Rating: G.
Disclaimer: All the characters you recognise belong to Joss Whedon, Twentieth Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Greenwolf Corp, WB, Kuzui, Sandollar and anyone else who has rights to BtVS and/or Angel The Series. This is an piece of copyrighted fan fiction. All trademarks and copyrights acknowledged. No copyright infringement intended, inferred or implied.
Feedback: Yes please
Distribution: Rose & Serena, of course. Other list archive ... likewise. Otherwise, just ask.
Couple: B/A
Spoiler: IWRY
Authour's Notes: I was reading something of Suja's and this just popped up. I'm a guy. This is one of those ten minute things. I typed it straight up as an email. I guess someone spiked my tea with Oestrogen.
Summary. A short letter written by Angel after IWRY. Addressed to Buffy ... But never meant to be posted. More as therapy for himself.

My Darling,

These are words I can't say. To be honest I find it difficult to put pen to paper. But I had to. To let me know that it was real and what I did was what I thought was right.

That day. The day that only I can recall. The day that is etched into every part of my mind. That is sculpted from my heart.

That day. Catching you in the sunlight. Your face. The disbelief. Your eyes filled with the realisation that you weren't dreaming.

Maybe now it would have been better if it was just a dream. Just a phantom of thought. Mere electrical impulses that manufacture a series of images during sleep.

But it was no dream.

Seeing you, holding you, touching you. Each single carress. The brush of your lips on mine. Fingers running gently through your hair. The warmth of your breath on my chest. When I close my eyes and lay in my bed, the bed we shared, I can still feel your breath. I still feel the beat of your heart as we lay together, connected as one.

Nothing to hold us back. Nothing to stop us. Just the two of us.

A time that is inifinte in my mind, but was so short ... too short. But it was real. I know it was real. That day that I got to live twice. The ecstasy and the agony. Everything that I had ... and everything that I forsaked.

The deal that was struck. A deal to ensure I could be there ... could be strong to help those in their darkest hours. Those who don't get another day ... let alone a second chance at the same one.

You don't know. You can't remember what truly happened. The demon. Those that told me of what would be if I accepted the delights that we had waited so long to savour. So long to taste.

The story of a day that was rewound. Undone. Erased from history, just not from my mind. A day of the greatest joy. A day of the noblest of actions ... and subsequently of the greatest of losses.

Just watching you leave on this the day that started again ... I wish I had decided differently. Not asked the Powers to take it all back. To see you walk through that door. Away. And not know what we had, what we shared. What we lost ... again.

To know what is lost and what at the same time burns into me. What scars me the deepest. Wounds me with every passing second, as all that should have been, all that was, never will be. I don't think I could make that choice again.

That is why this is the letter I can never send. That I shall forever keep. To tell my mind that what my heart feels is true. That the echoes resonating in my soul are not just apparitions. Not just wishful fantasies. But the proof that for me that day will always be remembered. The day I made a choice that I'd rather forget.

Angel

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