Rating: PG 15
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Distribution: yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAH!
Setting: s5 Buffy/ S2 Angel
AN: Again, special thanks to Janice! You rock girl!

It's all so far away now, unreal.

I ache all over - subtle after effects of the poison still lingers through me...

The Scoobies are here. They worry so much about me now, I feel it.

That's all that I can feel. Everything is so far away in my mind, locked up.

They weren't even surprised, my acting wasn't as good as I had thought.

I never knew I'd share the same fate as Faith once did - a coma.

I'm floating through despair and emptiness.

* * *

Sometimes they hold my hand, or talk to me, or kiss my forehead.

I don't flinch, I never do.

It feels the same as it did when I was conscious, except now I don't have to put in any effort. I can't, even if I wanted to try, my body won't let me. But I don't want to try, since trying means I would have to go back into that life. The one I don't want.

Blank, bleak and buried.

* * *

A new feeling sifted through my limbs this morning. It slightly resembled hope, or reassurance. He's coming.

My whole body stiffened for a fraction of a second, then fell back into its normal rhythms.

Now my pain has reached out and wrapped around more people. Great, soon the whole world will get sucked in to the whirlwind of pain that is me.

I hurt so many people, and now I can't even hurt myself to save them the pain.

It's kind of ironic, I was supposed to protect them, and now they're protecting me. I don't deserve it.

I'll just drift until he comes, then I know he'll save me. He'll know what to do.

Angel has to pull the plug for me, he's the only one who can.

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