Part 17

Buffy sat back down on her bed and clutched her legs to her body. She trembled and wished she'd gotten that dreaded Anya/Anyanka girl to tell her the whole story. Or at least tell her in more detail. She was so full of questions that she was sure she was near bursting. She wiped away a few of her runaway tears as they broke free from her eyes of their own volition.

She pressed her head to her knees and clutched her metal cross and prayed to God that what Anya had said was untrue. That she was lying just to get to her. But her reasoning got away from her and pointed out that that theory wouldn't make sense, especially since she just happened to be in possession of the necklace and, at times, lived such a charmed life that she wondered if it were all a very realistic dream-okay, a very *long* realistic dream that would disprove the common theory that pain couldn't be felt in the dreaming state.

**No wonder all this crap has been going on in the past few months...like what happened with Riley. Oh, and I'm gonna kill Jennifer. I swear, I see people hiding in cars with tinted windows all over the place. All good things come to an end, right?**

"Buffy?"

She looked up and saw Angel standing in her doorway, breathless yet barely breaking a sweat. She didn't respond, only shifting aside to make room for him to sit down next to her.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" He closed the door behind him and sat down next to her. He spoke in a concerned tone of voice and tried desperately to catch her gaze. She just looked down at her hands and bit her lip nervously.

"You'll think I'm crazy or weird or something," she whispered uncertainly.

Angel sighed and knelt in front of her and looked straight into her distraught eyes. He brought his thumb up to her face to wipe away the fresh tear on her cheek. Buffy smiled at him in return and fidgeted with her hands. Angel rested his hands over hers to stop them moving and said, "You can tell me. I won't think you're weird. Never."

"No, you'll go all Noel and Ben on me and think I'm schizophrenic or something."

Angel's face scrunched up in puzzlement. "Not following."

"In the last season of Felicity, Megan did a spell on Felicity to make her go back in time. It worked and then she tried to tell Noel and Ben what had happened, but they thought she'd gone schizo. They even looked up the symptoms on the Net and admitted her into a hospital," Buffy explained, but Angel struggled to keep up.

"So...what was it that you're trying to tell me?"

"Well, you know Anya, right?"

Buffy told him everything that had happened. It'd only been a few minutes ago, but it felt like the issue had been resting on her shoulders (not to mention, her thoughts) for hours. It seemed like it took an eternity with all the little questions he kept asking, but she finally got the message through.

"So, do you think I'm crazy?"

Angel gulped. He hadn't been expecting to hear what she'd told him. How in another life he was supposed to have been a vampire with a soul and she was a vampire slayer in love with him. It explained a lot, but he still had questions. Lots of questions. "No, I don't. It explains the déjà vu and how I felt so strongly for you when I first met you. How you manage to be so smart. How you're so perfect."

"Now isn't the time for flattery. Especially when I don't even know what's real and what's there because of my wish. I don't even know if Buffy is my real name," she was close to wailing in distress. "Not that it's such a great name anyway." She collapsed into his strong arms and they fell backwards from the force of her projection onto the hard ground at the end of her bed.

**Uh-oh. Awkward situation.**

Buffy got up, allowing Angel to sit up as well. He ran a hand through his hair. "So...do you have a reply or is it gonna be one of the awkward silence things?" Buffy self-consciously fixed up her clothes and folded her arms over her chest so as to hide herself from his view. No need to make an already awkward enough situation even more awkward than it already was.

Angel sat down next to her, leaning against the side of her bed. He took one of her hands in both of his and held on tight. "I'm real," he said and tucked a bunch of loose hair behind her ear. "You're real. Does it really matter if it's real? It's real to you and me and everyone else. You *really* went through everything to get to where you are now. Your life isn't a sham. You lived through it and worked hard to get where you are now." Angel gently took her chin and turned her head to face him. He was mesmerised by her eyes; they told him all of her thoughts.

She wanted to accept what he'd said to her. It made sense, but it didn't seem right. It was almost as if she was cheating or won a rigged lottery or something. Yet she still wanted to believe and accept his words. She *did* work hard all her life. She'd lost friends because she chose to follow her budding singing career. It hadn't always been a smooth ride to fame.

