DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's and the poem is a Celtic Wedding Vow by Morgan Llywelyn.
TIMELINE: Post Not Fade Away
SUMMARY: Buffy is really panicking, on the worst day possible. Her wedding. Very fluffy.
PAIRINGS: Buffy and Angel
DISTRIBUTION: If you have my stuff already, feel free. Otherwise ask, I promise not to say no.
RATING: G

I love him. I really do. I love him more than anything, I swear. But it's this feeling in me that I just can't stop! Its madness, I can guarantee it. I mean I love him so much! How can't I? He has been with me through everything, he saved me more times then I can actually count... on my fingers anyways.

I stare at myself in the mirror and have to smile at my reflection. I do look good, if I say so myself. But again, this stupid panic inside me comes to life! I mean, I love him, more than anything... expect for maybe Mr. Gordo. But it's his entire fault that I'm in this state of … PANIC!

Really, it started a year ago. 'Cause, I had gone to France, because biggest fashion place in the world and then I walk into Chanel and who do I see but tall and gorgeous himself. But the problem was he was in sunlight... and hello, how do vampires go into sunlight. I went into a state of panic and ran right into him to push him from the sunlight and yelled, "ANGEL!" at the same time.

And that's how I embarrassed myself in France. In Chanel. In front of Angel. See, I was the one who was out of the loop, for Angel was all human and he didn't feel the need to tell me! I was not only upset and hurt... I was totally embarrassed! I mean I jumped in front of him an d everyone thought I was some crazy women. Which, I guess I could be considered. But still... HOW COULD HE NOT TELL ME HE WAS HUMAN!!!!!?

So I'm lying on the ground with Angel under me, saving him from sunlight. And then this woman comes up to me and starts yelling at me and I get up, red as a freakin' tomato and ANGEL is staring at me like he has seen a ghost. I hold on tight to my bag and do the best thing you can do in these kinds of situations. You run.

So... I ran. Like I had a better solution. And who ran after me, but my hero. And I only say that in the best terms. He took hold of my hand and I push him off, and sometimes I forget I'm the slayer cause not only had Angel just flown in the air, people are staring at me! In France, were they already hate us Americans. This is my dream come true.

"What are you doing here?" Angel had asked me in the sunlight, once he got up from the place he landed on.

"What AM I, doing here?! What about YOU?! In SUNLIGHT!!" I had yelled at him and as if people weren't staring before, now there were really staring.

And then he asked me to coffee and I looked at him like he had just grown a head. He then added how he would explain everything if I came. So how could I say no? It was perfectly innocent. Well, at the time it seemed perfectly innocent.

So we had coffee. And he told me he had turned human after some big battle against Wolfram and Hart. I nodded and smiled, I congratulated him. He paid. He then walked me back to my hotel. I smiled and said goodbye. He did the same. We then had sex. Yup, wild, hot sex. For the whole day. Like untamed little bunnies. And every place we could find. Window, door, table, chair, wall, toilet, shower, bed... It wasn't so bad, don't get me wrong. It was what happened after that made me upset.

So in our afterglow Angel grows all quite in that funny ways he does and looks at me. I mean, he is looking at me with these serious eyes and I mean aren't you supposed to be happy after you have make up sex? Or happy to see you again a sex? But here we were wrapped in a white sheet together and then he becomes all serious. Not that serious Angel isn't sexy, he is but I like happy Angel better. Not that I'd have ever seen a happy Angel back then, because that would have been bad. Very bad.

And then he dropped the bombshell. It was very heart wrenching if I say so myself. "Buffy, I- I'm engaged to someone. To be married." And here I was, thinking that my heart couldn't break anymore from when Angel had broken it in a sewer. I was wrong. I had kicked him out then and he had begged me to let him explain but wouldn't because then I would cry in front of him. But I almost let him stay when I saw tears form in his eyes. But I couldn't because it was wrong. And unfair. And I had morals. I wasn't about to become some mistress.

So I had kicked him out of my hotel room even though he had begged to stay as he collected his clothes and let him explain but all I did was yell for him to leave. So he had gingerly put on his ruffled clothes that I had only removed from his body a few hours beforehand. And when I finally slammed the door in his broken face, I fell to the floor and cried and sobbed and wept and just lay their on the green carpet of the hotel room and cried myself to sleep.

