Disclaimer: Not mine, because if they were, then they wouldn't be in their current position! Joss and Co are responsible for them, enough said. The song belongs to Ms Hill.
Distribution: All I ask is that you tell me where it is cos I like to get that rush feeling you get when you see your name in lights!
Rating: PG 13 or so.
Author's Notes: I have been wanting to write something like this for a while and this has been the only chance I have had since the season finales.
Spoilers: The whole B/A saga, however mainly focussing on the recent S5 and S2 finales.
Timeline: A few weeks after Buffy's death.
Feedback: Do I have to ask? OK I will . Can you PLEASE give me feedback cos I am not writing as much now, so my inbox is kinda bare from feedback emails.

It had been exactly 19 days, 14 hours, 6 minutes and 27 seconds since he his un-life had been destroyed. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34 seconds.

But it felt like three lifetimes or more.

It was one thing to not be able to see her, or have contact with her . but it was a whole different reality to not ever have the chance to hold her in his arms again or to simply calm her down when she was all tense by stroking the palm of her hand.

He had decided in the instant when he saw Willow's empty, sympathetic and distraught face, that he did not like this reality . he didn't like it at all!

But he was stuck here.

Stuck here with his pain and his frustrations and his guilt and his broken heart.

He was stuck here without her.

Without his Buffy.

Staring out at the blanketed sky, his gaze was vacant and disconcerting.

The moon shone high in the clouds, casting shadows on everything in its reach.

The moon used to highlight her face so gracefully.

Her teeth would sparkle when the moonlight hit them as she smiled at him.

He loved her smile. The way it lit her entire face up.

Or when she would use her 'trademark' half-smile when she was flirting with him or trying to her own way.

But he also loved her sincere smiles. The genuine sweet one's that she only showed him. When they would hold one another at night in the cemeteries, and then she would turn to him and just simply smile.

He often wondered what she was smiling about, but then she would kiss him with all the love and gentleness that was in her and he would know that she was smiling because of him.

Now he would never see her smile.

Never have another chance to kiss her sweet lips.

He'd never have another chance to tell her just how much he still loved her . and how he never stopped loving her and how he would never stop loving her for all eternity.

A small whimper escaped his lips as he continued to stare at nothing but something at the same time.

He was staring up at the sky. At the heavens above.

A place where she should be.

The only place where she ever belonged apart from his arms.

She deserved a chance to fly on the clouds.

A chance to bathe in the riches of the heavenly skies.

A chance to be the angel that he always knew she was.

"You're my angel Buffy. You always have been and you always will be. I just wished I could have been there to be your guardian angel."

Tears again flowed freely from his soulful eyes.

He hadn't been there to protect her.

To save her.

To prevent her death and offer his life in exchange for hers.

Because he would have done that in an instant.

He would have sacrificed himself to ensure her safety. Sacrificed his entire being to know that she would live another day . even if it were another day without him

But then again . she would then have to live her life like he is now . without her soul mate.

And he didn't know what was worse. Dying or having to live on without the one person that you love more that anything in this world.

Pushing these thoughts out of his mind he retreated to his bed.

Pulling the dog-eared photo from his book he stared at it intently.

She was so beautiful. So full of life.

She was a hero. A hero until the end.

He turned over, still the picture in his tight grasp. Lying on his side he reached out to the stereo that was beside his bed.

He pressed the play button and let the melody and words wash over him as he laid there, just a shell of a being.

**

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

**

He clasped the photo as close to his un-beating heart as he could.

**

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

**

He knew that he would always keep a part of her in his heart. That her memory would live on in his soul.

**

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

**

The words rang so true in his heart. She had shown him a life, a world in which he wanted to live in. To live in with her.

**

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

**

She was his light. She shone so brightly in his life. He needn't want for the sun when she was his shining light.

**

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

**

Now his dreams where the place that he could still see her. The place where she would still be there for him and he could still be there for her.

She would always be in his heart and soul, no matter where he was or how old he was. She would always live on in him.

His friend.

His lover.

His soul mate.

His hero.

His Buffy.