Summary: Buffy calls Angel...
Distribution: my update group: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/BeautifulDesire, my B/A group: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/BlindedbyPassion. If you want it on your site, just ask!
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: um... all of Buffy and Angel...
Disclaimer: I wish! Lyrics are "Long Night" by The Corrs. Also, there's kinda a line at the end that's from Shrek...
Feedback: You know I love it!
Dedication: To Fifi, Kiki, Sinead, Suzie and Laura, love ya lots!
Author's Note: I heard "Long Night" for the first time Monday morning when I was getting ready to go out to school, and fell in love with it. It also inspired the idea for this fic. This fic is in Buffy's POV. Also, this is the first of two Christmas fics I'm gonna be posting during this week…

Rome, mid-December 2004

My hand hovered over the phone. I'm still undecided. Then again, me being undecided about this is part of the tradition I've created with him these past few years. Every December I ring him, just a week or so before Christmas, never at Christmas, too many memories, I always fear he's shacked up with someone new... or Cordelia has finally dug her claws in deep enough. But, it's always the same, thank God. I argue with myself for at least half the day, should I ring or should I not, yet knowing that I always will. When he answers with his deep, velvety voice, I'm always numb with silence, and he knows it's me. He's thankful for these calls, not just to hear my voice, but also to know that I'm okay, that I'm happy. Ha! Happiness... he doesn't let himself realise that he is my happiness... I'm always giddy after hanging up, but that doesn't last. I don't say much. I normally just say it's not snowing, as I did five years ago when I first started... whatever this is. I haven't told anyone about it. But it's part of the reason I look forward to Christmas every year.

I took a deep breath, and rang the number for Wolfram & Hart that I had half-dialled countless times before. Suddenly, a shrill, too cheery voice interrupted my thoughts.

This number is no longer in service.

How I replaced the phone in its cradle, I don't remember. I burst into the living area of the apartment we had been occupying since Sunnydale became a crater. I spot the very person I'm looking for.

"Willow!" I yelled, grabbing my friend's attention. "You need to teleport me over to Wolfram & Hart now!" Before she could answer, another voice spoke.

"That's not possible." I narrowed my eyes and approached Andrew sitting on the sofa, reading a newspaper with the aid of a nearby lamp.

"Why? What do you know?" I sneered. I never really did grow to like him, unlike Giles. He raised his eyes to meet mine.

"You haven't heard what happened to Wolfram & Hart?" he asked, an eyebrow arched. Numbly, I shake my head. This can't be good. "Really? I would have thought you would have heard-"

"Andrew!" I yelled in frustration.

"The building was destroyed," he said, turning a page. I stared at him.

"What?" I murmured. "Andrew! What?!" He rolled his eyes, and looked up at me before explaining.

"The LA gang took on the Senior Partners, and the Senior Partners destroyed the Wolfram & Hart building, and unleashed demons from hell after the remaining crew," he paused, "Including a dragon, from what I've heard."

"Re-remaining crew?" I whispered. He met my gaze.

"Wesley died." I closed my eyes for a moment, briefly saddened by the news. Even though he was a pompous prick at the time, he was still my Watcher.

"What about the others?" I prodded.

"They... they were all killed in the final battle," he whispered.

"Including Ang-" My voice faltered. He inhaled deeply.

"All that was left after it was a large number of slaughtered demons, and a pile of dust." He looked at me with something akin to sympathy in his eyes. Oh god. Oh god! No! I felt numb deep inside, hollow.

"Buffy, are you-"

"Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?" I hissed, interrupting Willow. "Why?!" I heard Willow walk up behind me, and felt her place a hand on my trembling shoulder. She spun me around slowly to face her.

"We didn't tell you in case you acted like... this," she said softly.

"When?" She hesitated for a moment.

"May," she answers so softly I almost couldn't hear her, but I did. I looked at her, horror-stricken.

"You knew for seven months?" I spat, outraged. "Seven months?!"

"Buffy, please, calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" I hissed. I took a deep breath, and let her see my hurt-filled eyes. "Willow... how could you?" I murmured, shaking my head.

"Because, she knew you'd act like this, and she didn't want you to get hurt." I looked in the direction of my sister. I laughed for a moment.

"You knew too?" I sighed. I headed for the door, grabbing the leather jacket that used to belong to him that now hung in the hall closet, and snatched my keys from the hall table.

"Where are you going?" Willow asked from behind me. I sighed, keeping my back to her.

"Out. I need to get some fresh air. Don't follow."

"Buffy, wait-" she said, reaching out to touch my shoulder. I spun around to face her.

"I'll be back. I promise." With that, I was out the door before she had time to speak.

* * *

I sped along the roads, focusing on getting to my destination in one piece, and blinked back tears that threatened to escape. They would get their chance to fall when I reached my journey's end. I couldn't stand the loud silence any longer, so I turned on the radio. Immediately, an angsty-sounding song filled the car.