The next day I was on the next flight to Rome, were I had succeeded to lock myself in my room and not talk to anyone but myself. And Mr. Gordo. Finally a week later, after not talking, I came out of my hideout and got bombarded with questions but the only thing they knew was that I saw Angel and something happened. So whenever Angel had dared to call or send messages they knew to trash them or not answer. It was my simple request and for the first time, everyone had followed it.

When Willow had informed me that Angel wasn't engaged anymore, I was happy and yet I still didn't answer any of his phone calls or his letters. I knew this was the real test, to see if he would chase me. Don't worry, he does.

Because not only did he come to Rome, he came to Rome with dozens and dozens of roses. And then right then, I had fallen in love with him all over again. He had literally swept me off my feet. And then five months later he proposed. And now I'm standing here in the room of the church, about to get married to the love of my life and I'm panicking.

I must be insane because this is the moment that I have been waiting for me whole life. I'M GETTING MARRIED TO ANGEL! I mean, I have only thought about this since I was what, sixteen years old. This so does not make sense to me what so ever. I am ready... THEN WHY AM I PAINKCKING??!! I love him, I truly do. Oh God I think I'm going to faint.

I sit in a chair and try to breathe, but really all I can think about is what I'm about to do in... A MINUTE AND A HALF! Breathe, I tell myself, breathing is good because I'm about to attach myself to Angel for the rest of my life and that is okay... It's okay. In out, in out, in out, in out. Willow runs into the room and what the fuck is she so excited about? She is not getting married today, I AM! She pulls at my hand and I we move down to wherever we are going and she puts me in line behind everyone. Bridesmaids, I guess, but right now, I'm biting my nails so hard I have now idea.

I hold tightly to the white flowers that Dawn hands me and when the music starts, and Dawn starts walking down the aisle, I shut my eyes. I feel someone put their arm through mine and I look up and see Giles kind eyes looking down at him. I must look like a wreck because he smiles at me and swipes away hair that is on my face.

"It will be alright, Buffy," he whispers into my ear and I hear the wedding march for the bride start up and everyone in the church that me and Angel had rented for this day, get up and look at the open wooden doors at the front.

I look up and Angel is standing their smiling that little half smile he does when I see a tear slip that is when I feel my own tears well up. Damn Angel and his crying because now my entire make up is going to be ruined! I try not to sob all the way down the aisle and when I finally reach him he holds onto my hand tightly and I squeeze his hand. He raises the vial to see my face and a smile at him through my tears.

The priest stands before us and starts to say something but all I can do is stare at Angel and love him and I don't see why I panicked, it's only Angel. He holds onto my hand and I guess it's his turn to talk because he starts reciting a poem.

"You cannon possess me for I belong to myself
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give
You cannon command me, for I am a free person
But I shall serve you in those ways you require
and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand,

"I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night
and the eyes into which I smile in the morning
I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup
I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care
I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine
I shall not slander you, nor you me
I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so
in private and tell no strangers our grievances,

"This is my wedding vow to you
This is the marriage of equals."

By the end of his poem my cheeks must be so filled with make up that I must look like a monster and my vow will never be as good his is! I choke back a sob and he raises his thumb and shakily wipes at my face. I smile at him through my monster of a face and I know that without being told that it is my turn to give my vows, I would not have had.

"I don't have a fancy speech and I really, I didn't write anything because I couldn't think of anything but Angel," I say, as I slobber through my words, "I love you so much. I live and walk and talk and eat Angel and me just..." I try so hard not to choke on my words but I cannot seem to help it. "I love you and I would just do anything for you."

There are tears in both are eyes and he holds my hand so tight that I think it might explode. I choke back a sob and I really don't understand how he can stay so calm, or maybe he isn't calm... I don't dwell on it because next thing I know the priest says were man and wife and I notice I already have the gold ring around my left ring finger. Now I am pressed against Angel, who is kissing me passionately. He lets go and I look into those brown eyes that I love so much. He sweeps me into his arms and carries me down the aisle and really this has to be the best day of my life. Cause I got the real prize. An Angel.

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