Disclaimer: They're not mine, please don't sue. I don't have any money, I'm still very much a minor, and suing would probably be worse for you cause you'd have to get a lawyer and everything :P And I'm babbling aren't I?
Distribution: Want, Take, Have :P Of course, you won't want this but anyway :P
Summary: Four different windows to four different souls. I love being cryptic :P

Chapter 1: Hoping

I think it was after he died. I kept looking out the window, hoping he'd be there like before. I mean, he always came quietly and left quietly. He left quietly without my knowing it this time, so it's time to come back quietly, right? But he won't.

After graduating college, I moved back into my old house. My old room. The room that holds so many memories of him. And then after a while, I heard. And ever since then, I keep looking out the window. Sometimes I can see him there, smiling at me, but when I look closer he's gone.

After he left, I used to look out the window every once in a while, hoping he was there. Just like I am now. But I stopped soon. When he was away, I didn't need to hope he was there, because I knew he was in LA. But I don't know where he is now, so I can only hope he's at my window. The way he used to be.

He's not there. Every time, I sigh and look away, but after 5 minutes, I look again. I don't know where it's coming from, this hope. Or maybe it's denial. I just can't believe he's gone. I'd know if he was gone, but my gut tells me he's still here. In this world. So I look out the window again, hoping he's there.

Chapter 2: Remembering

I think it was after she died. I kept looking out the window, hoping she was walking down the lane. I moved back to the mansion after I heard, and every time I looked at the window, the irrational hope was there. And it's still there.

She used to like surprising me. Of course, it almost never worked. The very air changed when she stepped into a room. I only pretended to be surprised most of the time. I always knew she was there. But I never caught her sneaking through the gardens before. I think that's what I'm hoping to do now.

In LA, I used to lie down and pretend I was back here. I always imagined that we were together and having a good time. I relived so many beautiful memories. But it was only when I was feeling really lonely, or when I needed to remind myself to fight. These days I don't fight anymore. Sometimes I think she would want me to, but I just can't. But anyway, in between those spells, I usually contented myself with the fact that she was doing good in Sunnydale. Well, I can't do that anymore. These days, all I do is live in the memories.

My conscious mind tells me she's gone whenever I look out the window. But my heart knows she's alive. I'm not sure if my heart is entirely sane, it's out of order right now, but I wish to God it's right. So I still look out the window, hoping she's sneaking up on me again.

Chapter 3: Watching

I think it was after she heard. She kept looking out the window. I think it's because she still hopes he's there. He always was the stealth guy, and he's come back from hell before. So maybe her hopes aren't that foolish. Especially since she probably feels he's alive.

It wasn't my doing. It was Cordelia and Xander. I guess they meant good, but they just ended up doing bad. The problem with them is that they don't know why Buffy and Angel live on. Why they fight. Their cause. Buffy lives and fights for Angel. Angel lives and fights for Buffy. I tried not to look at it, but there it is. They both came to me with their problems and worries about each other. I can't even count the times Buffy cried in my lap over Angel. I think I'm the only one in our little group that understands even fractionally how much they love each other. If I had known Cordelia and Xander's plan, I wouldn't stopped them. But I can't tell her now. It's been too long. I'm not brave enough.

Everyday, she looks out the window hundreds of times. I moved in with her, I should know. And I'm not sure how long I can watch her. These days, I look out the window, just hoping everything turns out ok.

Chapter 4: Regretting

I think it was after he heard. He kept looking out the window. Probably hoping she's coming to see him. I heard him talking to an empty chair once. He was drunk. He was talking something about her loving to surprise him. How she used to sneak up on him, and he'd pretend to be surprised. That was when I first thought that maybe I'd been wrong.

I always thought Buffy was holding Angel down. Stopping him from moving on. Xander thought Angel was doing the same to Buffy. So we lied and told both that the other was dead. The minute I told him, the light in his eyes went out. He doesn't care about the good fight anymore. He doesn't even really care about eating or living either. He never leaves the mansion. I have to go buy his blood for him. I can't stand watching him die a little day by day. So Buffy wasn't holding him down. She was holding him up. But I'm kind of stuck here. If I tell him...bad consequences for both me and Xander. If I don't, he'll...I think he might actually die.

Sometimes I wish he'd go out on patrol and bump into her. I wish I could take back my lie. I wish Angel would come back. So I look out my own window, wishing and hoping so many things.

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