Disclaimer: *sign* I don't own anything and never will. Happy now?
Summary: Buffy's POV as she is killing herself after Graduation day.
Feedback: Send it and I will love you.
Author's notes: Hmm. I know that I will never ever write this kinda stuff again, so don't kill me because of it.
Dedication: To my best friends and twins, Satu and Taru. You always back me up, whatever I decide to do, not thinking how stupid it is. And besides, we have the coolest names! (They all mean the same thing..) Love ya! And every single B/A shipper down there. I love you, all of you. Don't forget that we are absolutely the best fans that they can ever get!
Rating: This is not NC-17, but I don't think that it is G either, so I don't really know what it is...

Don't leave me, there's no way I'm going to live after that. I'm slowly dying inside. If you would just once look straight through my eyes, you would see it, the pain. I'm rotting, my soul screams through the night, it is broken and it's dying. Please just kill me.... Someone could just throw a knife through me. Please, somebody just put it through me. Kill me, please! Just kill me, it's less pain than the one you put me through when you said you're leaving. I'm dying, can't you see that?

We, or I, promised always forever. Always. Where did that forever go?

It didn't matter to me. You were my light in the dark. You were the reason why I kept fighting. When now I don't have you, what is the reason for me to fight anymore? And why? I can save the world hundred times, but without you, it's not worth it. I don't get anything from it, because you don't exist anymore in my world. You left it behind when left me.

You said that you did it because of me. Yeah, there's a great lie! You did it because yourself, you were afraid. Afraid to even look at me, because you didn't want to love me. And when you did, we became one. That was the part of us that really was forever, is forever. It will never fade. And that is the one thing why I'm going to kill myself.

Because I know that you can feel it too, when I put this knife through me and kill myself, you can feel it.. You feel like you would be really dead. And you will die with me. That's what I want, because then we can be together, even if it was in death. Some people say that until death threw us apart, but with us, it will throw us together.

Killing myself isn't hard. It's one of the many things that I have always knew that I would someday do. It really isn't that hard. Hard part is, that I don't really know if you love me anymore. Because you always had that love in your eyes, but what if it died when you walked away. But if it did, this is still the only way. Because if I can't be with you, I don't wanna be with anyone else either. Because everytime that I would look into his eyes, they wouldn't be yours. They wouldn't be these beautiful dark pools where I would want to drown myself into.

So, killing myself is really the only way I can go on. You wanted me to go on. This is my way to go on.

That wasn't something that I thought I would *really* send to anyone. Please don't hang me because of my spelling mistakes. By the way, was that poem or really, really sappy POV fic? You tell me... And that was my first, so, be gentle! Oh gods, that was so crabby! And I don't really think that Buffy should do a suicide, but I'm just going all sad, because here the Graduation days are coming soon and I'm already crying because of it and babling so I should just stop. Oh, well, practise (and feedback) makes perfect, right? So, feed me please!

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