DISCLAIMER: Blah blah, legal garbage that states the obvious, blah blah.
TIMELINE: Roughly two weeks after AtS: Guise Will Be Guise and BtVS: Family; although most of what's happened is irrelevant to the mush, and nothing after that has happened at all.
SPOILERS: Say all, just in case.
SYNOPSIS: Angel's having some serious balance/identity issues. He's confused, lost, and in a WHOLE lot of pain. I, personally, think he would reach out to Buffy in his desperation, even if it is only subconsciously. Thus, Buffy starts having funky dreams.
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free, just please let me know where it's going!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: My attempt, weak though it may be, to understand Angel's recent difficulties. Not my best, mind you... *grin* Inspired by Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, and the AtS episodes Dear Boy and Guise Will Be Guise.
FEEDBACK: If you don't know by now, I'm not gonna tell you.
RATING: PG-13, mostly. Sexuality, some blood and guts on a minor level
DEDICATION: To Anja, Ria, and Shirley Ujest, as per usual, my three favorite people in the universe. To Margot Le Faye, for her inspirational posts on i2. And, as usual, to all my fellow ever-suffering Shippers. May the TV gods grant our fondest wishes! (Yeah, right.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue

"Help me..."

Buffy pried her lips from Riley's. "Do you hear that?"

He pulled her back to him. "I don't hear anything."

She listened for a moment more, and when the sound didn't come again, she smiled up at her lover and dove back into his flesh. Riley felt good; his body solid and warm against her, his hands and mouth blanketing her. He was safety... security... normalcy.

"Yes..." Buffy whispered.

'But is he love?'

"I love you, Buffy," Riley moaned.

She sighed and lost herself in his embrace. Here, like this, their bare bodies pressed together in the grass, the sky like a canopy of stars over their heads... Here, there was no Hellmouth, not demons, no Glory or Dawn or anything else.

Just bliss.

'No Angel...'

"Buffy, I need you! Please!"

There was no mistaking it, that time. She halted again, pushing hard against Riley's chest. "Stop. Riley, stop!"

He paused and looked down at her with agitation. "What's the matter with you?"

"Don't tell me you can't hear that." The screaming was louder now. The voice so familiar, it sent shivers across her skin, but still, she couldn't get a handle on who it was.

Riley glanced off into the distance, his brow furrowed, listening. He looked down at her again, his frown deepening. "Buffy, you know I don't hear anything I don't want to hear."

Buffy looked up at him, shocked by his tone and his words. "What? Riley... Someone's screaming. They're in trouble!"

He smiled softly. "Nah. It's just your conscience. Close your eyes and ignore it like you always do. It'll go away."

Buffy lay still as he moved back to her neck. The screaming faded, as if it had moved far away. And yet, she could feel the pain in her chest, along with the nagging sensation that something was terribly wrong.

Oh... but his tongue, lapping at her skin. His hands, his kisses. Those were right here, right now. Nothing else was important.

Was it?

"Ooh! Your hands are cold!" she yelped as they ran down her sides.

"My hand are always cold."

She opened her eyes once more. The face smiling down at her was no longer Riley's.

"Angel?" she whispered.

He gently kissed the tip of her nose, then her cheeks, and under her jaw.

'Now THIS is bliss.'

"Who else would you be making love with?" he asked, kissing her ear.

'Nobody. Not ever.'

She sighed under his tender attentions. The screaming had stopped. All was right with the world again.

"Angel..." she sighed.

"What?" Riley asked, raising his weight on his arms, "What did you just say?"

Buffy's heart thundered, and she blinked, as she looked up into eyes that were piercing blue when she expected them to be brown. "What? Nothing. I uh... don't stop." She distracted him by pulling his mouth back to hers.

"I'll never stop. I'll never stop loving you, Buffy, no matter how far away you are." His voice became Angel's once more. "No matter who you're with. I'm always beside you. Inside you. Always."

Confused and frightened now, Buffy hesitated. "Who are you?"

