Rating: G, I suppose.
Disclaimer: All the characters you recognise belong to Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Greenwolf Corp, WB, Kuzui, Sandollar and anyone else who has rights to BtVS and/or Angel The Series. This is a piece of copyrighted fan fiction. All trademarks and copyrights acknowledged. No copyright infringement intended, inferred or implied.
Feedback: Yes please.
Distribution: Rose & Serena, of course. Cavlise, Cass, Sandee, Isa likewise. Other list archives ... also granted. Otherwise, just ask.
Spoiler: No. Though this could be set anytime in Season 4.
Author's Note: Sorry if you get this more than once.
Summary: Angel's thoughts during a restless night as his body craves that which he cannot have.

In the sanctuary of night I have no rest from it. It gnaws at me. The constant need. A longing. A hunger.

After all this time, it still lingers in the shadows whispering to me. Calling my name. Wanting me to consume that which I cannot have. To devour something I should have learned to live without.

The pain. Twisted knots inside me turn and grip tighter. A wretched slave to an appetite that cannot be sated. Wanting that taste against my lips. The warm feeling that I can only receive from that act. An act which wills me with wicked duplicity. To turn me ... completely. To make me bound. It's slave.

Where is the rest which should encompass me? That should allow me peace from the cacophony which resonates within. An endless symphony reminding me, coaxing me, willing me. Each note a tortured scream. A memory which should stay forgotten. Contained. Hidden, where it can do no harm.

But it burns. First like fire. Then as if ice. Searing flesh. Scarring unlike anything else.

To leave my bed. Cast away all constraints. Break these confines and journey into the night. To find that which my body craves. Which all of me craves. The gentle nocturnal breeze caressing my flesh. Free in the dark. To reach out and take what is mine. Damn the consquences. To pour the life into that empty pit. And find respite from the torture. Just a moment without the longing. A moment when the need no more remains. When I take the warmth which resides there and let it sink into me.

To find such succor. To find peace.

But peace would not be offered. For this appetite can never be satisfied. One taste. One drink. The hunger would grow. Need would beget a greater need. Would spawn desires which could not be contained. Which would demand all and take more.

I must lay and take the torture. Accept the lashing. Welcome the beating. Close my eyes and let the claws of that beast rip at my throat. Let it's fangs trace the sweat which trickles down my chest. Let its razor blade smile slice into me as I embrace the pain. Accept the eternity of this hunger, of this desire.

Let the dawn bring its own refuge. It's own numbing of the pain, of the need. Of the want to have that which cannot be had. A stronghold where my mind can remove me from the constant snapping of drooling jaws and from the desires which would make me an accessory.

So let the hunger howl. Let it grow and make me wish for death. For such wishes cleanse this resurrection and offer the hope that one night, this hunger will raise its head no more and, I can rest satisfied.

And ... Yes. You are right. It is Angel's desire to be with Buffy.

Send feedback to Colonel Furry Palms

Back to the Fanfiction Archive