"It might sound out of the blue, but...I love you."

Buffy was snapped out of her thoughts. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

Angel brought his other hand up to touch her cheek. It felt real to both of them-Angel felt the silken skin beneath his fingertips twitch at the warmth they brought to her cheek-there was no denying it. Without replying, he pulled her to him and took her lips in an agonisingly slow, yet passionate, kiss.

Buffy couldn't stand it anymore. She didn't want to go all safe and slow anymore. Sham or no sham, she wanted him with every inch of her being and she wasn't about to wait for a moment to come up as perfect as this, even though they were sitting on her cold bedroom floor and she had traces of ruined mascara on her cheeks. She wrapped both arms around his neck to bring him closer and for a more passionate and fervent kiss. Her heart sped up with anticipation as Angel responded with an equal amount of ferocity.

She inched her way into her lap and entwined herself with him, taking every measure to make sure they were as close together as they could possibly be and that no even a wisp of sunlight could pass between them. She pressed her body against his wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing herself even closer to him.

Angel ran his hands over her back and played with the ends of her silky golden hair. It felt so right, being there with her, and sharing whatever feelings they had between them. She had yet to return his loving sentiment, but he was sure that he didn't need to hear it to know that she felt the same way.

His hands trailed southward and wandered to her round, firm ass and taking a seemingly effortless heave, had them standing and falling down onto her bed a split-second later. He pulled away from her kiss to admire her fully. He couldn't imagine how he could ever have thought so little of her in the beginning. Just another teen popstar-a teenybopper if you will. But she had proved him wrong. She was beautiful, witty, easygoing, even smart; and above all else, she was the woman he had come to fall in love with.

Angel leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Are you sure about this?"

Buffy looked up into his eyes and spoke with an unwavering voice. "Surer than I've ever been or ever will be."

Angel woke up later and found several bare limbs entangled with his own. Smiling down at the owner of said limbs, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and checked for the time on the clock sitting next to her bed. It was still early-only 8 o'clock. They hadn't fallen asleep for too long; luckily. He was still incredibly tired, however, what with all the horizontal tango he and Buffy had engaged in.

Buffy turned away from him in her sleep and felt the absence of Angel pressed against her skin. Unconsciously, she wriggled backwards until they were pressed together once more and grabbed one of his hands to drape over her waist. She let out a soft sigh and snuggled into the pillows.

Angel restrained a laugh and began drawing delicate circles on the smooth skin of her belly. She quickly woke up, squealing at the sensation. "Stop! I'm ticklish!"

"Oh, are you now?" Angel teased, not letting up his gentle torture. He moved his tickling fingers agonisingly slowly upwards and crept under her body to her back. He lifted her into a sitting position and kissed her with a giddy smile plastered on his face.

"I hope it isn't late," Buffy said worriedly. "Giles could catch us. He'd chuck a spaz and call my parents and tell them that he found me naked and in bed with an incredibly gorgeous guy. I don't think it'd bode well with my parents."

"However, I don't think Giles would describe me as gorgeous," Angel said in amusement while his wandering fingers fidgeted with the soft ends of her now slightly-messy hair.

"I realise that. But that's how *I'd* describe you." Buffy inched closer to him and sat in his lap, "Besides, you're my hottie and mine alone. I can't have Giles or any old bimbo saying that you're incredibly gorgeous."

"Not even my sister?"

"You don't have a sister."

"What about your sister then?"

"She doesn't count."

"Fine. You win."

"Do I get a prize?" Buffy asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and a suggestive look on her face.

"Of course," Angel replied, pulling her lips into a kiss. And into another...and another...and another. He struggled to pull away from the tantalising warmth of his girlfriend but eventually succeeded when Buffy decided that she was out of oxygen.

"I should really...go now," he said, panting heavily.

"I agree-you should go or...I'm gonna do something really irresponsible and get myself into a big mess," she agreed, moving away from him to turn on a bedside lamp.

