SUMMARY: This fic, post-Becoming, is set as if Buffy were killed in the battle with Acathla and not Angel.
SPOILER: Becoming, Passion
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Buffy & Angel Star Crossed Lovers - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG and SAD
DISCLAIMER: Joss the big butthole owns the characters herein. This song, ironically titled Angel, is by Joee.
DEDICATION: Thanks to the BA_songs list for these beautiful lyrics.

Had I known that the battle for my soul, the battle with Acathla, would end the way it did, I would've staked myself as soon as Willow brought me back to Buffy.

Oh, my sweet, sweet, Buffy.

You should've seen her, smiling, crying, the tears just pouring out of her eyes left and right as she hugged me and kissed me and told me we'd find a way. She pulled me away from the statue and told me we'd work it out. I was weak, physically and mentally, I didn't remember what I'd done, and she knew time was running out.

I sometimes think she knew plunging the sword into her own stomach would kill her, but there are others when I think that somehow, she thought I'd save her the way I always had before. I wish I had, God, I wish I had.

It took her friends a long time to come around. Xander still hasn't, but I've accepted that. It's Giles that I was mostly worried about, and though I see worlds of hurt in his eyes, somehow he understands why she did what she did, why I'm living and she's dead. I guess it has something to do with true love, and after trying to avenge Jenny Calendar's death by killing Angelus, I think Giles can relate to, or at least understand what happened with Buffy and I.

I feel her with me on a daily basis. I know she's watching me, watching all of us, wishing she could be a part of our "family". I say we're a family because dysfunctional as we are, we work together and rely on each other.

After Buffy's funeral, I made it known that my mission from here on was to find both Spike and Drusilla and make them suffer horrible deaths. Giles asked to be let in on the plan, and even Xander was willing to torture the moronic vampires. I've got to say, after a year we've been unsuccessful, but fighting for the same cause is a nice feeling.

Sometimes I feel Buffy shaking her head at me, others I know she's laughing.

Then there are the days when I know she's on her hands and knees sobbing because we're not together. Someday, that's going to change.

Someday, I'll fly with her, with the angels. And we'll finally get to be happily together the way we deserved.

Until then, I've got her watching over me, making sure I don't kill anyone that doesn't deserve it. It's a good feeling, one I'm not sure I could live without.

Time went by so quickly
You were only seventeen
When you left
You took a part of me
I just want to let you know
This was your time
You went away and it seems the days all fade into night
But you'll be all right
I know it
Cause now I've got an angel watching me

Time went by so quickly
You were only seventeen
When you left you took a part of me
Took so much for granted
Can you hear me
Can you see
Something's making me believe
I just want to let you know
This was your time
You went away and it seems the days all fade into night
But you'll be all right
I know it
Cause I've got an angel watching me

This was your time
You went away and it seems the days all fade into night
But you'll be all right, I know it
Cause now I've got an angel watching me

Give me faith, give me hope
Give me faith, give me hope
I've been searching for
(I've been searching for)
Truth that lies behind the door you've found

Do you keep your name
(Do you keep your name)
Is it all the same in your new world

I just want to let you know
This is your time
You went away and it seems the days all fade into night
But you'll be all right
I know it
Cause now I've got an angel watching me
This is your time
You went away and it seems the days all fade into night
Cause you'll be all right
I know it
Cause now I've got an angel watching me

(Time will last long)
Give me faith, give me hope
Cause now I've got an angel watching me
(I know that you're not that far)
Give me faith, give me hope
Cause now I've got an angel watching me
Cause now I've got an angel watching me\\

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