"I'm your heart," Angel whispered, and kissed her.

"Who do you want me to be?" Riley asked with a smile.

"No! NO!" Buffy shoved against his warm chest. "He needs me! I have to go!"

"BUFFFYYYYY!" The screaming began anew, even louder this time. This time, there was no mistaking the voice.

Angel.

"BUFFY, HELP ME!"

She jerked upright, wide awake, her heart pounding.

Alone. She was alone in the quiet shadows of her room. No screaming. No Riley. She ran a hand through her hair and stared out the window by the foot of her bed. The sky was like a canopy of stars.

"Angel..." she whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part I

"Buffy."

Buffy stared out the kitchen window, oblivious.

"Hellooo... BUFFY!"

She jerked to awareness to find Dawn's angry face glaring at her. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

Dawn gave her a nauseated look. "You were thinking about kissing. Ugh. The way you guys are always groping each other. Makes me gag." She demonstrated with a finger down her throat.

Buffy smirked at her and turned back to the window. She had been thinking about kissing.

But not kissing Riley.

"So... do you think you could pass me the milk this century?" There was no response from the Slayer. The faraway look had returned. What was with her, lately? "BUFFY!" Dawn slammed a hand down on the counter.

Buffy started and looked at her again. "What? Were you saying something?"

Dawn rolled her eyes and reached across the counter herself. "Forget it. Jeeze. I could've milked a cow by the time you realized I was talking."

"Mm," Faraway Buffy mumbled. "I gotta jet. I'll see you tonight." She got up, grabbed her backpack, and walked out.

Joyce shuffled into the kitchen and gave a tired smile to her younger daughter. "Was that Buffy I heard?"

Dawn shrugged. "Supposedly. But I think it might have been a Pod substitute. She's a bigger space case than usual, lately."

Joyce sighed deeply and looked out the back door, which Buffy had left ajar in her haste. "She has a lot on her mind."

Dawn snorted. "Yeah. Whatever."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy shook Riley off and ran. The screaming was so loud now; she could feel it reverberating in the ground beneath her feet.

"Angel, hang on! I'm coming!"

The screaming was less fearful, and angrier. It echoed through the air from up ahead, by the lake.

'Lake? Since when has Sunny Rest had a lake?'

Since never, that she could remember.

"BUFFFYYYYY!"

"Oh, God. I'm coming, Angel! Please hold on!"

"Buffy, where are you GOING?" Riley shouted from behind her.

"Where I've always been!" She called back.

"That's not fair! He doesn't need you!" Riley cried.

'He does. He does need me.'

Buffy kept running toward the black water until she found the source of the shouting. In the distance, she saw frantic splashing. He was drowning!

"ANGEL! I can help you!"

"NO! Buffy, STAY AWAY!" he screamed.

Without another thought, she dove from the shore. The water was thick, her movements sluggish, as if she was swimming in syrup. Syrup that stunk like death.

"DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!" Angel bellowed. "STAY WHERE YOU ARE! YOU'RE SAFE THERE!"

No. She wasn't going to let him die. She swam harder, focusing all of her energy on stroking through the sludge. Just a few more yards.

She saw his head come up, his eyes wide in wild terror, his skin coated in gore. Angel wasn't drowning in water. He was drowning in blood.

"ANGEL!" she screamed, and swam harder.

"Buffy... I need you." It was his voice, but now barely a whisper. The sound hit her like a blow, and set her flying backward. His head went under.

"NO!" she forced her arms to propel her forward.

A woman's voice, familiar, but unidentifiable, echoed through the night. "You can't help him. He's mine."

"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!" Buffy screamed.

"BUFFFFYYYYY! I can't SWIM!" His voice was shrill with fear.

"You can! Angel, you can! I'm almost there! I have the answer! Let me help you!"

"No. It's too late. Let me go." It was a whisper again. Sad. Defeated. Weary.

A hand closed around her ankle. She screamed as it pulled her down.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Riley whispered.

