
"But, what about Riley? You have him now, and I know that you were happy with him." Angel hoped that she would deny it, even though he shouldn't, he did. He was selfish enough to want to hear that she wasn't really happy with anyone but him, and hated himself for feeling that way.
"Riley. Yeah, there were times when I thought that he made me happy, but you know what? I was fooling myself. Every time we were together, subconsciously, I wished that he were you. When he held me in his arms, I wished that it was you holding me. Angel, whenever you hold me, I can forget about being the Slayer. I feel safe, protected, but I never felt that way with Riley. I know that he loves me, but he doesn't hold me the way you do...like I'm the most treasured thing he has in his life." Buffy wiped the tears from his face as she continued, "That's how I always felt with you, you know? Treasured. I always knew that you were there for me when I needed you, I could always depend on you, for support and understanding. Angel, these last seven months, since you left, have been the hardest of my life. I feel like I'm only half there, all the time, and it's true, cause without you there, I'm not complete. You're my other half, Angel, and I know that it doesn't make sense, considering who and what we are, but I don't care. It's the truth, and that's all that matters." *Please, Angel, understand what I'm saying. Tell me that we can work it out.* Buffy pleaded with him, with her eyes.
"What about the curse? We can never be together like that again. Do you think you can handle that? I don't think I can. Buffy, I want you so much. I want to show you, how much I love you. I want to make love to you all the time, but I CAN'T. You deserve someone who can make love to you, take you places you've never been before, by worshipping your body." Angel noticed the blush start to creep up her cheeks. *Buffy, after all that you've been through, you're still so innocent. Oh, how I love you.* "I can't, and it kills me to know that I can never give you that. You deserve to have someone there for you during the day, to take walks with, when it doesn't involve slaying. Someone who can give you a family, stability, a good home, and who can grow old with you. I can't--," Angel choked on the words, trying not to breakdown in tears.
Buffy was trying, and losing her own battle with tears. "Angel, these are all old arguments. None of them matter. I don't want someone to go for walks with me in the sunlight, walks are more romantic in the moonlight. You could give me a good home, and stability. A family? Angel I've already got one. Xander, Willow, Giles, Oz, my mother, they are my family, along with you. As for the having children part? You, are the only man I would want to have children with, and if we can't, I'm content with that. Besides, we don't even know if a Slayer can have children. No Slayer has ever lived long enough to try." Buffy blushed even harder as she went on with the next argument. *I can't believe that it still makes me blush to talk about sex, even after I've had it.* "The sex part. It doesn't matter either. Sex isn't the only thing our relationship is about. That night was the best of my life, and I don't regret it, but that's not the only reason I love you. I would be content to go without it for the rest of my life, as long as I had you. I'll always have that memory, for the rest of my life, I'll remember how gentle you were with me, how much you loved me. I would love to be able to make love to you again, but I'd rather have you in my life and not be able to, than to be with someone else, and be able to make love to them." Buffy saw the pain in his eyes at the thought of her making love to someone else. "Besides, there's always the chance that we could find a way to change the curse. Make it so that there's no happiness clause. Willow, has been doing a lot, with her Wiccan studies, and has a friend who has a lot of power. Between the two of them, I bet they could come up with something. But even if they couldn't, it wouldn't matter. I'll still love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life."
Angel listened to Buffy's speech, and found himself wishing that she were right. He too didn't feel complete without her, but it just couldn't work between them. *Doesn't she see that? All I can ever bring her is sadness.* "Buffy, you know how much I love you, but I don't see how--" Buffy silenced him with a kiss. It was filled with all the love she could manage to put into it, and if he had needed to breath, it would have left him breathless. Angel broke off the kiss, "Buffy." Angel had to think, so he stood and walked to the other side of the room. *Is she right? Can we make this work? God, I wish we could, but I can't take the chance of hurting her. I've already hurt her so much, I can't do it anymore.* Angel turned to tell her that and stopped short. Buffy was staring up at him with such love shinning from her eyes that it left him speechless. He also could see her fear, fear that he was going to reject her, again, and suddenly he knew that he couldn't. He didn't know how they would make it work, but right then, it didn't matter. Angel held out his arms, and Buffy, knowing what it meant rushed into them.
"Angel--"
"Buffy--" They both started to speak, but fell silent. Words were not needed in that instant, they knew that they'd never be apart again. They stayed that way for several minutes, just holding each other and crying. They were tears of happiness this time, as they reveled in the feeling of being in each others arms once more. Angel, made up his mind, and walked Buffy back over to the couch. When she was once again sitting on it, he got down on his knee in front of her. Taking her hand, he brought it to his lips, and placed a kiss on her knuckles. Staring into her eyes, he said the words that she'd always wanted to hear. "Buffy.. .....Will you marry me? For real?"
Buffy almost knocked him over, as she jumped into his arms. "YES! Oh, yes!! Angel I love you so much, and I know we'll make it work somehow, I just know we can." Buffy rained kisses all over his face, and was laughing through her tears.
