DISCLAIMER: I own nothing everything belongs to Joss Whedon etc
RATING: PG-13 I guess, but I'm no good at this sort of thing.
AUTHORS NOTE: This is a response to a challenge. I don't know who issued it so I hope I got the requirements right! This is not only my first response to a challenge but my first fic too, so I hope you like it!
FEEDBACK: Yes please, and remember: Honesty is the best policy!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just ask.
REQUIREMENTS: B/A is a must. Total Riley humiliation. Oz is back, with Willow... 3 or more of the following:
-slime,
-a 3 toed sloth,
-bubbles (the kind you blow),
-a duckhunt gun,

-a barrel of monkeys (either a game or real, don't care either way),
-a toilet bowl brush,
-pleather (ya know...plastic leather),
-smurfs,
-a sex manual.

Graham looked up in annoyance. Trust the phone to ring just as he was trying to get past the killer barrel of monkeys. Pausing the game he crossed the room and picked up the phone. "Hello." He said. "Oh Buffy it's you. Hang on a sec and I'll get Riley. What? Oh, ok I'll tell him. Bye." Hanging up the phone he glanced longingly at the barrel of monkeys before running upstairs to give Riley the message.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Riley looked up startled. "Riley, it's me can I come in?"

Graham opened the door and stepped into the room. "Buffy called. She said to meet her in the Bronze at 7.30. Ok."

Riley nodded, "Thanks."

"Ok, I gotta get back to my game. I'm at the barrel of monkeys."

"Good luck with that."

Graham smiled and closed the door. Riley reached under his pillow and took out the sex manual again. Tonight is going to be the night, he thought, I'm finally gonna sleep with Buffy. He thought of the outfit he had bought for the occasion. He smiled his fish boy smile. Who could resist me in that? He thought before getting back to memorising everything in the manual.

****

Buffy sat on the bed. It had taken her three hours but she had finally gotten all of the slime out of her hair. Biting her lip she wondered how she was going to tell Riley they were over. That was why she decided to meet him at the Bronze; she just hoped he wouldn't make a scene. The door to the dormopening interrupted her thoughts.

"Hi Buffy," Willow said brightly. "Glad to see you finally got the monster slime out of your hair."

Buffy smiled, "Yup, my hair is now officially slime free."

Willow walked into the room followed by Oz, who was back after his trip, Xander and Anya. Xander was holding a bottle of bubbles in his hand. "Hey Buff," he said, "Look I've got bubbles!"

Buffy smiled, "So I see. Xander, *why* do you have bubbles?"

"I was showing Anya how to blow bubbles." Xander explained, "She didn't know how, can you believe it?"

Buffy shook her head, drifting off again. "Buffy are you ok?" Willow asked in concern.

She looked up startled, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Oz switched on the t.v. "Oh look," Xander squealed, "the smurfs are on."

"The who?" Anya asked in bewilderment.

Xander's eyes widened, "You don't know who the smurfs are?" he asked in disbelief.

"Xander, for the last couple of hundred years I've been a vengeance demon. Vengeance demons don't watch t.v." Anya said, with a touch of annoyance.

"Oh right. Well you can watch them now. Ok see the."

While Xander babbled about the smurfs, Willow sat beside Buffy on the bed. "Are you still breaking up with Riley?" she asked gently.

Buffy nodded. "Will, he nearly got us killed today. He brought a duckhunt gun to kill it."

"A duckhunt gun!" Willow said in disbelief, "Didn't you tell him.?"

"Yes," Buffy interrupted, "I told him but he insisted on bringing the gun. I mean come on a *duckhunt* gun. Who is that stupid? Besides. Angel called me today."

"WHAT!?!" Willow shrieked with excitement. The others turned and looked at her. "Sorry," she said sheepishly, "Girl talk."

Looking slightly puzzled they turned back to the t.v. Willow turned back to Buffy, "What did he say?"

She smiled remembering their conversation. "His curse is permanent and he wants to get back together."

