Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel don't belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon, etc., etc., and I'm just borrowing them. I'll return them (maybe) at the end of the story no worse for wear (maybe even in better shape). I do however own Emily and Stefan. Also, the song belongs to Diane Warren (she wrote it) and Trisha Yearwood (and Leann Rimes) sang it.
Story notes: Takes place three weeks after graduation, but in my world (the wonderful world of Denial, where I'm the Queen, therefore whatever I say goes) Angel didn't leave right away.
Authors Note: This is my first attempt at a fanfic, so I hope that it's not too terrible. I would love feedback, so I'll know whether or not to spare myself anymore embarrassment. Any comments would be appreciated, but please, if you thought that it sucked, don't be too mean. Just tell me that that you didn't like it. If you loved it PLEASE let me know that too. You can e-mail me at: cdblaw17@aol.com. Thanks and I hope you enjoy the story. Also, words in-between these < > are song lyrics, and * * are thoughts.
Distribution: LOD of course, my site, and anyone else, please ask first. I will probably say yes, but I'd like to know where they're going first. :O)

Buffy sat on her window ledge looking out into the night. Silently searching, hoping, and willing him to appear, to come to her, knowing that it wouldn't happen. It had been three weeks since she had seen or heard from him. *Why is he doing this? God I want , no NEED, to see him. This is killing me but.....if he won't come to me, I'm not going to go crawling to him. It obviously doesn't bother him. Well, I'll just let him think that it doesn't bother me either, that I'm not hurting, or dying inside,* she thought bitterly.

The next song on her CD came on and she immediately recognized the slow beats of a sad love song. *Great, just what I need. I'm suppose to be getting pumped up to do some slaying and, now I'm going to get down all over again. Damn!* She couldn't seem to get her body to move to the stereo to change the song though, so she just sat there and closed her eyes, letting the words wash over her.

< How do I, get through one night without you, if I had
to live without you, what kind of life would that be.
Oh and I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold, You're
my world, my heart, my soul. If you ever leave, Baby
you would take away everything good in my life. >

*Oh, God... this song could have been written for me,* she thought. That was the thing about country music. More often than not you could relate to the songs. That was also the bad thing about it, sometimes it hit a little too close to home.

< Without you there'd be no sun in my sky, there would
be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me.
And I, Baby I don't know what I would do, I'd be lost if
I lost you. >

*This is exactly how I feel. I AM lost without Angel. He definitely is my world, my heart, and soul. When we're not together I feel as though I'm only half of something, that there is something missing, that will make me complete. I don't know what to do without him anymore. I'm not as confident about anything in my life, especially the slaying. I can't count how many times Xander and Willow have had to save my sorry butt. It's crazy, I'm the Slayer, and they're having to save me. Why doesn't Angel understand?!?!?!*

< If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything
real in my life. And tell me now: How do I live without
you, I want to know. How do I breath without you, if you
ever go. How do I ever survive. How do I, how do I, oh
how do I live. >

Buffy leaned her head back to rest it on the window frame and felt the tears fall down her face. *If he really leaves, he'll take every good thing I have, in fact the only REALLY good thing to come from being the Slayer, with him. He's my shoulder to cry on, the rock I lean on, and my fighting partner. He knows me better than anyone else; he's my best friend, who I can tell ALL my secrets to (even the ones I can't tell Will), he's my lover, he's......my soulmate. He is the ONLY one who can even remotely understand what it's like to be the Chosen One.*

< If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything.
Need you with me. Baby cause you know that you're
everything good in my life. And tell me now.... >

As the chorus repeated Buffy went to her trunk to retrieve her equipment, it was time to patrol. After slipping her jacket (the one Angel had given her long ago) on to conceal the stakes strapped to her arms, she walks over to the stereo, pops the CD out, and slides it into her jacket pocket. Silently slipping out her window she thinks to herself. *He IS my soulmate and I've got to get him to see that, to understand what it's doing to me being apart from him. He thinks this is for my own good, but he's totally wrong. It's not good, nothing is without him. I've got to see him, inbetween patrols, to try to convince him that I need him more than anything in the world. More than breathing, I need him. I hope he'll listen to me, and change his mind. Maybe he'll realize that he needs me just as much. I hope so.*

Soon Buffy hears a woman's scream, and takes off down the alley in the direction of the sound. As she comes around the corner she sees two female vampires attacking a smaller woman.

"Mind if I join in?," she asks.

Startled, the two vamps turn to look at the person who had interrupted their meal. Slow smiles spread across their faces. "Sure, two's better than one. Now we'll both have plenty to eat," said the taller vampire, licking her lips.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't come for dinner. I came to play. With you," quipped Buffy with a smile.

"Get her!," the taller vamp yelled, as she headed towards Buffy, the shorter vampire just ahead of her.

Buffy grabbed the stake she had hidden up her sleeve and rushed to meet the two vampires. The smaller one was charging recklessly at her while the other one hung back a little to see what would happen. Taking a swing, but missing as Buffy ducked, the vampire lost her balance and fell into some trash along the alley wall. Growling, she got up and headed for Buffy again. Buffy was really in no mood to play around so she simply grabbed the vamp by the neck and shoved the stake home, watching with satisfaction as she exploded in a cloud of dust. "Next!," she yelled.

The other vampire just stared at her before saying, "Who are you?"

"You come to MY town and don't know who I am? Well, I already gave you one clue, do you really need to get another one? Who are you by the way?"

The vampire looked her up and down a couple of times. "You're the Slayer?!? You, who looks like nothing--IS nothing much-- are the Slayer? Well, looks like I finally get to meet and kill you, and in answer to your question about who I am....my name is Emily."

"Well, since you know WHO I am now, you might as well know my name. I'm Buffy. You know, you're not the first vampire to make the mistake of thinking you could kill me, and you won't be the last to try to do it either. So....take your best shot!," Buffy said as confidently as she could.