Buffy woke with a gasp, again in bed. A warm hand came to rest on her arm, and she jumped.

"Hey... are you okay?" Riley whispered from beside her.

She shook her head to clear it. "Yeah," she lied, "I'm uh... I'm fine. Just a bad dream."

'It's more than that. Something's wrong with Angel.'

Riley pulled her down and bundled her up in his arms. She froze, his embrace too hot, too close, making her claustrophobic.

"Buffy... isn't this what you wanted?" he asked, gently holding her to him.

The touch should have been comforting. Buffy forced herself to relax, and nodded, but she was unable to close her eyes.

'I thought it was...'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

150 miles and another universe away, a vampire with a soul jerked upright in his bed with a shout. His body was bathed in sweat that a moment earlier, he had been certain was blood. He was drowning in blood. Darla dragging him down into a lake of it.

'Buffy was there.'

He lay still in the growing dawn, unable to close his eyes again despite his exhaustion.

"God doesn't want you. But I still do..."

Angel took a deep, unneeded breath, and shivered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part II

"I'm telling you, when I arrived this morning, he was screaming," Wesley whispered, hoping it was soft enough to escape the notice of Angel's sensitive ears. "It was so disconcerting, I went up there to make sure nothing was wrong. But he was fast asleep."

"He always has nightmares. Especially since he stopped having..." Cordelia looked around as if searching for unseen eyes that might be watching them, "Those other dreams."

Wesley shook his head. "Not like this, Cordelia. He wasn't crying out. He was screaming. As if in terror. And he was calling for Buffy."

Gunn jumped down off the counter. "Buffy. That's the Big Ex, right?"

"The BIG big ex," Cordy concurred, and turned her attention to Wesley once more. "So he's not dreaming about Darla anymore. He's back to Buffy dreams. Great. They're so much better for his mood."

Wesley rubbed his chin, deep in thought. "Perhaps she's in some danger."

"Hey! *I* get the visions around here, remember? Doesn't Buffy have enough superpowers?"

He ignored her jealous outburst. "Perhaps it's something only Angel can sense. They are rather closely connected, after all."

Gunn rolled his eyes. "What the man needs is a date. With somebody who isn't in any way tied to vampires."

Cordy scowled. "Do I really have to tell you the whole 'Perfect Happiness' story again?"

Wesley sunk down in the desk chair. "This might very well be another manifestation of Angel's recent difficulties. He's still not sleeping well, and he has been rather depressed of late. Perhaps he's dreaming of Buffy as a relief from that."

"Relief! Um, Wes, didn't we find out the hard way that dreaming wasn't exactly the best way for Angel to get 'relief'? That's what got him in this shape to begin with!" Cordy reminded him.

Gunn agreed. "He's still not 100%. And he's been jumpier than a junebug on hot pavement."

Cordy shot him a look. "Where do you get those stupid sayings?"

"He needs help," Wesley interrupted.

"Uh, yeah, but... my nose still hurts from the door slamming in my face the last time I told him that.."

Gunn looked from one to the other. "Why don't you just call the ex?"

Cordelia and Wesley slowly peered up at him, and then at one another.

"You have no idea how much I hate saying this," Cordy complained, "But he might be right."

"Call Buffy?" Wesley asked, "And say... what, exactly? 'Hello, Buffy, I know you're busy with your sacred duty and the Hellmouth and everything, but your vampire ex-boyfriend who abandoned you is going insane and may very well be turning back into the demon who tried to kill you a couple of years ago?'"

Cordelia shrugged as she picked up the phone. "Why not? It won't be the weirdest thing she's ever heard. And it might be the only way to help him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part III

When she found him, Angel was sitting quietly with his knees tucked under his arms, gazing out over the lake of blood.

Buffy had to pause in her approach to take him in-- so regal, so sad, and so beautiful in the moonlight.

'Okay... enough with the lusty thoughts. You're here for a reason.'