Angel just nodded and began to search for his clothes, which had been strewn in amongst hers and tangled within the bed sheets.

Buffy tried not to sneak herself a peek but couldn't help herself when he bent over to look for his shoes under a chair in the corner. Quickly realising what she'd done, she darted beneath the covers until Angel gave her the okay.

"You know, it's all right to want to look."

"Yeah, but it'll remove the temptation." Buffy grinned as Angel approached her and gave a fiery kiss, regardless.

"I'll just...duck out the window," Angel said, gesturing to the window Buffy had snuck out months ago after her nightmare. He hopped out and was gone a minute later.

Buffy sighed and smoothed back her hair, falling back against her pillows. Not ten seconds later, Angel found his way to the side of her bed and dropping another kiss to her forehead.

"Happy five-month anniversary," he whispered and was once again out the window.

Buffy bit her lip to keep herself from giddy giggling that she could feel coming on. She couldn't hold it back and threw herself under the covers to muffle the sound of her laughter. Also, she had no wish to be caught giggling half covered in bed with no clothes on, mussed hair and twisted bedding. It would be awful suspicious.

Hopping out of bed, she pulled on whatever clothes she could find and scampered off to find the bathroom. She had no wish to wash away the remnants of what she'd just done as if she regretted it, but the small trail of blood on her thigh was going to be...messy, if not taken care of soon. Unlike her other suspicious problems, this wouldn't be as easy to explain away. **Fuck! I'm not a virgin anymore. How weird is that? Woah. Be kind, rewind. I just lost my virginity. And it just occurred to me that I didn't tell him I loved him, too. Ah, very smart Buffy...very smart.**

Buffy shook her head regretfully as she twisted the handles of her shower. **I'll tell him when the time is right.**

Part 18

Buffy reluctantly pulled out several suitcases from her wardrobe and started to pull out clothes from all over the place...just as reluctantly. **Would it kill Giles to let me know a while *beforehand*?** She grumbled. She would away from Sunnydale for over a fortnight and she was being forced to be around stuffy old Giles-however nice he was, he just couldn't take the place of friends (or Angel)-Gunn and, every so often, bits of her family. She was going to Los Angeles again, not because she wanted to visit her family (which she made a habit of doing every other weekend), but because *Lilah* was pestering her about doing some publicity so that her presence wouldn't fall down the proverbial rabbit hole.

Buffy desperately wanted to stay at home-after all, it was going to be their 8 month anniversary soon and graduation shortly after she came back. No missing of finals, much to her disappointment.

Nine months was a long time, Buffy stopped to ponder it. **Eight months is, like, two-thirds of a year... It's almost as unbelievable as how I long it's taking to tell Angel that I love him.** Buffy huffed as she recalled how badly-timed every single time she'd tried had been. Once, they had been at Angel's and she'd started to tell him right after another round of sex-at the exact time that Spike had bellowed, "Are you two finally finished shagging yet?" just outside the bedroom door.

That particular occurrence had been about a month and a half ago, and it was still embarrassing to remember. Everyone barged in upon hearing Spike's shouting, including Angel's parents, Faith, Spike, one of the maids and even the dog.

Another time, she'd been interrupted by a waiter who'd asked what kind of sauce she'd like with her lobster, another had been halted when a streaker jumped the fence to her home and wouldn't stop throwing himself against the window, and again when Dawn skipped into the room and joked about her being all "kissy-faced", just to annoy her. It was bordering on being annoying. Maybe she'd fall down the stairs next time or get sneezed on by a man with the Ebola virus. They would make fabulous interruptions as well; nice and deadly.

She pulled a case out from her vanity table and started filling it with things from her drawers-mostly makeup and hair accessories and other such toiletries. She threw it into one of her suitcases and moved onto packing some jewellery and her phone charger. After all, she was going to have to charge her phone after calling Angel for hours on end and telling him how much she missed him and loved him.

She picked up a couple of other things from her wardrobe and slammed all her suitcases closed. Giles told her this morning that they would leave this afternoon-always so kind and considerate of the needs of other people, he was.

