Meet the Host

by Ducks

DISCLAIMER: I work in a law office. Believe me. Nobody cares. If they want to sue, they will. The song belongs to some record company with more money that the PTB's.
TIMELINE: Irrelevant
SPOILERS: All of Buffy (especially S5), and Angel
SYNOPSIS: Buffy is having a dilemna. Angel suggests she go see a friend of his. In a particular Karoake bar he knows.
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free, just please let me know where it's going!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's stupid, mostly plotless, AND a songfic. I can't help it! I'm on this total B/A roll today.
FEEDBACK: If you'd like...
RATING: G
DEDICATION: To Margot LaFaye... again. I haven't slept in two days, devouring her stuff and writing her smarmy, psychotic love notes. ;)


"I have to... what?"

"Sing."

"Sing."

"Yes, sing."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at the flamboyant anagog. "You're kidding."

"Nope. Them's the rules, darlin'. You want me to read your soul, you've got to sing."

She flashed a panicked look over her shoulder where Angel set, a smug grin on his face. He gave her a nonchalant little shrug.

"Sing," Buffy repeated.

The Host nodded.

"Do you make him sing?" she grumbled.

He made what Buffy could only call a grimace. "I do. Unfortunately."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "He's that bad?"

The Host looked to the Heavens. "Honey, there are no words."

That made her laugh. Well, if Angel -- I-don't-even-like-to-be-seen-in-public-Angel -- could do it, so could she. This was that important.

For a moment, she wondered what he'd sung.

"So? What do you say?" The Host asked, breaking her reverie.

Buffy glanced at Angel out of the corner of her eye. He was busy chatting with some yellow-skinned slimy demon thing with five arms. She didn't even want to begin to imagine what they could be talking about.

This was it--her one chance to find out where she should really go with this whole Angel thing. Anchored soul, entwined destinies or no, what part of them was just plain human -- could that part really get beyond all the pain they'd endured? Could she forget all the times he'd shattered her heart? Could he?

There was no doubt in either of their minds that they should be allies. The deepest, most devoted of friends.

But could they be lovers?

When he'd showed up for her mother's wake, he didn't say anything at all. He just held her through it, and through the night after while she cried, then stood stoically beside her, a tower of strength, holding her hand through the funeral. The rebirth of their friendship happened then, without a word passing between them. But three weeks later--three days ago, in fact--he'd dropped the bombshell while they were eating Mexican food. Or rather... while she was eating Mexican food, and he was sitting there, staring at her with stark terror in his eyes.

She'd looked up at him from her enchilada. "Come on. It's not that bad. It's not Taco Bell, but..."

"My soul is anchored," he reported.

Buffy choked on the black beans. "Excuse me? Your what is what?"

"My soul. It's anchored. No perfect happiness clause.'

He told her some long, incoherent story about Oracles and Powers and Willow being really inept at Old Romanian, but Buffy didn't hear a word of it. All she got was "soul", "anchored", and "happiness."

The flash of joy lasted about ten seconds. Then the doubt set in. Then the panic. Then the anger. And then, the memories. All of those things had plagued her for the past 72 hours, refusing to let her enjoy the time she had to spend with her (suddenly not forbidden) Angel.

His suggestion? A visit to a bar called Caritas -- Latin for mercy, he told her. To meet some guy (demon, actually) known only as the Host, who could help her see the truth in her soul.

"Maybe he can help. Although, I'm not sure if he really does this for humans. But... you are the Slayer, so..." Angel shrugged, "So we'll try it. There is one little catch, though."

A catch he'd refused to divulge at the time.

Some "little catch." He probably thought the Grand Canyon was a little hole in the ground.

"Fine," she replied at last. "I'll sing. But you'd better have some damn answers for me after, buddy!"

He gave her a patient smile, and motioned that she should climb the stage stairs. She did, and the Host followed close behind her. A tiny, unenthusiastic smattering of applause floated in the air. Buffy didn't imagine she would be too popular in this crowd.