"BUFFY?!?! What kind of a name is that? Well, it doesn't matter what your name is, no one will remember it, or you, after I kill you," said the vampire as she charged Buffy. She aimed a kick at Buffy's head, but Buffy was able to move to the side just in time. As the vamp sailed right by her Buffy shot an arm out and hit the woman in the side, as hard as she could, knocking her off balance. Emily quickly regained her balance though and came at Buffy again. Faking a blow to the right and seeing that Buffy was moving out of the way, she countered with a hard kick to her head on the left side, snapping Buffy's head back, sending her to the ground. Seeing her chance, while Buffy was dazed, she quickly stepped up and stomped on Buffy's head with her boot.

Buffy, seeing the boot coming towards her face, turned just in time to have the boot graze the side of her head, opening up a large gash. As the blood started to run down the side of her head Buffy heard the vampire start talking, and tried to focus on what she was saying.

"You're not much of a slayer. I have no idea what Angelus ever saw in you." The mention of Angel's name made Buffy become fully alert. "You're pathetic! Not worthy of his love or attention," she hissed. "Well, I'm going to remedy that. After I kill you, I'm going to make him so happy, that he'll forget your name, forget what you looked like, forget all about you. We were perfect together once, and we will be again."

*How many ex's does he have? There was Darla, Dru, and now her. I wonder if there are any more? And why is it always my luck that they show up, and want to kill me? Oh, well.* Before Emily could move in for the kill, Buffy kicked up with both feet and nailed her in the chest, sending her flying through the air into the wall. "I don't EVEN think so," said Buffy. "He's mine and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, so sorry." With that Buffy went at Emily with everything she had. After several swift hits to the midsection and face, she ended with a hard kick to the midsection, and while she was still reeling, Buffy shoved the stake deep into her heart. Smiling, she gave a little wave, "Buh-bye!", and watched as Emily, with a look of surprise, exploded into dust.

Buffy dusted herself off and decided she'd wasted enough time and would go see Angel before patrolling the cemeteries. As she headed back down the alley she felt her pocket to make sure the CD was still there. "Good," she breathed through a sigh of relief.

The rest of the trip to Angels was uneventful, and before she knew it she was standing in front of the mansion door. Wanting to surprise him, she used the key that he'd had made for her months ago, and went inside. She had hoped he'd be in the living room, reading one of his many old books, but seeing that he wasn't, she went in search of him in the rest of the mansion. "Damn, he's not here." Sighing she went in search of some paper and a pen to leave Angel a note. After writing the note she laid it, along with the CD, on the table by the couch.

Buffy went to the bathroom to check the cut on her head. *Great,* she thought. *That's not going to be easy to cover, or very pretty while it heals.* Wiping the blood off as best as she could, she left to go patrol some more. *I might as well patrol some more, I can't go to the Bronze and face Will and Xander. Not tonight.*

***

Angel walked into his mansion and stopped. Taking a breath, even though vampires don't need to breath, he smelled vanilla. He only knew one person that smelled like that. *Buffy? Could she be here waiting on me?,* he thought. He found, despite himself, that he wished very much that he would find her there. He missed her, missed everything about her, from her laugh, her beautiful smile, how red she would get when she'd get embarrassed, even the look in her eye when she would be angry about something. It had been three weeks (three incredibly long weeks) since he'd told her that they couldn't be together anymore.

It was just too hard to be with her, knowing what they could never have, or more, what he could never give Buffy again. She deserved to be with a guy who could give her everything, and show her in every way that she was loved and treasured. Angel couldn't do that for her, he wished to do nothing more than that for the rest of his existence, but fate had played a cruel trick on him.

It killed him not to be able to love her, remembering how it had been that night, the only time he'd been able to show Buffy just how much he loved her. They had both come so close to dying, and had been so scared of losing each other, that it had seemed so natural to try and SHOW each other what they were feeling, instead of using words. It had been perfect. And that is what had ended up being the problem. It wasn't the sex itself that had been his moment of happiness, but afterwards when Buffy had fallen asleep in his arms, the fact that she'd trusted him enough to do so. He had never been as happy and content in his entire existence, even as a human, and that had ended up being the cause of their trouble.

The gypsy's had placed a clause in their curse so that if Angel ever experienced true happiness, even just one moment of it, the demon would be released and his soul would stripped from him, sent back to the ether to wander for all eternity. When the demon had been in control he had caused a lot of damage, he had gone after Buffy with a vengeance because he had hated the fact that Buffy had made me feel human emotions again. He would do it again, if he were to be released. More than likely he would kill Buffy this time, and Angel couldn't take that chance, that could never be allowed to happen.

Being around Buffy made the chance of him losing control, and making love to her again, even greater, so he had to remove the temptation. (With everything in him that's what he longed to do, show Buffy everyday of her life just how very much he did love her, and would always love her. He knew he would love only Buffy for the rest of his unnatural life and beyond that.) So he knew he was going to have to leave Sunnydale, and his beloved, behind to ensure that that wouldn't happen.

Shaking off this way of thinking, Angel walked over to the couch to read the book he had started earlier that morning. There on the coffee table was a note with his name scrawled across it in a familiar script. *So she had been here after all.* Picking up the note he saw the CD laying under it. He unfolded it, and wondering about the smudge marks on it, proceeded to read what Buffy had wrote.

Angel-

Please listen to song number 4, then read the rest of this note.

Angel took the CD out of the case and walked over to the stereo. Popping it in, he turned it to the fourth song. *I didn't even know that Buffy liked Trisha Yearwood. Huh. Who would have thought she liked country,* he mused. Soon the haunting first strands of music filled the room and echoed throughout the mansion.