She shook off the haze of desire and closed the distance between them.

He sensed her beside him. "I knew you'd come," he said softly, not looking up. "Blood moon. Bad omen."

Buffy eased down into the grass beside him. "Angel, are you okay? I've been... worried about you."

He smiled at her, but the gesture was weak and weary. "It's good to see you. Really good."

She knew she was dreaming, but she still couldn't help the little pang of joy in her heart. But the pang passed quickly when she saw the deep shadows under his beautiful eyes, and the sallow undertones of his already pale skin. He was in trouble. That was why she was here. "It's good to see you too. But you still haven't answered the question."

Angel sighed and looked out over the water once more. "I'm dying," he said flatly.

The quiet anguish in his voice rocked her. "You can't be. You're immortal, remember?" Her voice squeaked with her barely controlled fear. Even if he wasn't dying, he sounded like he believed he was.

He shook his head. "Not my body. Me. My soul. It's wasting away. Every day, I get a little weaker. And it... gets stronger."

Buffy stared at him. "It?"

His haunted eyes locked on her. "It."

The demon.

"Angel, no. You're just tired. I mean... maybe you're sick."

Angel chuckled bitterly. "I'm definitely sick. I've been sick for a couple of centuries now. But not the way you mean."

Buffy stared down at her hands in her lap, unable to think of anything to say. What could she possibly say? It had been so long since they were really connected... and he had never been eager to talk about the darkness in his past, or the demon, even when they were.

"Darla's alive," he announced suddenly.

Her head jerked around. "What?"

"Darla. Wolfram and Hart brought her back from Hell. To torture me. To turn me."

Buffy suddenly couldn't remember how to breathe. "That... that's not possible. You dusted her. I was there."

Angel shrugged, his eyes somewhere far away. "Guess they don't make Final Death the way they used to."

She was horrified at the notion. In her new, intensive studies, she'd learned a lot about vampires that she'd never fully understood before. Like the deep psychic tie between older, more powerful sires and their children. Although she'd avoided thinking too deeply about the subject at the time, in a flash, she had understood what it meant for Angel to kill his to save her.

"Did she do this to you? I mean... whatever's wrong with you?" She moved closer to him, but avoided making contact. His pain rang in her bones, and if she got any closer, the was sure it would kill her.

"I wish it were that simple. She just... opened something inside me. Reminded me of what I really am. Made me look at things about myself that I didn't want to face. I can't handle it. She was my mate, you know? For 150 years. The demon inside me... still hungers for her."

Buffy flinched, a pain flashing through her as though he'd punched her. Her lip trembled.

'No. Keep it together. This isn't about you.'

She swallowed her hurt and reached out for his hand. When they touched, a spark lit the air between them. Angel looked up at her slowly as his fingers wrapped around hers.

"Buffy... I know what you're thinking. But... it's my soul that's tied to yours." He looked away. "You're the only really good thing I've wanted in my entire existence. And you're the one thing I'm eternally denied. But Darla... she's right there. I could have her. Right now." He sighed, shaking his head, then pulled her hand to his lips and softly kissed her knuckles. "Sometimes I think the way I feel about you is my greatest strength. But sometimes..."

In an instant that cracked the very core of her being, Buffy was filled with emotion, with love, with longing, that she had tried so hard for two years to forget existed. A knowledge, a certainty so profound, so natural, she felt as though it was stitched into her cells.

"It is our strength, Angel. Or at least... part of it. We were meant to be together. And someday, when all the battles have been fought, when all the demons are gone, we'll have all the beautiful things we've ever dreamed of. All the time. Forever. Well... as long as forever can be when you're a couple of Joe Average human beings..."

Angel looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears. "How can you be so sure? How do you... know?"

Buffy leaned toward him, resting her head on his shoulder, and looked deep into his eyes. "Sometimes... I try not to. But my subconscious always knows, I guess. Angel, you have to hold on. I know you're in pain, and you're confused. But you have to. Someday... you know it'll be worth it."