Angel being a notable exception. He whistled and cheered loudly, as she stood frozen in front of the microphone.

"Okay, what's it gonna be, sister?" The Host whispered in her ear, his greenish-blue hand muffling the microphone.

Buffy's eyes went even wider. She had to choose what she was going to sing?

"What?" she squeaked, trying desperately to forget there was a room full of demons... including Angel... watching her.

The Host smiled at her as though she were an upset child. "My best advice? Close your eyes and point to the list. The right song will choose you."

She stared at him for another long moment. "Okay." He turned her toward a laminated sheet of paper hanging on one side of the lyric monitor. Buffy forced her eyes closed and jabbed at it with her index finger. The Host bent over and read her selection, then grinned broadly.

"Marvelous!" He turned back and lay that grin on the waiting audience. Buffy stared in horror at her selection as he spoke. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very rare and wonderful treat for you tonight. Caritas is so proud and honored to present a premiere performance! May I introduce lovely Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer!" He frowned at several vampires that hissed and booed from their seats at the bar. Angel shot them a dark look over his shoulder, and they were quiet once more. "Be nice, boys. She'll be doing one of my very favorite divas, and the perennial classic -- Coming Back to Me Now, by Celine! Enjoy!"

Then, he was gone, and Buffy was left alone and frozen on the stage as the first notes played. She knew the song -- it was one of those infernal horrors her demonic first roommate had played over and over again.

The lyrics popped on the screen, and her heart flew straight into her throat, making her first attempts to sing choke horribly. Thank God she didn't have enough breath to give her pathetic attempt any volume.

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

The second stanza wasn't so bad. She could kind of breathe again, and managed to raise her eyes, so long as she kept them nailed on the ceiling at the back of the room.

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

Knowing the words that came next, she found her eyes sliding almost automatically toward Angel's. He wore an indeterminate expression, but watched her and listened without wavering.

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

By the time she reached the chorus, she was already lost in it... in the rightness of the words, the feelings they evoked in her. She could see the very same reflecting back from Angel's dark eyes.

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

She could practically hear the thunder rumbling through the rafters. Saw the lightning that seared in her veins. More than just singing, she was making magick. Generating power that made her weep, truth washing through her, out over her, and over the other patrons like a wave. Angel's eyes were open wide, his mouth gaping slightly as he watched her.

Tears streamed down her face as she reached the next verse, but her voice remained strong.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow

Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

And it was. Every moment of it. Every precious, glorious, heart-wrenching, agonizing moment of their relationship. Buffy sang from somewhere deep in her soul, a place she had closed off so long ago...

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

(It's all coming back to me now)

She sang it to him, for him, for both of them. For everything they'd had, and lost. For all the potential to reclaim those dreams that now suddenly stood before them.

Potential she had almost been ready to waste.

And when you kiss me like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And when I touch you like that
(It's all coming back to me now)
If you do it like this
(It's all coming back to me now)
And if we...

When the last strains of the melody died away, the room was still and silent. No one moved. No one made a sound. Buffy stared at Angel, and he stared at her, and the bond between them flared and crackled, pulsing their emotions back and forth to one another's heart like an umbilical cord. Love. Longing. Sadness. Hope.

Desire.

At last, the Host took pity on her, and came to claim her from the stage, leading her down the steps as the room exploded into thunderous applause. Demons were on their feet, screaming. Vampires sobbed into their Bloody Margaritas. Ghouls dropped limbs to the floor.

The vampire with a soul continued staring at her as though his brains had dribbled out his ears.

Buffy shook off the embarrassment and lingering haze of power, and glared at the Host. "There. So are you going to tell me what I should do now?"

His gentle smile warmed her. "Do I really need to?"

Before she could reply, strong, hard arms came around her, and swept her off her feet. Cool lips claimed hers with a devouring passion as Angel turned and carried her straight out of the bar with the sound of demon's cheering still filling the air behind them.

The Host smiled to himself. "Guess not."

The End

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