< How do I, get through one night without you, if I had to
live without you. What kind of life would that be? >

*Oh, Buffy, no....,* sinking down onto the couch he listened to the song. Shaking his head, trying to deny what the song was saying, trying to NOT understand their meaning. *Oh, God Buffy, I'm so sorry for doing this to you, to us, but this is the way it has to be.* After the song had ended he walked back over to the stereo, took out the CD, placed it back into it's case, and sat down on the couch. Picking up Buffy's note he continued reading it.

I'm really sorry Angel, I know you said we had to end things, but I just can't. I heard this song tonight and couldn't help but think of you. In fact, everything makes me think of you. It's sad, I know, but it's very true. Did you listen, I mean really listen, to the words Angel? Someone was able to put into words exactly how I feel right now. You are my world, my heart and my soul, Angel, you are my everything. Without you I have nothing. You bring brightness into my life (yes, I know you don't believe it, but it's true), love to my life (when you're gone Angel, who's going to love me then?), and as I've told you before you're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that makes any sense to me. As long as I have you, I can handle anything that's thrown at me. I'm lost without you Angel, I don't know what to do next, and my confidence is gone too.

It's harder to fight without you there at my side, helping me, and protecting me. I need to hold you in my arms and be held in your strong arms at the end of a difficult night. Yours Angel, no one else's. No one else can make me feel the way that you do. With you I feel safe, happy, confident in who I am, secure.....to sum it up for you, I feel LOVED!! Who else can ever make me feel that? I'll tell you who, NO ONE ELSE. (Do you really want someone else trying to, anyway?) OK, I'm sorry that was an unfair question. No.....it wasn't, it was a valid question. It makes me so mad Angel that you even suggested that I needed to find someone else. I don't want anyone else. Can't you see that? You're the only one in the world that I want.

Ask yourself this question: Do I want someone else holding my girl in their arms, kissing her, making love to her? Does that hurt even a little to think about that Angel? Cause it hurts me like Hell to think about someone else touching me the way that you do. Not just physically either.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that every word in this song comes from my heart. You are my everything Angel....my confidant, fighting partner, my guardian angel, my best friend.....my LOVER.... my SOULMATE.

I know that this probably won't change anything. You have your mind set that this is what's best, and you're too stubborn to realize that that's just not true. How can us being apart, be the best thing when it hurts so bad? I had to try (one last time) to make you understand, how much I love and need you. I won't try again to change your mind. If this doesn't, I'll live with your decision, but I won't like it.

Please don't do this Angel. Don't leave me and our love, don't run away. I need you. If this letter means anything to you, if you change your mind, I'll be waiting for you (I'll wait forever if I have to), and you know where I'll be. I LOVE YOU!!

Eternally yours,
Buffy
Ps. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!

With tears silently falling down his face, realizing that the smudges were from Buffy's tears as she had written the letter, he sat the note back on the table. *Oh, Buffy I hate this so much, more than you can ever know. It's killing me not to be able to touch you, to hold you, to be there for you whenever you need me. For the last three weeks I've wanted to come to you, help you fight, hold you and hear your sweet laughter, see your glowing face. It's been Hell not being able to.*

Quickly standing up Angel wiped away the tears, and headed for the door. *I have to find her, we need to talk, tonight. I can't leave this unresolved,* he thought. Once outside the mansion, he headed for Buffy's house.

***

Buffy walked past the last tombstone in the cemetery, and turned around. "Come on, I know you're out there somewhere. I want to fight, so let's just get it over with. I promise to make it quick and painless for you, well, maybe not so painless." *Jeez it's quiet out here tonight. I wonder if Angel's home yet. Please let him listen to the song. It's the last chance I have to make him see how much I need him in my life.*

She was so preoccupied with thoughts of Angel that she hadn't noticed the figure creeping up behind her. Reaching up to wipe away a trickle of blood from her face, she finally sensed a presence behind her. Before she could turn to face the person (or demon) behind her, she felt a roaring pain in her head and sinking to the ground felt her world fading to black. *Not again,* she thought.

***

Arriving at Buffy's house Angel quickly climbed the tree to the roof, then walked over to Buffy's window. The lights were out so he figured she was in bed already. Angel had often snuck into her room at night to watch her sleep, so he didn't hesitate at entering now. Slowly raising the window Angel slid through it to stand beside the bed. He immediately sensed that Buffy wasn't there. *She hasn't returned from patrol yet. Should I wait here for her, or go out and find her? No, this is too important to wait, I've got to find her and talk to her now.* Slipping back out the window, Angel jumped to the ground and took off in search of his beloved.

***

Buffy tried to stand, but her legs just wouldn't cooperate. Looking around she tried to see who, or what, had hit her. Reaching around to feel the back of her head she felt a large knot forming. *Just what I needed, I've already got a gash on the side of my head, and now I'll have a knot on the back. I must really look like a mess. What am I saying?!?! There's no one around to see me anyway, so it doesn't really matter.*

Suddenly a figure moved out of the shadows. Buffy's senses told her he was a vampire. He was in his human face, and she had to admit it was a pleasant face to look at. *He's not as handsome as Angel, but as far as vamps go....WOW!,* she thought. *What am I thinking? I must be delirious, or have a concussion or something.*

He was tall with dark brown hair, and the most unusual green eyes she had ever seen. Buffy felt that if she let herself, she could easily get lost in them. *What am I thinking? Snap out of it Buffy. GET UP!,* she told herself.

"The Slayer, I presume," said the vampire.

"That'd be me. Who are you?"

"Allow me to introduce myself," he said giving Buffy a small bow. "My name is Stefan. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Buffy stared at him incredulously. *A vamp with manners? The world really is coming to an end.*

"It's always nice to be the one to kill the current Slayer. I've killed three of them myself so far," he said with pride in his voice. "Now I'll have the pleasure of killing my fourth," he said with a smile.

Buffy knew she was in trouble. After the two blows she'd received tonight she was feeling pretty sluggish. "Sorry pal, I always hate to disappoint the people who come and try to kill me, but I really don't feel like dying tonight." Buffy had tried for flippancy, but felt that she'd failed miserably at it. Silently she called out to Angel.