"Oh my God!" Willow said, this time remembering to keep her voice down. "So you're getting back together with him?"

"I think so." Seeing Willow's puzzled face she explained, "I mean he wants to and God knows I want to but we need to talk so."

"What?" Willow asked noticing Buffy expression. Turning around she saw the reason. Xander was staring transfixed at the t.v. as a giant toilet bowl brush danced around the screen.

"Xander, what are you watching?" Buffy asked.

Xander managed to tear himself away from the dancing toilet brush long enough to mumble, "T.v." Then he was lost again in the world of dancing toilet brushes.

Buffy sighed and turned back to Willow. "Guess I deserved that." She said.

******

Several hours later Buffy was finally ready. It had taken her hours to find the perfect outfit but she had done it. "Now for the finishing touch," she whispered, taking her chain off. Taking her 'wedding ring' off the chain she slipped onto its rightful place. Her third finger on her left hand. As she put it on she remembered the night he had given it to her. She smiled at the memory. Turning around she quickly glanced into the mirror. Perfect, she thought.

"Wow Buffy you look amazing!" Willow said, walking into the room. "What time is Angel arriving?"

"I'm not sure. He said he'd meet us at the Bronze when he got here."

"The Bronze? Buffy are you sure that's a good idea, Riley will be there."

"Will, if things go the way I want them to, Angel and I won't be at the Bronze long; we'll be doing other. stuff somewhere else," Buffy said, smiling at the thought.

Willow laughed. "What happened to just *talking*. She enquired.

"Yeah, I thought about that but then I realised we have the rest of our lives to talk and..."

Walking past the window Willow did a double take. "Buffy is that a 3 toed sloth in that tree?"

Buffy walked over to the window. "I thought 3 toed sloth's were extinct."

"No," Willow said shaking her head. "If they were extinct why would there be one sitting in that tree? Do you think it's evil?"

"I dunno," Buffy said. Then she looked out the window. "Are you an evil, demonic 3 toed sloth?" she asked. She waited a moment and then turned back to Willow, "I don't think it's evil. Are you ready to go?"

Willow nodded and the two girls left.

******

A short while later they were sitting at their favourite table in the Bronze. Willow waved to Oz who was setting up on stage.

Buffy smiled at Willow. She's so in love with Oz, Buffy thought, I miss Angel. Her heart raced with excitement when she remembered she would be with him soon.

******

Angel walked into the Bronze. His eyes raked the crowd looking for her. He knew she was here he could feel her presence. His eyes finally came to rest on her familiar form. He stood there for a minute gazing at her. God how he had missed her, but soon he would have her again. He started to walk towards her but stopped when he saw her boyfriend walking towards the table. She had told him she was going to break up with him tonight. Angel looked at his outfit in disbelief. Did this guy have any dress sense whatsoever? He stood back into the shadows waiting for Buffy's reaction; this was one thing he did not want to miss.

*****

Willow picked up her coffee. Taking a sip she glanced around the Bronze. Where's Riley? She wondered idly. Then she caught sight of him pushing through the crowd. When she saw his trousers she choked.

Buffy looked at her in alarm, "Will, are you ok?" Nodding violently she pointed towards Riley. Turning her head she saw him and his trousers. Buffy started to laugh. When Riley reached them Buffy had tears streaming down her face.

"Buffy are you ok?" Riley asked.

Buffy nodded, desperately trying to hide her giggles. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Riley gestured to his lilac pleather trousers, "Do you like them?" he asked hopefully.

Willow, seeing Buffy's face turn a deep shade of crimson, quickly asked Riley why he chose that particular outfit.

Riley grinned stupidly, "Well I look really good in pleather, as you can see." Buffy's face went purple. "And lilac brings out my eyes." At that Buffy couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. Riley looked at her. "Buffy are you sure you're ok?"

"She's just laughing at. a joke. she heard earlier," Willow said. Then changing the subject she said, "So Riley why didn't you just buy leather?"

