Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg walked along the dirt paths on the campus of UC Sunnydale. In a week it would be Christmas. School had just let out and they had a long, relaxing vacation ahead of them. But instead of being full of Christmas cheer, they were feeling gloomy and not at all in the Christmas spirit.
"So, still no word from Oz?" Buffy asked as they made their way up to Stevenson Hall, their dorm building.
Willow stiffened at the question. "No, but that doesn't mean there won't be word from him. He's probably just still trying to find himself. It can take awhile, you know," she responded testily.
"You're right. It can take awhile. I'm sorry for questioning," Buffy apologized. "It's just that I really wanted at least one of us to have a fabulous Christmas, er, Hanukkah. But it looks as if we're doomed to spend another holiday depressed."
"We're so pathetic, Buffy. I mean, here we are, in the midst of holiday season, and we're letting stupid guys get us down. We're independent 90's women. We DON'T need some walking testosterone spoiling the best part of the year for us," Willow realized suddenly.
"You're so right, Will. I say we take back our happiness. Let's throw a Christmas party for everyone! Then we can't help but have fun," Buffy decided.
"Ahem," Willow cleared her throat. "A Hanukkah party would also be in accordance."
"Right. Sorry. Our Hanukkah/Christmas party will be a blast. And we will have fun without any guys in our life," Buffy concluded, opening the door the room she shared with Willow.
"Yeah. We'll be unstoppable. So what kind of food should we get?" Willow started babbling ideas, but Buffy suddenly got this weird image in her head.
She and Angel were in a sewer, getting ready to kiss, but moving away from each other at the last moment.
Buffy grabbed her head and moaned. "What's wrong, Buffy?" Willow asked worriedly.
The flash ended and Buffy blinked a few times. "Whoa, that was weird. I just got this image of me and Angel together in a sewer. Only I'm sure we've never been in that particular sewer together. It was strange. Like a memory, but not, because it never really happened." She shook her head and continued, "I wonder what it means?"
"Do you think it was a prophetic flash? Maybe that will happen soon," Willow suggested.
Buffy frowned, thinking about how intense the feeling had been in the sewer. "I hope so," she responded. "But who wants to think about that now? We've got the party of the millennium to plan!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Two nights later~
<<"No! It's not enough time! It's not enough time!" I shrieked, grasping onto my Angel, for fear that I would never feel his arms around me again. The clock was ticking down and I knew that in a few seconds, all recollection of this day would be lost forever.
"Shh, Buffy. Shh. It'll be alright. I promise," Angel said, trying to soothe me, but I could tell he was dying inside too.
I pawed at his broad shoulders and cried, "I'll never forget. I'll never forget! I promise, Angel." I silently prayed that that would be the truth.
Five seconds......four...three....two...one.......>>
Buffy woke up in a cold sweat. "Oh, God!" she exclaimed. "I had it again. I had the dream again. Only tonight, I finished it. Why would I have the same dream, the exact same dream, twice in a row?"
It had started two days ago when Buffy had gotten the first flash of her and Angel in the sewer. Since then, her mind was flooded with all sorts of images of her and Angel. Angel becoming human. The two of them trying to be adult about the news. Them making love on the kitchen table, then doing it again in the bedroom. Them in bed, eating ice cream, chocolate, and peanut butter. Buffy licking ice cream off of Angel's hard chest. Fighting a regenerating demon and Angel nearly dying. And finally, for some reason, the whole day being erased. They were all the puzzle pieces and Buffy had wondered what they meant. And then tonight, they all fell into place, becoming a long, wonderfully bittersweet dream.
Buffy suddenly realized that she was crying. Not misty eyed tears, but long, slow, heartbreaking tears.
"Why am I getting so emotional about this dream?" she wondered aloud. Then she realized why. "Because I want it so badly to be true. Well, not the last part where we were so sad, but the rest of it. It was like I was really feeling all those emotions. Like it really happened."
"But that will never happen, Buffy," she reminded herself bitterly. "Because Fate has cursed me for all Eternity and I will never be happy. I could never be happy without Angel. I was so full of hope in my dream. So full of hope for the future with him. And he felt the same way, I know he did. Oh, stop it, Buffy!" she chastised herself. "Get over it. It was a dream. A silly, meaningless dream. By tomorrow, it will be a distant memory."
But in her secret heart, Buffy didn't want the dream to go away. She loved the way she felt in it. It's the only time she would ever feel so light and care-free.
Buffy sighed, and rolled over onto her side. "I wonder what it would be like to really feel like that. Guess I'll never know," she reflected sadly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Three Days Later~
"Do you think that's enough streamers, Will? We're in college now. We don't want this to seem like a third graders party. We want it to be sophisticated," Buffy said of the gaudy green and red streamers surrounding their dorm room.
