Alright, so I feel the need to explain this fic. Here's where the idea came from. I read a fic a while back that dealt with this issue, and for some reason while I was in the shower I started thinking about it, and this idea came into my mind. So this is the product. I was thinking about the mentalities involved, and I think I came to a new understanding of Buffy's character, and how she reacted to Riley's leaving.
Also, for those of you wondering what's going on with "Reconciliation, Shanshu, and Roswell, New Mexico," it's coming along nicely....I'm not stopping writing that fic, but I just had to write this one too.
Finally, to everybody who emailed me with luck on exams and hoping I felt better, good news on both fronts. Exams are over, they went pretty well, and I finally found out why I've been feeling like crap for the past three weeks. I've got pneumonia. They put me on an antibiotic, and I feel better already, but that's what was wrong, thanks for everybody's concern. Now on to the fic.
Timeline: My alternate reality - - in the episode when Riley leaves, Buffy actually catches him and makes him stay. This takes place after that episode.
Relationships: B/R for a while; B/A in the end (you guys know me, of course it's B/A)
Rating: R for thematic reasons, there's no sex, but if you're afraid of angst, then steer clear, this is kinda dark.

"Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is"

*****

It all started a week after Riley almost left. Buffy caught him at the last minute, told him that she loved him, that she was sorry she had been selfish, and to please not leave. So he stayed, but he was different.

He had the control in the relationship, and he wouldn't let her do anything without his permission. At every chance he took the opportunity to remind her that the military still wanted him, and that he would pick up and leave in a minute, if she didn't keep him there.

So she let him. She let him do whatever he wanted, just as long as he stayed with her. She knew that he loved her, he told her so. All she had to do was whatever he wanted, and that wasn't really too much, was it?

"The military still wants me, Buffy," he reminded her for about the fiftieth time that week.

"I know. I'm sorry Riley," she had come home late from patrol tonight, and he was angry. She didn't mean to make him mad, it was her sacred duty. She had to patrol.

"You know better than to make me upset like that. You know what happens when you piss me off."

"I know. I'm sorry Riley. I'll never do it again."

"You say that every time. You say you'll stop, then you never do. I think you're lying to me, Buffy."

"No. I'm not. Just don't -"

"SHUT UP, BITCH!" he struck her. "Don't interrupt me."

"Riley, please-"

He continued to rain down punches on her...bruising her arms, her chest and her face. When she was about to pass out from the pain, he stopped.

"Oh, God. You know you shouldn't piss me off like that. You're supposed to tell me when you go out. I need to know these things. Buffy I love you, I just need to know where you are. Don't you understand? I need to keep you safe, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what you're doing and where you're going." The run ins with the vampires had gotten to him, changed him. He understood the power that came from control, and he loved it, loved it more than he had ever loved Buffy.

"I'm sorry Riley, so sorry, just don't go....I'm sorry." With that, Buffy slipped into unconsciousness.

That was the first time. The first time he hit her. But it got worse, and Buffy didn't stop him. She didn't have the will to. He loved her, he just had a hard time showing it sometimes. At least that's what she thought...

*****

(Willow's POV)

I didn't notice it at first, it wasn't that I didn't care, we were all busy with our own things. She seemed happy, only Xander knew how close she had come to losing him. Xander told me yesterday, the whole story: that Riley almost left Buffy, that she chased after him and made him stay.

We thought he was good for her. We all did. He was nice...normal. Everything she deserved. But that was before. Before he had his experience with the vampires.

Angel had said something about it before, about the darkness. Few people ever get that close, to touch that power, it's intoxicating, I know. Being a witch is the same way. So Riley got hooked...on the power that is. He got a rush from the vampires, and it didn't go away. That changed him. He started being mean, not to Buffy, not near us at least, but he became distant. He wouldn't come on patrol with us, he'd just go alone and kill. It was hunting, not patrolling, not saving the world, just hunting and killing, he needed it. It gave him the power trip. But I guess that wasn't enough for him after a while.

Then I saw the bruises, I didn't think anything of it. She's the slayer. She fights every night, she's bound to get bruises. It didn't occur to me that they showed up even when she hadn't patrolled the night before. So one night I confronted her about it.

Bad idea.

She froze - wouldn't say anything about it. I could tell she was trying to come up with an excuse...one that would work. I didn't understand it. She's the slayer. She shouldn't have to put up with him beating her. He knows better. He loves her. It didn't make sense to me. So I told Xander, and he told me what had happened.

Now I get it. Buffy will stay with Riley because she can't handle being alone. What was it Angel said once, "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is." That sure is the truth. I went through it with Oz. For months, I felt like I would die. Buffy's been through that three times. First her father, but she got over that quickly, she still saw him. Then there was Angel. That was almost more than she could bear. For a while there I didn't think she was ever going to get over it. Then there was Parker. Though fleeting, that relationship was symbolic of what happens to her. It took her a long time to move on, and if Riley ever left her, I don't think she would survive it.

So she lets him beat her. She's the slayer. She could stop him, but she's afraid that he'll leave her, so she lets him.

I didn't know what to do, so I called Cordy. I didn't want to tell Angel, I wasn't sure if I should, but after the conversation with Cordy, it became clear to me that he needed to know. Cordy told me that he was slipping. He fired them all. He was going off alone to hunt Darla and Drusilla, it wasn't like him.