***

Angel was walking down the street when he suddenly felt very afraid. *That's strange,* he thought. Looking around he saw nothing that should or could harm him. *Where did that thought come from?* Then he thought he heard someone call his name. Looking around, again, to try to find who had called out to him, he didn't see anyone in the area. He heard it again, this time he thought that the voice sounded like Buffy. *There it is again. That's even stranger because it sounds like Buffy, and she sounded very frightened. Something's wrong. She's in trouble.* Hoping that whatever had caused him to be able to hear Buffy, would cause her to hear him, he told her with his mind to hang on. *I'm coming Buffy, hang in there. Don't be afraid, Sweetheart, I'll find you.* Angel took off at a sprint to find her.

He and Buffy had a strong connection, where they could actually feel one another when they were close. Soon he sensed her nearby and figured that she was in the cemetery. Rounding the corner he entered the gates.

***

Buffy was unconsciously calling out in her mind for Angel. *Angel, where are you? I need you, I'm really scared. I'm in trouble, and I can't fight this guy, I'm too weak.* Struggling to her feet she faced Stefan. *OK Buffy, look confident, don't forget they can smell fear, and they get off on it. Don't let him know how weak you are right now.* "So how's this going to work? You want to fight right here, some where else, some other time maybe? You can pick the time and place of your death, I'm flexible," she quipped with a shrug of her shoulders.

Just then Buffy thought she heard Angel telling her to hold on that he was coming. *What? I'm hearing things, that's NOT good.* But just in case she wasn't imagining Angels voice she added, *Angel if that really is you and you're really coming, please hurry. I can't do this alone.* "We could go right here if that's what you want. I've already had a warm up tonight, with two other vamps. Three in one night isn't my BEST work, but three is better than just two."

Slowly circling around Buffy he said, "I know about your previous fight tonight. Emily was my lover. You killed her, and for that, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to make it as slow and painful for you as possible, I promise."

Buffy, knowing that she was not going to win a fight with him right now, decided to try to distract him by taunting him about Emily. "You and Emily were an item, huh? WHY?," she snorted. "You know something, she didn't even mention you to me." As Stefan circled her, looking for a weakness, she sent a barb at him with a smile. "You know she did mention someone to me though. Hmm, Angelus, I believe, was the name she mentioned. Now, what was it she said about him? Oh yeah, said she was going to make him VERY happy. Wonder what she meant by that. Is it that he was going to be happy to see her because they hadn't seen each other in a long time, or was it that she was going to make him happy another way?" Buffy winked at him as she said it.

She noticed the anger that entered the vamps eyes. *Bingo,* she thought. She knew that now was her chance, she had to strike now, while he was a little distracted. Moving quickly she aimed a roundhouse kick to his head and found that she easily hit her mark.

"Nice, but you have to do better than that."

"That's not going to be a problem. It only gets better. Want to find out just how good? Let's go." Buffy took the offensive, figuring her best chance was to keep him on the defensive. She landed several punches to his midsection before he retaliated with a few hits himself. Buffy blocked a fist coming at her face and tried to sweep his legs out from under him, but he jumped up and come down on top of her knocking her to the ground. Buffy quickly jumped up and got into a crouched stance waiting for his next move. *I can't take much more of this, Angel where are you?*

***

Angel ran to the far edge of the cemetery and stopped short. He heard the sounds of fighting coming from the other side of the mausoleum and slowly walked to stand beside it. Peering around it he saw Buffy exchanging blows with a dark haired figure. The man had his back to Angel so he couldn't see his face. *Buffy looks really tired, I'd better help her now.* Moving as fast as his vampire abilities would allow him to, he ran from the shadows and grabbed the figure from behind. Throwing the man hard to the ground he growled, "Who are you?"

The figure on the ground looked up at Angel, and his face, which had previously been filled with hate, suddenly had a smile on it. "Angelus! My God, it's been ages. What are you doing here? It's good to see you old friend." Standing, he walked over to Angel and embraced him.

***

Buffy, who had collapsed to the ground where she'd been standing, watched this exchange with interest. *Angel knows this guy? Well that's a surprise, actually, no it's not. I'm sure he knows lots of people, he has been around for a long time. Well at least now this guy will leave me alone, right?*

***

Angel was stunned when he saw the face of the man who had been attacking Buffy. "Stefan? It's been at least 100 years." Without thinking he returned the other mans hug. "How have you been? Where's Emily? Is she with you?" Angel saw the rage instantly appear in the other vamps face the minute he mentioned Emily. *Uh-oh, wrong thing to say I guess.*

"Yes, she was here with me, until this bitch killed her!," he roared, turning a glare to Buffy.

Angel also turned to look at Buffy. She was kneeling on the ground, in the same place she'd been standing when he'd jumped Stefan. Angel was concerned that she hadn't moved since he'd been talking to Stefan. While he was watching Buffy he heard Stefan saying, " I was just about to finish her off when you came along. Would you like to help me kill her Angelus? It would be just like old times." Stefan had a big smile on his face as he remembered some of their escapades.

Quickly turning his head to look at Stefan he saw that he'd changed into his vamp face. "NO!," Angel cried. Stefan stopped and looked at Angel with a question in his eyes.

"What's the matter Angelus? Surely you're not going to pass up the opportunity to kill a Slayer?," he asked his friend.

*Calm down. He thinks you're still the old Angelus. You can use this to you're advantage. You have to, or Buffy's going to die.* Chuckling he walked over to stand right beside Stefan. "You know better than that. Have you ever seen me pass up the opportunity to kill anyone, let alone a Slayer?"

"Well, then, let's get to it. This should be fun. What should we do first?," asked his old friend with a evil gleam in his eye.