"Well, I like them. They're festive. And they're staying," Willow said, huffily.
"OK, whatever you say, Will. I don't want to argue," Buffy relented, feeling exhausted.
"Buffy, are you ok? You've been kind of lagging lately. Are you sick or something?" Willow asked with concern.
"No, I'm not sick. I just haven't been sleeping that well, that's all," Buffy responded, flopping on her bed.
"Why aren't you sleeping? Is something bothering you?" Willow paused and then asked, "You aren't still having the same dream, are you?"
Buffy squirmed uncomfortably. She wasn't planning on telling Willow that the dream kept coming back. And not only at night. She was plagued by it during classes, while eating, studying....it had consumed all her thoughts. "Actually, Will, I am. And it's getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore, but I can hardly think about anything else. Every time I dream it, it gets more vivid, more realistic. And you know what scares me? I like it. I really love the dream because it's so.... it's so beautiful. It's like Romeo and Juliet, unrequited love. It fills my heart with such love, beautiful love, and I never want it to end. Does that sound crazy?"
"To be honest, Buffy, it does sound crazy. I don't think it's natural to have reoccurring dreams like that. Especially not ones that you can remember every detail about. Maybe you should see a specialist or something," Willow suggested.
"A specialist? No, Willow, I don't think so. I don't feel like spilling my personal dream to a quack with a PhD in dream consultation. This is private stuff and I'll deal with it on my own," Buffy replied, indignantly.
Willow threw her hands up in surrender and went back to her decorating.
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~Christmas Eve~Night of the Party~
Willow unlocked the door to her dorm room and halted when she noticed the lights were off. Before she could find the switch, she heard a faint crying sound coming from somewhere in the room. When she located the light, and turned it on, she saw that the room was empty. Yet she could still hear quiet sobbing.
"Buffy?" She called out, worried. "Is that you?" She walked over to the closet and flung it open. She gasped at what she saw.
Buffy was lying in there, curled in the fetal position, tears streaming down her face. She rocked back and forth, whimpering. She had the weirdest look of complete fear on her face, and Willow immediately rushed to her and put her arms around her.
After a few minutes, Buffy uncurled herself and pushed Willow off of her gently. She looked up at her friend with red-rimmed eyes and whispered, "I need help, Will." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"At first I thought I could handle it, like I said, but, I don't know, now it's really getting to me. It no longer makes me feel romantic and fluffy. I feel alone and desperate for something that can't be. I hate waking up in the morning, I hate breathing. I hate life, Will!" Buffy cried as she buried her head into her friend's waiting shoulders.
"Don't say that, Buffy. You don't hate life, you're just confused. Look, I think I have an idea. You won't like it at first, but I'm almost positive it'll be the answer to all your problems," Willow said gently.
"What is it?" Buffy asked tentatively.
"You need to go see Angel. Right now. Tonight. He can give you the closure that you need. Who knows? He could even be having a similar dream."
Buffy moaned. "No way, Will. There's no possible way that I could look at him without bursting into tears. Besides, he'll think I'm some sort of hypersensitive schoolgirl yuppie!"
"Buffy Summers! I'm shocked. You know that is NOT what he thinks of you. If you want this to go away and get on with your life, you have to talk with him. Settle all the unresolved stuff you left with him last time you saw him. Trust me, the trip will change your life," Willow reassured.
Buffy still seemed hesitant. "I don't know. Maybe you're right. What could it hurt? I'll go," she decided.
Willow smiled, but Buffy groaned again. "Oh no! What about the party? I can't leave you to deal with it yourself!"
"Don't worry about it, Buffy. Xander will be by soon, and as you know the guest list isn't too long. I'll be fine. You just go and get the closure that you need, ok?"
Buffy managed a weak smile. "Ok, Will. Thanks. You're the best friend I could ever have. I love you." She wrapped her arms around her dearest friend in the world. "I'll be back by tomorrow morning for sure."
"Ok, good luck."
Buffy packed lightly, and quickly. She paused before leaving. "I hope you're right, Will. I hope this trip makes things easier. Merry Christmas."
"Happy Hanukkah," Willow corrected.
Buffy laughed and went on her way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Angel Investigations~
"I can't believe I'm at work on a holiday," Cordelia complained as she filed away the last case that Angel had received. "I'm expecting a nice, end of the year bonus, by the way, boss."
Angel just grunted and continued his scurrying around, putting the final touches on the Christmas tree.
"You know, I bet you're the only person in the whole world who puts their tree up on Christmas Eve. You do realize you have to take it down in like, 12 hours, don't you?" Cordy said, admiring Angel's work, no matter how long it had taken.
"Hmm." was Angel's response. He was very involved with his placement of the angel on the top of the evergreen.
