Summary: Buffy decides to tell Angel herself in person that she's back from the dead. Takes place during S6 BtVS ep Flooded, and at the end of S3 Angel ep Carpe Noctem.
Distribution: my update group: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/BeautifulDesire, my B/A group: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/BlindedbyPassion. If you want it on your site, just ask!
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: BtVS ep Flooded, Angel ep Carpe Noctem
Disclaimer: Ha! Lyrics are Beautiful Goodbye by Amanda Marshall and How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes.
Feedback: Please! You know I love it!
Dedication:
Author's note: I got this idea ages ago, when I first saw Carpe Noctem. I thought, there's no way Buffy would have let Angel find out about her being alive by a phone call from Willow, so this is my version. Enjoy!

Buffy Summers pulled up outside a club and sighed. Digging out the map of Los Angeles from her bag, she placed it on the steering wheel in front of her. After a few minutes of looking at it, trying to pinpoint her exact location, she gave up and flung it in the back seat. She stepped out of her jeep. Locking it, she entered the club. As soon as she entered, she felt her senses crackling. This bar was infested with demons. Hell, there was one singing, if that's what you could call it, on stage. Suddenly, a green demon with red eyes, dressed in a bright suit, stepped in front of her.

"Hello, cutie," he said, with a smile. Seeing her reach for a weapon hidden in her sleeve, he shook his head. "Now, now. There will be no violence whatsoever in Caritas. We're all peaceful folk here." He stuck out his lime coloured hand.

"I'm Lorne, the owner." Buffy smiled, and grasped his hand.

"I'm lost." He raised an eyebrow.

"Interesting name," he said. "That what they call you at home?" She chuckled.

"My name's Buffy." His eyes widened briefly, before he smiled.

"Well, Buffy, I bet you've a lovely voice," he said, guiding her over to the stage. Her eyes widened.

"Um, no, not really," she started.

"Aw, c'mon," he pleaded. "This is a karaoke bar. Why else would you come in here?"

"For directions?" she asked, still trying to back away from the lit platform.

"Hmm. And where would you be wanting to go to?" Lorne asked, standing still.

"Hyperion Hotel." His eyes widened again for a second, before returning to their original shape. "But, now I'm not so sure," she mumbled.

"Well, if you go up there and sing for me, I might just be able to point you in the right direction. How's that?" he asked. She seemed to ponder this for a few moments.

"Okay." She took a deep breath, and tried to quench the growing nervousness inside her. She sat on the stool, as Lorne spoke through the microphone.

"Ladies and Gents, we have a newcomer this fine night. Please put your hands together for-"

"Don't say my full name," Buffy whispered to him hurriedly. He looked back at her, confused. "If they find out the Slayer is here, they might start panicking." He nodded.

"Please put your hands together for Buffy!" he continued. Buffy took a deep breath.

"So, what now?" she whispered.

"Select a song from the jukebox. In fact, select two," Lorne whispered, stepping off stage, and headed towards the phone, as Buffy began to sing.

Fed up with my destiny
And this place of no return
Think I'll take another day
And slowly watch it burn
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by
Cause I still remember you and I
And that beautiful goodbye

We staggered through these empty streets
Laughing arm in arm
The night had made a mess of me
Your confession kept me warm
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know
Do you ever think of you and I
And that beautiful goodbye

* * *

Angel's cell phone broke through the silence as the gang drove downtown towards the Hyperion.

"This is Angel," Angel said.

"Angel, you need to get down to Caritas, pronto!" Lorne said urgently over the phone. In the background, Angel heard someone singing a song he knew he heard before. Angel sighed.

"Lorne, I'm on my way back from an exhausting body-switching, and I'm not in the mood-"

"Damn it Angel! This is serious!" Lorne yelled over the phone. "You'd better get yourself down here soon, or she'll leave, and you'll end up regretting it!"

"She?" Angel asked. "Who's she?"

"Let's just say she's a soul in desperate need of saving," Lorne said, hanging up. Angel snarled, and doing a u-turn, headed to Caritas a couple of blocks away.

"Where are we going?" Fred asked from the back seat.

"Caritas," Angel answered in a tight voice.

* * *

Once Buffy started singing, the whole world fell away, and she was singing her heart out.

Lorne stood near the entrance as Angel suddenly appeared behind him.

"Jesus, Angel!" Lorne said, nearly spilling his whiskey. Angel looked around the club, not noticing the blonde pouring out her heart on stage.

"Where is-" Angel started.

"Shhh," Lorne interrupted, as Angel's gaze collided with the woman on stage.

"W-what?" Angel mumbled, stepping forward. Lorne held him back.

"Don't. She's still got another song to sing, and she's got so much pain to express yet," Lorne said softly.

"Pain?" Angel murmured. Lorne nodded.

"Listen, to the lyrics, and to her," Lorne advised.