"Hold on a minute Stefan. I didn't say that I'd help you kill her. Why do you think I stopped you in the first place? She bears my mark, she belongs to ME." Walking over to Buffy he gently turned her head to show Stefan the scar on the side of her neck. "You know the laws, Stefan, by wearing this mark she is my property. No one else may touch her, that is the way of it. I'm sorry old friend, but I can't allow you to kill her. Her death will be at my hands, and mine alone."

Nodding his head to acknowledge that he had seen the mark he asked, "Why have you not finished her off then?" With a puzzled look on his face he continued, "You just walked over to her and she didn't even flinch away from you. You, who are by nature her mortal enemy, and she just let you walk right up to her and touch her." Raising an eyebrow in a questioning manner he said one word. "WHY?"

Angel leaned over to kiss the scar his bite had left (just three weeks ago Buffy had made Angel drink from her, in order to save his life) and as he did so he whispered to Buffy, "Trust what I'm about to do sweetheart. You have to act as if you're at least a little bit afraid of me or you're going to get killed. Just go along with whatever I say, I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you. Remember I love you."

Buffy let Angel know that she had heard him by barely nodding her head, so that only he could see it. *I know you won't and I do trust you, with my life.* She also tried to communicate to him with her eyes, that she trusted him fully, before she replaced it with a look of fear. It wasn't hard to let the fear creep in her eyes, as she was afraid for Angel. *Be careful Angel. I won't be able to help you if you have to fight this guy.* This Stefan guy was determined to kill her, and she was afraid that Angel would fight him, to protect her, and he would have to do it alone.

Angel saw the fear enter Buffy's eyes. *Good girl Buffy.* Thinking fast he came up with a story that was plausible. Standing up he looked back to Stefan with a smile that he hoped looked a little devious. "I am simply playing with her, or have you forgotten how much I love to play with my food, Stefan? Remember what I did to Dru?" Angel had tormented Drusilla for awhile, by killing her entire family, before changing her over. Doing this had caused Dru to go insane, and in turn made her an even more vicious killer. Angel made himself smile, even though the memory of what he had done to her weighed heavily on him. "This Slayer is part of my newest game. I'm having such a good time, too, that I'm not ready to kill her just yet. Actually, it's quite sad how easy it is to play with this girl." Giving a derisive laugh he proceeded to tell Stefan his story.

"When she first came to Sunnydale, I sort of `helped her out' a few times. I figured that it would be the best way to get close to her, and find her weaknesses. You want to know what her biggest weakness turned out to be? ........ME! Can you believe it, what a joke. Well, when I found out she had a crush on me I really poured on the old charm." Grinning at Stefan he said, "Gave her lots of attention and made her fall in love with me. That's why she doesn't act as if she's afraid of me. Despite her Slayer instincts telling her to fear me, her heart tells her she doesn't have to. Pathetic isn't it?" Angel stole a glance at Buffy and saw what his words were doing to her. He hated saying these things, but since some of it was the truth it made for a better, more believable story to tell Stefan.

"Anyway, when I was sure that she was hopelessly in love with me, that's when the fun started. I completely ignored her for a few days, and she thought it was the end of the world. Then, I killed a couple of her friends." It was hurting him to say this stuff, and know that the memory of what he had done as Angelus was causing her pain. He'd been circling her as he was talking, but he stopped in front of her so that she'd look at him. When she did, the hurt in her eyes made him want to drop to his knees and take her in his arms, but remembering Stefan he forced himself to stay standing. He tried to tell her with his eyes that he was sorry for what he was saying. *I'm so sorry for this Buffy.* He thought he heard her say that it was OK and that she understood why he was saying this stuff. Shaking his head he continued, "The real fun will begin soon. I have big plans for her. See, the real fun is that she loves me too much to ever be able to kill me, believe me she's had plenty of chances. So the game will continue until I grow tired of her and decide to end it, which could be a long time from now. Humans are so much fun to play with, don't you think?" He turned to Stefan when he was done talking.

Stefan had a smile on his face. "Yes they are. It's so easy to exploit their feeling and weaknesses. They're so stupid that you almost feel sorry for them. I see that she wears your mark Angelus, but the fact remains that she killed my lover, and I won't be denied vengeance for Emily. Don't try to stop me," he said as he walked towards Buffy.

"You would challenge my claim on the Slayer? I won't allow it Stefan, you'll have to kill me to get to her." Angel moved to stand between the vampire and Buffy. "The laws have been in place longer than you and I, and are the most sacred things in the vampire world. They are not to be taken lightly, and never broken....... by anyone. The law says that one who wears the mark of a vampire, belongs to that vampire, and shall be harmed by no other vampire. If you try Stefan, I will stop you by any means possible. Don't make me, old friend, just turn and walk away. Know that she will pay for Emily's death, just not now. Not yet."

"Why does this mean so much to you Angelus? Why would you deny me this? You know how much I loved Emily. She must pay for killing her, and I will make sure that she does." Stefan was practically yelling as he said it.

Angel looked at Buffy then back at Stefan. "I know you loved Emily, but I won't let you kill Buffy."

"If I didn't know you better Angelus, I'd think you were in love with her." Stefan's eyes got big as what he said registered with him. "Oh, my God, you ARE in love with her! That's why you're so adamant about me not killing her. You've fallen for the Slayer. How could you let that happen?"

Angel tried to get a look of disbelief on his face as he said, "You don't know what you're talking about. You know me better than that. What makes you think I'm in love with her?" Angel was frightened now that Stefan knew, or thought he knew, the truth.

"You're right. I do know you, very well. That's why I think you're in love with her. The old Angelus would have let me kill her in a heartbeat, there is something different about you now. Property or no, you would have let me finish it, or, having loved Emily once too, done it yourself. Also, you called her by her name just a minute ago. Never have I heard you call a Slayer by her given name. Am I right Angelus? Do you love her?"