The tears finally spilled from his eyes, and he reached up to touch her face. "I miss you, Buffy. I miss this... being able to talk to you. When we were together, no matter what was going on, no matter what I was feeling, you always made me feel better. Just knowing you exist gives me hope."

She sighed. "You can call me, Angel. You know I'll listen."

He pulled away. "And say what? 'Hey, Buffy. My dead sire came back to life and is driving me insane with demonic lust, and oh, by the way, I miss you so much my soul is withering?' That hardly seems an appropriate conversation to have with the woman you love."

Buffy blinked. "You... still love me?"

Angel gave her a look that was half-angry, half-incredulous. "Are you serious? Buffy... for the longest time, you were my only reason for living. Even now, when I have a purpose, a mission of my own..." He exhaled slowly, deeply, his gaze roaming tenderly over her face. "Even now, you're still the key to it all. I would never have found my destiny, if I didn't love you."

She sat, frozen for a heartbeat, overwhelmed by his words, and then exploded into a sob of pain and relief. She grabbed him, crushing him in her arms. "I love you, Angel. You're the only one I'll ever love. Please. I can't lose you. Don't shut me out when you need me. I'm always here for you, no matter what!"

He clutched at her. "God, Buffy... Buffy... "

"Buffy...BUFFY! Buffy, wake up!"

She woke to Riley shaking her, his worried voice echoing in the dark beside her. She sobbed, and for a moment, couldn't draw enough breath to respond.

'Angel...'

"Honey, are you okay? How can I help?" Riley gently pulled her into his arms.

Buffy was once again dismayed by the choking, smothering sensation of his embrace.

"I... I can't. I have to..." She pulled away, jumping out of bed and dressing quickly. "I have to go hunt."

Buffy ran out of his room before he had a chance to object, slamming the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello?"

Cordelia flashed Wesley a panicked look when Riley answered. He gave her a 'go on!' expression. "Um. Hi, uh... Hi, Riley... this is Cordelia Chase? Is, uh... is Buffy there?"

Wesley rolled his eyes in frustration at Cordy's stuttering. He wanted as few people as possible knowing about Angel's current condition. Cool was the order of the day, and Cordelia clearly had none.

"No. She's out on patrol. Do you want to leave her a message?"

Cordy's eyes went wider. "Message? Sure. Could you tell her to call Cordy right way? It's an emergency. Angel..." A paper ball, thrown by Wesley, bounced off her head. "OW! Oh. I mean, it's not an emergency. I don't really even want to talk to her, but..."

Wesley's look intensified.

"No. I mean, yes. I do want to talk to her. And it is important. But... not an emergency. Just... have her call me, okay? I'm at the office. She can call any time. She has the number. Okay?"

"Sure. I'll tell her."

"Great. Okay. Bye." Cordelia hung up and glared at Wesley. "WHAT? I was perfectly smooth. He doesn't suspect a thing!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riley hung up the phone and rolled over to lie on his back once more. Cordelia... who worked for Angel. An emergency for which they felt they needed Buffy. He felt a burning pain in his gut. One that had been growing by leaps and bounds in recent months, and had gotten even worse since she started crying out the vampire's name in her sleep.

Angel. It was always about Angel. He was starting to suspect that it always would be.

Riley crumpled up the note he'd just written and threw it in the trash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part IV

'Four days of this. I don't know how much more I can take.'

Buffy sagged into a chair across from Willow and Tara, and let her head drop to the cafeteria tabletop.

"Whoa. Buffy, are you okay?" The redhead asked.

She didn't raise her head. "Tired."

"Are you still having those dreams?"

Buffy had told Willow a little bit about the dreams. Those terrifying, wonderful, horrible Angel dreams. One night, she was saving him from a grisly death, the next, they sat, calmly talking, and the next they were doing... other things.

Schizophrenic dreams. She still didn't know what they meant. Were they her dreams, or his? Was she helping him with his issues, or working out her own?