Angel returned the kisses with just as much fervor. "Buffy, I love you. I'm so sorry for leaving you. Never again, I swear. I'll never leave you." Angel couldn't believe what was happening. He never thought that he'd ever get the chance to be with Buffy again. He was so happy, and he wanted to share it with the world. "Come on, let's go tell Cordelia, and Wesley. Then we can tell everyone back in Sunnydale." Angel helped her stand, then the two of them went back upstairs, hand in hand, to tell their friends the good news.
Pausing, just outside the elevator, as something occurred to him, Angel glanced back at Buffy. "There's just one problem. Our marriage won't be totally real, Buffy." Buffy looked up at him, confused as to his meaning. "For a marriage to be real, you have to consummate it."
Buffy just looked at him, till it dawned on her what he meant. "Oh, well, as far as I'm concerned this ceremony is just a way to let the outside world know that we're married. I've been married to you since the first night you put this ring on my finger," Buffy smiled coyly at him as she finished her statement, "and if I remember correctly, we did consummate it that night." Buffy saw the realization of what she'd just said hit him, and could only smile. "I'm 100% your wife, Angel, now and forever."
Angel's heart soared, as he felt all the love she had for him, so he kissed her and said, "Buffy, I love you so much." Then, they climbed into the elevator, and went up to their friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Two weeks later.)
Buffy stood in the back of the church, waiting for the music to start, that would be her cue to walk down the isle. *I can't believe this is actually happening. Please don't let this be a dream.* The music started and she looked at the man beside her and nodded that she was ready. Together, they started walking down the isle, towards her dearest friends, and the man she loved.
She had asked Willow to be her Maid-of-Honor, and Cordelia and Anya to be Bridesmaids, while Angel had asked Wesley to be his Best man and Oz and Xander Groomsmen. It had surprised them all when Xander had agreed, but he had just shrugged and said, `If marrying Dead-boy is going to make Buffy happy, then I'm all for it.' He had had a smile on his face when he said it, and they all knew then, that he had decided to give Angel a chance. She glanced at all of her friends, and smiled at them as she stopped in front of her husband-to-be. Turning to the man beside her, she squeezed his hand and said, "Thank you Giles." Buffy had asked her former Watcher to give her away. Through the last four years, he had been more of a father to her, than anything else, and she loved him.
They had decided on a small ceremony with just a few friends and family members. It was easier that way, since it was a night ceremony. They had made sure that Maggie was there, as it was only due to her that they were there in the first place. They surprisingly hadn't had a hard time finding a church to have it in. Everything just sort of fell into place. She had found the perfect dress that first week, and then Cordelia had come across some dresses that would be perfect for the bridesmaids. Buffy couldn't believe how easy it was to get everything planned and finalized. *It's like it was meant to be.* And she knew that it was.
Giles went and sat down by Buffy's mother, and Buffy turned her attention to Angel. *He is so beautiful. I didn't think I could love him any more than I did, but everytime I see him I fall deeper in love with him.* Buffy smiled at him and took the hand he offered her. Together they turned to look at the priest, and waited for him to start the ceremony.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angel had always thought that Buffy was the most beautiful girl in the world, but tonight it was confirmed. He had never seen her looking more beautiful, than at this moment. She was breathtaking in her dress, glowing with happiness. *I never thought I could love somebody this much. Buffy, I swear I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.* As she turned her attention to him, he held out his hand and she took it. Together they turned to the priest and waited.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They listened to the priest and repeated their vows. When he asked for the rings, they turned to Willow and Wesley and took them, handing them to the priest. They had decided to use their Claddaugh rings, since they were their original wedding rings. After taking the ring from the priest, Angel slipped it on Buffy's hand and repeated the vows. When he was done talking, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the ring, much the way Buffy had that night. Soon, Buffy was slipping her ring on Angels finger and repeating her vows. Like she had that night, two years ago, she kissed his ring and looked up into his face. There was such love there, that it took her breath away. The priest pronounced them man and wife and told Angel he could kiss his bride. Lifting her veil, his cupped her face in his hands and lowered his head till their lips were touching. It was the sweetest, gentlest kiss they had ever shared, and when it was over, there wasn't a dry eye in the church. It was clear to everyone in attendance, that these two truly were made for each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the back of the church, two figures smiled. "You did a good job sending Maggie to Buffy. It was just the push they needed."
"Yeah, well, I couldn't stand seeing them so miserable anymore. Angel was a good friend, like a brother to me, and I wanted to see him happy." Looking at the woman beside him he said, "Buffy deserved to be happy too. You were trying to give her that, before. It just took the right plan, and the right timing. You know, for a gypsy, you're not half bad."
"Well, for a demon, you're not so bad yourself," she chuckled.
"HALF demon, thank you," he corrected as they started to fade out of sight
"Good luck you two. Be happy," they said in unison as they disappeared completely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angel and Buffy walked out the doors of the church, into the night, to start their life together. It wouldn't be easy, they knew that, but true love was worth taking a risk on.
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