Pink With Attitude

by Colonel Furry Palms


Rating: G/U, might be roaming into something for older kiddies and not the very, very young. You tell me.
Disclaimer: All the characters you recognise belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB, Kuzui, Sandollar, Fox and anyone else who has rights to BtVS. Anyone you don't recognise is mine, as is this original copyrighted work of fan fiction. All trademarks and copyrights acknowledged. No copyright infringement intended, inferred or implied.
Feedback: Yes Please. So if some of you lurkers could come out of the shadows and talk to me, that would be nice.
Couples: No.
Spoilers: No.
Dedication: To all the grown-ups out there ... It's story time.
Distribution: Buffy Beta Fanfic Archive. Anyone else, ask and ye shall receive.
Author's Note: This is the third story in what has become "The Guardian Series". You must read "Assignment Buff" and "The Chosen One" before reading this, as they are the first two stories in the series and you won't understand what is going on without them. If you want to receive either of them or ensure you get any more of these stories, please email me.
Summary: With Buffy and her Guardian back home ... how will they deal with the evil that has returned with them? Her Guardian recalls ....


The journey to my new home had been uneventful. I was now in the position of having all four feet dripping with Buffy dribble, let alone the fact that I'd be washing her spit out of my ears for weeks to come. But the infant Buffy was so happy, smiling as we approached the front door. Joyce managed to negotiate the buggy inside and then she set about seeing to Buffy.

Fortunately Buffy was holding on tight to me so I went along for the ride. Though I did briefly come way too close to the nasty end of a diaper for comfort. Battling demons from hell may be one thing, but a fully loaded diaper ... well, some things are just too evil.

Teddy was still in the bag. It was only a matter of time before it would be loose. For the moment I was occupied being a source of entertainment for my young charge. As the afternoon progressed Buffy became tired and was due for a sleep. By now Hank, her father, had returned from work and was ready to put her to bed. Taking her upstairs he placed her gently in her cot.

I had been brought upstairs, as had Teddy. On the trip up we had both remained motionless. Both of us intent on keeping our identities secret from the adults. But we knew ... we both knew ... that only one of us would be coming out of that nursery alive. For the sake of the innocent baby Buffy ... it had to be me.

Once Hank had placed me on the bedside cabinet and Teddy on a shelf near the door, he had kissed little Buffy goodnight. He stayed for a few minutes watching her sleep. A mesmerising sight I must confess. But what father would not spend endless hours watching his young son or daughter if he got the chance. There is just something so beautiful and so calming about watching a baby sleep.

Since, my first contact with Teddy earlier that day I had been running through all the different creatures it could be. Was it a devil doll? Was it possessed? Was it a very small demon who really liked playing dress up? But the most important question was, how could I destroy it?

Demons are simple to kill. Everyone knows that you just behead them. The fact that this creature had the outward appearance of a fluffy little yellow teddy bear made no difference. This was a bad guy. And the bad guy had to be stopped. Decapitation would get it well and truly stopped.

But how to cut off its head. I didn't have any weapons with me. In fact I had nothing with me. I was 'au naturelle' as it were. In the all-together. I was sans clothes. There was nowhere for me to stash a weapon of any kind. So my time had to be spent looking for something in Buffy's nursery which would serve as a weapon. Something I could use to take care of Teddy once and for all.

I scanned the room. Searching for something that I could use. I tracked past the toys on the shelf. Past the little cupboard. Up the walls, along the carpet and to the window. There at the window was what I had been searching for. On the sill was an exacto knife. But now I had to get from here to there and from there to Teddy before he could do anything to Buffy.

As soon as Hank turned his back to leave I was off. Fortunately, being placed on the cabinet next to Buffy's cot meant I could make my move for the knife before Teddy could start its attack. What with it being located on a shelf close to the door. With all the agility I could muster I bounced from one side of the cot to the other. It was then a matter of hurling myself at the drapes. From there I would climb up them and onto the sill.

But as I got to the drapes, Teddy was free to move. Hank was gone. Teddy could start his attack. As I scrambled up the fabric, Teddy was propelling himself off the shelf and on to the floor. He had obviously done this sort of thing before, because he made it look effortless.

I climbed faster and faster. As I reached the sill I lifted myself up and grabbed the knife. Teddy, however, was already heading for Buffy and was well over half way there. I did not have the time to make a dignified descent. I had only one option, to throw myself off the sill and hope to land on Teddy. That would at least stop him and achieve my goal of getting down. Holding the knife with my right front foot I dived off the sill.

"Ummmppphhhhhh", was Teddy's response as I impacted on him.

Momentarily we were both dazed. Although he was a good three or four inches taller than me, being hit by a falling foam pig can still knock the wind out of you. As I struggled to my feet, I made ready with the knife. Teddy was still groggy and I moved in to slice at its neck.

"Arrgghhh!" it screamed as the knife cut deep into it's fur. It threw me off and jumped back to its feet.

Still holding the knife I prepared myself for another attempt. "You will not have my Slayer, demon" I cried as I lunged for Teddy.

But this time it was too fast and sidestepped me. As I lost my balance and unceremoniously tumbled into the floor it spoke. "I'm no demon, fatso. I am the sorcerer Chaldra Mahda. Beheading won't work with me you podgy pink fool".

It turned and raised its arms. "My powers come from elsewhere". And as he said this its eyes blazed with fire. "The infant Slayer will be mine, as will you be". It clasped its paws together and as it went into a trance-like state it called out .....


"For warriors of dark and light
I call upon you rise tonight
With all the toys which here abound
An army made will now surround


Whilst battling my foe who stands
To infant child I'll turn my hands
And end her reign before it starts
I'll slice her into eighteen parts".