"Yeah," she finally replied.

Tara leaned toward her. "I know this isn't really my business, Buffy, but... maybe you should call Angel and see if he's okay. I bet you'll feel better."

The Slayer raised her eyes slowly to the newest member of their group.

"That's... not a good idea."

"Why?" she asked.

Willow flashed her a look. "Tara..." She really didn't want her lover to push Buffy on this. Not when she was already so obviously tired and upset.

"We agreed to keep our distance," Buffy explained, "Talking is... Nothing gets solved that way."

"Maybe, but... I know a little bit about dreams, you know? What if you are seeing into Angel's unconscious? What if something really is wrong with him, and he's reaching out to you the only way he knows how?"

"Tara, just... please. I can't." Buffy moaned, and let her head drop back to the table. She knew the Witch was right. Until she actually talked to Angel, there was no way to be sure he was okay. And she'd just keep being off balance until she knew.

What would she say if she called him? Could she really just come out and ask if she was going nuts? Or if he was? Could she tell him that maybe she still missed him so badly, even after all this time, that he was haunting her dreams? And what if she was seeing into his sleeping mind? What then? Would she run to his side, knowing full well how much pain it would cause both of them? What would she tell the others? Riley?

"We should get to the Box," she said, and got up before anyone could try to make her talk about Angel anymore.

Might as well get in some training. She was in no mood to hang out, as hanging out required talking. Which required thinking. Activities she wanted to avoid at all cost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Giles, I'm telling you! The Pakistani goats' feet bring twice the profit margin of the Persian, and are just as effective!"

Giles frowned at his employee. "This is a matter of tradition, Anya. Persian goats' feet are always the ingredient called for. To utilize a cheap substitute robs the magick of its dignity."

The ex-demon snorted. "Dignity Schmignity. You know most people are doing party tricks with this stuff anyway. Pakistani, Persian, or East Podunk, Idaho -- nobody knows the difference anymore!"

Before he could give his carefully considered reply (which mostly consisted of "Shut up, and do as I say!"), the door flew open, admitting Xander, Willow, Tara, and a terribly weary-looking Buffy.

"Ah, good! I'm glad you're all here," he exclaimed. Mostly, he was glad for some excuse to end yet another excruciating argument with Xander's stubborn girlfriend. The gang shuffled to their usual seats around the table. "I believe I've found some information pertinent to the..." He hesitated, noticing that Buffy's attention was far away. "Buffy, this is rather important."

She looked up at him. "Sorry. Information. Shoot."

Giles narrowed his eyes at his charge. Buffy had not been the most attentive student in the past, of course, but over the last few months, she had developed an unprecedented focus and impressive drive. To see her so distracted worried him in a way that he hadn't experienced in a long while.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Buffy couldn't quite seem to meet his gaze. "Sure. Fine. Just... haven't been sleeping well."

"Is there something troubling you?"

Buffy gave him a wry half-smile. "You mean other than an ancient, unstoppable demon trying to kill my little sister and my mother possibly dying of some horrible brain disease? What could possibly be troubling me?"

Giles could taste the half-truth, as well as the pain, of her joke. When he saw Tara and Willow exchange a look, he knew it wasn't his imagination. There was something going on. He sat in the empty chair next to the Slayer.

"I realize that you have a great deal on your plate, Buffy. If there's something I should be aware of..."

She cast her eyes to the floor, frowning fiercely.

"Buffy..." he urged.

The phone rang, making everyone at the table jump. Anya leapt up with a joyful yelp -- answering the phone was one of her favorite duties. It usually meant an out of state or overseas order, which translated into hefty profit – another of her favorite words. Besides Xander, of course.

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling the Magic Box. The world's number one source for all your conjuring... What? Oh. Sure." She couldn't conceal her disappointment as she turned to Giles, holding out the receiver. "It's the other British guy. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to buy anything."

Buffy's eyes flew up to hers, then to Giles as he took the phone.