//It doesn't really matter now you're gone
You never were around that much to speak of
Didn't think that I could live without you, baby
It couldn't be that hard to live alone

But I'm all, all alone again
Thinking you will never say
that you'll be home again

And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And I'm gonna get stage fright caught
in the headlights
It's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

Once upon a time we fell in love
And I thought that I would be the only one

But now I'm on, I'm on my own again
Thinking you will never show
you won't be home again

And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And I'm gonna get stage fright caught
in the headlights
It's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

Lost in you arms baby
Lost in your arms

Now I'm on my own again
Thinking you will never show
you won't be home again

And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And I'm gonna get stage fright caught
in the headlights
It's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
I'm gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

It's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
I'm lost in your arms baby
Lost in your arms//

* * *

I reached the secluded, dark beach, illuminated by the setting moon an hour later. I slammed the door, and ran down to the water. The lyrics of the song still fresh in my mind, hot tears splashed onto my cheeks, as I finally let all the pent-up anger and grief wash over me. I sobbed noisily, falling onto the sand.

"No!" I screamed. "Angel," I murmur, tasting my salty tears on my lips. "You can't go. I'm lost without you." I remained silent for a moment. "NO!" I scream again, my voice hoarse.

* * *

I don't know how l long I sat there, holding myself and letting my tears fall free, but it obviously exhausted me. I'm not sure if I had dozed off at one point, but I now sat, wrapped in his leather jacket, waiting for the sun to rise on a new day. Suddenly, I heard a whisper of air, before someone eased themselves onto the sand beside me. I looked to my right, and gasped, and knew I had to be dreaming.

"Ang-Angel?" I murmur. He smiled softly. "You're not real," I said, shaking my head, and rose from the sand. He spun me around, and gripping my arms, he looked deep into my eyes, and I knew it was him.

"Oh Angel!" I choked out, flinging my arms around his neck, sobbing freely again. He rubbed my back soothingly, and I pulled back, staring into his eyes. I raised my hand slowly, and caressed his cheek so gently as if I was afraid he wasn't real. I did fear this. I laughed for a moment, as he smiled.

"I heard there was a pile of dust after the battle," I asked in wonder.

"There was."

Flashback

They just kept coming and coming, he couldn't keep this up much longer. He heard air move behind him, as he turned and saw a demon with a sharp wooden stake about to thrust it into his heart. Suddenly, there was a blur of peroxide blonde, and before him stood Spike. The stake sunk into his chest, as he turned to face a shocked Angel. "Don't let her get away this time," he told him as he evaporated into dust.

"Spike," I whispered, and silently thanked the blonde, wherever he now was. Suddenly, I noticed how much brighter it had gotten, and I looked at the horizon, alarmed.

"Angel, the sun-"

"Never mind that," he interrupted softly, placing a finger on my now silent lips. Unconsciously, I moved closer, mesmerized by his lips, the same lips I hadn't kissed in over a year. Our lips meet in a fiery kiss, and we clung desperately to each other as the sun rose. Suddenly, he was yanked sharply from my grasp and elevated into the air.

"Angel!" I shouted, my eyes wide with fear. A big ball of pure white light surrounded him, and for a few of the longest seconds ever known to man he was extracted from my gaze. The light slowly faded, as Angel was lowered to the ground again. I bent to the ground, cradling his face.

"Angel?" His eyes popped open, and laughter bubbled in his throat.

"What's so funny?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. He took my hand, and placed it over his chest. I jumped back, my eyes wide.

"Your heart is beating!" I said, stating the obvious.

"Well, duh!" We both spun to see a young girl, about seven years of age, with long, wavy dark brown hair, twinkling green eyes and a grin that no doubt helped her win her way every time with her parents.

"Who are you?" I asked, sliding into a defensive position. Stupid, you may think, against a child, but I've learned the hard way that looks can be deceiving.

"With loves true kiss, the spell shall be complete," she said, ignoring my question.

"Spell?" Angel asked. The girl nodded.

"It's kind of a thank you from the higher beings, for getting rid of the Senior Partners."

"You mean my humanity?" he asked. The girl nodded again.

"Wait, does that make you one of their lowly messengers now or something?" I asked casually, although inside I was dying with curiosity. She laughed.

"Me? A lower being? The world wouldn't exist without me in years to come."

"Who are you then?" I asked again.

"You'll find out in a few years," she answered, disappearing as suddenly as she appeared.

"Weird," I murmured. I shrugged. "Oh well." Angel took me in his arms suddenly, and raced back to my car, with me giggling in his arms all the way. I sighed, as I settled more comfortably in the back seat. Now, this is the way it should be, I thought before all thoughts floated away in bliss.

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