Riley instantly grew serious, "Do you know where leather comes from Willow? Cows, that's where. If I wore leather it would be like I was wearing Daisy." Seeing Willow's puzzled look he added, "My favourite cow. You should come over to the house sometime and I'll show you my pictures."

In the meantime Buffy had calmed down. "Riley I have to tell you something."

Riley took her hand, "Buffy you can tell me anything."

Removing her hand from his she said, "Riley, you've been really nice to me. You've taught me how to milk a cow, and a goat and how to groom a horse; and for that I'll be *eternally* grateful but. there's someone else. He's gorgeous, he wears *leather* not *pleather*, he buys me jewellery not books on the many ways to milk a cow, and I. I love him."

"You. you're breaking up with me?" Riley said in disbelief.

Buffy nodded, and accidentally dropped a napkin onto the floor. Riley bent down to get it. RRRRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPPPP.

Riley stood up, his pleather trousers in a heap on the floor. Buffy took one look at his 'I luv cows' boxers and burst out laughing again. Hearing the rip, everyone in the Bronze turned and seeing Riley's boxers, they all started to laugh. Riley's face turned several shades of red before he turned and ran out of the Bronze. Angel watched him leave, an evil smirk on his face. Stepping out of the shadows he made his way over to Buffy's table.

*******

Buffy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Angel's here, she thought immediately. Turning around she saw him moving towards her table. Smiling she noticed he was wearing leather. Real leather, not*pleather*, she thought with satisfaction. When he reached them she stood up. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he echoed. Stepping closer he wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you," he said softly.

"I missed you too." Buffy said, hugging him tightly.

"Hi Angel," Willow said, when they had released each other.

"Hi Willow." Angel said, wrapping his arm around Buffy's waist. "I see Oz is back." He said, pointing to the stage where the Dingos were playing.

Willow nodded happily. "He came back a few months ago."

Buffy gestured towards the remains of Riley's trousers. "I suppose you saw what happened," she said, giggling at the memory.

Angel nodded, a whisper of a smile on his face. "Yes, it was very amusing." Looking at the door he turned back to Buffy, "We should probably go see if he's ok."

"Why wouldn't he be ok?" Buffy asked.

"When I came in there was a very hungry vampire outside. I would have killed her but I. I just couldn't wait to see you."

Buffy's heart melted at his words. "Well we should go anyway. We need to. talk about. stuff." She said grinning mischievously.

Angel nodded vigorously. "Yeah, we should go. talk about. stuff."

"Bye Will." Buffy said as Angel dragged away.

******

Outside the Bronze Buffy looked at Riley's corpse with disgust. "To think I used to like this guy," she said shuddering at the thought of his lips on hers. "Wow, that vampire was really hungry, huh." Buffy said, gesturing towards the corpse. "There isn't a drop of blood left."

"Yeah," Angel said, walking over to the dumpster. Reaching in he pulled out the now full vampire. "Kate, Kate, Kate," Angel said shaking his head, "Didn 't your father ever tell you it's wrong to eat people?"

Kate smiled, game face on, "Angel I'm a vampire now. We can finally be together."

Angel laughed viciously. Pulling out a stake, he drove it through her heart. Seeing the look on Buffy's face, he explained, "Wannabe girlfriend."

"Oh," she said, looking at Riley's corpse again.

Angel wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Kissing her lightly he picked her up and put her gently into his car. "Forget about him," he said, getting in beside her.

"Forget about who?" she asked innocently. Angel grinned and drove to the mansion as fast as he could.

********

In the Bronze Oz sat beside Willow. "So she picked Angel, huh?" he asked.

Willow nodded. "Angel's the real thing, Riley was just an imitation. A poor one at that."

Oz smiled thoughtfully, "I guess it was a choice between pleather or leather."

Willow rolled her eyes and smiled slightly at her boyfriend's awful attempt at a joke. Life was finally good again for everybody (except for Riley and Kate who burned in the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity).

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