"Ok, whatever. Guess we're not going to have an actual conversation, so I'm going to bail. I'll see you at your place tomorrow morning?" Cordy asked, grabbing her purse.
"Hmm." was his response again.
"Ok," Cordy replied, annoyed. "Good chatting with you. Merry Christmas, Angel." She exited, muttering about her boss's lack of speaking skills.
Finally, Angel was finished. The tree was a masterpiece. A truly spectacular work of art. Contrary to Cordelia's belief, he had her conversation with him. She would never understand the importance of late Christmas Eve to him. A year ago today, Buffy had become his again. She had saved him from The First and they'd mozied along the snow filled streets of Sunnydale into the morning. That was a magnificent day. One of his favorite moments of his long life was strolling along Sunnydale's main street at 6 in the morning with the one girl in the whole world that he loved truly, madly and deeply. Now and forever, Christmas would be his favorite holiday, even if he wouldn't spend it with his love.
His heart felt heavy as he thought of Buffy again. He always thought about her, but there were certain times when it was agony to think about her soft skin, silky hair, and beautiful eyes. Now was one of those times. If only he could see her again. If only she would remember the day they had shared only a month earlier. The day that Angel clung onto in all his dreams, reliving it over and over. Angel shook his head, trying to get the depressing thoughts out of his head, when he heard a soft, unmistakable voice saying, "Angel?"
He always loved it when she said his name. She said it with such passion, and vulnerability. He forced himself to turn around and face her. The second he saw her sweet face again, everything around him became blurry. It was just him and her, together, with nothing else in the world to worry about. He wondered if she felt the same thing.
"Buffy," he said lamely, for lack of something better to say. "Merry Christmas."
At those simple words, Buffy did exactly what she feared she'd do. She collapsed, falling onto her knees, crying. Angel rushed to her side and pulled her up, trying to comfort the quivering beauty in his arms.
"What's wrong, Buffy? Why are you crying?" Angel asked stupidly, still fumbling for something to say.
She looked up into his big brown eyes and said, "Where should I begin?"
"At the beginning?" Angel suggested. "Why did you come here?"
Buffy took a deep breath and tried to regain composure. "It's because of my dream."
She proceeded to tell him everything, all the while weeping. "So, Willow suggested I come to you. She said you might be able to help, give me...oh what's it called....closure. And I need that so badly, Angel. I'm afraid that....I'm afraid I'm going crazy," she concluded.
Angel was stunned. "My God, you remember," he said almost inaudibly.
"Remember? What?"
Angel's mind was racing. She's defied Fate once again, he marveled. Oh, she actually remembers! This is too good to be true. His exuberance faltered. But she doesn't know it really happened. She just thinks it's a dream. How do you tell someone something like that?
He took a deep breath and responded. "Buffy, we need to talk. You came for answers and you deserve to get them. Look, this isn't going to be easy to believe, but you have to trust me, ok?"
Buffy nodded. "At this point I'll believe anything."
"Good." He paused and began to tell the story. "Your dream isn't exactly a dream Buffy. It's real. It happened. Last month when you came to see me, everything you dream about actually happened. It was the best day of my entire life."
"But how?"
"You told me you remembered the part where I told you that I was giving up my humanity to save you, right? Well, a stipulation of that was to swallow the day. The whole day that we spent together."
"I remember talking about that. The Mohra Demon guy said that more would come and I would die. I thought it was really sweet, but really dumb the way you gave what we had up. I can't believe it was all real and you are really so incredible! This just seems to unreal. But wait, wasn't I supposed to forget about it all? Why do I remember?"
Angel's face broke out into a huge smile. "Because you're Buffy. And you made a promise. Buffy doesn't go back on her word."
"A promise?"
"You promised you'd never forget. And you didn't. We've defied Destiny yet again, Buffy. Shouldn't that mean something?" Angel asked, grabbing Buffy's hands.
"It does. It means that no matter what life throws us, we love each other so much that we'll get through it. We'll walk through fire to be together. And that means a lot. It means that we are meant to be together and damn everyone who tells us otherwise. I'm sick of being apart from you because it's *supposed* to be the smart thing, or the right thing. You know, Willow was right. This trip is going to change my life. Because I'm not going to take any crap from anybody ever again about being with you. I love you and this whole thing has made me realize it that much more. I want my life to be with you and screw anyone or anything that gets in our way. You with me?" Buffy finished passionately.
Angel didn't even have to think about it. This was exactly what he wanted. And it was exactly what he was going to get. Buffy was right. There was no reason for them both to live their life so unhappy. He hugged the petite slayer with all his might and answered, "I'm with you."
They sealed their new found promise with a kiss. A beautiful, pure and honest kiss. When they broke apart, their faces still inches apart, they both whispered at the same time, "I'll never forget."
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