"A lot has happened since we last parted Stefan. Things you could never have imagined happening." With a sad look on his face, Angel got lost in memories of the past. Images of his past with Darla, Stefan, Dru, and Spike swam before his face. The atrocities he had taken part in, the faces of those he had killed, haunted him everyday. He was doing his best to make up for it, but the guilt would never leave him alone, and he knew it.

Stefan walked over to Angel and laid his hand on his shoulder. "Tell me what is troubling you so, old friend. What has happened to you?"

With a sigh of resignation Angel told Stefan part of what had happened. "I am no longer like you. About 100 years ago, Darla gave me a young girl as a present. After I killed her, her people, who were gypsies, found out about it and cursed me." Angel hadn't been looking at Stefan, but he did so now to see the reaction on his face. "They gave me my soul back." Stefan immediately dropped his hand and took a step back, a look of shock coming to his face. Angel wasn't surprised, it was a reaction he had seen before. Darla had done much the same thing when she had found out, before she told him to get out of her life.

"WHAT?! What does that mean Angelus?"

"I haven't killed anyone since that night, I can't." It was only a small lie, as he had killed people when the demon had taken over last year, but Stefan didn't need to know that part. "My conscious doesn't let me kill humans for food anymore. I have a lot of guilt for all of the killing I did back in those days and now I'm trying to make up for some of it. I help the Slayer fight the demons that come to Sunnydale, and believe me there are a lot."

"So you help her kill our kind? That's how you've come to fall in love with her? You can't deny it now. I should have seen it earlier, by the way you were looking at her, but in my anger I missed the signs. Well, it doesn't matter now, it doesn't change anything. I'm still going to kill her, I'm just sorry that you are going to be hurt by it. In time you'll forget her, you have an eternity to find someone else to love."

Angel knew that there would never be anyone else like Buffy. *No one else will ever be able to look at me the way Buffy does. She doesn't see the monster, even when the demons face is showing, just the man I should have been. Everyone else usually sees the monster, and can't see past that. But not Buffy, her love for me is unconditional.* Stefan had been a very good friend to him at one point and Angel hated to have to do this, but when it came to Buffy nothing mattered but keeping her safe. "Buffy, get up and run. Get out of here. NOW!" *I have to protect her. I'll do whatever it takes, even kill. I'd die for her too, without a second thought.* Angel knew what he had to do, and with a growl he morphed into his game face and prepared to fight. "You'll have to kill me Stefan to get to her. Can you do that?"

"You leave me no choice in the matter then. I'm sorry old friend, I will mourn for you for a long time to come, but if that's what it takes to kill her, I will do it." Stefan also had his game face on, and prepared himself to fight.

***

Buffy heard Angel tell her to get up, but she just couldn't get her legs to cooperate with her. *Come on legs, get a movin'. Let's go, we're moving now. Damn, no, we're not. Sorry Angel, no go.* Buffy looked at Angel with a look as if to say `Sorry', but he was busy with Stefan, and wasn't looking at her.

She knew there was going to be a fight, that much had filtered through the fog in her head, but she also knew she wasn't going to be able to help Angel. Hoping to be less of a distraction, Buffy crawled behind the tombstone closest to her. *At least if I'm out of sight, Stefan won't make a move at me. That will be one thing Angel won't have to worry about during the fight. Good luck my love. I'm sorry I won't be able to help you.* Buffy held a stake in her hands, ready to toss it to Angel should he need it, and watched the fight.

***

Angel and Stefan made a slow circle around each other. When Angel got to where he could easily see the spot Buffy had last been he spared a quick glance to make sure that she had done as he asked her to do and left. *Dammit! She's still here. I have to make sure that Stefan doesn't get the chance to go after her.* Angel looked back to his friend and prepared himself to fight.

Stefan made the first move, growling as he came at Angel. He aimed a fist at Angel's chin, but he easily ducked under the swing. As he ducked under Stefan's arm he shot out his own arm and connected with Stefan's side. Spinning around he backhanded Stefan, hard across the face, splitting his lip.

"Nice move. I see you are still quite the fighter Angelus, but I hope that your little Slayer has taught you some new moves. Remember all those times we spared with each other? I know your moves almost as well as you do. You cannot beat me."

"I'm not worried Stefan, I always have a few tricks that nobody knows. Besides, I know all your moves too. Don't forget that."

Stefan made another advance on Angel, and faked a right punch to Angels stomach. When Angel went to block it, he countered with a left hook to the face. Stefan followed this with a roundhouse kick to Angel's head, which knocked him to the ground. Rolling on the ground, Angel let Stefan get close enough to him so that he could grab his leg and pull it out from under him. As Stefan landed on the ground Angel jumped up and kicked him in the ribs, thinking he heard some crack. Stefan rolled away from Angel and stood up.

Angel tried one more time to reason with him, "Stefan, please, we don't have to do this. I don't want to kill you, after all the time we spent together, we had some great times. If you just leave, now, we can forget this happened and remember only the good times we shared. Don't make my last memory of you, be your death."

Stefan actually laughed at that. "Angel you know I can't let this go. If the situation were reversed, how would you react? Would you let this little tramp get away with killing your lover? You know me, you know this won't end till she's dead."

"That's not going to happen Stefan. I won't let you kill her, you know me too well to think that that's going to happen."

"Well, I guess we're at a impasse then. It won't end till one of us is dead. Can you choose her over me so easily Angelus? We have shared so much, our love of art, the theater, women. Does all our time together mean so little to you, that you would choose a mortal over me? Need I go on? Even with a soul you are the same friend I loved for years. Can you forget our times together so easily? This isn't over with. You'll be seeing me again. Count on it," and with that he was gone. Angel didn't even have a chance to react he was gone so quickly.

***

Buffy was barely able to focus on the fight as the pain in her head was increasing with each passing minute. She closed her eyes as a wave of nausea passed over her, and opened them in time to see Angel pull Stefan to the ground. They stood up and faced each other, talking, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. *I'm so sorry for putting you in this position Angel. It should be me fighting him, not you,* and with that thought Buffy finally gave in to the blackness that had surrounded her.