"Pryce?"

"Ah, Giles, good. I was hoping I would find you there. Was that Anya?"

"Yes, she works for me now."

"Hmm. Interesting."

"Wesley, you didn't call to ask about my business."

The other ex-Watcher cleared his throat. "No. I didn't. It would seem that we, uh... we have a bit of a problem. With Angel."

Giles felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. "A problem?"

"Yes. I was hoping we could elicit your assistance."

Giles glanced at Buffy's suddenly wan face. "Of course. I'd be happy to help if I can."

Wesley explained all that had happened over the past few months, with Darla's return and Angel's increasingly bizarre and frightening behavior.

"We've tried everything we can think of, Rupert, and we're currently at our wit's end. Nothing seems to be helping. He's so distressed, I shudder to think what could happen."

He got his colleague's unspoken implication. "What is it you think I can do?"

"Frankly... we were looking for Buffy's help. Of late, Angel has... well, he's been crying out for her in his sleep. And since the rest of us have failed so miserably in our efforts to ease his pain... Cordelia has left several messages for Buffy, but she has yet to return the calls. I thought perhaps... you might speak to her."

Giles wandered into the workout room, out of Buffy's earshot. "Wesley, you can hardly blame her for not wanting to be involved."

"No, no. Of course not. And you must know that under normal circumstances, I would never ask. But..." The man's voice became raw with emotion, and Giles felt a pang of sympathy for him. "Angel is very important to us, Rupert. And to the fate of the world. Honestly, I think Buffy may be the only chance we have to snap him out of this. If she could just... talk to him."

Giles glanced up to see Buffy standing in the doorway, staring at him.

"Of course. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Rupert. Thank you so much."

He clicked off the phone and returned Buffy's stare. Could she possibly have grown so cold and cavalier toward the man she once would have given her life to save?

She took a step toward her mentor. "What's happening to him?" Her voice was soft, urgently fearful. "What's wrong?"

Giles frowned. "Why would you think..."

Buffy sighed and shook her head. "Come on, Giles. We may have split up, but... I can still feel him. I've been dreaming about him every night for a week. Or... maybe nightmaring is a better word."

"Then why haven't you returned any of Cordelia's calls?"

Buffy expression turned from worry to confusion. "What calls?"

"Angel has been having some serious difficulties, and the others have failed in their attempts to help him. Cordelia has left several urgent messages for you, which she says you haven't bothered to return."

Buffy stared down at the floor. "He's in trouble. I knew it. But... I never got any messages." Her frown deepened as she raised her gaze once more.

"Cordelia said she spoke to Riley several times. And emphasized the urgency of the matter in no uncertain terms."

A flash of realization pulsed through her. "Riley knew about this?" she hissed.

Giles took a step away from her as her expression grew dangerous. She looked up with naked fury in her eyes.

"I'll take care of it," she snapped, spun on her heel, and marched out.

Giles followed slowly, stopping near the table where the others still sat.

"Is something wrong with Angel?" Willow asked.

Giles looked at her. "Yes, I fear so."

"What is it?" Xander cut in.

Giles looked out the door Buffy had so recently vacated. "I don't know. But I hope that Buffy can find out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordelia watched Angel's complete lack of attention with a little shiver of discomfort lodged at the base of her spine. Here Wesley and Gunn were, giving their reports on research that they'd done for their latest client, and the vampire just sat, scowling darkly, staring out into space like he wasn't there at all.

Everybody was nervous, even as they tried to look calm. Gunn paced from one end of the counter to the other like a wild cat on speed, and Wesley's glance ticked from Angel to his book and back again like he expected the vampire to leap from his seat and snap his neck at any moment.

Each one of them was painfully aware that his attention was nowhere near their meeting, and yet no one wanted to take the chance of calling him on it. There was no way to predict how he might react, these days. His expression got progressively darker, and the three humans got progressively more nervous, until Angel finally jumped up from his chair, grabbed his coat from the hook and his axe from the wall, and walked out without a word, slamming the front door behind him.