Admittedly at that point I had little experience of ancient sorcerers, but that incantation left nothing to the imagination. And what happened next was not how I had planned my innaugral night at the Summers' house to go.

Several of the other cuddly toys in the room began to come to life. Not really alive. Not like you or I. Possessed. Automatons. Simply a tool of Teddy. Innocent civilians who were being given life solely to occupy me whilst Teddy went after Buffy.

First the three inch high Panda came to life, then the Orangutang, then the little fluffy Skunk and finally Jemima the floppy doll. All began to rise. Unwilling servants of a force darker than you can imagine.

As they stood there, Teddy screamed his order to them, "Killl Himmmmm! Kill the pig!" Instantly they attacked.

I was being surrounded whilst Teddy made his way towards the cot. With all my exits covered I had to fight. With knife in hand I knew I could certainly wound them, but that would be wrong. They were just pawns for Teddy. Innocents being used for his unnatural purpose. To cause them serious harm would be out of the question. I would have to disable them for now and get to Teddy before he could climb the cot and make good on his threats.

The first of the four to lunge for me was Panda. But at only half my size, he was no trouble. My training kicked in and I easily used his momentum against him, throwing him across the room towards the Skunk, who was just coming to life. Pandas are not the smartest of creatures, and as fluffy toys they are less of a challenge. Let me just say that their IQ begins and ends to the right of the decimal point and leave it at that.

With Panda and Skunk pre-occupied with untangling themselves from each other, I made my dash towards Teddy. He was getting ever closer to the cot, just feet away. I dived at him, grabbing his legs. This sorcerer would not get the better of me. Not while there was an ounce of foam left in my body. But my attempts just angered him. Rolling round he kicked me off him, sending me bouncing back across the carpet.

Picking myself up, I attempted again to stop him. But before I could get closer I was grabbed from behind by Jemima. With my forefeet pinned the Orangutang approached. His large lolloping arms swinging from side to side. As he got closer he raised them up and proceeded to punch me in the face as he swung them from left to right and back again.

No matter how I struggled to release my forefeet from Jemima's grip, it would not happen. She was a big girl and totally under the power of Chaldra Mahda. The Orangutang paused as Skunk and Panda came running across to help. If I didn't free myself then, it would all be over bar the curtain calls. In that moment of hesitation I forced my foot up and kicked Orangutang right between the legs. That knocked more than the wind out of him. I continued my attempts to free myself as I rapidly smacked my head back into Jemima's face. As my head forced it's way into the fabric, she released me. Using Orangutang as a springboard, I jumped from him over the oncoming Panda, who collided in to the back of Orangutang as he watched me float over him.

It was now just Skunk that stood between me and Teddy. Teddy was now climbing the frame of the cot, whilst Buffy slept the rest of the innocent unaware of the battle which were taking place just a couple of feet from her. I could see the knife which had been knocked from my feet, and I dove for it. Skunk emulated my moves and he too dived for it. Reaching it before he did, I swiped at him. Not with the intent of causing any major harm ... just enough to make him back off.

As we faced each other off, the shining silver blade protruding from it's red shaft, I offered an ultimatum. "Go on Skunk, make my day". But my attempts at dissuading him from further conflict failed. As it came for me again I seized the opportunity and stepped forward. Grabbing his shoulders I snapped my head forward, and snoutbutted him. He was out like a light. But I knew I was going to feel that in the morning.

No time to waste .... Now for Teddy. With all the remaining strength I had, and still holding onto the knife, I started up the side of the cot. The sorcerer was near the top, and was preparing to jump down on the sleeping infant. Taking the knife I stretched and forced the blade deep into the Teddy's leg. And as it penetrated deep into the fur and through to the very center of the foam, he let out a teeth-grating scream and feel back to the floor of the nursery. As I held onto the blade I followed him down.

As he lay there, dazed with the knife protruding from his leg, I sat astride him and started punching him in the face. A right, "Don't call me fatso". A left, "Don't call me podgy". A right, "Who's the fool now?". A left, "And don't ever threaten my Slayer again". Faster and faster as I laid into him. Until with one almighty right hook his eye came loose. And when that happen, he really screamed ...

"Aaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!", came the unearthly exclamation.

That was it. The source of Chaldra Mahda's power were his eyes. The eyes that blazed when he called out and awoke the toys to be his servants. Without hesitating I grabbed the knife, which was still stuck in his leg, and used it to disconnect the loose eye. This was greeted by an even more blood curdling scream as the eye rolled on to the carpet.

At the same time the approaching toys, stumbled. They grew weak. Jemima and Panda fell down. The sorcerer's time had come. His power was about to come to an end.

Still with the knife, I went for his left eye. Digging the blade into his furry face and teasing the eye loose. With a quick flick it flew out of it's resting place and bounced off the corner of the bedside cabinet. As I did this, a blue light appeared from the sockets where both eyes had only moments ago been housed. As the light grew brighter and brighter the body of Teddy convulsed.

The energy was enough to through me off the yellow body and leave me winded on the carpet. As the light grew more intense it engulfed Teddy still further until, in a sudden flash, it was gone.

As I surveyed the nursery floor, I could see all the toys were lifeless once more. I had just one more thing to do. Find the eyes which I had teased from the sorcerer teddy's face and smash them. I could not be sure what power might still remain within those brown glass beads. Using the butt of the knife I pounded and pounded until each eye was but dust.

I then strolled over to the bedside cabinet and climbed up it to take the position I had been in before all the excitement. As I got to the top I looked across at my infant Slayer. In a soft voice I spoke, "Rest now my child and dream happy dreams. Your battles will come soon enough".

I then laid back, at the end of a very busy first day, and sighed, "One day down .... Only eighteen years to go".

The End

What new adventures lie ahead for the Guardian? Only time will tell.

Go to the next story A Day Out

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