DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: I doubt you'll want it - but if you do let me know and it's yours.
SPOILER WARNING: Most B/A episodes up to and including 'I will remember you'
RATING: Erm, any age.
SUMMARY: Ok, this isn't so much a story, more a collection of my favourite sad B/A moments. This is set after 'I will remember you' and Angel is telling Doyle all about Buffy ** = Angel's speech as he tells Doyle.
DISCLAIMER: *Sob* I don't own them..if I had they would be together - have several children and a dog called..something Doggish!!

**Remembrance, - It lies in all of us. Sleeping... ...waiting... And though unwanted... ...unbidden... it will stir... ...open its jaws, and howl.

Cut to the clock on Angel's desk. It's 8:56.
Buffy wearing a long flowery dress is pacing Angel's apartment. Angel comes down the steps to his apartment.
Buffy: "I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli. - What happened?"
Angel: "Nothing happened. - I just.."
Buffy: "Where have you been?"
Angel: "I went to see the Oracles. I asked them to turn me back."
Buffy: "What? - Why?"
Angel: "Because more then ever I know how much I love you."
Buffy backs away from him: "No. No, you didn't."
Angel follows her: "And if I stayed mortal one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said."
Buffy: "Mohra is dead. We killed him."
Angel: "He said others would come."
Buffy: "They always come. And they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours, remember?"
Angel: "No, I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone."
Buffy: "Then we fight together."
Angel: "You saw what happened last night. If anything I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me, and that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help."
Buffy: "So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?"
Angel: "You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others? (Buffy just stares at him and after a moment he takes her into his arms) I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure - if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning."
Buffy sniffling: "I understand. - So, what happens now?'
Angel: "The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal." Buffy: "When?"
Angel looks over at the clock (it's 9:00): "Another minute."
Buffy crying: "A minute? No. No, it's not enough time!"
Angel: "We don't have a choice. It's done."
Buffy: "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?"
Angel: "You won't. No one will know but me."
Buffy: "Everything we did."
Angel: "It never happened."
Buffy shakes her head: "It did. It did. I know it did! (Puts her hand on his heart) I felt your heart beat."
Angel: "Buffy.."
They kiss. Buffy looks over at the clock. The minute is almost up.
Buffy: "No! Oh God. It's not enough time."
Angel is crying too now: "Shh, please. Please."
They hold each other tightly both crying.
Angel: "Please, please."
Buffy: "No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget."

**The hardest thing is knowing and knowing that she doesn't. Despite all she did after our first meeting, I only ever wanted to protect and love her**

Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.
She stops, turns to him and looks at him with a wide-eyed gaze. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small box.
Angel: Don't turn your back on this. (tosses her the box) You've gotta be ready.
Buffy: What for?
Angel: For the Harvest.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend. (starts to leave)
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: (turns back) I didn't say I was yours.

**The more she did, the more I loved her - I thought I was safe just loving her from afar, then came her 17th birthday**

Buffy: (sobs) Angel... (Sniffles) I feel like I lost you... (Sniffles) You're right, though. We can't be sure of anything.

Angel: Shhh. I...
She turns around to look at him.
Buffy: You what?
Angel: I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop.
Buffy: Me, me, too. I can't either.
They start to kiss. After a moment Angel breaks off.
Angel: Buffy, maybe we shouldn't...
Buffy: (stops him) Don't. Just kiss me.

**Then I became her worst nightmare.. A monster who tried to kill her and break her**

Angelus: Dream on, schoolgirl. Your boyfriend is dead. You're all gonna join him.

**She certainly was a character - I'll never forget all that she did or taught me. For one so young - she knew more about life than I did. After I came back from hell, she forgave me and despite our few set backs.she helped me attain something I've never felt since I was turned - she gave me love**

Angel: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? (Shakes her) Am I a righteous man? (Shakes her) The world wants me gone!
Buffy: (tearfully) What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help.
She shoves him off of her and gets up.
Buffy: (crying) And I hate it! I hate that it's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much. (Sobs, then harshly) I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. (Whispers) I can't.

**Despite this, I went against every instinct I had - and left**
Buffy looks at her diploma, looks around her.
She feels him before she sees him. Turns.
Angel stands some twenty yards away, looking at her. People coming and going in between.
They both stop. The noise fades away. They stare at each other.
Angel turns and walks away.
Buffy stands and watches him. After a moment, she goes in the opposite direction.

**But I did have some help from my 'friends'**
Joyce: I'm here because I'm worried about you two. In general.
Angel: What happened before, when I changed, it won't happen again.
Joyce: That's not all I'm concerned about. I don't have to tell you that you and Buffy are from different worlds.
Angel: No, you don't.
Joyce: She's had to deal with a lot. Grew up fast. Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl.
Angel: I'm old enough to be her ancestor.
Joyce: She's just starting out in life.
Angel: I know. I think about it more now that she's staying in Sunnydale.
Joyce: Good. Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough.

**I know how much she means to me which is why I left. I had to let her have a life I could never give her - she'll always be my one true love**

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without remembrance, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without remembrance, we'd be truly dead.

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