Rating: PG
Improv #21: Happy ending
Disclaimer: The diary and its writer are mine. Oh, and Brandon the Brat, and Leo. The rest are not.
Author's Notes: Quite possibly the closest to a silly fic I have ever written. Enjoy.
Dedication: To everyone I have ever made sad. Especially Marilda. No need to yell :D

5/17/32 - 4:37 p.m.

Why does the world never end when I want it to?

It's not a frivolous question. I mean, the world has to be in danger of ending a good part of the time. Judging by the number of apocalypses Mom claims to have stopped during her like six years as Official World Saver (aka Slayer), it can't be that hard to get one going. Dad got a bunch too, in like sixteen years on the job in LA. So I know it could happen. At any moment we could just KABOOM blow up. Or worse. I don't know why my parents tell me these things. Like I don't have enough on my mind. Anyway.

Oh yeah . . . So the world could end any time. Why doesn't it happen at a good time?????? Say, when Leo walked over at lunch and asked me if I wanted to hang out some time and I just sat there, my mouth opening and closing like a goddamned FISH!

I am such an idiot.

Ugh. I really could have used an apocalypse then. Just a little one.

Or now. Mom's car was in the garage, so I figured he'd come home early to make dinner or something (Mom cooking . . . scary . . .) So I come inside. Neither of the 'rents are anywhere to be found. Up the stairs, dread growing . . . And sure enough, the shower is on. There are sounds coming from it. My parents are so gross.

5/17/32 - 5:45 p.m.

I know they're not normal. I've accepted that. My mother was once a Vampire Slayer (THE Vampire Slayer, until she died. The first time). That's fine. It's even kinda cool. My father was once an actual, non-living, non-breathing vampire. OK by me. My mother died, twice, once for an extended period of time, and was brought back, the second time new and improved (well, if you think losing a sacred duty is improved). Great. They couldn't sleep together for the first twenty years of their acquaintance cause if they did Dad would lose his soul. Even better. If only if had lasted . . .

I am remarkably okay with all their freakish baggage. I'm practically a saint. But I draw the line at joint showers in the middle of the day. For God's sake, every other married couple on the face of the planet doesn't even have sex! And they have to do it the middle of the DAY??????

It's so wrong. So very, very wrong. All I ask is for them to be like any other middle-aged couple. Boring. Sexually apathetic. Comfortably non-romantic with their chosen life partner. Is that too much? I mean really. Everyone else's parents do it, and they weren't even supernatural freaks in a previous lifetime!

It took them an hour to get out of the shower, and then they were all giggly and stuff. Shudder.

5/17/32 - 8:19 p.m.

HE CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brandon the Brat picked up the phone and started yelling about how I had a booooooooyfriend nand he didn't know why any guy would look twice at me. Dad (cooking, thankfully) bopped him on the head, stole the phone, and gave it to me without a word (just one of his looks, like I couldn't tell . . .)

Leo still wants to go out with me! I managed to talk this time, even a little subtle flirting. EEEEEEEKKKK!!!!!!! We're going to a movie Friday night. My life is perfect. I'm floating. Everything is wonderful. SO GLAD the world didn't end!

Mom and Dad are cuddling on the couch, all lovey-dovey, watching TV. You'd think he just turned human or something. Hello, been having sex for seventeen years, as evidenced by ME! You can stop now!!!!

5/17/32 - 11:58 p.m.

They're making noise again. Kill me, kill me now.

But bring me back, new and improved, for my date please . . .

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