Then it hit me. Buffy was Angel's salvation - in more ways than one. She kept him sane. Just look at what he's turning into without her. He's becoming more an more like Angelus. He walks a fine line anyway, always having the demon inside of him, but now he's slipping. Without Buffy he has nothing to fight for, there's no reason for him to keep on fighting.

Buffy's the same way. She's not the same person anymore. I think I've known that for a while now, somewhere deep inside I knew that Buffy - the old Buffy - would never mess around with Riley. He's not good enough for her, but without Angel here, she doesn't have a reason to fight Riley. There's no alternate choice for Buffy. It's either stay with Riley or be alone, and she's done that before. Loneliness is the scariest thing there is, and Buffy will do anything to avoid that again.

They need each other, Buffy and Angel do. Without each other, look at what they're doing. Buffy is letting herself be beaten, and Angel is turning to the dark side. So I told Cordy to send Angel to Sunnydale, and she agreed. Nobody else could get through to Buffy, show her that she didn't need to put up with the way Riley was treating her, and nobody else could show Angel that the path he was heading down was destructive.

*****

"Angel, I need to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk, Cordelia."

"I know that, but you don't get a choice anymore. I spoke to Willow earlier, and there's trouble in Sunnydale."

"So what? I've got my own trouble to deal with. Let Buffy deal with the problems in Sunnydale. She doesn't need me anymore, she's happy with her new boyfriend."

"The problem is her new boyfriend."

"What do you mean?"

"Riley beats her."

He just stared at her, shocked.

"She doesn't stop him, because she's afraid that he'll leave her, like you did."

"That's not my fault."

"Yes it is. You need her. Look at yourself, you're pathetic. You chase after Darla and Drusilla night after night, but you won't bring yourself to kill them. Why not? Huh? Do you want to be evil again? Do you ever want to become human? I don't think so. I don't think that you even want to become human. And you know why? Because you are alone. Or you think that you are. We care about you. Wesley, Gunn and I do. But that isn't enough for you, that never has been. You miss her, and she needs you. Go to her. Maybe if you two are together then you'll finally be strong enough to stop them, cause you're sure as hell not getting anything done alone, neither of you are. Buffy isn't fighting anymore, she's not doing anything. He controls her, and she lets him."

"I can't hear this."

"Yes you can. You have to! You came to LA to help people, and you're not. You've been like this for a month, and how many times could you have ended it? Every other night you come close enough to kill them, but you never do. You don't have anything to live for anymore. You two are made to be together, without you, she's nothing; and look at yourself, you're becoming more and more like Angelus every day. So don't say anything else to me. I packed some clothes for you. Here are your keys. Go to her, save her from him. Be her knight in shining armor. Show her that she deserves more, take her in your arms and make love to her like you should have been doing since last Thanksgiving when the PTB gave you your soul back as permanent. You could have been with her since then, but you're too pig-headed to admit it. So go now, don't say another word. You need her. Go."

*****

Angel spent the entire car trip to Sunnydale trying to calm himself down. He didn't know where to find her, and he was near snapping - fangs but no ridges. He didn't know where to go, so he went to Willow's apartment.

"Where is she?" He snarled, ripping the door off its hinges.

Willow knew immediately who he meant, and she knew better than to get in his way. "At Riley's apartment," she answered quickly, letting Angel go quickly without getting in his way.

*****

"God Buffy, you did it again. Are you cheating on me with him? Are you?"

"No. Of course not, I'm sorry Riley, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I think you're lying to me again. I think you're sleeping with him."

"No....I'm not....I'm sorry..."

Riley raised his arm to hit her, and she closed her eyes. Before his arm actually got to her though, Angel burst through the door and snapped Riley's arm in half.

"Never touch her again."

"She's mine. I'll do with her as I please."

"She's not yours anymore, and if you come near her again, I will kill you." With that, Angel picked up Buffy and carried her off, fully intending upon taking her back to the mansion and beating some sense into her if he needed to.

*****

"God Buffy, are you ok? " Angel asked, worried now.

"Angel? Is that really you?" She asked, afraid to believe that he was really there. She couldn't believe that he was back, it had been so long.

"Yes Buffy, It's me. I'm here to stay. I'm never going to let him touch you again."

"But he loves me."

"No he doesn't. If he loved you, he could never hit you like that."

"You don't understand. He does love me. He tells me so every day. And he's never going to leave me. I have to get back to him. He'll be mad if I don't go back."

"You're not going anywhere. You are never going back to him. I'm so sorry that I drove you to him. He doesn't deserve you, he never did. You're too good for him, you're too good for anyone. I don't deserve you either, but if you'll take me back, then I'm here to stay. I love you Buffy, I always have, and Cordy just made me understand that I need you here with me. I need you to be with me. I'm nothing without you. For the past month I've been fighting every night, but I haven't killed a single vampire. It's like I don't have a reason to fight anymore. I can't fight without you there. I need you with me. I'm going to come home. To you. To Sunnydale. I'm going to come back here and stay with you, if you'll take me back."

"Angel? Is it true? You're not going to leave me again?"

"No baby, I'm not going anywhere ever again." With that, he lay her down on the bed next to him and proceeded to show her exactly how much she meant to him.

Please send me feedback, I'm really wondering how everybody reacted to this. I know it's dark, but please let me know what you think, even if you hated it.

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