***

Angel raced over to the tombstone he had seen Buffy hide behind. Looking down he saw that Buffy was lying very still, too still, and Angel felt a moment of panic as he smelled lots of blood, more specifically her blood, in the air. Bending down beside her, he strained his ears and picked up the sound of her breathing. *Thank God,* he sighed. "Buffy?" Angel called her name hoping that she would stir at the sound of his voice. When she didn't move he gently scooped her up into his arms.

Angel knew that taking Buffy to her house while she was like this would frighten her mother too much, so he slowly made his way to his mansion. Angel moved as carefully as he could, trying not to jostle Buffy too much, not knowing the full extent of her injuries.

Arriving at the mansion Angel kicked the door open, and walked down the hallway to his bedroom. He laid Buffy on the bed as gently as he could, and turned the lamp beside the bed on. He immediately noticed the gash on the side of her head and the blood that had dried in her hair. *That's the reason I smelled so much blood. Oh, Buffy, what happened? Did Stefan do this to you?* Angel slowly ran his hands all over her body to see if she had any other injuries that he needed to know about. He didn't feel any broken bones, but when he lifted her head he felt the knot on the back of it. *Good grief, no wonder she wasn't able to fight Stefan. One blow to the head would slow her a little, but she'd still be able to function. There's no way, with two blows like this, that she should have even been able to stand. Which is probably why she couldn't get up off the ground when I told her to run.*

Angel went to the bathroom, grabbed some bandages and a washcloth, then went to the kitchen to get a bowl of warm water. Setting the bowl on the nightstand, Angel dipped the washcloth in it and rung it out. As gently as possible he proceeded to clean the blood from her face and around the wound the best he could. When he got it cleaned up he put the bandage on it and took the bowl back to the kitchen. Returning to the bedroom Angel pulled a chair over beside the bed, and took Buffy's small hand into his. "Buffy? Can you hear me? You have to wake up sweetheart. Buffy?", Angel closed his eyes. Sighing he opened them again and thought he saw Buffy's flutter open.

"Angel? Where am I? What happened?" Buffy slowly opened her eyes to look questioningly at Angel. Buffy glanced around the room she was in and recognized Angel's bedroom. "Why am I at the mansion?"

Angel raised her hand to his lips and placed a little kiss on her knuckles. "I brought you here. I couldn't take you home like that, your mom would have freaked out seeing you the way you were." Angel was gently stroking her hair with his right hand as he said, "You've got a nasty cut on the side of your head, I've cleaned it and put a bandage on it. It won't need stitches, but it's pretty bad and will take a little time to heal, even with your Slayer healing. You've also got a rather large knot on the back of your head. Do you remember anything that happened tonight?"

Buffy lifted her hand up to feel the side of her head. "I remember I was coming here to talk to you. I found two female vampires attacking a woman in an ally on my way here. One of them gave me this," Buffy touched the bandage, "before I dusted her. She was the girlfriend of your buddy back there. I went ahead and came here, but since you were gone I went out to patrol. I was finished with that graveyard and was getting ready to leave when I was hit from behind. Then you showed up."

"Is that all you remember? Can you tell me any of the conversations you had with the vampires tonight? Did you hear any of what Stefan and I were saying?" Angel was a little concerned about what Emily and Stefan might have said to Buffy. Had either of them mentioned knowing him?

He didn't want Buffy to know all of the horrible things he had done in the past. She knew some of the things he had done, but there were some really terrible ones that she didn't know about, and he hoped that she never found out. She had told him that she would love him no matter what he had done in the past, and even after what he had done last year as Angelus he was amazed that she still did. No matter the reassurances she gave him though Angel still feared that she would find out stuff that would disgust her enough to start hating him. Angel didn't think he could handle her hating him.

Buffy thought about that for a moment. "No, nothing I can think of right now, but then with this headache it's a little hard to think about anything right now." Buffy gave him a weak smile. "I hope I don't look as bad as I feel, cause I feel like I was hit by a train. It's probably a good thing that you didn't take me home. Mom shouldn't see me like this, she worries enough without always seeing the evidence of how dangerous this job can be. Thanks for thinking of her." Buffy struggled to stand up, then started to walk out the bedroom door. "I'd better go, I don't want to interrupt your evening anymore than I already have. Goodnight Angel."

Angel saw Buffy start to sway on her feet and immediately went to her side. "Whoa, take it easy Buffy." Angel had his hand on her arm, but when she swayed again, he scooped her up into his arms. Carrying her over to the bed he gently laid her back down. "Don't be ridiculous, you're not bothering me, so you're going to stay here until you're able to walk out that door by yourself. Even if it takes all night." Angel saw her start to open her mouth and he figured it would be to argue with him, so he cut her off, "No arguing with me Buffy. I mean it." Angel sat back down in the chair andlooked at her.

"I feel just fine Angel, and I should go." Buffy was hoping that he'd tell her to stay again. She really didn't want to leave, but being here with him, and knowing that he didn't want to stay with her, was too hard.

"You don't look just fine. What's the hurry? Why do you want to go so bad?" Angel really wanted her to stay, he wanted to talk to her about the letter, but if she wanted to leave he couldn't stop her.

"I just need to get home." Sighing Buffy decided to tell him the truth. "I want to get away from you, as fast as possible." Buffy saw the hurt look in his eyes and felt sorry for saying it the way she had.

