Disclaimer: Joss is Evil Almighty God, blah blah blah, we all know the rest of the stupid mantra, right?
Summary: Very pointless. Buffy's POV
AN: Stupid idea that came to me while I was during my history homework.

OK, I'm the Slayer. I've faced demons twice my size, I've sent my lover to hell and back, I've died twice, and I have a sister that is actually a ball of energy, although, don't get me wrong, I don't love her any less cause of that, my best friend is a witch, and my other best friend is married to an ex-demon, and I'm friends with a vampire with a chip in his head. Let's just say that I'm not really surprised by anything anymore, nor do I find anything very hard. I mean, I've *died* twice, after that, what's so hard about singing naked in front of a thousand people? OK, I didn't do that, but anyway.

But somehow I'm scared to death right now, and I, like I said before, have faced death two times. Between death and right now, I think death is the less scary option. I'm standing in front of a door, and I'm supposed to knock, only my arms feel like lead and I can't lift them. Needless to say, the only person who makes my arms feel like lead is Angel.

His door. The door I haven't knocked on for several years now. And the door that's separating me and a very human him. Yes, human. And he didn't even have the decency to tell me. When I came to LA, it was in a moment of blind anger that he didn't tell me, but now, I have regained rational thought, though it's a pity, and I can't move. Breathing is hard. Moving anything besides my heart and lung muscles is way beyond me right now.

OK, I just need to focus, and calm down. It's just a little teensy weensy talk about why the fact that he shoeshined or whatever slipped his tongue when we talked on the phone several weeks ago. I'd called him because of some book thingy Giles wanted and he was acting perfectly normal, like nothing had happened! And Spike tells me it's been almost a year, although, I have to admit, Spike is not really the most reliable of sources. Focus. Focus. Door. Behind the door, Angel. Oh god.

People use the expression scared to death a lot. Most of them have never been scared to death, I'm pretty sure. Or else they wouldn't use the expression so lightly. This, right now, is being scared to death. And I'm babbling, just repeating the same thoughts over and over in my head. This is ridiculous. But why is it that I still can't move?

My head is telling me this is ridiculous. I should just knock on the door, ask why he didn't tell me, and leave, right? Just hear the explanation as to why he didn't tell me. Is that what I really want? Hell, no. I'm still in love with him, as pathetic as that may seem, but I am, and if we actually had the slimmest chance in the world, I'd rush back into his arms without a second thought. Also, I'm not even dating anybody, so that'd make the rushing back into his arms part easier. What I really want is another chance with him, but the real reason I'm scared is cause maybe he didn't tell me because he doesn't love me anymore. Boy... this is hard.

I need to knock, I just need to knock, and I think I can manage on auto-pilot from after that, but knocking is just not working. My arms feel numb. I'm taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself, not that it's really working, and I've actually been standing here for almost ten minutes, and if anybody was watching me now, they'd see one hell of a comedy. The arm moves almost imperceptibly to knock, then falls limp at the girl's side again. And again. And again. And again. Who needs Will & Grace when they have me?

OK, more deep breaths. Breathe. In and out, in and out. Whew... do I feel calmed? No. I don't feel calmed. If I could just knock and get it over with... Why didn't I bring Willow with me? Or anybody? Or maybe I could just grab someone and make him knock for me. See, I'm losing my mind, my last sentence proves it.

The door swings open, and I bump into the person coming out. "Cordelia, I'm going ou-...t." Angel stares at me. "Buffy." Oh god. OK, I regret saying what I did. That was not scared to death. *This* is scared to death.

Black out

I like acting like Joss :P

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