**Oh well, at least maybe I can finally pay Jennifer a visit. I've put it off for long enough.** She hurried down the stairs and raided the kitchen cupboards for a few snacks to bring with her on the trip-Oreos, assorted lollies and other (much healthier) snack foods. She threw them haphazardly into a backpack and loaded a few CDs in with her Discman and hopped into the waiting car.

"Gunn? Is my stuff in the car?"

"Umm...what's the rush?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and a suspicious tone.

"Oh, it's just that the sooner I see Lilah, the sooner I can punch her face in," Buffy shrugged. "Or at least yell at her, cos I think she'd be too tall for me to punch properly."

"Uh-huh. I see," he nodded, not sounding at all as if he meant it. "Upset about having to leave lover boy all on his lonesome with a town full of pretty girls?"

"No," she replied sharply. "There's no one in Sunnydale to meet anyway. There aren't any pretty girls around and I'm not as paranoid as you seem to think I am. I'm just going to miss him." Buffy folded her hands in her lap and gave Gunn a wary look. "And don't you dare tell Giles about him. He'll freak and he'll blame you."

"No he won't."

"Fine, he won't, but he might and could."

"Sure, sure, whatever, Buffy. Your bags are all in the trunk and the old guy's bringing his own stuff down so I guess we're stuck here for another five or six hours," Gunn joked, pretending to casually inspect his fingernails as he spoke.

She punched him playfully in the arm, "He's not that bad you know. I happen to like Giles and I think he's a good father-ish figure to me."

"Uh-huh. And caterpillars have legs."

"Gunn, caterpillars *do* have legs."

"Really? Oops."

*****

"Okay. You have 4 magazine interviews and 3 television interviews," Lilah went through a list of things in her notebook and stabbed a pen next to each item as she told Buffy about them. "And don't argue. You're in high demand right now and I intend for you to take full advantage of it. Especially since you intend to record a new album over the summer and have it released. I know you and I know that you want it to be successful even after such a long break from the industry."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all this. Just get to the bit where I can huff and stalk off because I feel inconvenienced," Buffy said is as much of a bored tone as she could manage. It was boring, but it was necessary. One of those things that you hated having to do but had to do anyway. Like cleaning your room or doing homework. **ESPECIALLY cleaning my room. I swear, I don't even know how it can get so messy. It's not my fault.**

"Uh, Lilah, how long do you expect this to take?" Giles butted in.

Lilah flipped through a few of the files spread out on her desk and pursed her lips. Her eyebrows went up slightly, Buffy noticed, and her frown turned into a smile. "No need to worry. We'll have her back in time for graduation."

"I better be. Or else you can consider yourself fired," Buffy bit out and slumped into an armchair with her arms folded over her chest.

Lilah was taken aback and shuffled through the files again, "Okay, then, as long as it goes smoothly and we don't have any hitches, deaths, or accidents, I'm sure you'll make it. Is that better?"

Buffy didn't like the woman...but she was good at what she did.

*****

"So she hasn't said the three little words yet, is that what you're worried about?" Willow asked Angel as soon as their maths lesson was over. Only so much could be said when passing notes behind the back of their maths teacher. It was almost as if he had eyes in the back of his head and sound bugs disguised as pieces of gum stuck under the desks.

"No," Angel grunted in reply. He was missing Buffy already and she'd only been gone for two days. She'd called him just before she'd started packing and had said that she wished he could come along. She'd called him both days she was gone as well and had assured him that she was fine and that she was going to be back in time for both prom and graduation.

"No she hasn't or no she has?" Willow crinkled her eyebrows together in confusion. She'd assumed that Buffy had told him already-they were all over each other all the time and were jaded whenever they were together-it was love with a big L.

"Uh...the first one?"

"So she hasn't... What do you think she feels?"

"Most of the time, she seems to feel the same way I do about her. The rest of the time, it's like she's guilty about being with me, wary of getting close to me in public. Sometimes it's as if she's just about to admit to something, but stops herself at the last minute... I dunno. I'm confused," Angel shook his head in defeat. He loved her, of that he was sure, but did she love him?