When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye

In these days of no regrets
I keep mine to myself
And all the things we never said
I can say for someone else
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try
And I just can't help but wonder why
We let it pass us by

When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye

As the song finished, the crowd cheered, and Buffy smiled, but not as fully as she used to, Angel noticed. Another slow song started up, and Buffy, closing her eyes, let the lyrics wash over as she began to sing again.

How do I get through a night without you?
If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?
Oh I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Well, baby, you would take away everything
Good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live without you?

There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, well, baby, I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Well, baby, you would take away everything
Real in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, how do I live?

Please tell me, baby
How do I go on
If you ever leave?
Well, baby, you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby, don't you know that you're everything
Good in my life?
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

"That's your cue," Lorne told Angel as the song finished.

"How do you figure?" Angel asked.

"Well, maybe because she was singing about you," he said, receiving a refill. "But that's just a theory," he called after him, as Angel walked, dazed, toward the stage, where Buffy was bowing to the cheering audience. She smiled briefly, and turned to step to step off stage. She gasped, seeing who was standing beside the stage.

"Angel?" she whispered. His answer was to collect her into his arms and into a kiss, a kiss in which he poured all the passion, longing, and many other feelings he felt when he found out about her death, but most of all, love. She blinked a few times before looking up at him.

"Angel?" she asked again. He kissed her again, oblivious to the whistling crowd. She gasped as he broke off the kiss, breathless. Seeing him bend down for another soul-searing joining of lips, she reluctantly protested.

"Whoa," she managed to whisper, as she tried to jump out of his arms, but to no avail. He sat on a chair and deposited her onto his lap, his hands searching her body.

"I am real, you know," she joked, but the smile faded as Angel buried his face in her hair and wept. "Oh, Angel," she murmured, turning in his embrace to wrap her arms around his neck, as her own silent tears formed and slid down her cheeks.

"I've dreamt of this for so long," he choked. He looked up at her. "How?"

"Willow and the gang thought I was in some hell dimension," she shrugged with a small smile.

"But... you're the Slayer, a warrior," he said. "Warriors for the Powers That Be go to... heaven." Her sad smile confirmed what he had just spoken. "Oh Buffy," he said, tightening his grip on her, and burying his face in her neck.

"They didn't know," she said quietly. "How could they?"

"How could they not?!" Angel growled loudly, earning a few stares from some customers. "You're a warrior of light, of good. How could they expect you to go to hell after all the people you've saved?"

"They thought that I was in a hell dimension like you were," she spoke softly. He looked up.

"That was different," he said. "I deserved to go to-"

"Don't say that!" Buffy hissed. "You didn't. Angelus, on the other hand..." Angel sighed, knowing he wouldn't convince her otherwise, decided to let it be.

"But I'm okay, really" she said, trying to lie, and failing miserably.

"He doesn't believe you sugar, and neither do I," Lorne interrupted, coming up behind them. "I can read people when they sing, and let me tell you, you're far from being okay. If getting ripped out of heaven was a normal thing, many people wouldn't be able to survive."

"But I'm the Slayer," Buffy murmured. "That's what I do. Everything just gets folded up inside, and I move on."

"Angel? Can we talk?" Lorne whispered. Seeing that the vampire was reluctant to leave the blonde, he promised, "It'll only take a minute." When they were a few tables away from Buffy, Lorne spoke.

"Angel, that heaven thing has taken a great toll on her. The last thing she needs is for you to not be there," Lorne started.

"Believe me, Lorne, I'm not letting her go this time," Angel said, watching the woman who stole his heart all those years ago. "I know when I've been lucky enough to get a final chance." Lorne nodded, and patted Angel on the back.

"Well, make sure you tell her that," Lorne advised.

"Everyday," Angel vowed. He walked over to Buffy, and pulled her to her feet. Grabbing her coat, he slipped his hand through hers, more grateful than he ever thought possible for being able to do that small action, and guided her out to her jeep, the rest of the gang having driven back to the Hyperion in his Plymouth, although not without some protest from Angel. He helped Buffy into the passenger seat, and climbed into the driver's seat. Pulling into the late night LA traffic, Buffy broke the silence.

"Where are we going?" she asked softly, staring out the window.

"Home," Angel answered quietly.

"Oh," she murmured, holding tears inside. She had hoped Angel would save her from whatever she had now become, but he was just like Willow and the others, wanting her to get straight back into the stream of everyday normal life. How could she? She was trying, but she was becoming an empty shell because of it. She didn't realize the jeep had actually stopped, until Angel opened her door for her.

"Here we are," he announced softly. She looked up at the tall, dark building, and then at Angel, confused.

"Where are we?" she asked, stepping out of the vehicle, taking Angel's offered hand, as they walked toward the double doors at the top of steps. As they climbed the steps, Angel opened one of the front doors for her, and whispered in her ear.

"Home."

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