"Oh. Well, don't let me stop you. Go ahead and leave." Angel couldn't keep the hurt from his voice. It hurt him so much that Buffy just wanted to get away from him. "I'm sure you'll be fine on the trip to your house. Stefan shouldn't be a threat to you for the rest of the night." Angel got up from the chair and walked out of the bedroom door. He didn't want Buffy to see him hurting like this. *Fool, she already saw the hurt in your eyes. You're not very good at hiding anything, when it comes to her.*

Buffy watched Angel walk out the door, and was unable to say anything to stop him. She had seen the hurt in his eyes and felt like a total heel. *Why do we always hurt each other? Angel, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I don't really want to get away from you, I want to be with you for the rest of the night.* Buffy knew that he wouldn't ask her to stay, so if she wanted to, she would have to be the one to make the decision. Buffy set out to find Angel and apologize for what she had said and to ask him if they could talk.

Buffy found him easily enough in the living room. "Angel?" When he looked up at her she continued, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, especially since I didn't mean it." Taking a deep breath she admitted, "Angel, away from you is the LAST place I want to be right now." Buffy was watching him intently and saw the look of relief in his eyes. She walked over and sat down on the couch beside him. "Angel can we talk?"

Sighing with relief Angel said, "Yeah, I think we need to. I was actually coming to talk to you tonight when I found you in the cemetery."

"You were? Really? About what? How did you find me anyway?" Buffy was so happy to hear that he had wanted to talk to her that everything came tumbling out of her mouth at once. She looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

"It's kind of weird actually. I went to your house and when you weren't there I knew that you were still out on patrol so I went looking for you." Angel, without thinking, took Buffy's hand in his and started rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "As I was walking down the street I suddenly got really scared. I thought I heard you calling for me, asking me to help you, and I knew that you were in trouble. Without thinking about where I was going I started running, then I felt you nearby and knew you were in the cemetery." Seeing the look of amazement in her eyes he was puzzled. "What? What is it Buffy?"

Buffy was shocked at what Angel had told her. He had heard her calling out to him. It hadn't been her imagination then when she had heard him calling back to her. "Angel." Buffy took a breath, "I WAS calling out to you, but not out loud. I never really verbally called out for you, because Stefan would have known that I was afraid. I was thinking exactly what you just described. I was so afraid, and I was praying that you would find me." Buffy saw the amazement in his eyes too as she told him this little bit of information.

"I thought maybe I was going crazy, hearing things. It really was you calling out to me then? WOW. I tried to tell you I was coming. Did you hear that?"

"Yeah, I did." Chuckling she added, "I thought I was imagining it too. That I was just hoping that you were coming for me." Sitting back on the couch Buffy pulled Angel back with her and snuggled against him. "I guess our connection is stronger than we thought."

Angel thought about that for a minute. "It must be the blood I drank from you. Slayers blood is very powerful, we both know that, and it must have strengthened the bond that was already between us. That's the only explanation." Angel was awed by this revelation. "I mean we've always been able to sense when the other is around, right? We've always had that bond. This just increased it, that's the only thing I can think of."

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"I can think of another reason. It's to prove to us that we ARE meant to be together." She saw him start to argue with her so she covered his lips with her hand and said, "No, just hear me out, OK?" When he nodded, she removed her hand. "You think that it's too hard for us to be together. That it would be better for me to be with someone else. That's a load of crap, and deep down you know it." Buffy stood up and paced the room while she let loose on Angel. "I don't want anyone else. I don't want someone else touching me the way that you have. What are you thinking?!? Can you see someone else touching me that way? Is that what you really want?"

Angel stood too. "Buffy you know that I don't. I think of someone touching you, and I want to kill him. It's not even a real situation, and I want to kill him. It's crazy."

"See. There you go. You have to go with your gut, not your head, on this one." Buffy walked up to Angel and stared deep into his eyes. "Angel, I heard somewhere that Soulmates can communicate with each other the way that we did tonight. Don't you see? It just confirms what I've known all along. YOU are the only one for me. That's what it all means, the bond that we've always had, the new bond we have now, the fact that we should be mortal enemies, but we love each other anyway. Angel, you know that I never cared that you were a vampire, it was never a factor in my falling in love with you." Touching his face with both hands she added in a whisper, "Please don't leave me. I can't do this without you. Don't you understand that?"

Angel felt tears welling up in his eyes, and saw that they were mirrored in Buffy's. "Oh, Buffy. I love you. I'm just scared that someday you'll end up hating me because of our strange relationship." Kissing her forehead he whispered, "I can handle anything, but you hating me. That would truly kill me, Buffy, if you ever ended up hating me."

"That would never happen Angel. You have to have faith in me. Together we can handle anything, I think that we've proven that time and time again. I love you so much, and that's never gonna change. If you leave me, you damn me to a life alone, cause I will never love anyone else. I'll never let anyone get that close to me again. I can handle our `strange relationship' as long as you're here with me." Buffy kissed his chin. "Besides, together we can look for a way to change the happiness clause in your curse. There has to be a way, and someday we'll find it. I know it." Looking down at the floor she said almost to softly to hear, "Angel, I'm begging you. Please don't leave me."

If it hadn't been for his vampiric hearing he wouldn't have heard the words she spoke. The words that broke his heart, and made his mind up. Gently lifting her face up to his, he wiped away the tears and spoke the words she'd been wanting to hear, for what seemed like her whole life. "I'll never leave you Buffy, ever. I swear it. Can you forgive me for even thinking of leaving?" The tears were streaming down both their faces now, and Angel could see the relief wash over her face.

"Oh, Angel. I love you. Thank you." Buffy rained kisses all over his face, then found his lips for the sweetest kiss they'd ever shared.

"I love you too, Buffy. More than anything. And I should be the one thanking you, for loving me so much, even though I don't deserve it." Angel held Buffy close, enjoying the feel of her, and silently thanked whoever it was that had sent him this remarkable woman.

They knew that it would never be easy, that they had many obstacles to overcome, but they knew that together they could handle anything. They knew that they hadn't seen the last of Stefan either, but that could wait till later to worry about. For now they had each other and that was enough.

Well, please let me know what you thought. I would really love some feedback!

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