Cordelia looked at Wesley. "I hope Buffy comes soon."

Gunn shook his head. "I thought this chick was supposed to be a straight up homegirl? 'One true love' and all that? Why didn't she call?"

Cordy swung her glance worriedly toward the door. "I don't know. I never thought she'd abandon Angel if he really needed her."

"Nor did I," Wesley agreed. "And he certainly needs her now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey," Riley greeted her, rising with a smile as Buffy entered.

He saw the look on her face, and the smile vanished.

"WHY?" she spat, "Why did you take it upon yourself to not give me urgent messages from my friend? Who the Hell do you think you are?"

Riley backed away from her. "I was trying to protect you."

Buffy poked his chest. "PROTECT ME? I am SICK to DEATH of everybody trying to PROTECT me! This is SERIOUS, Riley! Angel is in real trouble!"

Riley's own fury burned. "No kidding. Angel's always in real trouble, isn't he? Especially as far as you're concerned."

Buffy backed off. "What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Damn it, Buffy, why can't you just put him behind you? He has his friends in LA! He doesn't need you. I DO! I love you, and it's not fair that I have to play second fiddle to a ghost. Oh, wait... I mean the GHOST OF A DEMON, FOR CHRISSAKE! You've never gotten over him, and I can't stand living in his shadow anymore!"

Buffy glared at him, but said nothing.

"Besides, if he's cracking up the way Cordelia tried NOT to imply, then you need to stay as far away from him as possible, not go running out there to get killed!"

That did it. Buffy got right in his face. "That is NOT your decision to make! If something happens to Angel that brings back Angelus, you better damn well believe it's my job to stop him! And if there's any way in HELL that I can prevent that from happening in the first place, it's my sacred DUTY to do it!"

Riley's eyes flashed, and he leaned closer to her. "Don't give me that DUTY crap, Buffy!" He spat her name like a curse. "You and I both know duty is the last thing on your mind. In fact, I'd say the first thing is the one thing guaranteed to bring that old demon back!"

For a split second, Buffy was too stunned to react. But when that moment blazed past, she reached out with all of her considerable might, and slapped Riley so hard, he flew across the bedroom and crashed into the wall.

She knew hitting him wasn't the way to handle this. And he wasn't entirely wrong. But her anger and worry, and the growing sense that this supposedly trustworthy man lied to her, prevented her from doing anything but standing there, breathless in her rage.

Riley sat on the floor where he had fallen, wiping the blood from his chin. He stared at it for a moment, then looked up with a cold smile before climbing to his feet.

"That's what I thought," he said, grabbing his coat. "You know, it's funny. I knew you never loved me. But I kept hoping... Maybe once enough time had gone by, you'd care about me enough to forget him. Stupid, I know. All I've done is try to make you happy. And all he's ever done is hurt you. So if you still..." He sighed and shook his head sadly, running his hand through his hair, "Never mind. I can't give you an ultimatum, Buffy. I know who'll win."

Without another word or glance, he walked out.

Buffy stood, frozen, blinking in confusion. Was this really happening?

She sank down on the edge of her bed. Yes, it was happening. And she knew why. She'd been so hurt when Angel left her, so wounded, she'd never bothered to sit down and take the time to work it all out in her head. She'd never taken time to heal, or process just where she needed to go from here. She'd just pushed it all away -- pushed him away -- the good, the bad, all of it.

And she had lost something precious because of her denial. Something central to who she really was. She had hurt people she cared about -- Riley, her friends--all because the pain of facing that part of herself was too much to take.

Now Angel was in trouble, too.

Riley was wrong. Helping Angel was her duty. Not because one of the most sadistic, evil demons in history lived inside him...

But because she loved him, and their destinies were as inexorably entwined as their hearts.

Buffy got up and left through the door through which her last chance at normalcy had just passed, headed to Los Angeles, and her Reality.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Go to Part V