"Well, have you considered other reasons for her behaviour?" Willow suggested.

"What? Like that she's cheating on me?"

"No! Not that. She'd never cheat on you. Remember, she's been cheated on before," Willow pointed out, pausing briefly to hit the locker door with her fist, causing it to spring open. "Maybe she's treading carefully, or taking it slow, or wary of being hurt, or worried about the whole deal with the fame and all that. There are *heaps* of reasons why she could be stalling. And hey, maybe she wants to tell you but doesn't ever have the guts to say it."

"...I guess you're right...but I could never see Buffy not having the guts to say something."

"Hey everyone," Xander jumped into the conversation, surprising both Willow and Angel and causing them both to jump. "What's the what? Am I missing any juicy gossip? Is Mr BigShot here kicked out of the swim team or something?"

"Dream on, Xander," Angel snorted.

"Hey, it's not my fantasy. Just my odd new obsession. Angel? In the swim team? Who'd have thought?"

"I don't see *you* having groupies."

"Hey, no bickering. You do it all the time and th-there just comes a point wh-when a person just wants to explode because...just because," Willow...exploded. She had her fists clenched and her arms held stiffly at her sides.

Angel and Xander nodded, fearing the fury that lurked within her posture.

"Good."

"He started it," Xander muttered under his breath.

"Did not."

Willow just glared at them. She flung her bag over her shoulder and looked at Xander expectantly.

"Um...sorry?"

"Apologise later. I need to talk to Angel."

"Okay, I'll just...stand here on my own. Watching the world pass me by, whatever you-oof!" Xander's muttering ended as soon as he crashed into something. Or rather it crashed into him since he was standing still. It was soft, warm and floral...and had breasts. **Okay, so far so good. As long as it isn't Harmony or my English teacher, I think I'll be right as rain.**

"Hi Xander," Anya piped up. "Do you have a date to prom?"

**Or not.**

*****

Buffy punched in the phone number that had been ingrained in her memory for the past eight or so months. She missed Angel desperately and it had only been a week. A long, hard week full of missing Angel, doing promotional work and working on the new album. She wouldn't be recording until summer, but Giles-the ever-efficient Brit-had insisted upon it. She'd been writing songs since August for this album and had Jenny train her voice every other week to keep it up to scratch and the cheerleading had taken the place of her regular dance practices. She wanted this more than almost anything and had done this kind of thing before (without him), yet she still couldn't help wishing that he was there with her.

His presence in her life had become this...force that she expected to be there all the time. It didn't help that she had to keep the fact that she had a boyfriend a secret from Giles. He had forbidden it on the grounds of possible impregnation, emotional trauma and of change in public image.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered into her mobile. She'd called every night, but she never missed him as much as she did now.

"Buffy? Is there anything wrong?" Angel spoke softly, concern pouring from his tone of voice. "Are you sick, injured, dying, pregnant, or in danger?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Buffy laughed. "I just miss you."

And so they talked and talked...and talked and talked some more. Before they knew it, they'd talked for one and a half hours about the littlest, most unimportant of things. She almost felt as if she were with him instead of speaking to him through a bunch of wires. His voice soothed her and she was almost falling asleep to the sound of his voice.

"Wow, it's almost one. I need to get up at seven tomorrow. It's for something or other. I'm not sure. Probably a photo shoot. I heard something along those lines..." Buffy trailed off. "It'd be so great if you could come out here for the weekend. But with Giles around, I don't think it's a good idea. Sometimes I think he's more protective of me than my own father."

"I'll see what I can do. I could arrange to stay with friends or family in LA," he suggested, "or something."

"Really? That'd be...that'd be really sweet of you."

"Okay then, I'll try. I love you. Bye," Angel said, nearly kissing the mouthpiece of the phone but deciding against it after feeling that it would sound odd from the other end of the line.

"I..." Buffy started to say, but halted herself just in time. She still wanted it to be special. Not over the phone while they were both dressed in their pyjamas and half asleep. "I miss you. Bye."

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